Cost of eating out in New York City – at least $30 for a basic meal

A friend and I went out to lunch today at a Korean soup spot that I’ve been wanting to try for a few months near Koreatown in Manhattan. It had been getting quite a bit of buzz, as it originally started as a pop-up from Korea, and also because it literally has just two things on the menu: dweji gumtang, which is a pork bone broth rice soup, and kimchi mandoo stuffed with kimchi, pork, and tofu. The gumtang is the main dish; the mandoo is simply an appetizer. There are a few non-alcoholic drinks you can order, as well, and that’s it. The entire restaurant is counter seating around the open kitchen where all the two servers are doing is serving you those two dishes. For two bowls of gumtang and one order of mandoo, with tax and tip, it cost just over $60 for two of us for lunch.

Yesterday, Chris, Pookster, and I had lunch at a nearby dumpling/noodle spot with my cousin and his wife, who were in town for a work conference. We didn’t order anything fancy at all: two orders of dumplings, two orders of noodles, one order of stir-fried rice cakes, one order of dry-fried string beans, and one beef/scallion roll wrap. The total bill, including tax and a 20% added gratuity because we were a party of five or more (yes, toddlers count as a full head), was $170. For four adults and one toddler (I’d like to call her half a person :), that’s $37.77/head. That’s a LOT of money to spend on a casual lunch!

My colleague, who lives in New Jersey, told me that when he and his wife met with friends in the city for dinner the other night, though they each only had one cocktail/glass of wine, their bill was over $200/person. I told him that it didn’t surprise me at all given the cost of eating out now. $30-40/person for lunch seems normal. So why would $200/person for dinner be unheard of? I’m sure their cocktails cost at least $18-24, while their wine was similarly priced, which would then mean their food would probably cost even more. This is the “new normal” cost range when it comes to eating out now, even for seemingly basic food like pork broth soup.

New school, new neighborhood

This late afternoon, I went to Fort Greene in Brooklyn to attend a friend’s birthday event. It was held at a German restaurant-beer hall and had a fun, casual, family-friendly vibe. I was pretty disappointed that they wouldn’t let me order schnitzel a la carte (they force you to order it in a set with several sides, which I wasn’t hungry enough for). I was even more disappointed when they told me that they didn’t have the apple strudel on their menu; they actually hadn’t had it in months, and the servers kept trying to tell the owners to take it off, but they wouldn’t remove it. Surprisingly, the pretzels here were actually good. I had half of a pretzel, which I never eat because I usually find them bland and boring, and this one actually left me feeling pretty satisfied.

I asked my friend why he decided to have his birthday event here given he and his family live in Forest Hills, which he said is about an hour’s commute from this spot. Their 1.5-year-old daughter just got accepted at the only Japanese immersion school in all of New York City, which was walking distance from this part of Brooklyn. And so they wanted to come here to check out the neighborhood since they would soon move here to be closer to the school.

Moving is an expensive, tiresome nuisance. But for the right school, families will move, not just here in New York, but all over this country. Who wants a double commute on the train twice a day to pick up your child from a 2s program or preschool? They really enjoy living in Forest Hills, but they are set on a Japanese immersion school, and given there’s only one in all of New York, the choice was made for them. I guess they are happy they were lucky enough to get a spot, and the neighborhood is a nice one. But now that they will be moving from Queens, I will have one less reason to visit Queens. And for food, I’ve always been partial to Queens over Brooklyn. But this is the life of parenting: you make choices (and sacrifices) for your children.

Evolution of names: from “mama-ji” to “mummy dear”

About a month before we left for Australia late last year, Kaia randomly came home from school one day constantly calling me “mama-ji.” She continued to say this while we were in Australia, which cracked up Chris’s mom because “ji” is usually added to the end of a name as a sign of respect in India. It’s why you oftentimes hear people say “baba-ji” in India. And since coming back from our trip, she stopped saying “mama-ji,” but now it has since evolved into “mummy dear” or what occasionally sounds like “mummy-daah!” For Chris, she greets him by saying “Daddy-ma! Daddy-ma!” “Daddy” now always ends with a “ma.” We’re not sure if one of the books they are reading in class is doing this or if she heard another one of her classmates call their parents by these terms or similar ones, but we’d assume so since we definitely do not hear these things in what we expose her to.

