Call from school, and an unexpected urgent trip to the doctor’s office

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It was mid-afternoon today. I was in the middle of writing a long Slack message to someone to prep them for a customer meeting. And suddenly, I saw my phone ringing, and it was Kaia’s school’s number. So I answered it, and school administrator let me know that Kaia’s right eye was red and swollen, and she could barely open it and said it was hurting. I asked if she had gotten bitten by a bug at the playground, and the teacher said it was a possibility, but she strongly suggested I come pick her up as soon as possible and take her to Urgent Care because she was concerned. I told her I’d try to shift some things in my schedule to do an earlier pickup and would call her back. During that time, I did a quick inquiry with ChatGPT about the symptoms the admin shared, and this is the response it gave me:

“Given that she can barely open one eye and it’s red and swollen, she should be seen today, urgently—call her pediatrician’s urgent line now or go to urgent care/ER, especially if you cannot be seen quickly.

Possible causes include a bug bite/allergic reaction, a stye, irritation, or conjunctivitis, but the concerning possibility is periorbital cellulitis—a bacterial infection of the eyelid/skin around the eye. A rarer but more serious form, orbital cellulitis, involves deeper tissues and is an emergency. Children can have unilateral eyelid swelling/redness from these infections, and it can sometimes follow a small scratch, bug bite, or recent sinus/cold symptoms—even if those symptoms are not obvious. 

Go to the ER now if she has any of these: fever, eye pain, pain with eye movement, trouble moving the eye, vision changes, double vision, the eye bulging forward, severe headache, vomiting, unusual sleepiness, or she looks very unwell. These are red flags for orbital cellulitis, which needs urgent evaluation.”

So, as you can imagine, my eyes stay on “periorbital celluitis.” And I’m thinking, it can be that serious – are you for real? At that point, the admin sent me a photo of Kaia’s right eye, which was closed, very red, and puffy. This did not look good that she couldn’t even open the eye. So I dialed her pediatrician’s office and spoke with the receptionist, explained the symptoms, and she asked if I could come at 4. It was about 3:40 at the time, so I said I’d have to go from the Upper West Side down to Chinatown to pick her up and bring her to the office, so I could probably make it just after 4:30 if I pushed it. They squeezed me in and said Kaia would be the last patient of the day.

Well, when I went for early pickup, Kaia was already able to open her right eye. The swelling and redness had died down considerably, and her mood seemed to be more chipper. I told her we were going to the doctor’s office, so she got excited that we’d be taking the (new) B train to a stop we normally don’t get off at – West 72nd Street! She eagerly counted all the stops and then yelled when it was time to get off. Just based on her mood, I had a strong feeling this was a false alarm.

The doctor finally saw her and after examining and checking a few things, she said she’s concluded that Kaia may be having seasonal allergies. It didn’t seem like anything serious, so she gave me some children’s Zyrtec, gave me instructions in case the puffiness/redness came back, or if she wakes up with a red eye ball tomorrow morning. The doctor proactively wrote and filled a prescription for the eye drops in case her eye was red tomorrow, and she sent us on our merry way.

By the time we left, it was as though Kaia had nothing. That was lucky, as it easily could have been a lot worse. But I still felt better we had her checked with the doctor to be in the clear.

Chats with AI are great, but man, can they stir up the worst of the worst possibilities.

I love my child, but I do not necessarily love all children

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I have never been one of those people who have said that “all children are beautiful/cute,” or that I love kids. The truth is that I actually do not love kids at all, and that’s probably a huge reason that even when I was a kid myself, I never even for a minute considered being a school teacher (even though it’s fed to you as a [female] child that being a teacher is cool!). I know myself, and I know that I just don’t have the patience it takes to deal with kids and their tantrums, their constant irritating questions, their outbursts, and even things like peeing or pooping in their pants, even if it’s by accident. It’s obviously different when it’s your own child/children, but with other people’s kids… I could never even imagine proactively babysitting another friend’s child unless they were a baby who couldn’t speak.

Despite this fact, I always knew I wanted to have kids. I always wanted to raise my own child and know what that entire experience was like. I wanted to have a family of my own to nurture — I do think that I’m a nurturing, loving person by nature; I love taking care of others. So, now that I have one child of my own, I love her more than I ever thought possible. But that doesn’t necessarily change my original state of being, which is that while I may love my own child (you’d hope so!), I don’t necessarily love other people’s kids, even if they are the kids of my own extended family and friends. Some of my friends’ kids are extremely bratty and entitled. Others, even for their respective ages, are extremely immature and socially awkward and have made it pretty clear that no matter how sweet I am to them, they just will not give me any love at all, even if it’s a simple-high five. One of them has refused, for her entire existence, to ever give me a hug or kiss; in fact, she refuses even to wave hi or bye to me to acknowledge me! And then today, while out with a neighbor friend and her son, who is just a few months younger than Kaia, I was really at my wit’s end at times trying to control this kid and his tendencies.

