Category Archives: Friends

Friends for 29-plus years

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Three years ago when I went to my friend’s 40th birthday celebration out in Long Island, I found out that her best friend from business school was flying in from Texas for the weekend to celebrate. At the time, I thought it was the sweetest thing. It wasn’t a bachelorette party or wedding — that type of major milestone, but it was for a milestone birthday celebration. It seemed like a really kind, thoughtful, and generous thing to do.

In the middle of last year when I told two of my close San Francisco friends I was looking into a restaurant for my 40th birthday, one of them asked to keep her in the loop because she’d like to fly out to New York for it. And when I finally found the right place and put a deposit down for it, I let her know, and she confirmed she would definitely come. A month or so later, she booked her flight, and then we made plans for the rest of the weekend she’d be here. And she even treated me, as a 40th birthday gift, to see the Broadway show Maybe Happy Ending on the Sunday after my party. She came to my party on Saturday night. We had an early brunch on Sunday, went to see the show, hung out in Midtown and had yuan yangs at Urban Hawker, then went back to my apartment so she could spend time with Kaia and eat dinner with us. It was a really enjoyable time together that I’m very grateful for.

We’ve been friends for 29 years now. Along with my two other best friends, she’s my longest standing friend in my life. We haven’t always agreed with each other or seen eye to eye on things, but the amazing thing is that it hasn’t gotten in the way of our bond, of the comfort we have with each other. It doesn’t seem to matter how much time has passed since we’ve last spoken or seen each other. Because when we’re together, it almost feels like nothing has changed. Sure, most of the friends I’ve made in the last few years are very different from her or my childhood friends. But each person adds something different and special to my life. And that’s why we all have multiple friends and not just one.

It’s been a long weekend of love and gratitude. I’m just feeling thankful to be here to get to soak all this up.

Happy 40th to me

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It snowed today. I went to and from the Upper East Side for my makeup appointment in the snow. The crosstown bus was delayed getting there, but I still made it five minutes ahead of schedule. We had two spouses decline last minute due to unexpected lack of childcare for young children. Chris’s friend and his wife were supposed to come were deserted by their scheduled babysitter, who cancelled on them right at the time she was supposed to arrive. Then, his friend decided to come on his own… but made the mistake of going to the Brooklyn food hall location of Patok by Rach. He ended up taking the A train all the way up to Inwood and arriving about 1.5 hours late.

Things don’t always go as planned, but despite the snow, the fact that my birthday is right smack in the middle of Northern Hemisphere winter, and that cars and trains were delayed today, it all went amazingly well, probably even better than I could have imagined. I had so much fun at my party tonight. Everyone enjoyed the food and drink. I got rave reviews from several friends who had never really had Filipino before. The service was amazing by the Patok by Rach team. And we ended the night with karaoke!

I gave a little toast at the beginning that went something like this:

….

I’m so happy you could all make the trek to the very top of Manhattan to celebrate with me tonight.

Thank you so much for being here. A couple special individuals I have to call out: Rebecca, one of my best friends along with Crista here, since we were 11 — which means we’ve been tolerating each other for a very long time. Thank you for flying all the way from San Francisco just to celebrate my 40th. That means more to me than you know.

And of course, to my life partner Chris — the most loving and most annoying person I know — thank you for sharing this incredibly happy, lucky, and full life with me for the past 14 years. You may find this hard to believe, but I consider it a privilege to be annoyed by you every day. And I consider it an even bigger privilege to get to annoy you every day! 

Every person here tonight is special to me in a different way. I’ve met you across many chapters of my life — through work, food, friends — some of you just recently, some of you over a decade ago. And even if we don’t know each other well — if you’re a partner of a friend or a friend of Chris — you’ve brought joy into my life by making the people I love happy. And that makes me happy.

I’m truly grateful to be here, to have made it to 40. I know that may sound strange, but as many of you know, I carry with me the people I’ve loved deeply who didn’t get to reach this age, and I think of them every birthday — and how lucky I am to still be here, experiencing how beautiful and delicious this world can be.

So tonight, I’d like to raise my glass… to all of you. Thank you for the love, laughter, food, and meaning you bring into my life. Here’s to many more meals, thought-provoking conversations, and memories together. Cheers! 

….

When the evening ended, we took the A train back down with a small crew. We thanked the babysitter, and she went home. I spent about 15 annoying minutes taking off all my makeup to find several white heads on my forehead and nose — thank God I rarely wear foundation because this would completely ruin my skin! And after four hours of my party, I left with a very full heart — and maybe even a fuller belly.

