Category Archives: Contemplations on New York Life

In-store shopping experience for clothing/shoes: a rarity now

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Since Independence Day in the U.S. is quickly approaching, a lot of businesses are having early Fourth of July / summer sales. One of these companies, which I like and follow, is Allbirds. I actually have never bought anything from Allbirds before, but I do own a pair of their wool lace-up shoes that I was gifted from my company just over three years ago once we hit a business milestone. And, well, I love these shoes. They are so comfortable and cushy, even three years later. They are warm when it’s cold outside and just right heat-wise when it is warm outside. The soles can easily be removed, and they are machine washable, which gets me really excited (and wow, that makes me sound old/like a mom). This means that I don’t have to fret when they get covered in mud or anything nasty; I can simply remove the laces and soles and chuck them into the washing machine, then airy dry them, and they’re good as new! Though I will admit that three-plus years later, the traction isn’t as good as they were when they were actually brand new, but alas, that’s just wear and tear since no shoes could possibly last and be perfect forever. I have lost count of the number of times I’ve taken them on trips, and as soon as we get home, I happily throw them into our washing machine along with our other dirty laundry from travel.

So, Allbirds was having this 40 percent off sale, and I really wanted to replace a ragged pair of slip-on shoes I bought 5.5 years ago in Indonesia with Allbirds’ Tree Lounger shoes. I was pretty set on doing what I normally do these days when I buy any clothing or shoes: I was going to buy them online, assuming I could hit the free shipping threshold. But then I got concerned about the sizing. The last lace-ups I got were sized up to 7 when for sneakers, I am usually a 6.5, and they recommend sizing up since they don’t do half sizes. Would I be a 6 or a 7 for the Tree Loungers, which only come in whole sizes, as well? I would guess I’d be a 6, but I didn’t want to deal with a return if I was wrong. So I figured the easiest way to solve this would be to pop into their SoHo store, which is just a ten minute walk from Kaia’s school, to try them on. The fact that I was even thinking about this and mapping the store was a bit funny to me… because it made me realize how little time I spend shopping in brick-and-mortar stores for apparel and how much I just shop online, click to buy, and then wait for my deliveries to come to me (and inevitably, deal with potential returns later). I cannot remember the last time I had a real “shopping” outing to buy apparel!

I got to the shop later this afternoon. The store only had two other shoppers, and the employees were all very friendly and helpful. I was telling the salesperson helping me about my size dilemma, so she eagerly brought out a size 6 and 7 for the Tree Loungers and also some no-show socks for me to try on. My hunch was correct: I was definitely a 6. They fit like a glove! So I picked these up plus a pair of no-show socks (also on sale!), nixed the box because I didn’t want the bulk, and went on my merry way. Most places are digitized now, so I just asked for a digital receipt to my email. The salesperson told me in the event I needed to do a return, I didn’t have to worry about not needing the box (save some trees), so we were all set.

Even as I am typing this now, I still think it’s funny that this in-store shoe shopping experience felt so novel to me since I do it so rarely. And then I realize that Kaia herself has no idea what it’s like to go from store to store, trying on different pieces of clothing and footwear to see how they fit and if they will look good on her. Almost all the clothes I’ve ever gotten her have been purchased online, with thee exception of gifted items we’ve had to return and then had to use store credit to buy replacements. I have a feeling that in the coming years as she gets older, she will have even more opinions about what she wears and doesn’t and will start demanding to choose her own clothing… which may necessitate more in-store shopping experiences for all of us whether we like it or not.

True passion in local desserts in Ditmars / Astoria

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I half joke with a food-obsessed friend that if it weren’t for Kaia’s existence, most of my time outside of work would be spent thinking about what to eat, where to eat, and what I want to cook to eat next. This is not necessarily a total exaggeration: if you take a look at my Google Maps bookmarks lists, you can see that as of today, I have 672 bookmarked places I have either eaten at and enjoyed or would like to eat at (and have not been to) just in New York City across all five boroughs; some of that list is sprinkled with random independent bookstores, boutique shops, and houseware stores, but the vast majority is food. It seems like almost every day, I am adding yet another place I want to try to my list, whether it’s being recommended from someone on Instagram, Eater, The Infatuation, The New York Times, or a friend. Chris and I have a shared Melbourne, Australia, list of 299+ places. I also have created Google Maps lists for places we have visited (like Rhode Island or Guatemala) and will visit (Lima and Cusco, Peru). Each of those lists has at least 40 places bookmarked. No, we’re not planning to eat at 40-plus places in the several days we’ll be in each place. But hey, it’s good to have options depending on where exactly you are and what you are in the mood to eat.

