It’s almost as though since my college friend came to visit that all these vivid dreams have started. I know I dream every night, but in the last several months, it’s been harder to remember them once I’ve woken up. Last night, I dreamt I was part of an imperial family. I was in a huge banquet hall with a lot of other people, who I presume were my family members. We were all dressed in elaborate gowns and suits. I had an elaborate and large hairdo with endless pins in my hair. The only person I recognized was my mom, who was seated at the head of the table. She was discussing in an “I am very important” tone of voice my betrothal to someone I was not particularly fond of. As soon as she mentioned this man, I felt a bit of disgust and a bit of annoyance. But I said nothing. I suppose that was just my future that someone else would be determining for me, I thought to myself. I simply sat there and stared, mindlessly eating the food that I was served by a fleet of servants. As I got up from the table, one of the servants caught my eye, and I could see his eyes glimmering. I turned the corner, and he discreetly followed me and tried to brush his hand over mine. I was confused and looked up at him, and his face came right up to mine. We were so close that I realized he had a hard-on and was trying to show it to me. I felt even more confused and at that point flustered, so I pushed him away and quickened my walk away from the banquet hall and all those people, including him.

So what – in my dream, I’m a part of a wealthy imperial family where the servant tries to make a pass at me? What is that about, anyway?

Last night, I had the most vivid dream I’d remembered in ages. I was back in high school, and my friend who is currently visiting was there. Weirdly, this friend was with me in college, not high school, but regardless, she was there with me. I was working some part-time job on campus in food services, and someone was framing me for trashing the food storage room during my shift. I kept denying I did it, but there was no proof that it wasn’t me. I was complaining to Mai about this and getting worried they would fire me or report me to the administration. She was trying to console me and was hugging me. Out of nowhere, some guy comes over and says he has video proof of someone else he had identified who was trashing the food storage room, and he would share it with me and the administration to prove that I was innocent. My jaw dropped. I rushed over to him to hug him, and he told me that everything would be okay. Mai started cheering, and we knew that I would be in the clear soon.

Whenever I have these odd school-related dreams, one of my very first thoughts is: I do not look back at any of my school days as times that I missed. I am happy they are behind me. I’m very happy with my life now and would never want to go back.

In the last few weeks of being ill, I haven’t remembered many of my dreams at all. Part of it is because I’m sure I am dreaming far less just given the simple fact I am sleeping less. I have rarely been able to fall asleep earlier than 2am every night, and that’s despite usually getting into bed by 9:30 or 10. That’s because my coughing and phlegm keep me awake regardless of how tired or how badly I want to sleep. It’s been pretty miserable. Yet despite this, when I wake up at around 6:30 or 7, I actually do not completely feel like crap and actually feel like I had enough rest to get through the day, which is pretty miraculous given the few hours of sleep I got in a single night.

The first dream I remember was when Chris and I were on a motorcycle, racing through some dead streets in the middle of the night. I have no idea what city we were in or why the heck we were even on a motorcycle, but I do know we were going at a very fast pace, and there wasn’t even a single other car or motorist on the road with us. We went into this crazy long, dark tunnel, and in the tunnel, there’s this strange mural of an endless, rainbow-colored dragon. And as you keep moving into the tunnel, the dragon’s tail almost appears to be undulating and moving closer and closer to you. That was kind of fun.

The second dream was a bit more intense. I had received a freak call from who knows who about the fact that my mom was being held captive at a specific location and was going to get killed. Someone tipped me off on where she was and had a gun delivered to me to help shoot the person who was going to kill my mom. And with timing being on my side, this psycho was doing a countdown from ten, after which he was going to shoot my mom in the head. When I found them (and this guy did not see me), I came silently from behind and saw the guy holding my mom tightly with the gun pushed into her ear. And when he got to the number 3, that was when I pulled the trigger and shot the guy right in the back of his head (I have amazing aim in my dreams!!). I pushed his body over, grabbed my mom and carried her out of the building.

Was that realistic? No. But it was a dream, so…. I’m not sure what to make of any of that. Who knows — is my mom making enemies out there now, and that’s why I’m having ridiculous dreams like that?

Maybe my streak of boring dreams is over. Over the weekend, I dreamt that my cousin texted me to let me know his dad, my uncle, passed away suddenly from a case of severe food poisoning. They said they had already had his funeral, and he took a picture of a copy of the eulogy he did. That was so weird, I thought, because as of this year, it’s already been 21 years since my uncle had passed away. Then, I had a dream a colleague of mine was giving me some nasty feedback about customer work I’ve done, while saying he hoped that feedback from customers about me would improve over time. Lastly, I had a dream I was in my wedding dress in my dad’s car. He was driving me to San Clemente, and as we approached Casa Romantica, our wedding venue, there were these huge, massive waterfalls. It was a very confusing experience.

Whenever dreams like this happen, I wonder if it’s just my underlying anxiety, or if there are some other deeper meanings to these dreams. I never have any idea.

I was chatting with my therapist this past week about how, pretty much ever since I started meditating, all of my anxiety, anger, and stress-filled dreams seemed to have come to a full halt. She asked me when I would normally do my meditation. My original goal was to do it in the morning as a way to start my day, but that quickly got derailed by the fact that I’m never on time at the gym (my appointment time is always 8am Monday through Friday, but I’m lucky if I make it there by 8:05; 8:10-8:15 is more realistic), and if that is not on time, I will never start my work day “on time.” So I decided that in the evenings, shortly before bed, would be the best time. It would be regular. I’d feel zero rush to get anything else done before or after, as the only thing waiting for me after meditation would be sleep.

“Well, that completely makes sense to me!” she exclaimed. “You’re basically resetting your mind, clearing it of all the clutter that filled your mind throughout the day, and that’s allowing you to have more peaceful dreams. It’s not always the content of your dreams that is meaningful, but rather that’s the way it just manifests in your subconscious.”

So her suggestion to me moving forward is that whenever I have stressors or feel a depressive episode coming on, whether they are fertility related or anything, I should step away from the situation and meditate, whether that means doing a quick visualization or breathing exercise, and treat it the same way I treat nightly meditation. That would allow me to reset, refocus, and just bring more calm to my mind. It could take only a minute or five, but that would be enough for me to readjust.

It’s a good idea… once I need to put it into practice, I’ll see how effective it is for me.

The dreams, while peaceful overall, have been pretty plain and everyday, a little boring, without any drama at all since I started regularly meditating at the end of December. Last night’s dream was particularly interesting because it was probably the most “action-filled” of all the ones I’ve had in the last few months.

Chris and I were on a boat being steered by a guide along some huge body of water. It was a hot, sunny day, and we were out fishing. Lucky for us, we’d already caught a number of large and medium sized fish, which were all sitting in a net in an open ice box on the boat. Suddenly, out of nowhere, a HUGE fish jumps into our boat, uses its massive fin to sweep all the fish back into the water, and then jumps back into the water. We’re all soaking wet in the water that the big fish brought into the boat and sitting there dumb struck, not believing what we just witnessed.

Well, I guess there would be no fish to eat that evening.