A birthday kamayan feast planned

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Given I never had a real birthday party growing up, other than the one that one of my besties threw me for my sixteenth birthday, I figure that my 40th birthday coming up tomorrow will be the one party that I actually get to throw myself. I found the perfect restaurant for it, Patok by Rach, up in their cozy Inwood location, complete with a large tree growing inside and a kamayan feast. Kamayan is a traditional Filipino celebratory meal that symbolizes community, camaraderie, and cultural heritage. Large banana leaves are laid out across tables where guests sit, and the food is served directly on top. It traditionally will include dishes like pork BBQ, chicken inasal, kare kare stew, different types of lumpia, lechon (with crispy skin!), freshly fried shrimp chips and fruit. I’ve had it a few times before with my cousin’s wife’s family, as well as for a friend’s birthday dinner in lower Manhattan. I just love the idea of everyone being surrounded by endless food served on banana leaves, directly on the table, and eating and drinking to their heart’s content. That’s ultimately why I chose this place — not to mention the deal we got on this space, and to have the entire restaurant booked out, seemed almost like robbery!

I think every birthday is special because it’s another year around the sun, another year when I get to continue experiencing life and all that it has to offer. But I haven’t had a group birthday dinner since pre-pandemic. It’s mostly just been Chris, Kaia, and me in the last few years — nothing big or splashy. But this year, one of my besties is flying in from San Francisco to partake in festivities. I’m using a gift certificate she got me two years ago to get my makeup professionally done tomorrow. And we have a set kamayan menu for 18 guests tomorrow night. Kaia has her babysitter lined up. I’ve never been this excited to celebrate my birthday before now! Who knows — maybe I will have so much fun that I’ll decide to do something like this (okay, maybe not at a restaurant and pay for everyone) every year from now on!.

A happy surprise at the door: when your neighbor friend shows up with freshly baked goods and milk!

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Growing up, I always wished I had a friend who was just next door or on the same block who I could easily go play with. That never happened. Then as an adult living in New York City, I always wished I had a friend who either lived in my building or just a block or two away who I could see as often as I wanted, with as little notice as possible. For the longest time, I only had that once with a friend who lived about six blocks south of us. But he wasn’t very easy to get a hold of, and so that “ad hoc” nature of hanging out just never happened. We’ve been living in our current building for almost nine years now, and unfortunately, I’ve just never been able to make a real friend in this building until last year. This friend has a child who is close in age to Kaia, and luckily, they love each other. So the four of us try to arrange a catch-up about once a month when we’re all in town.

This friend remembered when we were coming back, so she messaged me randomly yesterday afternoon that she had done some baking and wanted to bring us some treats! So she stopped by and hung out with us for about half an hour with her son. They even brought over a half gallon of milk in case we were short of groceries! Kaia and her friend didn’t talk very much, but they did run around each other and squeal quite a bit to indicate that they were both super excited to see each other again! It was a quick and rushed visit because they had to get back to their home to welcome an out-of-town friend, but it was still so nice that they came to see us and came bearing edible gifts.

I love that I have a relationship like this now and that it’s right in my own building! It was so touching when she texted me to say she wanted to share baked goods and to see us even briefly. I know Kaia got really excited when I told her she might see a little friend later that day, and it definitely warmed my heart, as well. One thing that I haven’t loved about adulthood, or “adulting” as my friends call it, is that it always feels like everything needs to be scheduled and planned in advance. Yes, that’s necessary for a lot of things, but not everything. I wish I could do more ad hoc, spontaneous things more often with friends; it would feel a lot more fun… and frankly, more young. But I guess the older we get, the less spontaneous we can be, especially when we all don’t live in the same building or down the block from one another.

A night at the opera: Madama Butterfly

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After being reminded of the Under 40 Met discounts for the opera by my friend who is three years older than me, I finally got tickets to see the opera. It’s something I’ve been wanting to do since my twenties, but I had just forgotten about it. Opera tickets, like ballet, can get exorbitantly expensive. So with this Under 40 Met deal, I was able to secure mid-orchestra seats for us for just $89 each. It’s still not a cheap show, but it’s far cheaper than the several hundred dollars we could have paid without this deal!

