“Calling” on the intercom for morning cuddles

Posted on by
Reply

One fun little thing I started doing earlier this year was making use of the microphone feature on Kaia’s bedroom camera. Chris got this “crib cam” set up just before Kaia was born. It was positioned above her bassinet, then her crib, and now over her floor bed. When I noticed that the app had a microphone feature, I occasionally would mess with Kaia on it. A few times when I was at the gym and saw from the camera that she was playing in her bedroom, I’d talk to her through the camera. Then, when I’d get back home, she’d squeal and giggle because “Mama talked to me through the camera!”

Kaia always tried to sneak into our bed in the middle of the night, but Chris finally cracked down on it earlier this year. So she’s actually been quite good about staying in her bed the entire night, or at least until 6 or 6:30, then coming over for morning cuddles. Given the weekday mornings are such a rush with trying to get her ready before I head to the gym and get ready for work, I try to set my alarm a bit earlier at 6:30, so that if I am awake enough, I will “call” her through the intercom, tell her to wake up, and come over for morning snuggles. Inevitably, she will be half awake, snoozing, and immediately gather her things (usually one or two stuffed animals, plus her infamous snuggly soft cow costume from two Halloweens ago!), and run over to come cuddle with me. Sometimes the snuggles last as long as 30 minutes. Other mornings, they last only five or so. But regardless, I love starting the day like this.

I read this quote that made me a little sad because of how true it was. It went something like: my child will remember their childhood as only a small portion of their life, but I will spend the rest of my life remembering theirs. It’s already true: I reminisce all the time about Kaia’s infant days, her baby days, her early toddler days. I look at photos and videos of her from just a year ago to remind myself how much she has grown, both physically and mentally. Her sentences are longer now, her words clearer, and her personality more and more distinct. So when I think about all this and that quote, I really wonder what she will look back on and remember with fondness, with joy, with warmth. I also think about what she will look back on and remember with annoyance or disdain. I do hope that she remembers these little mommy “intercom calls” for morning cuddles on weekdays and relish in the fact that we could have a nice long warm embrace before a long day apart.

Kaia gets the day off, and I do not; what “work” means

Posted on by
Reply

Today is Yom Kippur, which means that schools in New York City are closed for the High Holiday. While the schools get off, very few employers give it off, including mine. So Chris was mostly occupied with watching Kaia today, bringing her to the playground to play with classmates, taking her to another marital arts class, while I was at home, noodling over Claude skills and artifacts while also grumbling over my day job. There came a period later in the day when Chris had to take a call, and Kaia had parked herself in a chair by my work desk and agreed to “work quietly” next to me. Amazingly, she actually was pretty quiet the whole time; occasionally she would think out loud while doodling and writing letters, but for the most part, this time, she didn’t sing or try to jump on me or demand that I get out of my work chair the way she normally does. She did, however, keep pushing up against my right arm as she insisted she needed more space (definitely her dad’s child), so that was immensely distracting, but I could actually think a bit and get some work done with her that close to me.

Usually if I am doing any work on my computer at my desk, she will come over to me to find every which way to distract me: she will press on my keyboard (both of them!), push and click my mouse, attempt (and fail) to use my Macbook Pro screen as a touch screen. She will say that my work chair is actually hers, and I need to get out of it so she can get her work done. But who knows; maybe she is actually understanding more about what “work” means and that I shouldn’t have her singing directly into my ear, and she shouldn’t be pushing me out of my work station when I am attempting to work. Or, maybe that will come in a couple years when she realizes that money is not overflowing everywhere for everyone all the time.

Tofu “noodles”

Posted on by
Reply

As someone who is half (Cantonese) Chinese, I have probably done the most experimentation with my vast country’s food in last ten years than I have at any other point of my life. For those in the know and who are interested, Chinese cuisine’s endless variety and regional cuisines have been spotlighted a lot more, and because of this, demand for those ingredients has increased. So while amazing online sites like Mala Market exist, even our local Hong Kong Supermarket in Manhattan Chinatown stocks a lot of these rarer ingredients now. I feel like a lot of my food experimenting in the kitchen has just begun!

