Croissants galore

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As part of my Christmas gift this past year, Chris got me a croissant making class at Mille Feuille Bakery. The class had just six students, and the baker/owner Oliver, who is from Paris and schooled in pastry there, showed us the different steps to making croissants. It’s actually a three-day process, but he was able to have a lot of the parts pre-made and done for us to condense it into just three hours. In the end, I was able to roll out, shape, fold, egg-wash, and bake 17 croissants – 10 regular, four almond-paste-filled, and three chocolate. I even have dough I took home to make 10 more next weekend!

When I ate my first one at the end of class, it was straight out of the oven – light, airy, subtly sweet, and incredibly buttery with its many, many layers. I could probably have eaten five or six of these without even realizing it. I’d never had a croissant that fresh in my life, and it was just so shocking how light it was, given I knew exactly how much butter went into these beauties.

I had Bart in my purse during the entire class. I wanted to take him with me because although Ed wouldn’t have really enjoyed a baking class, he definitely would have enjoyed the end part of eating all of those babies up. If he were there with me as the baking sheets were coming out of the oven, he probably would have eaten half of them in one sitting. Ed was such a guy – just scarfed down food without realizing exactly how much he was eating. Yet he never seemed to gain weight.

Brothers’ protection

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Someone in my Facebook feed shared this article today that reminded me of Ed. It’s called “9 Ways Brothers Protect their Sisters.” This article doesn’t really paint Ed as the brother he was to me fully, but there are some elements that definitely resemble him.

He always gave his opinion on what I was wearing – “Isn’t that a little short?” or “That color looks awful on you!” and “I need to buy you new clothes.” He actually did buy me some new clothes at one point while working at Macy’s. He didn’t like that I just wore those free over-sized volunteer shirts I got from events where I worked for free, or those shirts that people gave as generic souvenirs when coming back from vacation; he said I needed to have comfortable, good looking pajamas that I actually liked to wear and sleep in. So he got me two sets that I actually really like to this day. I still have and wear three of those pieces. Even when they get worn out, I’m still never going to get rid of them.

He also wanted to assert his older brother-ness on me by giving me advice on things like how it’s against God to have sex before marriage (sorry, Ed), and how girls’ minds work one way while guys’ minds work in a completely different way, so I shouldn’t just think that because I may like a guy, he would feel the exact same way about me. Even though I would roll my eyes at him or tell him I knew what I was doing at the time, I actually remember a lot of these conversations fondly now and smile thinking about them. I need to hold onto these memories before they may slip away. I can’t believe it’s been over six months now.

Reconnecting

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After three years of not really communicating (unless you count random Facebook wall posts), a friend from college and I have reconnected and are now exchanging e-mails. We haven’t seen each other since graduation day, which I guess is somewhat understandable since most of the time after college, she was living all over China while I was here in New York. I realized how many times I would reference her during conversations, reminiscing on studying abroad together in the same program in Shanghai and food-adventuring through the Boston area together, and I realized that we needed to connect again. When you remember someone so fondly and think about them that often, why the heck would you not still want that person in your life?

So that’s one of my many goals for this year and for the rest of my life – to do whatever I can to maintain the important and fulfilling relationships I have. If that means re-connecting randomly over e-mail or spending a little more time on the phone, then that’s what it will take. People are what make our lives so great, so it will be worth it in the end to invest more time in them – as long as it’s reciprocated.

And I am going to see her when I visit Phoenix in April!!

 

Unplowed and unloved

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I worked from home today since I didn’t want to deal with slipping and sliding over all the piles of snow and ice that had accumulated overnight, and it’s probably better that I did because all I could hear on NY1 was everyone on the Upper East Side complaining that De Blasio is screwing over our neighborhood by sending all the plowers to Brooklyn and Queens. As he said, we should be focused on all five boroughs as New York City, not just Manhattan. I took a quick walk outside today, and there was way more snow on the roads than I thought there would be.

Though there was more snow on the roads than I’d thought, that is relative to what I am used to having lived in this neighborhood for almost two years now. When I lived in Queens, there would be streets after streets in Elmhurst that would go un-plowed for days. My roommate once took a photo of herself digging herself out of the snow that had accumulated around the Grand Ave subway entrance, preventing her from easily walking out. She had to literally dig and climb her way out! People on the Upper East Side need to stop complaining because they don’t even know the definition of “ignored” or “untended to” until they have lived in my old neighborhood. Poor Queens. When you have always had privilege, I suppose you think you are just entitled to it no matter what the situation and take it for granted.

Snow day

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Today, we are expected to get somewhere between 8-12 inches of snow here in New York. Every time I looked out the window today, it was snow, snow, and snow… and plenty of wind. I made it to work but left a bit early to deal with the slow walk to and from the train, not to mention the train delays and chaotic traffic all over Manhattan streets. All I could hear walking through the snow were cars honking at each other, and all I could see were people jaywalking between vehicles in the middle of intersections and slipping and sliding everywhere.

I also had two different people bail on me for dinner plans this week, one for snow reasons, and the other for who-knows-what. Another thing about living in New York – you have to deal with the fact that people in general can be flaky, especially when the weather gets really bad. Sometimes, it’s justified (as in, bailing when you know there may be up to 12 inches of snow the night you planned to eat dinner out), and other times, when your friend is cancelling on dinner two days in advance without giving any reason at all, you know it’s because you got passed up for what they perceived to be a better time.