Pastries by Anne is a dessert spot in Ditmars that I’ve had on my list for a while. It is owned by a Thai female chef who was educated at the Institute of Culinary Education and externed at Daniel. The main draw for me to come here was the Asian-flavored caneles. Anne has standard caneles available every day of the week, but on weekends, she chooses one special Asian-inspired flavor and adds it to her line-up of sweets. On the weekend we came, she had Assam (tea), and of course, I got one of these plus a standard one. She was actually at the counter, so we made some small talk. I asked if she had any other recommendations, and she steered me toward the pandan tiramisu, so I added that to my goodies and went on my merry way.

The Assam and regular caneles were insanely delicious, even when we had them about two days later. The texture and flavor were incredible; they were likely the best caneles I’ve had in New York City. the insides were custardy, almost spongy, caramel-like. The Assam tea flavor really sang! The only other caneles I’ve had that truly blew my mind were the ones we had in Bordeaux, France, the birthplace of the delicious canele, back in 2015, so it’s been a while since I really, truly was obsessed with a canele.

Unfortunately, I think I left the pandan tiramisu for too long. By the time I ate it later in the week, the mascarpone had already soured. This masked the pandan flavor completely, which was lost in the sourness. I was already messaging with Anne about how much I loved the caneles. She remembered me and checked in to see how I liked the pandan tiramisu. I was honest with her and told her it tasted sour, so I think something went wrong; maybe we didn’t keep it at the right temperature or eat it in time? Anne clearly felt bad; she apologized and said that anytime I could come out to Ditmars again, she’d remember me and give me a new cake. It was such a kind, generous offer. But given Ditmars is not too close to me, I couldn’t commit to when that next time would be.

The next thing I know, this morning, she posts on her Instagram that her storefront is CLOSING DOWN. She will be working as a consultant for premium airline catering, and so her kitchen will be open only for special orders, random drops, and pop-ups from the end of June onward. On the one hand, I was really happy for her as a small business to have a stable income stream and have her delicious flavors reach a broader audience. But on the other hand, I felt sad that I couldn’t just drop in whenever I wanted (selfish, I know. But when a girl needs her canele…). I messaged her to wish her well, and she said that her offer still stands: whenever I come out to Ditmars next, I can have the pandan tiramisu or any cake she offers on the house, and she’d definitely remember me and welcome me back. She said she was blessed to meet me and hoped we could keep in touch.

I was really floored. First, I already felt it was beyond generous for Anne to offer me a replacement cake, even if the error was on my side in not storing it properly or waiting too long to eat it. But then, she said I could have any cake, that she’d definitely remember me, and welcome me back anytime. She’s clearly a very talented and extremely humble and sweet person. She’s the small business owner you wish you could always, always support in any and all ways possible to ensure her success. How can you find fault in someone who is creative, talented, humble, and at the end of the day, just really wants you as her customer to love and savor what she is creating from the heart?

Showering at night vs. day vs. TWICE a day

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Before I started morning workouts, I always showered at night. This logically makes sense: you go out all day and get dirty from being out and about. And then you clean yourself before getting into bed. That keeps your bed cleaner and means you go to sleep clean. Yes, you sweat at night, but that’s a different type of “dirt.” Showering at night means that you wash away all the external dirt off you.

