Kaia’s expanding thoughts and feelings on breastfeeding and equality

Posted on by
Reply

Today was our last day in Barbados before heading to the second destination of our trip: St. Lucia. We spent the morning at the pool, switching off between three pools and one jacuzzi. I was thinking a lot about Kaia’s interesting thoughts and feelings during the trip. While showering together after the pool, she grabbed the hand-held shower head, sprayed it on each of my breasts, and yelled, “Mama! Look! I have milk! And I’m spraying it into your boobies! Now you have milk to feed me!”

She’s still talking and thinking about how she saw her little cousin H nurse, and she still thinks about how she can possibly make it work for us... today.

Kaia also has a strong desire for equality — when it suits her, that is. After a quick flight, we arrived in St. Lucia. We checked into our room this afternoon, and after a housekeeper came to make up Kaia’s sofa bed, Kaia noticed that the two pillows on her bed were smaller than ours. If I had to eyeball it, I’d say her pillows were maybe 20 to 30 percent smaller? She whined and cried, saying that she wanted to have a big pillow… just like us.

“That’s not fair!” Kaia cried. “I want the big ones, too!”

Chris would not relent and said she not only had those two pillows, but also the two throw pillows from the sofa. After crying and then quiet whimpering for some time that seemingly had no end, I decided that we had to let this go. I told her I’d trade her one of my two big pillows for her small pillow. That was when she immediately stopped crying, gave me a big hug and kiss, and finally went to sleep… with my “big” pillow directly under her head.

Each stage of development has its challenges and fun. I feel like I have to document these now because I am scared I will forget how fun and endearing hearing these types of comments is.

The “dine around” exchange program and the unexpected brand-new swimsuit

Posted on by
Reply

While in Barbados, we’re staying at a south coast all-inclusive resort, which is part of Marriott and their Tribute Portfolio collection of hotels. While in flight to Barbados, Chris looked up additional benefits and perks of staying here, and he found out that we could get access to what is called the “Dine Around” Exchange Program. This means that guests can utilize the “dine around” option at other participating Marriott resorts on the island. So this would not only give us (free/included) access to other properties and their food/drink/amentiies, but also give us an opportunity to enjoy a different part of Barbados. So we chose a hotel to visit today that was on the east coast, which is supposed to have calmer, more child-friendly beaches.

While we had to pay for our transport to get to the second hotel, all our food and drink would be included at this property, so the Uber would be the only real extra expense of the day. And it was really nice to see another part of the coast and see how a sister property was laid out. Of course, Kaia was thrilled to know she was having a full pool/beach day. She went back and forth between the white sand beach with calm, crystal-clear waters back into the east coast hotel’s pools, which were better situated than our hotel’s given that they directly overlooked the beach the way they did at our Roatan hotel last month. We ended up befriending a couple from Edison, New Jersey, and their daughter, who was born 11 months before Kaia. So they played together as we all had our own separate adult conversations.

One funny thing that ended up happening was that while we were on the beach with G and her mom, Kaia suddenly started scratching her crotch area and tried to take off her rashie/swimsuit. I asked her what was wrong, and she said the swimsuit was hurting her leg. G’s mom was so thoughtful that she eagerly offered to give Kaia one of G’s own brand-new swimsuits given she said she overpacked and probably wouldn’t need all the swimsuits anyway. She went a short distance back to their room and brought out a really cute turquoise and white one-piece swimsuit with a big bow on it — so new that it still had its tags on. Kaia happily took off her rashie, put on G’s swimsuit, and went back to splashing.

When it was time for all of us to go, I dried the swimsuit off as much as I could and tried to hand it back to G’s mom, and she insisted that we keep it because they didn’t need it due to having too many swimsuits for G, and they would be leaving in a couple days anyway. I was floored and just in shock.

“You have so much more of your trip to go, so it can’t hurt to have an extra swimsuit for her,” G’s mom insisted to me. “It’s really nothing! I got it from Target!! It’s not like I gave you a Burberry swimsuit or anything…”

I told her it wasn’t about the cost; in most cases of generosity, money has little to do with it. In these and in so many cases I’ve experienced with Kaia, it’s truly about the gesture itself, the selflessness to offer a swimsuit to a child you do not even know when you can see she’s uncomfortable and you know you have an extra one… and then to just let them keep it! We were total strangers who met just hours before, and she was giving one of her daughter’s brand new swimsuits away — who cares that it’s from Target! To be honest, I am not totally sure that if I were in her shoes that I would have done the same thing. And so when I think about cases like this, it just makes me realize how truly kind other people really can be. Being a mama to my Kaia Pookie opens my eyes to that fact every single day.