After having a quick meal at home, my friend and I walked to the Met Opera and sat in our seats. I noticed a little screen on the back of the seat in front of us, which would aid in translating the Italian into English for us so we could follow along. Although I was still tired from jet lag, I actually managed quite well through the show. After Act I, there was a 30-minute intermission. This is when my friend and I got up to look around us, and we noticed exactly how dressed up people were. Even though a good number of people dressed up for The Nutcracker last month, that was nothing compared to tonight: I saw men in the most decked out, colorful, tailored suits; women were bejeweled and wearing ball gowns and form-fitted dresses with trains! I felt pretty under-dressed given I was just in a sweater and jeans. After Act II, there was a two-minute “pause.” And once Act III was done, we were three hours and done with the opera! It was an interesting experience: the sets, costumes, and singing were all gorgeous. But I didn’t love constantly having to look at the screen to translate all the dialogue and lyrics. I far prefer regular theater, ballet, or chamber/orchestral music. And in retrospect, I am not a hundred percent pleased with the fact that I chose an opera that’s basically about an Asian woman getting used by a White man, being forced to give up their child to him and his new White wife, and then killing herself in the end? This was a bit too tragic and upsetting for me.

While I am happy I went to see the opera once and can say I have experienced it, I think it’s unlikely that I will want to go again — now, it’s been there, done that — and all before age 40!

My once-a-year catch-up with an Instagram friend in Melbourne

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After we returned from Wellington this afternoon, I went to go meet an Instagram friend for dinner at a popular Italian restaurant near Chris’s parents’ house. Chris’s parents had already been, and they said that an Italian client of Chris’s dad, originally from Rome, declared that it was one of the best Italian restaurants in the area. So that just added to my expectations for how good this place was going to be (not to mention that my Instagram friend is a huge foodie, so I figured she would have good judgment in choosing a spot!).

Usually, I am a bit wary of Italian restaurants because so many just have generic offerings, but given it’s a popular and “neutral” cuisine, the prices are always jacked up. This spot, Cucina & Co., was anything but generic. We shared a pear, rocket (arugula), and grana padano salad; eggplant parmigiana; spaghetti ai fruitti de mare (seafood spaghetti); the zucotta pizza (mashed pumpkin, buffalo mozzarella, sausage, thyme). We ended with a scoop each of gelato — she had chocolate while I had pistachio. And every single thing we got was just amazing. The pear and rocket salad was so fresh it seemed like everything was picked just before we ordered it; the spaghetti Napoli sauce was so addictive that I almost wanted to lick the plate, plus the seafood was perfectly cooked and fresh. The pizza was delicious as expected, but what shocked me the most was the eggplant parmigiana starter. Eggplant parmigiana has always felt hit or miss (mostly miss) to me. Most of the time, the eggplant layers are too thick, and the tomato sauce tastes bland. But this rendition had super thin layers of eggplant that pretty much just melted in your mouth. This was the best eggplant parmigiana I’d ever had in my life — I can say this for certain! And the ending of pistachio gelato was so rich, thick, and decadent: it tasted like loads of toasted and pureed pistachios mixed in with cream, milk, and sugar. All of that, plus two lemon and lime bitters drinks, and we spent only $45 USD each — what a bargain; that would never happen in New York City.

I met this Instagram friend during the pandemic when we each had our respective food channels on YouTube, and we were trying to build our Instagram presence. I messaged her out of the blue because I saw she was based in Melbourne, and we just started messaging on and off and clicked. We both love food (duh) and travel; she was married to a Sri Lankan while I was married to another brown guy with origins in India. 🙂 She’s a year younger than me, and after we started chatting, she gave birth in June 2021 to her baby boy. Kaia was born six months after that. So it felt like even though we were from very different parts of the world leading different lives that we had a lot in common. Since December 2022 when we came back post-pandemic, we met up with our babies; then in December 2023, we met at a children’s play museum with our kids, but given it was a museum, it was hard to have a real adult conversation since we were chasing our kids around everywhere. In December 2024, we had a Greek dinner catch up, and now we’ve met again for the fourth year in a row, also sans kids. We both get along really well and have a lot of opinions in common. She’s the kind of friend who, if we lived closer to each other, I’d imagine myself seeing fairly regularly. And of course, it helps that she loves to eat (and cook)!

I love having a friend down here I can meet up with that is separate from Chris’s people. I also love that I’ve made a couple friends through Instagram over the years. I have another Instagram “friend” who is based in Sydney. She doesn’t get out of Sydney much, but she told me that if I’m ever up there for a side trip that she’d love to have a meal with me. If we go back to Sydney, I’d definitely want to take her up on her offer because she does all the “project” cooking that I wish I had more time to do!