Then, my showering schedule completely had to change once I started working out in the morning. It’s crazy to think about it now, but I started this in early 2013, so that’s over 12 years of morning workouts for me! There was no way I was going without a shower after sweating buckets during an AM workout. I don’t think my colleagues would have appreciated that, nor would I have wanted to go around cloaked in my own sweat all day at work. So I’d shower after my morning workout and head off to the office. And at night, because I absolutely hate the idea of showering twice in a day (that’s a real first-world luxury I just could not bring myself to do unless it were totally, totally necessary), I would just forgo a shower and sleep… with all of the outside world I was exposed to dirtying my bedsheets. I didn’t love this idea, but again, I wasn’t going to shower twice a day. So if I wore sandals and had my bare feet exposed, I would always wash my feet (I suppose this is a very “Asian” practice) after coming home to prevent outside dirt on my feet from dirtying my floors or bed.

So today, it was extremely hot in New York. I was at the co-working space working today and did both drop-off and pickup for Kaia. As soon as I got back home, I knew I had to have a (second) shower. I was dripping in sweat and sticky all over. I hopped into the shower, quickly washed myself, put on my PJs, and we all had dinner together. I always feel a bit precious and uppity when I do a second shower in a day, but with heat like we’re having in New York this week (it’s going to hit 100 F!), this would be unavoidable unless I want to skip my morning workout (not happening).

I like warm weather. But i am not a fan of sweltering, 90s+ F heat and humidity. This two-showers-a-day-thing hopefully is just temporary.

Greenpoint – where all these cute little Japanese spots are popping up

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About three years ago, a spot called Dashi Okume opened in Greenpoint, Brooklyn. It was a place that aimed to be the only custom-made dashi place in New York City, if not the U.S. Okume is originally a dry goods wholesaler at the Tokyo Central Wholesale Market; it was founded in 1971, so it has a long history of creating “delicious food forever.” Okume has a restaurant component, as well as multiple Japanese-owned businesses in a large, warehouse-like shared space. Japanese toasters and electronics, ceramics, and skin/haircare are here. You can even buy fancy (and insanely sharp!) Japanese knives here. I’d been wanting to come here for a while, but I finally made it here yesterday after some time with Kaia at Space Club and lunch at Wen Wen.

As soon as we walked into Dashi Okume, I felt a bit intimidated. You see bins and bins of different dried fish and seafood, multiple varieties of kelp/kombu/seaweed, dried vegetables, and mushrooms. By weight, you have an assistant help you select which ones you want for your custom dashi, and once you are done, they take all the dried pieces into a combined basket and dump it all into this huge, industrial-sized grinder. It shreds everything into small pieces, then portions out your dried dashi into 15 or 30 different perfectly portioned bags. Each bag yields about 300ml of “first dashi” stock, which you can then reboil and make second or third dashi if you so wish for a slightly more diluted dashi.

I couldn’t really deal with this during my first visit; it seemed like too much to choose with not enough background on proportions for dashi creation. I am no Japanese food or dashi expert. So, instead, I went to sip tastes of their already-created dashi. They had about five different types. You can self serve samples, all piping hot. Who would not enjoy having free tastes of fancy, ready-made dashi?! Even if you didn’t care to cook, the taste testing here would be fun and delicious. Predictably, I ended up getting a pack of 15 bags of their premium dashi, which was very seafoody, umami, and potent.

New York City is a hard place to get bored in. It seems like every neighborhood has something fun like this to discover. I love finding and enjoying new things and places in my adopted home.

Two rainy Saturdays in a row going out

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Last Saturday and today mark two Saturdays in a row this summer where we’ve seen grey skies and rain. Today’s weather was far worse than last Saturday, though: while last Saturday, it was drizzly, a little more, and grey, it was still warm. Today, however, was much cooler (I actually heard people shivering on the street and complaining how cold it was while wearing hoodies!), and the rain seemed a bit harder and more steady. My friend remarked last week that he was surprised we even went out given the weather. I laughed and told him that was silly. A little drizzly wetness was not going to prevent us from going out on a Saturday. The mere thought seemed ridiculous. We were not going to die once rain water touched us!

