An evolving world whether we want to accept it or not

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I am back in North Carolina again today, but in a different city: Raleigh. I’ll be here for just over 24 hours. While here, I had to do something really annoying in preparation for my onsite work event tomorrow: make a stop at a FedEx location that was out in the middle of nowhere in the boondocks of Durham… just to pick up some posters that our marketing team had sent to our customer’s office park campus, but because the courier could not find the correct building, had to send it back to a local FedEx. After I checked into my hotel and went to my room to get some work done, I went out to get a Lyft to take me to FedEx.

My Lyft driver was really friendly and outgoing. He’s in his late 50s and has lived all over the Northeast of the U.S. Funnily enough, he was actually born in what is now Elmhurst Hospital and grew up in Woodside. I told him I was a transplant from San Francisco and actually spent my first four years in New York in Elmhurst. He did not believe me. He also did not believe me when I told him that Woodside is an up and coming area of Queens, and that trendy bakeries, cafes, and restaurants are actually opening there.

“You are lying!” the driver said, laughing hysterically. “There is NO WAY Woodside or Sunnyside is a place to eat out! It was a complete dump when I lived there, and it has to be just as bad today! High crime, gun shots, drugs everywhere — a place to never be seen! I don’t even want my 20-year-old kid going there!”

I challenged him (because I always do this now, and I own it). “Okay, then,” I said to him. “After you finish this ride, I’m serious: go on your phone. Look up the business From Kora on Google Maps and look up the ratings and reviews. It’s one of the top rated bakery/cafes in all of New York City! People travel from all parts of the city, New Jersey, and even Connecticut to line up and eat pastries from there! GO DO IT! Places change and evolve over time. I realize that’s hard for a lot of people to stomach, but no place stays the same forever.”

Mr. Anti Sunnyside/Woodside still didn’t believe me. He still thought I was joking. Then we drove closer to the FedEx where there were signs for downtown Durham. He started telling me about how when he first moved to the Raleigh-Durham area 30 years ago, downtown Durham and Raleigh were “absolutely disgusting.” No one wanted to go there or be seen in those areas. Today, both places have growing businesses and offices flourishing. Both have great restaurant and bar scenes. People from the ‘burbs actually do come in to dine at these restaurants.

The driver hesitated for a bit and realized his double standard in his own speech. “Okay, so maybe Woodside and Sunnyside are experiencing this change that you claim Woodside and Sunnyside are,” he relented. “Fine — I’ll admit that I haven’t been back to that area in over 30 years. I just haven’t had any reason to, and I definitely had no desire based on what I grew up with!”

Nothing stays the same forever — no town, city, state, country, person, dog, anything. We can either evolve with it and go with the flow, or be doomed to stay in our own old, aging fixed mindsets.

Thumbs up, thumbs down

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When Kaia was learning different gestures, including sign language as a baby/toddler, she got most of them pretty quickly. She understood the meaning of them and embraced them. She especially loved signing “more” (isn’t that everyone’s favorite?). But one gesture that she absolutely refused to do for the longest time was “thumbs up.” Every time I tried to get her to do this, she’d shake her head rigorously and yell, “No!” She’d even cover up my thumb(s) and even refuse to see me doing the gesture.

It wasn’t until the last year or so when she finally gave in and started doing it. And when she does it, she especially loves to do a double thumbs up, and then do a “thumb hug,” which means that we tap our thumbs together and then try to wrap our thumbs around each other in a bit of a thumb embrace. For Kaia, “thumbs up” is not complete without this last shared step.

I explained to her at dinner this evening in Chinese that tomorrow, her mama would be leaving again to get on a plane to go to Raleigh. So tomorrow morning, I’d wake up earlier than usual to go work out, then Daddy would get her ready. And I would take her to school, but Daddy would pick her up that late afternoon and have dinner, shower her, read, and put her to bed. I let her know I’d be coming home later that evening.

Every time I tell Kaia multiple things at once, you can tell that she’s processing all the new information and trying to decide how she feels about it. She gives the “side up” look. Then in this instance, she started frowning.