The enchantment of The Nutcracker – 34 years later

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When I was a little kid, I was obsessed with ballet. I loved watching the little foot moves, the twirls, the beautiful outfits. So when I was five, my aunt and mom took me to the San Francisco ballet to see The Nutcracker, and I was so, so excited. I was going to have an entire evening of what I loved most: Christmas and ballet! Unfortunately about half way through that performance, I started running a fever and wasn’t feeling well, so we had to leave early (I can only hope my aunt and mom didn’t spend too much on those tickets…). And that was my experience with The Nutcracker, or really, any ballet for that matter.

Years went by. My parents refused to let me do any ballet classes (“that costs money”). I lost interest in ballet. But when I got to adulthood and moved to New York City, I realized I was in the center of the world for the performing arts. And of course, I was now living in the home of the New York City Ballet — world renowned, the best of the best. I had to make this happen — this decades-long dream of seeing this enchanting holiday performance. Every year I checked for tickets, and they’d either all be sold out and/or insanely priced (clearly, I didn’t have any insider knowledge…). That was a challenge, plus I knew no one who wanted to go with me — either because they had zero interest in ballet, or they weren’t willing to spend this kind of money on a show. I finally made a friend who said she’d be interested if I could find tickets under a certain price point, and I got the tickets this year! And last night, I FINALLY WENT — 34 years later!

A friend joined me for the evening, and it was everything magical and completely transported me into my 5-year-old self, completely transfixed by the massive, gorgeous, sparkling, and GROWING Christmas tree on the stage; the dainty toe work and dancing, plus borderline acrobatics by some of the performers; the orchestral music that was so beautiful and moving that at some points of the songs, I was holding my breath because I wanted to really, really hear and feel the music. The costumes and the makeup were truly stunning. I had forgotten how many children are in The Nutcracker ballet performance; the littles were so adorable, so professional and graceful despite all being relatively young. As the minutes passed, it felt like it was going by too fast: before I knew it, Act I was done, and we were in intermission. Then once the entire show ended, I felt so sad. The magic was here and gone, just like that.

The entire experience truly lived up to all my expectations. I have zero regrets on these tickets, and especially on getting orchestra right, second row tickets; I had a perfect view of everything on the stage and was just steps away from the orchestra. If money didn’t matter, I’d go see The Nutcracker every single year and make it my Christmas tradition, as it really is such a fun, beautiful, and magical way to welcome the festive season. And once Kaia were to get old enough to sit through a two-hour show (plus appreciate how beautiful it all is… and actually understand how expensive these tickets are!!!!), I’d love to take her, too. But I was telling my friend that Pookster would likely need to be an older elementary school age before I’d be comfortable taking her so that she’d really, genuinely appreciated it. These tickets are not easy to get, and they certainly do not come cheap!

I’ll be playing The Nutcracker music a lot for the next few weeks as we get closer to Christmas and reliving the sheer magic that the ballet was last night. “The Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy” is just enchantment in itself — my absolute favorite.

The reactions you want when you send out a birthday dinner invitation

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Food is something I’m passionate about. That’s a pretty huge understatement. I love food, and I love being around people who love food, and not just one type of food, but food from all corners of the globe, in all shapes and sizes, eaten with hands, forks, chopsticks, a shovel. And the more people like to try different foods and talk about food, the chances are higher that I will like you even more.

I sent out the Paperless Post invitation for my birthday party coming up in January, and within an hour, I got two responses via text from invited friends:

“Oh man. Are we getting lechon for your birthday??!!”

I love this response because a) this means that this friend not only saw the invite, but he also went to look up which restaurant this dinner was being held at (this is exactly what I would do). And b) it is obvious that he’s excited for PORK with CRISPY SKIN.

The second response I got was from a friend who I shared my Sunday plate date lunch experience with. This is what she wrote me with a laughing giphy at the end:

“Mmm, I can’t eat anywhere that serves pork. I had a little pig stuffed animal that was my best friend as a kid, and it would be wrong to eat them.”

If she were next to me and said this, I likely would have whacked her pretty hard.

She later followed up and said she’s super excited for Filipino food and is positive this place is going to be really good — simply because I chose it.

These are the reactions I love — from friends I have who love food.

A very exhausting and annoying play date

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I had scheduled a lunch and play date today with a building neighbor and her son. She asked me the night before if it would be okay if her other mom friend and daughter could also come. They had originally had a play date scheduled the previous Sunday but had to cancel because my neighbor was sick. I figured it would be fine… I’d likely just need to find a slightly roomier restaurant to accommodate three adults, three toddlers, and three strollers.