But the thing is – that’s how a lot of people feel about the rain. And it’s sad when you think about it. Why are you going to let a little sprinkle keep you home bound for an entire day? Are we really that delicate as a species?! It’s like you’re just letting life pass you by because of some subpar weather, which just seems a bit pathetic unless you are in poor health. Last Saturday, we were in Fort Greene, Brooklyn. Today, we were in Ditmars, Queens. While in Ditmars, we went to a popular Greek restaurant that usually has a wait of anywhere from one to two hours. Given the rain, they had zero wait, so we were seated right away. People deciding not to be out today due to the rain benefited us, so I wasn’t going to complain about that. But just the thought that people change plans just based on a little rain really sat with me throughout the day.

I suppose this thought relates to how i’ve been thinking about spending my time more intentionally, and part of that means spending less time on my phone looking at things that don’t matter (ahem, scrolling Instagram or Facebook or Reddit endlessly and staying the hell off of TikTok), reading news that I actually do want to read, and not feeling compelled to respond to non-urgent text messages right away. I don’t want some stupid social media platform or my phone having control over my time and life. So why should anyone let a little bad weather control their life, as well? Go out, do what you wanted to do, see who you want to see, carry an umbrella, wear rain boots or a raincoat, and live your life, for god’s sake!

An evening of burlesque at The Slipper Room

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A friend of mine has spent years and years raving about how much he loves burlesque shows and specifically, how he loves the Slipper Room in the Lower East Side for their burlesque. I have only seen caricatures or snippets of burlesque over the years, and I’d never been to a proper burlesque show in my life. But I figured, hey, I should do this at least once to see if I like it. I am living in the capital of entertainment and live performances/theater, so what better place than where I currently call home to go see this? I always think (and say) that if you live in New York City but do not take advantage of the live theater, entertainment, music scene, or the vast array of cuisines and restaurants, then why are you even living here to begin with? I decided to go last night with my friend to check this place out.

The venue was very cozy. After we checked in, we went into the main stage area to see a few seats that were reserved, plus mostly standing room. Unfortunately, my friend messed up the reservations, so while he intended on getting us reserved seats, we had to stand for about half the time. This ended up being fine in the end because he was keeping watch on the open seats, and since he’s a regular here, one of the guys manning the seats offered us a table right by the stage halfway through the show. The host of the evening, who my friend says is his favorite, was most definitely the highlight of the night. He made fun of a lot of people and things about the crowd (“an all white audience yet again? Oh, what a surprise!”), he offered for audience members to come up and do provocative or funny things, and he infused a lot of humor throughout. There were three main performers during our show who were rotating in their theme or portrayal. The third person, a female, definitely stood out with how flexible she was; I kept looking at her and wondering how people can actually contort their bodies in every which way without completely injuring themselves. I have more yoga goals now as a result of this. Predictably, there was a lot of teasing of nudity, which I personally do not get that excited about, but I can see how others find that to be an actual “tease.”

Now that I’ve gone once, I can mentally tick this off my list of types of live performances I have seen. But in all honesty, I definitely prefer live comedy, music, or actual theater (Broadway or off-off) far more than I liked this burlesque show.

Hidden gems of New York City: Forma Pasta Factory in Brooklyn

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Over ten years ago, some friends and I discovered a house-made, fresh pasta restaurant in the East Village called San Marzano which was famous for having all pasta dishes $10 and under. At the time (and now!), it seemed completely ridiculous — we wondered how the place made any money considering how cheap all the food was. I suppose that given the wine by the glass prices were higher than the pasta dishes that that’s probably where they made their money. But still, it just seemed like too good of a deal to be true. I also think about this when I think of pretty overrated and stuffy fresh pasta experiences I’ve had in New York City, at places that people often call “institutions” (I am looking straight at you, Marea). San Marzano eventually shut down and reopened, slightly increasing their prices, but it’s still been very cheap for fresh pasta. Overall, it’s pretty hard to find affordable or inexpensive fresh pasta served at restaurants in the city, so if you find a place, you want to hold onto it forever and keep going back to ensure they stay in business.