Before we ended our daily double commutes to Chinatown for Kaia’s preschool years (still a little sad and wistful this has come to an end…), I started stocking up on a lot of freezer and pantry items since I knew the daily access would be gone soon. A few of the things I stocked up on for the freezer were pressed tofu and tofu “noodles.” The “noodles” are pressed tofu strips that have been wound up into flat balls, waiting to be unraveled, cut, and blanched. These are not only tasty with a nice springy texture, but they are also extremely high in protein; an 85-gram serving is already 23 grams of complete plant-based protein!

I made them today using a Sichuanese method as a cold salad. The dish is known as “Three-Sliver Vegetable and Tofu Salad With Chili Oil Dressing” (Hóngyóu Sānsī, 红油三丝), which I got from Xueci Cheng, this Sichuanese recipe developer I’ve been following. It’s a really easy dish once you have the chili oil made. You mix a couple additional ingredients into the chili oil (soy sauce, sugar, sesame oil, a pinch of salt) and whisk it. Then you add it to a plate of finely julienned and salted carrot and cucumbers (drained of excess liquid from the salting) and the tofu strips. I didn’t have the patience to finely slice the tofu strips into tiny noodles, but maybe i will try again next time. Then you add more chili oil on top, toss, and finish with minced cilantro. It was a nice, crunchy, chewy, spicy salad!

I really enjoyed this tofu salad. I’ve already added these tofu “noodles” to my list of things to buy again when I am in Chinatown next!

Kaia’s first birthday party at the new school

Posted on by
Reply

Another new kid in Kaia’s kindergarten class had her birthday this last week, and her parents invited us to the birthday party today at a martial arts studio on the Upper West Side. I figured we should attend since we’re here, and because it’s the first birthday party of the year; it would be a good opportunity to get to know other parents who would inevitably be there and build a relationship with this new family. I think of this kindergarten class, it’s just Kaia and this kid Z who are new; all the other kids and their families are existing families to the school, as this school starts at 2s.

One thing that got me personally excited when I got the Paperless Post invite was that there was a mention of food I wasn’t expecting: Nigerian food. Ummmm, yes, please sign me up? We’ve enjoyed a little Nigerian food here and there in New York City, but it’s not a cuisine I am very familiar with and would love to learn more about. I subsequently found out that Z’s mom is Nigerian; her parents immigrated from Nigeria to Dallas before she was born. So they’re very connected to their roots, and I am excited for that connection because it means I get to enjoy amazing dishes as a guest at this event!

While the kids had an intense obstacle course and jumped, swung, and danced to their hearts’ content, the parents were jammed into the small front area with all the bags, gifts, shoes, and tables of food and drink laid out. But somehow we made it work; it almost forced all of us to talk more, which I was happy to do as it gave me time to get to know not just other parents at the new school, but also some parent friends of Z’s parents, who were all very kind and fun to be around. As for the food, I got to get a small fix of jollof rice, fried plantains, egusi stew (ahhhh, this was a huge highlight. The texture and flavor were so unique to me!), and fufu (such fun to eat and squish in my hands to wrap up the stew!).

The event went by quickly, in just an hour and 45 minutes. Before we knew it, we had to empty out. The kids got their goodie bags, and we had to drag them out of the place because they never want the fun to end. As predicted by Z’s parents, Kaia slept very, very well tonight.

I definitely feel a sense of community at this new school, one that was severely lacking at Kaia’s last two schools. So far, it does feel like a good place to be.

The babysitter who came with food and gifts

Posted on by
Reply

To date, we’ve had really great babysitters and some flat out terrible ones. The ones that have been really reliable are the ones who are Kaia’s former daycare teachers. We already had a relationship with them from daycare, and so Kaia would not only know them already, but they’d also know her. All of them have been pretty straightforward in delivering on our asks, which are fairly simple given they’ve been with Kaia in the evenings: they play with her, change into pajamas, brush teeth, read books, pee, and go to bed by a certain time. Given the scope is so limited, it’s kind of hard to “mess” this up, especially now that Kaia is older and can speak and understand. She can also report back to us what happened in case there are incongruencies.