“Hao ba? (Okay?)” I said to her.

Her frown became even more intense.

“No!” she yelled. “Bu hao! (NOT GOOD!)”

Then, as if on cue, she did a double thumbs down, and then motioned to me to match her two thumbs down.

Oh, well. At least she gets how to use thumbs up, thumbs down now!

Group fitness classes after nine years

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While I was staying at the Omni Grove Park Inn and Spa in Asheville, I made sure to exercise the first two mornings I was there. One of the perks of this fitness complex is that it offers group fitness classes, which I haven’t taken at all since 2017, when we moved into our current building with a gym facility. The classes are folded into the “resort fee” we pay to stay at the hotel. The fitness complex is so big and extensive that it actually allows for external, non-hotel guests to pay for membership, so many of the people who go to this fitness center are actually not hotel guests. I signed up for a 90-minute flow yoga class and a 60-minute body sculpt class.

Since they are group fitness classes, they are meant to match the fitness levels of everyone, so both were a lot slower moving than I am used to. Plus, I could see from the clientele that most skewed much older than me. Most of the people in the classes looked like retirees. At minimum, there was a ten-year age gap, with them being older. Although it was slower, it was luxurious in yoga class to hold poses for longer. It also felt nice to have a group to sweat with again. There’s definitely an energy you get when you exercise with others that doesn’t always exist when you are exercising solo.

A few of the members came up to introduce themselves after the body sculpt class on Friday. They asked if I was a guest at the inn (of course, it was pretty obvious that I wasn’t a local since everyone else was White and at least 10-20+ years older than me!). Many of them lived within a 5-10 minute drive from the inn/fitness complex, and they had moved from areas like the Tri-State area and California. They were looking to slow down, have a more relaxed life, and not deal with as much daily traffic.

“The traffic has definitely picked up here in Asheville since more people have discovered it and are moving here,” one of the transplants said to me. “But when people complain that there’s a lot of traffic, that usually means their commute has increased from 9 minutes to 12!”

Even if I couldn’t work out and sweat with my friends, it felt good to change it up and sweat with some very friendly retirees during these classes!

When your kid ends up in urgent care while you’re on a flight home

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I came home today, ready to give my sweet Kaia Pookie a big hug when I got through the door. But coming home this afternoon wasn’t quite what I envisioned. It was weirdly quiet when I entered the apartment. Chris turned over to look at me, barely greeting me. Instead, the first words out of his mouth were, “She had an accident.”

I looked over his shoulder at my Kaia Pookie, sitting quietly on the living room rug amidst a bunch of her toys. Her arms were sprawled out as though she was just leaning back on the couch, but the entire center of her face was bloody and mucusy. I slowly walked up to talk to her. While she looked straight up at me, she didn’t respond or smile; she basically had no reaction. She was lethargic and seemingly in pain and/or shock. I took her in my arms to hold her, while also occasionally pressing an ice compress to her nose and wiping away more blood and snot. She was eager to come into my embrace and clearly needed the cuddles.

Chris explained that while they were at the Transit Museum earlier today, Kaia was running around on an old bus when suddenly, she tripped on something and fell down very hard, face first. He actually didn’t see this happen, but some bystanders in the museum told him that his child had fallen. As soon as he got to her and lifted her face up, all he could see was blood everywhere. He immediately took her to the bathroom to get cleaned up, but the blood just kept coming out. A museum worker waited outside to see if she was okay, and kindly offered an ice pack. Chris wasn’t sure if she was okay or if something more serious could be wrong, so he took her to the closest Urgent Care, where they checked her out, did a few tests to ensure she didn’t have any major head injury, and then said that we just needed to monitor her to ensure she was “still herself” and that she didn’t lose consciousness.