Today, we went to Forma Pasta Factory in Fort Greene for lunch. It’s a fast-casual pasta restaurant that has two locations, one in Fort Greene and one in Williamsburg. All the pasta dishes were $14. As part of the lunch special, if you wanted to add a glass of wine, it would just be $5 additional. We got two dishes, a mushroom linguine and a malfaldine scampi. Chris also got us a glass of pinot noir and a sauvignon blanc (from New Zealand!). The portions are just right. The pastas were really al dente and toothy. The sauces were light, very well flavored and seasoned, and borderline addictive! They even give you a big piece of freshly baked fluffy focaccia with your pasta (mmm, carbs on carbs), which they could easily charge for given how good it was. As I was eating fork after fork of these delicious pastas, I was just in shock over what a good deal all this was. It’s not like the rent in Fort Greene would be cheap. And to really add a couple cherries on top, they have this beautiful, enclosed outdoor seating area outside where we sat, AND both wines that Chris selected were delicious! It’s hard to go wrong with a New Zealand sauvignon blanc, but the pinor noir was very refreshing and in a strange way, almost creamy. Kaia enjoyed both pastas and also liked the chewiness of the mushrooms, too.

We ended our meal here with some freshly piped pistachio cannoli with really nutty pistachio ricotta. The service all around was really friendly. It didn’t seem to matter if it was the person who rang you up (it’s an order at the counter and pay type of place, then you get a number and they bring your food out), the people who were making pasta out in the open (all the kitchen is open to see!), the people clearing plates and tables, or the servers themselves, but everyone was really warm, friendly, and always asked if we needed anything or if they could help us in an additional way. They also gave Kaia some crayons to draw with, which was a cute touch.

In a time of high food prices, inflation, and when it seems like just breathing is expensive in the city, places like Forma Pasta Factory are very happy finds.

Increased time spent online vs. with loved ones

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Several days ago, my mother-in-law sent a moving image that depicted the years moving forward and how retired people spend their time. It has categories that you would expect: volunteer work, hobbies, travel, part-time work, spending time with family, friends, and loved ones, etc. The point that she implied was disturbing is that as time moved forward into today’s era, the time spent with family/friends had decreased significantly, and instead, the top place for “time spent” was “online.” That could mean one’s mobile device or computer or tablet. The medium didn’t matter; it was the fact that they were online in front of some screen as the majority of time spent while retired. This made me think about how much time Chris’s dad spends going down Wikipedia rabbit holes when he learns of something he’s unaware of but wants to know more about (and then, I am sure, immediately forgets after he closes out the page). It made me think about my own dad and how he dangerously spends too much time on YouTube watching user-created content made by users who are likely factless and data-less. It also made me think about how my mother-in-law, ironically enough, spends a decent amount of time scrolling through her Instagram and Facebook feeds and watching way too many pointless videos that are sent via her various Whatsapp college alumni and family groups.

I responded and said, none of that was very surprising. Everyone in this chat is addicted to their own devices, so we’re just examples of what the data is showing.

Then, I thought about my friend who semi-recently gave up social media. We used to interact a lot with each other over Instagram, but she said she had to give it up because she spent way too much time doom-scrolling and wasting time on it. Now that she’s almost six months free of it, she feels more liberated than ever. She spends more time meditating, reading things she actually wants to read, and thinking about productive things she wants to do in her future. She never has to look back at her day and wonder where the hell all that time went and how it got wasted.

I was thinking about this and decided that I need to be more intentional with the time spent on my phone. I can’t control that I have to be online for work during work hours. But I can control how I use my phone and for what when it’s non-work hours and days. I really should stop doing what Hari Kondabalu joked about at his show last week, which is falling for “your phone beckoning you,” and immediately looking up something that “bothers” you or that comes to mind that you just absolutely need to know in that very second. Chris does this all the time, too. It’s a terrible phone addiction. Chances are high that it wasn’t that important, anyway, so why do you feel so compelled to immediately go online and look it up? Instead, I am spending more time with my phone in another room. I do not respond to texts right away unless they are urgent (surprise: none have been), and instead, I respond to them in groups at a time. I am also being more intentional about how much time I spend on certain apps and when I use them. After three days of doing this, I already feel mentally better and like my intentions with the world are better. I do not want to be one of those people who is addicted to their phone. And I definitely do not want my child to think that I rather spend time on my phone than be present with her.