Tonight’s babysitter is a babysitter we sourced through my neighbor friend. She is the daughter of a former daycare teacher of theirs, and she also happens to be a Wellesley alum (ten years after me). She is Singaporean Chinese and is fully fluent/literate in Mandarin Chinese, so I saw this as an even bigger plus, as this babysitter could converse and read with Kaia in Chinese. What shocked me when she came, though, was that she brought snacks for Kaia (Icelandic yogurt and a fruit pouch), and even little gifts: a Hape coloring book, a Paw Patrol coloring book, and a Ty dragon beanie baby. She also came with about eight different books she checked out from the library based on the interests I told her Kaia had, and a set of colored pencils in case Kaia wanted to color.

The last thing I expect or want is for any babysitter to spend money on us. The whole point is that we get her time/labor in exchange for an hourly babysitter rate. So after she left, I told her to please not do this again The library books are fine, but any additional expense on her part is not. It was beyond thoughtful, though.

I wasn’t super happy that despite my notes outlining she needed to be in bed by 7:30 that Kaia pushed her bedtime until 9pm. She is the only babysitter who has gone past my stated bedtime. So I emphasized when she comes back in two weeks that bedtime has to happen by 7:30 because she needs the sleep. I can see Kaia can see this babysitter is a bit softer, and of course she’s manipulating the situation to her advantage. But I need this babysitter to be more firm, otherwise we may not be able to use her again. I do not want the Kaia gifts; I do need the firm bedtime to stay.

Parents Association involvement

Posted on by
Reply

Parent Teacher Association (PTA) involvement has always been something that I was aware I’d do at some point, but when and to what extent, I was not sure. At Kaia’s current school, by default all parents are considered part of the Parent Association (I guess no teachers are involved in this). Since we are a new family, we were asked to fill out a survey before the school year began to indicate how we’d like to be involved. I said I’d be interested in volunteering time for events and also co-chairing a committee or two. I committed to co-chairing the Parent Coffee/Breakfast meetups that happen once per semester. The first one is tomorrow morning, and the second one will be in January.

This level of commitment to co-chair the Parent Coffees/Breakfasts seemed like a small commitment: it would be enough so that I’d show I was interested in some level of leadership/organization and also give me exposure to more social events. What I ended up finding out was that it was an even lower lift than I expected: all I really did was send out a few emails about volunteers to help set up, staff, and clean up the event. The second co-chair ordered the food and confirmed an admin at the school would be available to pick up and store the food order at the right temperatures. She’s also picking up bagels on her way to school tomorrow. Then, I ordered Starbucks coffee travelers and accompaniments today and will be picking them up tomorrow morning and carting them over to the party room space. I requested a reimbursement with my receipt.

Maybe next year, I will be more inclined to do something that is more involved. But this year, this seems fairly easy and straightforward to get involved with our new school community!

The roasted duck is bubbling and scenting up the house

Posted on by
Reply

We are currently about 15 minutes away from a fully finished, whole roast duck. The entire house smells like a combination of five-spice blend and duck fat. I have already drained off over a cup of duck fat from the pan. From my office area, I can hear the duck’s fat bubbling off into the bottom of the roasting pan. I am eager to see how crispy my duck skin has gotten and how much of the fat has been rendered from the skin!

Assuming this is successful, I wonder if we will get lucky at our next Costco run (next month!) and score yet another reasonably priced whole duck to roast! Then I can really put my duck skills into repeat practice!

**Several hours later**

Okay, so I got the leg and thigh right: the skin was flavorful and crispy while the meat was juicy and tender. The breast is really where the challenge is. Even with two heat settings, 325 F for 75 minutes and a 425 F blast for 15 minutes, the breasts still had not rendered out enough fat to get crispy; they actually seemed annoyingly flabby. So I let the whole duck rest for about 30 minutes. Then I carved it… Okay, fine. I didn’t really carve it. I kind of butchered it and messed it up. A lot of the skin tore off. Rib bones got stuck to the breast. I am a pretty sloppy whole chicken carver, but this duck was even more challenging and frustrating! ChatGPT gave this explanation for why this was more frustrating: “Duck is trickier to carve than chicken because the breast sits tightly against a broad rib cage and the skin is thinner and more delicate. The easiest way to stop tearing it is to stop thinking of it as ‘slicing meat off the carcass’ and instead remove each breast as one whole piece first.” I guess I will have to heed that advice next time… If I decide to brave out a whole duck roasting experience again.