We spent the rest of the early evening intermittently icing her nose and wiping away her runny nose snot and blood. I knew she was quite herself, though, because I kept talking to her in Chinese, and she responded logically and with expected answers. When I asked her if she wanted a surprise gift I brought back for her, she immediately nodded. Then minutes later, she kept asking for her surprise gift. I took it out for her: a deluxe princess coloring book. She looked at it and was clearly in love. I asked her if she wanted to color with it now, and she nodded and ran to get her markers. Chris teased her and said it was actually his gift; I had already presented him with dark chocolate covered sour cherries from a popular local Asheville chocolate shop when she was sitting down. My Kaia Pookie was clearly lucid and understanding every single thing that was happening. Her face turned down, and she yelled, “No, that’s mine! You already got a present!”

Phew. So fingers crossed, it doesn’t look like she suffered any major head injury. But what crappy luck that this happened when I wasn’t home. I asked Chris if he missed me while I was gone. He responded in his usual in-character Chris way: “Well, you would have been really useful here today.”

And that is what a “romantic” response sounds like when you’ve been together for 14-plus years, and married (at least, celebration-wise) for ten years — just in case you weren’t already familiar with it.

The luxury of space while eating sourdough pancakes in a residential neighborhood in Asheville

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In many ways, I am living my dream from when I was a little girl: I get to work and live in New York City, the Big Apple — right in the heart of Manhattan, steps away from Central Park. But if I had to be honest, sometimes, I do wish we had more space. There are a lot of thoughts starting with, “It would be nice if…” we had a backyard, we had more space, we had a bigger kitchen, if restaurants and outdoor enclosed spaces could be bigger and more spread out for littles to safely run around. And my friends and I were all thinking about this while having breakfast this morning at the Liberty House Cafe in Asheville. This cute little coffee shop/cafe has been around for the last 10 years and is housed in a small cottage from the 1920s. While the cottage itself is quite tiny, its outdoor space is sprawling: it has two large patios that spread out from its left and right side, along with a massive green lawn with even more tables and benches for dining, sipping coffee, and relaxing. They easily could set up more tables and benches, but a lot of the space is just… empty space to breathe and just be space. It could be space for dogs to roll around. It could be space for kids to play and be silly. Or it could just be what it is, which is a lot of space.

My two friends live in San Francisco/the Bay Area, which increasingly is lacking for space; I live in the famous concrete jungle of the Big Apple. We all know that space is always premium in major metropolitan areas. So just sitting on this big covered patio, overlooking this vast green lawn and openness, while eating our indulgent, delicious, crispy-edged sourdough blueberry pancakes and drinking cubanitos, felt like an unspoken treat.

Farm to table dining, which is what Liberty House Cafe offers, is spreading everywhere across the U.S. You can find restaurants using hyper local produce and ingredients in major cities, suburbs, and in rural areas; it’s become ubiquitous. But to simply experience this setting while having these pancakes felt like just another luxury of this trip after our amazing spa and tapas day yesterday.

Omni Grove Park Inn and Spa, Asheville – the incredible cave spa

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When I told a few friends and colleagues that I was going on a 40th birthday girls trip to Asheville, a few people thought it was a joke, or when messaged via text, that I had done a typo and meant to write “Nashville.” No one understood why I had chosen Asheville, but when I explained, they quickly understood.

One of the many beauties of having access to AI tools like ChatGPT, Perplexity AI, or Claude is that I can be very specific about what I want, what I am looking for, general geography, and price point, and it will give me a number of potential options without my having to scour multiple travel sites and blogs to find what might pique my interest manually. Back in January, I asked multiple AI tools something like, “I want to go on a 40th birthday girls trip with two of my girlfriends. Find me a hotel that has great spa treatments and amenities, is located in AZ, NM, NC, SC, GA, or FL, is 15-20 minute drive from an urban area, and is no more than 30-40 minute drive from a major airport. The urban area has to have some interesting culture and good, eclectic restaurants.” I was given several interesting options in the Phoenix/Sedona and Santa Fe metro areas, along with the Omni Grove Park Inn and Spa in Asheville. And after further scrutinizing reviews, prices, and spa amenities and availability, we settled on this historic hotel that is just an eight-minute drive from downtown Asheville.