The fun of the East Village on a Monday

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I’m lucky I have a flexible work schedule and have the ability to easily take medical appointments, my child’s appointments, and random lunches or errands during the day. The flexibility of my job, and of working remotely, is one of the things I love most about my current employer. We get our work done, and hopefully no one will bother us. I went to the East Village today during the day to catch up with my friend over lunch, and we got some takeaway items and sat at Tompkins Square Park. Walking the streets of Alphabet City and East Village and walking through the park was so quiet. Everywhere we went, it was just a handful of people. We didn’t have to line up to grab lunch or our Vietnamese pandan lattes. We got served right away. We didn’t have to deal with any crowds. I loved being in the area on a Monday and walking around, eating, and exploring. I still want to be around life and people buzzing around; I just don’t need to wait in seemingly endless lines or be moving shoulder to shoulder with people everywhere.

The downside, though, of coming to the East Village/Alphabet City on a Monday is that many shops will have that day be their day off. The durian coffee/Vietnamese dessert shop my friend wanted to check out ended up being closed on Monday. So was the tacos place I suggested to her was one of the best recent places we’ve visited.

Every time I’m down in Alphabet City/East Village, though, I am reminded of the vibrancy of New York City and exactly how much I love it here and never get bored of it. When I first moved to New York in 2008 and worked close to this area, I spent endless evenings with colleagues and friends hanging out in the East Village/Alphabet City. So I hold this area close to my heart. It’s an area I will never get tired of being in. Though I am getting older, I still feel young and vibrant every time I come! I hope I will still “fit in” here when I am graying and wrinkling even more.

Bestie’s baby shower today

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For the first time in 15 years, I took the Staten Island ferry today. Though I’d been to Staten Island back in May 2021 during my early pregnancy, we had rented a Zipcar to get around since Staten Island is very spread out and suburban feeling. I went for my bestie’s baby shower, which was being hosted by her boyfriend’s mom at an Italian restaurant there. I met up with a few of her friends on the ferry, and then her boyfriend picked us all up and drove us to the restaurant.

It was a really beautiful, green-themed celebration. A photo arch, endless decorative items, teddy bear stands, menus, baby shower games, and labels were all handmade by her boyfriend’s mom. It was a multi-course lunch that also included alcohol, coffee drinks, massive Italian cookies platters, and a locally made chocolate raspberry mousse cake, which was also of course beautifully decorated. Although I knew her boyfriend’s mom was into arts and crafts, it was really clear to me that she loved my friend a lot and spent a lot of time, effort, and money on putting this event together in her honor. This was truly a grand gesture in every meaning of the term. I felt really touched to see all of this for my friend, as she’s the kind of person who for the entire time I’ve known her constantly bends over backwards for everyone else she loves in her life. But few to none of those same loved ones have done much for her in return — or at least, I have not seen, witnessed, or heard of any of these things. She really did deserve this gorgeous event to celebrate her pregnancy and the coming arrival of her baby boy.

It was weird, though, to be honest to hear that she was having a baby shower at all. She took no part in planning it, as she was told to simply show up. My friend is the kind of person who has always vocally hated on baby showers, bridal showers — all the “frou frou” stuff that women are stereotypically really giddy and gaga over. Though she did play an active role in planning my bridal shower ten years ago now, she ended up not attending because back then, she was bending over backwards for her then-boyfriend, who had stupidly gotten into an accident and had both shoulders out of commission. So while I did press her and asked her if this was really what she wanted, and she insisted it was important to her boyfriend’s mom and would just be a gathering, I wondered if this was really something she wanted for herself, or if she was just going along with what others wanted for her. After being there today, though, I realized… she probably did want all of this. And she should have it. My friend was clearly so happy, touched, and grateful for all of this, and well, she deserves to be showered with love when she loves everyone in her life so much and so conspicuously.

I don’t really know what will come for any of us in the future. But I do know that I am really happy to have witnessed this deep love that her boyfriend’s mom has for her and see that she’s being treated so, so well.