It’s been really cute to see how the way she addresses us has evolved. What I hope will never happen, though, is that she won’t start calling me or addressing me as “Mother.” That would annoy me to no end. It already sounds annoying to me when Chris refers to his own mom as “mother.” It feels very cold, formal, almost borderline hostile, as though you don’t feel any warmth or endearment towards your parent if you have to refer to them so formally as though you just took the dictionary term for them and slapped it on.

Stranger friends who tease, but never commit

I have a friend who lives in New York City who I haven’t seen in almost two years, come next month. She got fired from her job early in 2022 unexpectedly, and since it happened, I have only seen her twice. In April 2022, I took her out for lunch to celebrated her belated birthday. That was the last time I’ve seen her. In June 2022, we were scheduled to catch up over tea at a local cafe, and she declined just three hours before, saying she couldn’t make it — no reason, even after I asked a few times after if she was okay. I checked in with her over text and phone several times that year, but she would always give cryptic responses and never commit to seeing me. Last year, I just let it go; if she wanted to see me, she could reach out whenever she wanted. I eventually found out she got a new phone number, deleted her Facebook account, and was “starting over.” She messaged me on her new number to save her new number and said “let’s catch up soon,” but never committed to a date. She said she started a new job, and in November of last year, she asked to see the opera together. When I suggested a date/time, she said she couldn’t go anymore because she lost her job. Then, she kept saying we would catch up soon, but no dates suggested.

I was so confused. What was going on?

I made multiple efforts over the last month to see her, yet again, she still wouldn’t commit. So I messaged her to let her know that I care about her and have worried about her, but if she kept refusing to commit to see me, it would drive me away, and I would actually stay away and not contact her again. I’m 38 years old. I’ve experienced a decent amount of trauma in my life and unjust experiences. I do not need excess baggage in my life, and I definitely do not need anyone in my life who doesn’t want to be in it. She said she appreciated my directness, but it wasn’t about me.

That’s fine. If it has nothing to do with me, then let it be. Or I’ll just stop responding. There’s only so much bullshit that one can take to continue to be a sane, productive, relatively happy person.

Sourdough rye bread, amongst other edibles, from the Buy-Nothing group

I’ve gone through surges of giving stuff away on my local Buy-Nothing group. As of late, I’ve given away a decent-sized bundle of work clothes (pants and tops), skirts and dresses that I know I will never wear again, in addition to a bunch of clothes Kaia has outgrown and random household items we no longer need (shoe rack and random knick knacks).The biggest thing that I have given away, though, is a brand-new, still vacuum-sealed, life-sized (55-inch tall!) teddy bear that was gifted to Kaia right before she was born. I thought we’d keep it and wait until she got older to appreciate it… but now that we’re at that stage, I just don’t think it works here with all the other stuff we have in every room. We just don’t have the space for a furry friend that is that large. I felt kind of bad giving it away and not letting Kaia see it outside of its wrap, but I would have no idea where to put it in our place.

It feels really good to declutter and gain space back. But amongst the recent things I have gained from the Buy-Nothing group include toddler-training knives for chopping (so excited for these, as I had them on my Amazon wish list for Kaia, and now I don’t have to buy them!), new, never opened seaweed, a brand new packet of mushroom matcha (I mean, why not, since I’m getting back into making matcha at home now…?), plus an almost full-loaf of Balthazar sourdough rye bread. Someone in the group took a slice of it, decided she didn’t like it, and wanted to give it away and not waste it. I went to pick it up this morning and told Chris I got this.

“What if there is poison in it?” Chris asked, facetiously yet skeptically.