First, this little friend kept trying to run into the street (and he actually did when there were cars coming and the light was red). This drove his mom crazy, as she’d obviously worry for his safety. I had to grab him a few times before he actually got into the middle of the street. Then, when I took out our Bluey bubble machine, he randomly started sticking it in strangers’ faces to blow bubbles just a foot or two away from their noses — this was not good at all. Then, he kept insisting on running into people on purpose while walking simply because he thought it was funny. And there was a good stretch of time when any time I tried to open my mouth to say anything, he’d talk over me and say that ‘Kaia’s mom isn’t listening to me.” I kept pretty calm overall, but I did have to shut down the bubbles in people’s faces, plus the “running into the street when cars were coming” situation a number of times.

Everything finally came to a head when we were just a block away from our building, and the little friend decides to try to run into the street yet again during a red light. This time, his mom finally lost all her patience and screamed at him while simultaneously pulling him back onto the sidewalk. Predictably, he started sobbing, and she had to carry him across the street and sit him down for a good talk. I mean… he kind of deserved it after being warned literally all day long?

In these moments, I always think about early childhood educators, and it’s really hard for me to comprehend having to deal with other people’s young children all day long. Their job is so, so tough. And it’s a very unappreciated job. These little kids are growing into their own selves, they are discovering their emotions and what their bodies and minds are capable of, and they are… simply growing. And that’s a lot to deal with, especially when there’s an entire classroom full of these bursting little personalities. I have moments with Kaia when she’s screaming and sobbing into my ear so loudly that I can barely hear my own thoughts, all over something innocuous when I wonder how anyone could ever willingly decide to deal with this more than once.

Amen to early childhood educators. I just don’t have the patience to deal with most other people’s children.

Ronny Chieng at the West Side Comedy Club

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Tonight, Chris got us tickets to see Ronny Chieng do test material at the West Side Comedy Club, which was convenient for us given it’s just about 15 blocks north of us. We’ve already seen Ronny Chieng live numerous times over the years. One time previously in the West Village, we also got to see him perform test material. This was pre-pandemic, far before he was ever a “star” in a major Hollywood movie. But his fun, vibe, and dead panning remain amazingly the same. We sat in the front row around the stage, and he made a comment about my sandals (modern Crocs!) and how they are definitely fitting of the “Upper West Side,” and so we must not live in the area (I corrected him). “Well, I guess it’s all the new money in the area, then!” he responded.

Are we “new money”?

When we were walking back down to our apartment, Chris noticed that Ronny actually was walking a little ahead of us. He was wearing his same outfit, with his test material notebook under his arm, and the same large bottle of sparkling water in his hand. I remarked to Chris that this was such a guy thing, to carry a loose notebook with important information in it completely unprotected out and in the open when it could easily get destroyed by rain (it had rained during the time we were inside the comedy club, and could very well start again given how summer rains are in the city). Chris suggested that I tell him this myself. So we walked a little faster to catch up to him, and that was how I greeted him. He recognized us from the front row, fist-bumped us for coming to his show, asked how we found out about the show and if we had seen him perform live before. So we walked together for maybe three to four blocks before we separated ways. He was on his way to another comedy club for another standup gig — always hard at work, doing what he is most passionate about.

With this interaction, he was nowhere as socially awkward as he was when we approached him at his test material night in the East Village. He seemed more confident, happier to interact with us, and genuinely grateful we’d come to see him live. I LOVE THIS GUY.

Indoor time versus outdoor time

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I had plans to catch up with a friend this afternoon. The weather was looking to be quite sunny and hot, and so she suggested we find a place that had outdoor seating to take advantage of this great summer weather. We were aiming to meet at around 3pm, so a lot of restaurants with outdoor patios/gardens would unfortunately not be open since it wasn’t quite lunch or dinner time in the middle of the afternoon. So I suggested we meet at Pier I, which is one of Chris’s favorite places to meet his neighborhood friend for afternoon beers in the summer time. It’s right at Riverside Park at around 70th Street and sits directly with a view of the Hudson River and New Jersey. While it’s a very nice outdoor space that is well laid out, has decent food and drink options, and even has a public restroom, I have actually spent very little time there. I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve sat and enjoyed the outdoor time there.