I guess this is a good way to tell whether your friend really wants to see you or not. It’s also a good time to re-evaluate why you are friends with this person at all.

Oh, Manhattan

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Sometimes, I get exasperated at the costs of living in Manhattan. I realize (and am repeatedly reminded) that by global standards, New York City is not that expensive, but given that I have only lived in the U.S., this is a pretty damn expensive place to be. I’ve learned two annoying things in the last two days:

1. I’ve decided to start scrapbooking again, and Michael’s crafts store has always been my favorite crafts store. When I did a search to find their coupons on their website, I find out that the weekly coupon is 20% off in Manhattan, whereas in Queens, where I used to live, it is 40%. Apparently, I can’t save as much money if I live in Manhattan.

2. I recently used my Working Advantage employee discount to purchase $7 Regal Entertainment Group movie tickets. When we went to use the passes to get tickets to see Wolf of Wall Street today, there was an additional $2.50 per ticket surcharge – but only in Manhattan. I guess I forgot to read the fine print before I purchased 10 of these. At least I have my AMC passes, which have no surcharge.

These are tiny complaints, but there’s no logical reason why either of these cases have to screw me over just because I am living in Manhattan.

Resolutions

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Chris and I have spent the last day organizing our lives – our cabinets, our files, my clothes, our backup drives and digital photos. It’s been an exhausting process, but now, it’s finally done. Now, I can use some of that organizing for the scrapbook I will be putting together that will showcase our life together.

One thing of many that Chris and I share is that we are both very goal-driven. Just for 2014, we spent a weekend working on goals, and not just a list of five or ten, but goals by category (some examples are self-improvement, work, education, books to read, volunteering/charity, New York activities, travel priorities, photography). It’s crazy to revisit this list, which we will be doing at least once a month on our own and together, but it’s one way that we motivate each other to be better people and to be true to our words, and ultimately to ourselves.

Happy

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Last night, I celebrated my birthday with Chris and five good friends at Banc in Murray Hill. A friend who came initially gave me a hard time about the place I chose, but I insisted that my only criteria were a) guaranteed table where everyone had a seat and b) reasonably priced drinks. Our group will create its own ambiance, and I didn’t need a super swanky place to have a good time.

It was a really fun night, and a night where I could actually say that everyone seemed to get along despite coming from different parts of my life, and it made me really happy to see it. All night, all I could think was how grateful I was to have these people in my life, after all these years and after all the drama that we’ve been through together. I’m happy that I can speak loudly, laugh hysterically, swear, hate on women (and men), and do whatever it is that I do, and still at the end of the day, be loved by all these people. I’m a really lucky person.

28

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Today marks 28 years since my mother’s water suddenly broke at her office, and she was rushed to the hospital to give birth to little me. Sometimes, I look at myself in the mirror and think I am incredibly immature, and other times, I think, how have I only been around for the small number of years that have passed?

The last year has been different for me in a lot of ways. I’ve noticed shadows on my face that I’ve never seen before, and even traces of tiny lines on my forehead that mark that I’m no longer “so young.” I’ve noticed wrinkles on my best friends’ faces. I realized I gained weight, then worked rigorously to lose it, and now am maintaining a more active life. For the first time when discussing marriage and children, I’ve actually had people say to me, “yeah, you still have a few more years.” Just a few more years, huh? Just two years ago, these same people were saying I had a “lot” of time!

It’s strange what a difference just a year can make in your life when it comes to how people perceive you. Maybe that’s why a lot of people don’t like to share their age. I never thought I’d be the type of person who would refuse to share her age no matter how old I got, but for the first time, I can actually empathize with them. I still won’t do it, though. I don’t want to be full of crap and pretend to be something I’m not. I am who I am. Everyone else can deal with it.

Here’s to hoping that in my 28th year, even if the shadows on my face persist and gradually become fine lines, that this is a better year than this last year was, and that it is free of pain and needless negativity.

No call

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About a year ago, for the very first time, my brother did not acknowledge my birthday. Ed was always very loving and generous, the kind of person who gave too much to people who didn’t always care for him as much. So it was surprising when my 27th birthday passed, and he didn’t even give me a call to wish me a happy birthday. It’s not so much the gift that I really cared about; it’s the fact that he didn’t even reach out to me that day.

So on the 18th of January last year, I called him and asked him why he didn’t call me the day before. He sounded sheepish and said that he knew it was my birthday, but since he wasn’t making much money anymore, he didn’t send a gift. I told him I didn’t ask him about why there was no gift; I was asking why he didn’t call me. I guess that should have been the first sign to me that something was seriously not right with him at that point. I just didn’t think about it that deeply then.

Now, he’s never going to wish me a happy birthday in any way ever again. It’s not even when holidays like Thanksgiving or Christmas pass, or even his date of birth or date of passing; even on days like my birthday, I will think of him and feel a little guilty that the last birthday of mine that he was around to see, I gave him a hard time. I think about all the pointless “what ifs” regarding things I may have been able to do to have helped him more and how I failed. I think about his 34th birthday that I was trying to plan that never happened, and how he won’t be here for my 28th, 38th, or 78th birthday.

I wonder if he is in heaven looking down, wondering what kind of birthday cake I am going to eat tomorrow. He probably wants a piece of it if it’s chocolate or mocha. Maybe he actually is wishing me a happy birthday in his own way now. I guess I will never really know for sure, but I do miss him.