I suggested that I could give the name of the person from the BN group to our handyman before we each had a slice in case we all died from this. I definitely have my limits in regards to what I will take in the BN group, but a nearly full-loaf of high quality bread is not on the X List.

Belly laughs from sweet Kaia Pookie

The evolution of Kaia’s laughter, and of course, her growth, are things that I’ve truly cherished since she exploded out of my uterus and came into my life just over two years ago. The very first time she smiled and laughed, it felt like everything else in the world didn’t matter other than seeing her with those feelings, in those moments. But what has been really cute to observe and witness is how her laugh has evolved, and what things she seems to find the most amusing.

Certain things I have said repeatedly have elicited much laughter from her. One of the things I used to say (and occasionally still do) when she was initially starting solids was, “Bite, chew, CHEW!” to encourage her to take small bites and chew her food well before swallowing. I would model this to her, then say this to her, and from the very first time, she would smile and giggle. As her laugh became more defined, she’d laugh more heartily until her laughter became almost explosive. She seems to like it when words get repeated because when we were teaching her to kick a ball and watch football (soccer), Chris’s mom would say, “Run, run, KICK!” with an emphasis on the “kick!” part, and Kaia was just roar with laughter. It didn’t seem to matter how many times you said it, but the more you would say it, the more she would laugh and demand you say it more.

She loves it when I stretch or when Chris is on the floor, stomach down, stretching. She immediately starts laughing and runs to jump and climb all over us. And tonight, I created a new little game for us that involves her Habbi Habbi books: I take her wand, have my back facing her, and slowly say, “Habbi….. HABBI!” while jumping and turning around. Then, I shake the wand at her, and she goes crazy with laughter, slamming her hands down on the bed and knocking her whole head back from excitement.

A lot of people say to me that it must be hard having such a young child and not having as much time to myself anymore. The Trader Joe’s cashier who rang me up today said this after he learned I had a toddler (he is child-free by choice). To be honest, even before I had Kaia, I always wished I had more free time; I don’t know anyone who doesn’t have this sentiment, with or without kids. I think everyone always says they want “more free time,” and it’s impossible for anyone to really feel like they have enough of it. I think what matters more is that we make the most of the time we have with things that truly fulfill us and give us joy. And with Kaia, even in her difficult toddler/tantrum moments, I find an immense amount of joy even just in these short spurts of play and laughter with her that I know I’d never feel if she didn’t exist in my life. And that enriches me.

When (dog) poop overtakes New York City

People in every city love to complain. In New York when locals complain, it’s usually about rats, garbage, the current incompetent mayor, or the insanely high cost of living here (especially in Manhattan). But you know what is even more frustrating than all of those things for me on a day to day basis where it feels like I cannot even go half a block without thinking about it? DOG POOP.

The other day when I was going to pick up Kaia from daycare, the entire sidewalk from building to street was lined with poop that had been smeared by someone — just steps away from the school entrance. It likely could have been that a dog pooped in the middle of the sidewalk, and then random passersby who didn’t notice unknowingly stepped and dragged it everywhere. Getting around it with the stroller on the way home was a challenge: I almost had to push the stroller into the street to avoid the dog poop.

Today during a late afternoon walk, some dog owner left their poop bag, filled with poop, in the middle of the street. The poop gushed out of the bag and everywhere. Many people stepped on it, and the same thing happened as in the above situation: the poop was all over the sidewalk, still soft and smeared everywhere!

It’s impossible to take a leisurely walk on any sidewalk in this city without constantly looking ahead and down on the ground to ensure that I (or the stroller) can avoid stepping in poop at all costs. It’s also frustrating when I am walking with Kaia, and she doesn’t understand what dog poop is and has this (sort of disgusting) curiosity for it: the other day at Riverside Park, she almost shoved her hands into a pile of dog poop! Dog owners can’t control their dogs. They just think they can be careless with their dog’s feces and let everyone else suffer. When and where will the constant presence of dog poop in this city ever end? Or, will it simply takeover New York and drive people like me and Chris (who believes all dogs should be exterminated or eaten) away?