Culture in the Caribbean Islands

Posted on by
Reply

As long as I’ve lived in New York, I’ve been surrounded by colleagues, ex-colleagues, and friends who are regular vacationers in the Caribbean islands. The most common Caribbean destinations that Americans go to are Puerto Rico and the U.S. Virgin Islands (simply due to not requiring a passport since they are technically part of the U.S.). But the Bahamas, Turks and Caicos, Jamaica, Aruba, and St. Lucia are also high on my anecdotal list of working and living in New York City for the last 18 years. Before this trip (and technically Roatan, Honduras, since the Bay islands that Roatan is part of is technically in the Caribbean), the last time Chris and I had been anywhere in the Caribbean was in November 2012 when we went to Puerto Rico for Thanksgiving. What I can definitively say is that no one I’ve ever known who has visited any island in the Caribbean has ever come back telling me about the rich cultures and their unique foods that they experienced and learned about. Most Americans aren’t going to these places for a culture trip; they’re going to relax, escape work and their usual day-to-day lives, and hang out by a tropical white sand beach or pool. Many are staying at resorts, some all-inclusive, and may never leave said resort (or resort network). Before I used to think this was silly, to spend all that money and time to fly all the way down to the Caribbean just to stay on a single property the entire time and not actually experience anything new. But my opinion on this has changed over the years (I’m trying…): people obviously travel for different reasons, and demanding jobs/stressful lives may leave you so drained that you just do not want to put in the work (yes, it’s really work!) to meticulously plan a trip. So you spend money on the all-in-one packages to reduce the mental load and just give your mind and body a break for a few days or a week. I finally started getting this in my mid-30s, and now that I have a child and am 40, I definitely empathize.

However, I will say that it’s still a miss to overlook that each of these Caribbean islands has a distinct culture with its own histories and traditions. Barbados, for one, is supposed to be the most “British Caribbean” of the four islands we are visiting on this trip, but its identity is very much Bajan, rooted in West African and European history. Barbados was colonized by the British from the early 17th century, with an intense (and inhumane…) sugar plantation system. From that, to this day rum is still in heavy production here; the most premium rum, as with many other countries, gets exported out of the country to places like the U.S. and the U.K. For food here, flying fish is one of the most popular fish to eat. Fish cakes, fish cutters (fried fish sandwiches), pudding and souse, rich and peas, macaroni pie, and fish fry are also common foods. All of these foods have multicultural influence from the English/Irish, West African, East Indian, and the indigenous Taino people.

While I enjoy beaches and nice hotel pools, it’s hard for me to imagine traveling to any place and not trying to experience some local culture. One thing I’ve noticed in our short time in Barbados is how much Trinidadian and Jamaican food influence there is here. It feels like a pan-Caribbean vibe every which way we turn. Barbados gets lots of people coming into their country for work and study from other parts of the Caribbean, and a good number of those people are coming from Jamaica and Trinidad & Tobago. More and more Trini and Jamaican style food trucks seem to be opening up in Barbados, likely due to the demand from Jamaicans and Trinis who have temporarily or permanently relocated here. Jamaican food is prevalent here because it has one of the Caribbean’s strongest global food brands, with dishes like jerk, patties, oxtail, curry goat, rice and peas, and Scotch-bonnet-heavy hot sauces instantly understood and widely enjoyed.

I love learning these types of things — these are things I never would have known unless I came here. This is not a part of the world I’ve ever had high on my travel list, but now that I am here, I’m learning as much as I can about the local and very distinct cultures of each place, and I love it.

Off to the Caribbean (again)

Posted on by
Reply

There are lots of good things about having Juneteenth recognized as a federal holiday in the U.S. For the obvious reason, it celebrates the emancipation of enslaved African Americans in the U.S. On June 19, 1865, Union troops arrived in Galveston, Texas, to announce that the last enslaved people in the state were free. The sad part about this is that through the Emancipation Proclamation was issued in January 1863, so over a year and a half earlier, it wasn’t until the end of the Civil War in 1865 that the Union Army could enforce this in the westernmost Confederate state of Texas. Concealment of the Emancipation Proclamation was no longer possible after June 19, 1865.

Since former President Biden made Juneteenth a federal holiday, that means that now, I can get a total of four summer holiday days off from work: Memorial Day, Juneteenth, Independence Day, and Labor Day (I never complain about having another day off or holiday). Memorial Day and Labor Day mark the beginning and end of summer for me (at least, mentally speaking), and now Juneteenth can be the beginning of our annual summer trip. Kaia ended Pre-K yesterday, so today is the official start of her summer! Today, we left early in the morning for a direct flight to the first of four islands on our Caribbean trip: Barbados! We’re so used to connecting somewhere during our trips that it felt like a little luxury to be able to fly directly from New York to Bridgetown today. We arrived just past noon and arrived at our hotel, which is the very first all-inclusive resort experience we’ve ever had. This means that all food, drink, and activities onsite are included. It even includes things like made-to-order coffee, the mini bar items in the rooms, the onsite ice cream parlor, any and all meals onsite, as well as the kids club, which runs activities for children age 4 and up from 9am to 9pm every day (and acts as an onsite, included childcare center).

We’re not really relax-at-resort people and never have been, so this is a different experience for us hotel-wise. Before Kaia, we may have used our hotel pools a few times, but that was really it. At a resort we stayed at in Cancun when Kaia was about 1.5, we did have a good amount of pool time, but that was balanced with exploring the real Cancun outside of the tourist area, driving around the Yucatan, and seeing Chichen Itza. We’re interested in local culture and food, and we’re definitely seeking to get that — off property. It was funny for me to hear about things like all alcoholic and non-alcoholic drinks included, including specialty coffee drinks, and an ice cream parlor, though. I am used to hearing ridiculous costs for at-hotel food and drink items.