When I was sitting out there with my friend this afternoon, this made me think about how much time in our lifetimes we spend indoors versus out. The stat that I found, according to the Building Green blog (not sure how reputable this is, but hey, it’s what first came up!) says that the average person spends about 90 percent of their entire life indoors. This number breaks down to about 87 percent of time spent inside buildings, and an additional 6 percent inside enclosed vehicles (this could be cars, buses, trains, or planes). This leaves only about 7 percent, or less than two hours a day, spent completely outdoors.

I don’t know why, but this sounded like a sad statistic to me. I realize that is weird given I have willingly chosen to live in a concrete jungle my entire adult life, but even major cities like New York have great outdoor spaces. And the restaurants and cafes that have outdoor gardens, patios, and seatings always feel like such a treat. It made me realize that I definitely do not spend enough time outdoors, and I personally should be seeking it out more — very intentionally, especially when the weather is good. That time is NOW since it’s summer! I am especially spoiled because we have an open air rooftop deck in our apartment building, so I have very easy access to “the outdoors” that is physically on top of my building. Chris reminds me that I don’t use it enough (well, no one who lives here takes advantage of that amenity enough!), and so I did spend some time up there reading before I went to see my friend.

So there’s a little goal on top of my body recomposition goal I have this summer: to spend more time outdoors, even when I do not *have to* (like walking to get groceries).

Why eating beans feels inefficient for increasing protein intake

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I spent 1.5 hours eating my lunch yesterday. I don’t think I’ve ever chewed food for that long, and it’s likely because I was trying to get the majority of my lunchtime protein through beans. Just as it sounds, as an omnivore, eating beans to meet one’s total daily protein goals (for me, that’s somewhere between 100-120 grams per day given I have a rigorous workout regimen and keep active) feels extremely, extremely inefficient. Why does it feel this way? It’s because beans are far less protein dense than meat and require eating much larger volumes of food to get the same amount of protein. And for someone who is generally just not used to eating a large quantity or volume of food per meal (and was previously used to skipping breakfast completely pretty much every day, even on days I work out), this is a bit of a rude awakening and hard adjustment. According to ChatGPT, this inefficiency comes down to biology and nutrition:

  • Lower Protein Density: Animal proteins (like chicken or beef) deliver about 20-25g of protein in a 100-calorie serving. Beans provide about 6-9g of protein per half-cup (100 calorie) serving. To match a standard 6-oz. chicken breast (50g of protein), you would need to eat nearly three cups of cooked beans; that is bonkers to me.
  • Carbohydrate Overhead: Beans are roughly 70% carbohydrates. Because of this, trying to hit high daily protein targets (e.g. 120 grams!!) solely through beans will likely cause you to exceed your daily caloric or carbohydrate limits.
  • The Fiber Fullness Factor: Beans are loaded with dietary fiber. While great for health, the sheer volume of fiber creates extreme early satiety, making it physically uncomfortable to consume enough beans to reach heavy protein goals.
  • Amino Acid Spikes: Most beans are considered “incomplete” proteins because they are lower in the essential amino acids methionine and cysteine. While your body naturally balances amino acids over the course of the day, some fitness goals require a concentrated spike of all nine essential amino acids at once for optimal muscle synthesis.

So the way to get around this if you want to eat mostly plant-based is to try inserting as many of the small number of complete plant proteins into your diet as possible, which is mostly: SOY, SOY, and SOY. So that means — tofu and all tofu products, like soy milk or tempeh. It could mean incorporating small numbers of oddly complete protein plant foods like quinoa, chia seeds, or hemp seeds, though all are highly caloric, so you have to limit to a tablespoon or less per serving). The good thing is that I am an omnivore, so I will still be eating meat and seafood. But I don’t usually eat those things at breakfast, so animal protein, at most, would be for consideration only for lunch and dinner. Nuts are all great but are incomplete proteins, and like the seeds noted above, are highly caloric and thus should be eaten in smaller quantities (toppers as opposed to the main show – who is going to eat an entire cup or two of nuts in a single sitting?!).

I’m in a period of diet adjustment, and it feels bumpy and funny, and I feel like I am just always chewing food, but I will see what tweaks I can continue to make. As my friend says, this is always a work in progress.