Trendy eats in Koreatown and how I cannot relate – it must be my age!

So, I’m 38 years old now. Some people say age is nothing more than a number. Most people who meet or see me for the first time would be unlikely to guess my age and usually say a number that is far younger than what I am. But what getting older has made me realize is that my tastes are definitely changing, and the things that may have sparked my interest at age 18 or 28 are oftentimes not going to get me excited at my current age now.

Here’s a case in point: this new Korean “food court” recently opened on the corner of W 32nd Street and Broadway, right across the street from the main Manhattan Koreantown drag. Publications like Eater call it a “food court,” one that is getting a lot of hype right now. It’s been reported that it is attracting lines going down the block. Yet when I walked in, it was NOT what I’d call a food court at all. There was one main stand in the front that had a number of ready-made Korean foods (all the ones you’d guess: bulgogi, japchae, kimchi fried rice, etc.), a second that did coffee drinks, a third that made a trendy Korean “coin” cake that is either filled with nutella or corn cheese. When you go to the second floor, there’s only one stand: you order and pay for your choice of a packaged Korean ramen type, then you go to a number of water machines and add boiling water to a bowl, where you’ll “cook” the ramen.

This is not a food court in any sense of that meaning. This is a hangout spot for cheap, low quality food for tweens and teens. I am never getting food from here, ever.

No laptops in cafes = my heaven

The biggest complaint I have about cafes in New York City is that for the most part, they are overrun by people on laptops and tablets. Everyone wants a trendy, fun place to sit, use free Wi-Fi, and work. So they go to cafes all over the city, squat at their tables and counters for hours on end, and hog up prime real estate that friends who wish to catch up in a casual environment would like to use — and are unable to use. I have lost count of the number of times I have tried going into a cafe, whether it was to catch up with friends or colleagues, or even to do college alumnae interviews, and I was not able to get a table/seat because of all these laptop users. It completely incenses me. Cafes are supposed to be for a) drinking coffee/tea and small bites, and b) SOCIALIZING.

So when I was pushing Kaia in her stroller around the Upper West Side this early afternoon, I was elated to see that a cafe that had ample seating (and space for the stroller) had a big sign in the front that said: “No laptops on weekends.” No wonder I saw no one with a laptop in there. This was my kind of place! I was too happy to give this place business. And Kaia stayed napping until I at least had my second sip of coffee. It was a good day, and a good find.

Tribeca: the most overrated neighborhood in all of Manhattan

It was a very grey, cold, rainy day today, so we didn’t go too far, just down to Tribeca for some quick eats before heading home. But as soon as we got off the train and started walking around the neighborhood, I was reminded once again of why I couldn’t stand Tribeca: It’s one of the most pretentious, least diverse parts of all of New York City. The only restaurants worth going to in this area are for fancy tasting menu dinners, and even those that are worth going to in this area are dwindling. Pretty much everyone casually walking around and eating overpriced food is White. People who look like Chris and me contribute heavily to the diversity in this neighborhood. Every decent-looking cafe or restaurant is overcrowded and has a wait. Even in this sad weather, people were sitting outside in the cold, pretending to enjoy themselves with their friends, just because they were giving business to a trendy take-out eatery. This take-out eatery had absolutely no indoor seating, only outdoor (uncovered) seating. Almost all the food was ready made. So when I ordered a sandwich, it was already sitting there on the counter, much to my chagrin; it was NOT being made to order. The cashier just went over to pick it up and hand it over to me as he took my payment. The sandwich was cold. It was sad. Who the heck knows how long it had been sitting there getting soggy? And given it wasn’t made-to-order, it was overpriced and felt like an overpriced, over-hyped version of Pret a Manger or Le Pain Quotidien. Why, just why?

Also, with such proximity to Chinatown from Tribeca, why would I ever go to Tribeca over Chinatown…?!