I still managed to have two separate and mostly in tact breast pieces with their skin on top. I took both pieces and laid them down in a hot, un-oiled carbon steel pan to render out more fat and crisp up the skin. The result was pretty good. But I have a feeling I would have done a better job if I had just carved up the duck into separate raw pieces to begin with, “confited” the legs, and seared the breasts the way we did in my duck cooking class Chris got me over three years ago. I’ll consider that for next time.

The cleanup was a little miserable to put it lightly. Duck grease got pretty much everywhere and made its way all over the stove, all the counters, on dishes that didn’t even have duck, all over the sink and faucets. Of course, it splattered in the oven, but luckily not as much as I had feared. I was able to clean most of it off easily with a mix of baking soda, soap, water, and elbow grease. I may try this one or two more times just for the experience and challenge, but I can see clearly now why duck is one of those dishes that people leave to the pros. Even if you do get it mostly right, like I did this time, the cleanup is so freaking annoying and time consuming. I am currently soaking my oven mitts now because the duck grease is caked on so badly!

The entire apartment also smells like duck fat; it doesn’t matter what room I am in. This may be okay for now, but tomorrow, I may change my mind.

A cooking challenge: whole duck

Posted on by
Reply

Last autumn while at Costco, I stumbled upon a whole duck in the refrigerator section. I looked at it and realized it was quite a gem to find a WHOLE DUCK as an option, and for a bargain price of about $3.69/lb! So I decided to add it to our cart… and then was so intimidated by the thought of cooking a whole duck that I left it in the back of the freezer this entire time. The idea of cooking a whole duck has terrified me pretty much my entire cooking life.

So I finally gathered all my courage and yanked my 4.5-lb halal duck out of the back of the freezer and have been thawing it in the fridge since Saturday night. I took it out, drained it, then fully dried it. I decided I would cook it the only way I knew how to, which is Chinese-style. I created a Chinese five spice rub with my Burlap and Barrel five-spice blend (the best!), fresh minced garlic, ginger, salt, and pepper. I rubbed it all over inside and out after pricking the skin all over to allow the fat to render out during the roast. I placed it, uncovered, in our fridge to dry out. I plan to roast it tomorrow afternoon.

Am I terrified of how it will turn out? Yes. I am scared I will overcook the breasts and not achieve crispy skin. I have procrastinated on this long enough, though. And age is supposed to make me wiser, right? I kept trying to get reassurance from ChatGPT Pro, who has been telling me that while I may be a novice to cooking duck, I am certainly no novice cook. I know the usual signs of poultry doneness, whether it’s under or overcooked, etc. I just need to breathe. So tomorrow, I will do a two-temperature roasting, the first at 325 F, then the final blast at 425 F to crisp the skin. I need as many good vibes as possible to ensure I don’t smoke up the whole kitchen from all the duck fat that will be rendered; I read that it can be as much as two to three CUPS of rendered duck fat out of a single bird!! But as all my fitness app trainers have always said: if it doesn’t challenge you, then it won’t change you!

The compost worms and Kaia

Posted on by
Reply

While in San Francisco and staying with my parents, Kaia loves to go out to my parents’ backyard and see my dad’s compost, specifically the worms that live and nourish the compost bin. To be frank, I am not sure what the hell my dad does with this nutrient rich compost soil he is creating, but since it gives him joy, we just have to “let them!” If it gives him joy and a reason to be, plus it keeps his mind and body occupied, then I consider it a win for all. Before we left, Kaia requested to see the worms before going to the airport. So my dad was really excited and proudly showed them to her one last time. Then last night unexpectedly, I got this text message from my dad:

“My compost worm said hi to Kaia.”

I smiled when I read this. If you don’t know my dad, then you won’t know why this message tickled me so much and warmed my heart. My dad is usually stoic, always emotionless and rarely shows any real love or affection; he just doesn’t know how. He’s spent his entire life just surviving and being deprived of any real tender care. So now that Kaia is here, she gives affection so easily that it’s like her second nature. So she happily showers it on everyone and anyone, including her Gonggong. And I’m sure it made my dad happy. So he remembered this and wanted to interact with her in this way by sending this text, which is a hundred percent out of character. This is a very playful, affectionate message, one that in a million years I would never have guessed my dad would send to me, even if it’s for my kindergarten-age daughter.