Importance of leucine

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Oftentimes when I read about complementing diet with exercise, I’ll be honest and say that I haven’t really thought very deeply about it. I always thought that if I ate mostly whole, home cooked foods, mostly plants with some meat and fish here and there that I’d be fine. But I realize with lean muscle building/fat loss/body recomposition goals that unfortunately, it isn’t that simple. Even when you think you do the right things like eat mostly whole foods, that doesn’tmean anything when it comes to making sure you have the right nutrients to fuel your body with the level of activity you are doing. So while I always exercised relatively rigorously, I also wondered why I was able to get definition pretty easily in my back or legs, but pretty much zero definition in my arms. And I have a feeling it’s because of an imbalance of nutrients (plus… genetics).

As I am reading more about women’s health, I finally started thinking more about leucine. Leucine is an amino acid that your body cannot produce on its own that must be obtained from diet. It acts as a primary “trigger” for muscle protein synthesis, which makes it imperative for muscle repair, growth, and the regulation of blood sugar levels. Overnight your body is fasting, so when you wake up, it’s crucial to have a breakfast high in leucine to give your muscles a signal to start building and repairing tissue. And given I am now in my 40s and will be facing declining estrogen levels, this can accelerate muscle loss, which makes leucine even more important to protect against muscle breakdown. Maintaining muscle becomes even more critical in my 40s to prevent insulin resistance and unwanted weight gain. I wonder why I never really read about this before or was told about leucine before. But that’s why we’re all always learning and evolving!

So now I am consciously eating a breakfast high in protein / leucine (2.5-3 grams) each morning, within one hour of working out. It’s a bit of a struggle since I usually skip breakfast, but I really need to be consistent about increasing protein and making sure I get enough leucine (the easiest places to find this are in whey protein powder, cottage cheese, yogurt, soybeans, beans, and meat products). Breakfast is a pretty simple meal to prepare in advance, so I hope all these efforts I am doing will actually yield some visible results in the next couple months!

An identity crisis at the grocery store

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While in the dairy section at Trader Joe’s yesterday, I stood in front of a refrigerated wall of yogurt options, debating what to get. Given my focus on high protein, lean muscle building, and fat loss as of late, I knew I had to (at least temporarily) ignore the European style full-fat yogurt I would normally get in favor of the drained, thicker lower-fat Greek yogurt. But when I looked at the Greek yogurt options, I felt confused: why were all the 1% and 2% fat options so much smaller quantity wise, yet more expensive than the 0% large container (one quart)? And also, where did all those 1-2% fat Greek yogurt options even go? This section of the shelf had been completely wiped out before I even arrived at the store late morning, so even if I had wanted to choose those, they were no longer there for me. So I was left with the 0% fat Greek yogurt option, which was my least desired option (zero percent – what is that – like eating a bunch of nothing favor-wise?!). And since I had made the trek all the way up to 92nd Street, there was no way I wasn’t coming back with Greek yogurt, as it was on top of my ‘to-buy’ list. I felt like I was having an identity crisis: since when did I ever buy nonfat anything — ever? Even before living with Chris, when I lived with my then-roommate and friend, we always bought 1-2% fat milk or yogurt. This felt like a funny thing — me walking around Trader Joe’s with two quarts of zero percent fat Greek yogurt (which also happened to be the very last two quarts of Greek yogurt in the entire store at that time!). Maybe the Yvonne I thought I was will no longer be?

I told my friend about my identity crisis over text when I came back from TJs, and she laughed at me and said that zero percent dairy is basically like eating a thick blob of nothing. Even with her fat loss / lean muscle building goals (and she has always been way more into this than I ever was), she said even she refuses touch that stuff and has to do at least 1 percent fat. Welp, there we have it: even she won’t touch it.

Trader Joe’s at 72nd Street Upper West Side closes, so Trader Joe’s at 92nd Street/Columbus becomes an even bigger zoo

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Late April, I heard the unfortunate news that my neighborhood Trader Joe’s at 72nd Street and Broadway had plans to temporarily close for about four months for renovations. I usually go to Trader Joe’s every other week and use that as some outdoor steps time for me, so I was sad about this. Now, the closest TJ’s to me is on Columbus between 92nd and 93rd Street. While technically, I still can walk, that’s a much longer walk, which means it will take more time, which means that it will require a bigger chunk of my day to go. And I usually try to go on a weekday late morning when my calendar is lighter to avoid the most insane crowds and lines. So until about September, I will need to more carefully plan my Trader Joe’s visits and be more strategic about when these will happen. And as such, I will likely go less frequently, which also means I will end up buying more items per visit. So my plan is to walk up there, get my groceries, and take the bus back down.