The Omni Grove Park Inn originally opened, built on the side of a mountain, just a short distance away from downtown Asheville in 1913. It was built to be a premier arts and crafts style resort, constructed from massive Sunset Mountain granite boulders in under a year. It has hosted many U.S. presidents, celebrities, and foreign dignitaries. All around the property, they have displayed photos of famous people who have stayed here. F. Scott Fitzgerald rented two blocks of suites to stay in while his wife was receiving psychiatric treatment nearby for two summers.

In 2001, The Spa at Omni Grove Park Inn opened, revealing a 43,000-square-foot subterranean sanctuary that has rock-walled soaking and lap pools, waterfalls, and mineral based treatments. It’s built into a mountain and reflects the hotel’s original opening purpose, which was to be a health-focused, artsy destination. It’s now featured in many domestic and global travel magazines as one of the top destination spas in the U.S. When you’re inside, you forget that you’re in Asheville, or even in the U.S. The spa itself is immaculate, a true cave spa experience, and one that you’d never guess was in Asheville.

Today was our girls’ spa day. We all received different types of massage treatments. I had an excellent full body salt-stone massage by a masseuse who was clearly skilled and experienced; he did these interesting stretch/pull/massage moves on my neck and shoulders that I’d never experienced before. And after my treatment, I showered and then enjoyed the spa pools, sauna, steam room, and amenities. It felt like a real calm and relaxing place. Everyone abided by the no-device policy, and given it was a weekday, the spa was fairly quiet. At times in the lap pools, it felt like it was just the three of us along with some people lounging on deck chairs quietly reading or napping. As I swam on my back in the lap pools, I kept staring at the cave rocks above me and the twinkle lights set up, all surrounding some well appointed skylights, and I thought: Wow. This is most definitely the most beautiful, unique, and relaxing spa and spa experience I’ve ever had in my life. This place is truly a treasure. We spent a luxurious five hours there – such a treat.

I left the spa feeling very refreshed and rejuvenated. I wish we could have a second day to relish in the spa amenities, but alas, they didn’t even have spa drop-in passes the next day or the rest of the weekend since that’s how popular they are. While there, I silently thanked the AI tools for leading us here, and felt very grateful for the privilege to be in such a beautiful and distinctive spa. I don’t even know why you would opt to stay at this hotel without experiencing the cave spa. While the property itself is gorgeous, unique, and historical, this cave spa is really its true differentiator!

Urban Tribe goes to Asheville

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The last time two of my best friends and I went on a trip was in 2009, so we were just 23 years old at the time — that’s 17 years ago, so a long time ago. We did a long weekend away for two of our bridal shower/bachelorette weekends. We’ve also done long weekend trips along with other friends with two out of three of us present. But this weekend is actually our very first trip again with just the three of us, which is kind of funny to think about.

“Has it really been since November 2009 when we went to Chicago for Thanksgiving?” One of them said when we were at dinner this evening.

Yes, it really has been. Time passes that quickly.

A lot has changed in the last 17 years. Two of us got married and had kids. One of us, who was partnered at the time, is no longer partnered with the same person. One of us relocated to another country and came back. Many employment statuses and jobs have changed. None of us live in the same place as we did in 2009. We’ve all grown older, traveled more, experienced more, and as a result of all that, have developed preferences about what we want and how we want it. So when we decided to share the same room on this trip, I was not completely sure how this would go. We like different things. Our personalities are also very, very different.

Here’s a case in point of something seemingly minor that was top of mind tonight: One of these friends, who is unusually sensitive to light, prefers to use blackout shades when in hotel rooms. She sleeps with eye covers and ear plugs, and she doesn’t want to be disturbed at all when sleeping; the tiniest bit of light upsets her. When she started drawing close the blackout shades, I already felt like I was being rubbed the wrong way. I asked her why she was doing this, and she explained her preference to me.

“But natural light guides your circadian rhythm and is healthier for you,” I said. “The daylight tells you that it’s time to wake up. It’s better for your health.”

This was met with a dead stare. “Yeah, well… I don’t like it,” she insisted and shrugged, as she continued to draw the blackout shade.