The first issue came up before we even got on the train to go down to Dumbo, Brooklyn. One of the moms said she couldn’t fold her stroller because it was too big, so she asked if we could use the elevator. I hate using the elevator and usually carry the stroller down while holding Kaia’s hand, so I told them I’d wait on the main level for them. After scanning into the subway, she wanted to take another elevator down to the downtown platform. I waited for them on the platform level… but they took over 20 minutes to arrive because that elevator was out of service, and they had to find another elevator further away to come down to us. My neighbor lightly suggested that we all stick together to prevent getting separated, but all I could think was… I would really love it if people could just be nimble and go with the flow, especially with the person who actually organized this outing. On the flip side, maybe I was actually being the rigid one because I didn’t want to use the elevator? Either way, this was not fun, and we missed three trains and ended up getting to the restaurant 15 minutes later than I’d wanted and had the reservation for.

Once we got to the restaurant, one kid had a face-down-flat meltdown. Then, one of the moms said she was avoiding carbs, and said the words of cardinal sin to Chris: “I don’t really eat fried rice (or noodles).” She asked me what was low-carb on the menu, so I tried to point out more protein/meat options for her. We went back and forth on whether we’d all share, which was stressful because no one could seem to come to a consensus. Finally, we did, and we ended up all sharing. The side order of stir-fried gai lan came to the table, and Kaia immediately said she wanted them. One of the moms said that would be an adult dish because “the kids won’t touch that,” and I had to chime in and say something. “No, my kid will definitely eat that. That’s her favorite vegetable!”

Kaia had a tantrum when I insisted she had to sit near me (and well, not with her best friend). She eventually had the biggest lunch out ever. I think she even encouraged one of the other kids to branch out and eat foods that weren’t just white and beige.

The first Space Club we tried to go to, which was brand new in Dumbo, had a 25-30 minute wait. So we took a quick Uber ride to the Fort Greene location where we finally got to let loose a little and not be so hyper focused on the kids. Kaia and I made some necklaces, and she seemed quite focused. We all enjoyed the large trampolines, which were unique to the Fort Greene location.

We mapped the closest subway, which was a 17-minute walk away. Neither seemed keen on that walk, so we ended up splitting a Lyft home. I wasn’t thrilled to tack on another $20 to my all-day play date, but I guess that’s the cost of being around people you don’t know well and are hesitant to take public transit. When I got home, all I could think was, I’m so glad to be back and not with two other moms and two other kids. My neighbor friend said to me as we entered our building with a smile, “So, feeling exhausted — just a little?”

Yeah, no kidding.

The more is not always the merrier, especially when you are leaving your neighborhood and relying on things like public transportation and everyone’s comfort level taking public transit.

“She’s getting under my ass about this!”

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My friend in New Jersey drove into the city today to have lunch together. We talked about a lot of things, like dentists, health, people in our lives, food, more food, learning/teaching philosophies, and friendship. She was telling me how she was thinking a lot about how Chris and I approach food with Kaia and how much she admires it. She is thrilled Kaia is a good little eater, that she’s adventurous with foods (likely because of her mama). She especially loves that we limit her sweets intake and pretty much ban candy except as a “very, very special treat.” She’s shared this with some of her friends, who are also parents, and apparently they think that I’m too draconian and asking for my child to eventually have an eating disorder (parents always have to criticize each other, don’t they?). She went on the defensive for me, saying that given the insane rates of obesity, not to mention the pre-diabetes and heart disease rates in children as young as 4 or 5, the approach we’re taking is data-based, prudent, and practical; she said if she were a parent, she’d likely try to do the same thing.

My friend also told me that she shared that I’m one of her only friends who “gives her shit” for not voting or voting third party. “She’s getting under my ass about not voting!” she laughed, telling me what she told her other friend about me. While one of her friends who has a “c’est la vie” attitude asked why she puts up with me being so pushy about voting, she responded, “Well, I actually appreciate it because it means she cares and wants to push me to do things that are important. And sometimes, we need someone to push us.”

I smiled. It’s nice to be in adult friendships where we individually take accountability for our actions and recognize that sometimes, uncomfortable conversations need to happen between friends who just want the best for each other, and who push each other to be better. Pushing friends to be the best they can be — that’s actually a good thing, isn’t it?