Becoming a mother has changed my life in more ways than I could count. And incredibly, it’s also even changed the way I see my dad. At the core of every person is someone who wants to be seen, recognized, and loved; this is no matter how unfeeling and stoic they may be on the outside. Maybe that’s what my dad was missing in his life all along. Now that he has someone who does this for him, loudly and unabashedly, as in, his granddaughter, something new has been awakened in him.

Teaching my child about food, how it’s grown, how to prepare it, and how to cook it

Posted on by
Reply

Years ago, a friend of mine who has never been into cooking, does not like to cook, and rarely cooks, said that he found cooking to be a very dissatisfying task.

“You spend all this time and energy on cooking, and then within minutes if not seconds, it’s all gone!” he said to me. “You have nothing to show for!”

I smiled. I told him this was one of many, many reasons I found cooking so inherently satisfying. I did not want it to stay with me as a “thing” forever. I wanted to make it, enjoy the process and flavor (and hopefully the health benefits), and then be done with it and move on to the next food. Back then, I was already extremely anti-clutter, so the idea of having lots of “things” piling up in my house was absolutely not something that would bring me joy. Here’s one hobby I’ve always superficially thought about but know I’d unlikely ever get into because it would inevitably make me accumulate lots of things: pottery and ceramics. This seems fun, challenging, and therapeutic, but I don’t need endless ceramics in my house!

As with growing and harvesting your own food, cooking food makes you more connected with what you’re eating. It forces you to think more critically about what you are putting into your body and why. There’s also some creativity involved with food preparation and cooking that can be fun. As most health guidances will tell you, what you put into your body (EAT!) is a huge contributing factor to your health, more so than exercise, so if you have control over it, why would you not try to optimize for both flavor and health?

Kaia has had an interest in cooking and baking on and off since she was a baby. Many times as a baby, she’d watch me cook from her high chair. Then as she was able to stand on her step stool and be in the kitchen with me as she got bigger, she’d help me with simple tasks like stirring, folding, pouring, and simple cutting (with kid-safe knives). She’s not always interested in helping out, though, as at the end of the day, she is a child. But as of late, she’s been asking more “why” questions about food prep, and I’ve really enjoyed it. At just over 4.5 years old, she’s still very much into her vegetables, particularly her Asian greens.

“Mama, what vegetable is that?” Kaia asked this morning as I washed some red mustard greens I picked up at the Greenmarket on Friday.

“These are called red mustard greens,” I replied. “These are very good and in season!”

Kaia frowned. “I don’t want to eat red mustard greens! I want bok choy! Can you make some bok choy for me?”

“Pookster, Mama doesn’t have bok choy today,” I said to her in my stern voice. “We have red mustard greens that are very fresh, and I’m going to cook them. I can show you how to make them so you can see they are yummy. You want to see?”

“No, no no!” Kaia insisted, running away. “I want bok choy! I don’t want to try red mustard greens! I don’t like them!”

I’ve told her more times than I can count that she cannot not like something she has never had. But as per usual, she ignored me. So instead, I feigned ignorance and continued to heat up my wok.

Kaia eventually walked back over to the kitchen and got on her tippy toes to see what was in my wok. Tentatively with curious big eyes, she asked, “Can I see what you’re cooking?”

“Yes, can you go get your step stool so you can watch?” I suggested to her, as I added some oil to the hot wok.

She obediently grabbed her step stool from the bathroom, dragged it over to the front of the stove, asked me to stabilize the legs, and climbed up to watch every step of the cooking process. In minutes, the cooking was all done: we had stir fried red mustard greens flavored with garlic, a touch of soy sauce, and rice vinegar. Then came her favorite part.

“Can I taste?” Kaia asked me, smiling. “I want the stem first!”

My Kaia Pookie has always loved the stems, ever since she was a baby. So I picked out a stem with my tongs and placed it into her wide open mouth. “Oooooh, this is so delicious!” she said happily. “Can I have a leaf now, please?”

She ate a few bites of red mustard green leaves, and then I told her she had to wait until lunch time to eat more. Kaia was so happy about her red mustard greens after watching me make it.

I want Kaia to have a healthy relationship with food, and to respect how it’s grown, prepared, and cooked. One thing I say a lot to her, which she does and does not like is, “Good food takes time.” So far, I think she’s on a pretty good track.