She also insisted that our third friend likes using the blackout shades as well. The third friend, always a fence-sitter and trying to remain as neutral as possible, quietly relented that yes, she does prefer that we use them. So, I was outnumbered and had to deal with the blackout shades.

In November 2009 when we were in Chicago for Thanksgiving, we unfortunately had to all share a king size bed and rotate who slept in the middle (room type availability with a special rate). That was a bit too cozy, and this time, there was zero way anyone would tolerate that. So for this trip, we got a double room with two queen-size beds, and I requested a roller (twin) bed be brought to the room. We’re rotating who sleeps in the roller bed, and since we’re here three nights, it’s easy to split up.

As we turned the lights out tonight, we were reflecting on how in 2009, we all slept in the same bed, and this time, we all had our own beds, but in the same room, so it was a bit of an upgrade. And we were musing over whether we’d do a 50th birthday girls’ trip.

“Well, if we do a 50th birthday trip in ten years, I think we can further upgrade that trip from this one and get separate rooms!” I said. When I am 50, I probably will not want to share a room, and I definitely will not want blackout shades.

Everyone agreed. In 2037, separate rooms it will be. Of course, it will cost more, but we all agreed we think we will deserve it.

The conflicts of parenthood

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When Kaia was a baby, I would occasionally feel a little jealous of Chris because I always felt like she preferred him. When she cried, he was usually more capable of calming her down than I was. Even when she cried for one of us, it definitely felt like she cried for him more or harder (to be fair, that could all have just been in my head). Then, I chocked it up to two things: 1) daddy-daughter bond, and 2) he did 90 percent of all her bottle feeds, while I pumped milk, so she likely associated food with her daddy. Maybe he actually was the better parent — who knows!

So now that Kaia is a bit older, she definitely has a sense of both of our different personalities and parenting styles, and she definitely knows what she can do and pull off (or not) with each of us. I am most definitely the softer one; Chris is the stricter one. I hate yelling unless it’s absolutely necessary for safety; Chris is quicker to yell (pros and cons for both). Since I am the softer one, Kaia tends to gravitate to me for a lot of things like brushing teeth (she knows I will play her a Chinese song she likes while completing this activity). She also prefers me when it comes to bathroom time (because I always yell out in Chinese how big her poop is, and she cannot get enough of this reaction :). And as of late, she seems very, very attached to me when I leave the house and she knows she is not coming with me.

She knows that I am going on a girls’ trip soon, and she knows that our friend visiting today and spending the night will be going with me. So Kaia kept asking about where we were going, what plane we were taking, what airlines we’d fly, and then asked if she could come with us. I reassured her that I’d be gone just a few days, and before she knew it, I’d be back. Tonight was my night to take her to do her dream-pee, and when I put her down in bed again, she started crying hysterically when I left the room. She stood up on her bed and just sobbed. I rushed back to the room, and she thought I had already left. I tried to calm her down, but every time I tried to leave after that, she would keep crying for me. So I tried (and failed) to gett her to fall asleep while I lied down next to her. She quickly passed out. I could hear her breathing more heavily. But then as soon as I opened the door to sneak out of her room, she started screaming and demanded I come back. And then, she ran over to me, opened the door even wider, and ran into our bedroom, right to my side of the bed, and lied there… taunting me.

I relented. I didn’t want her to disturb our sleeping friend in the living room too much. I also didn’t want even more broken sleep since we’d be traveling tomorrow. So she got what she wanted and slept next to me, all cuddly next to me, on my pillow, for the rest of the night.

I love cuddling with my Kaia Pookie. I really do. I love that she seems to always want me, always want my attention, presence, and cuddles. At the same time, it’s a constant conflict because while I want all her love, I also want me time, and “me time” means getting away from her and doing my own thing every now and then. As someone wise once said, “You can have it all…. just not all at the same time.” This sage statement can be interpreted in many ways, can’t it?

Candied nuts – the simplest addition to salads that can make it pop!