Today was the first day I did the trek up. The walk was nice; I always like walking outside in the mornings, especially now that it’s getting warmer with summer here. But as soon as I stepped into this Trader Joe’s at 92nd Street, I felt a bit overwhelmed. I saw people whizzing and running by me, a few in actual circles. Carts were nearly crashing into each other left and right. I lost count of the number of people who either bumped me with their cart/shopping basket or themselves. There was no real, clear flow of “traffic” in this store. Many of the shelves were already cleared out or near empty. I wanted to stock up on about two weeks’ worth of Greek yogurt, and my timing was just such that I was able to snag the last two quart-sized containers — pure luck. I’d never been in this store location before, and so I wasn’t used to the layout and got weirded out when all the cereals and cereal-adjacent items were not in the same area. The only thing I like more about this store layout versus my neighborhood TJs is that everything is on a single floor. I’d never liked the 72nd Street “two floors” situation. While that does help with traffic flow, I never like the lack of natural light on the lower level.

After I got all my stuff and paid, I was happy to be able to have the bus stop just a block away. But then when I got on the bus, there was barely any space for me: multiple people were there with walkers and strollers…. or their own shopping bags. I eventually got a seat in the back, but getting on was really uncomfortable with my three packed canvas bags full of groceries and trying not to step on anyone’s feet/stroller/walkers.

While I will definitely do this trip again in July, I am not sure I can go here every other week until September. That TJs location is a zoo with many accidents waiting to happen. And if that doesn’t already increase my stress level, the bus situation will also not be fun. Who would have thought about the bus being packed at around midday on a Monday?

ChatGPT Premium – Therapist, trainer, dietitian, work assistant, everything now

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Chris just got us a good deal on ChatGPT Premium, so instead of relying on my free version of Claude AI to answer my life’s deepest and most important questions, I am now deferring to ChatGPT Premium for what is obviously very, very premium answers. So I have a few chats that are completely disorganized and mislabeled in ChatGPT now, but they are mostly following along these themes: family travel/food/itinerary planning, workout regimen design based on my 40s status/perimenopause prep/desire to lose subcutaneous fat/build lean muscle, and a meal planning/prep plan to go with said workout regimen. I also ask ChatGPT questions about things that originally confused me, like why can collagen powder not be considered a “complete protein” that “triggers” the body to realize I want to build lean muscle (UGH, what a bad purchase given my goals). And also, why can’t my old pea protein powder be a “complete protein”? As you can see, “complete proteins” are very much top of mind the last couple months.

And then here and there, I have some work questions, so I have to ask ChatGPT to help me with research, changing my tone in a message, or drafting a message that I really do not want to write myself. So, ChatGPT really has become like my therapist, my work buddy, my trainer, my dietitian — almost my everything now. How can I even live without this thing now?? And just a year ago, I barely even used this thing!

Preschooler observations and negotiations

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Chris has noted a few times that he loves negotiating with Kaia. Kaia will rarely accept one option; she needs to have multiple to choose from at all times. So sometimes, we have to throw in some “options” for fun.

Some recent examples include:

Kaia asked Chris for an iPad. He told her no, when you’re bigger, you can get one. I can’t remember the exact age, but he said something like, “When you’re 18, you can have one.” And she responded back and said, “No, no no! I will get one when I am 31,” to which Chris was super positive about! And then she told me later, “Daddy can buy me an iPad when I’m 31!” And I looked at her and said, “Yes, babe! That will definitely be possible!”

And onto another topic: I have a pretty quick makeup routine on days I wear makeup. During our Honduras trip, she always liked to watch me put in my daily contacts (which I wore for three days) and then my makeup. She asked me at what age she could also wear contacts, and I responded and said in an ideal world, I hope she never, ever had to wear contacts. She didn’t quite understand this, so I relented and said she could wear them at 18 if she needed to. She seemed okay with this.

Then she asked, “Mama, can I wear makeup when I am 19?” I looked down at her and smiled. “Of course you can, Pookie! Nineteen would be perfect!!”

Kaia has also been very loving and caring, checking in with me daily on my “boo boos” from when I scratched my thigh and butt from the coral reef in Roatan. So she’s been asking to see them every day and also asks if she can help me put ointment or ice on them. I tell her that I put the ointment on myself each morning and evening, but she also insists on applying her bedtime ice pack (this is her thing) to my boo boos for a few seconds to “help” me heal. It’s very sweet, so even though I don’t need it, I humor her and let her do it. And then after she takes the ice pack away, she asks me while peering up with big, wide eyes, “Does it feel better now?” To which I always respond, “Yes, Pookie, it does. Thank you for helping mama!”

A lot is tough about this age and every age of child-rearing, but I do love these cute, sweet moments so much.