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As someone who has always loved tinkering in the kitchen with different ingredients and recipes, I have always enjoyed candies nuts in salads when I’ve had them. But for some reason, I never thought to make them myself. I know they are pretty simple and straightforward to make: you take a bunch of nuts, coat them in maple syrup or simple syrup, sprinkle a little sea salt on top, and toss them. Then, you bake them at a low-ish temperature in the oven for about 25-30 minutes until they are crystallized. When you are done, you get this magical savory-sweet, high protein, high fiber snack that will quickly impress people when they find out you actually made them yourself. It’s low effort, but high “wow” factor.

Well, I finally got inspired and pushed to make them for a beet and lentil salad with tahini-yogurt dressing recipe from Hetty Lui McKinnon’s Linger cookbook. Honestly, this is not normally a cookbook I would have bought for myself; it’s all about salads, and the entire book is vegetarian. But after being gifted it and going through it, I’ve realized I am quite inspired by Hetty’s take on what a “salad” is, and I love the way she pairs ingredients together. It’s definitely made me rethink food pairings and what flavors complement each other.

So for this salad, (pre cooked) beets and shallots are pickled in a sweet vinegar mixture with spices. Then, you add cooked lentils, toss them both together in olive oil and salt/pepper. And finally, you smother a tahini-yogurt sauce on them, topping them with candied walnuts. And yes, the candied walnuts truly MAKE this salad pop. It’s one of those salads that are very memorable not just because it’s gorgeous to look at with the color contrasts, but because the flavors all meld together really beautifully.

And that, my friends, is a beautiful, delicious salad worth making and eating again and again.

Fragrance testing with my Kaia Pookie

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After last weekend when we had a social engagement Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, we also had a bit going on this weekend given that I had a scavenger hunt Saturday afternoon, plus dinner and a show with Chris and friends after. But I got some quiet respite today on Sunday since we had zero plans, and that’s exactly what I wanted after last weekend. The only thing on my calendar was a Hep B booster shot at the pharmacy a couple blocks away in the afternoon. Other than that, it would be yoga in the morning for me, some light vegetable prep and cooking, and time with the Pookster.

Pookster really didn’t want me to go to get my vaccine by myself; she insisted that she come with me. So even before I grabbed my purse, she already had put her shoes on and was standing in the doorway waiting to go with me. So, we went to CVS together. She stood by and held me while she watched the pharmacist give me the HepB vaccine (it’s a tiny bit painful since the needle is thicker). I even saw her wince when the needle went in, and she had this clear look of pain/sadness that swept over her face after. Once the pharmacist cleaned up, put on a band-aid, and left, Kaia looked at my arm and squeezed me close.

“Mama, does it hurt?” she asked me, looking fearful.

“It’s okay, Pookie!” I insisted to her. “All done now. Want to do something special and fun you’ve never done before?”

Her eyes twinkled, and of course, I am sure she thought about candy or ice cream. But no, I had different plans.

I was reading about some different “natural” fragrances that were available at Sephora, but I hadn’t made the time to go test them out until today. I brought her into the store, and she immediately voiced her disappointment. “I don’t want to be here — there’s nothing special here!” she whined. I told her that she would be able to smell some special things, and she loves smelling things!

We got to the fragrance wall, and we tested out about 10-12 different fragrances. I made a game of it, asking her which one smelled like what. And Kaia got really into it. She said one smelled like roses. Another smelled like apple. Another perfume smelled like vanilla — “Oooh, yummy!” And one she really liked was like a peach scent!

“Can we eat this?” she looked at me, with a huge smile on her face.

“No, Pooks, this is just for smelling,” I told her, tapping her nose. “This is to put on your body to smell nice. Everyone wants to smell nice! You know how I always say you are ‘fragrant’? This could help Mama be fragrant!”

Sometimes, I look at her and I still cannot believe she’s growing up so quickly. This little Pookster is starting kindergarten in September, which is crazy to me how time flew. Doing these seemingly little but new experiences with her at every stage of her development always makes me happy because I love seeing how her face lights up and she realizes how fun something is that she wasn’t sure about. I knew she would like this even when she got mad — she always loves sniffing things. Smelling is adjacent to tasting, and she’s a taster!