So while we did have drinks and lunch at the resort today, as we approached dinner time, we took an Uber to Oistin’s Fish Fry, which is in an area that was originally an old fishing village turned into a fun hangout for both locals and tourists alike. Oistin’s Fish Market is just steps away from the Fish Fry area, and it’s a true Barbados institution. Oistin’s stretches along the water with multiple little bungalow-like buildings where different vendors grill and fry fish, meat, and vegetables to order, as well as local popular side dishes, like macaroni pie, rice and peas, coleslaw grilled breadfruit, and fried plantains. And of course given we’re in Barbados, there are many rum drinks and bar options everywhere. There’s a huge stage in the middle of the outdoor market area, where music was being played, live music and performances happen, and people can congregate and dance.

We ended up choosing a spot at Oistin’s called Yvonne’s Bar & Grill (my namesake has to be good, right?). After reviewing multiple vendor menus and coming to the conclusion that everyone had the exact same fish selection, almost the same sides, and all the same drinks, we figured that there was no way we could go wrong. We chose a whole grilled red snapper, which was grilled perfectly with super moist, flaky flesh, and smothered in a really delicious and addictive Bajan seafood seasoning blend. I kept licking my fingers after taking bites of the fish because the seasoning was just that good. The fish was served with coleslaw, green salad, potatoes, plantains. and grilled breadfruit.

Kaia got to have breadfruit for the very first time here, and she seemed to like it. Though to be honest, by dinner time, she was clearly so exhausted and looked like she wanted to pass out. So she may have just been eating the breadfruit mindlessly… Breadfruit is one of the funniest fruits to me in that it really is exactly as its name sounds like: it’s a very carby, starchy, “bread-like” fruit that hangs round and heavy from large trees, and is eaten like potatoes or bread would be eaten. In the Caribbean, breadfruit is usually served grilled or fried. It’s not “fruit” like you would consider something like a mango or orange at all. It’s a hundred percent savory and not the least bit sweet! It reminded me of her former Jamaican nanny, who said grilled or fried breadfruit was on regular rotation at her house. Once, she even brought a piece to share with me; that was my very first time having it. And today at Oistin’s marks my second time ever having it.

While the Caribbean islands have never been an area that has been on the top of my list of places I want to see, I do think it’s fun to see how different the culture, customs, and food are amongst all the islands. And I’m always happy to embrace the local food and fruit! After having locally caught red snapper tonight, I’m looking forward to having more local fish, including mahi mahi, flying fish, and marlin. And I will most certainly be on the lookout for interesting local fruit, and of course mangoes because it’s mango season here now!

Kaia’s last day of Pre-K and the red envelope handout

Posted on by
Reply

Here in the U.S., where teachers are generally under appreciated and underpaid, especially if they are in the public system, it’s kind of semi-expected and customary to give teachers gifts, whether that is around the December holiday period, Teacher Appreciation Week, or at the end of a school year. Since this is Kaia’s last school year at this school, we thought it would be a good idea not just to give cards to her teachers and the admin, but also to the cook/cleaner, and to the doorman at her school building. They all play a part in helping the school run and thrive, and so we wanted to thank them for their support and kindness.

Given Kaia is 4.5 years old now, she knew what I was doing and that I was handing out envelopes to the teachers. And while she knew this, she didn’t mind that I was handing out the envelopes to the teachers. BUT, she insisted on handing Ah Gong, the doorman, his red envelope. So we went downstairs after signing in just to have her hand the envelope to him. Ah Gong was shocked and flattered. They gave each other high-fives, and Kaia was super excited.

Ah Gong remarked how cute, smart, and mature she was. It’s strange to think that after summer camp ends in August, we will no longer be seeing Ah Gong every day, even in just casual acquaintance. But I guess all these everyday people you have even the smallest interactions with do play some parts in your life, and their kindnesses will be remembered.

Cleaning out the fridge before travel

Posted on by
Reply

Some things I always do before we leave on a trip are 1) clean out and use up all produce / perishables in the fridge/on the counter (NO WASTE), 2) clean all sinks, toilets, and bathroom/kitchen floors before we leave (to ensure I am coming home to a clean slate), and 3) run a load of laundry so that we don’t have dirty clothes on top of more dirty clothes from travel to do when we come back home. That also means clearing all our used bath and kitchen towels and ensuring all clean ones are on the racks when we get home. It’s another extra step, but it also means that when we get home, things are calmer and I don’t have to think about refreshing anything — it’s already done! I also make sure all the trash bins are cleared out and lined with new plastic bags — no one wants rotting trash in their house while they’re gone!

One thing that is slightly different this time when preparing to be away for about two weeks is that Chris decided it would be a good idea to have about a dozen Ataulfo mangoes and a pineapple our last week in town. All the mangoes started ripening at the same time, along with a very, very ready pineapple, so I ended up peeling and cutting nine mangoes and an entire pineapple today, with three more mangoes, a kiwi, and a nectarine to go for cutting tomorrow! Whatever we do not eat (which will be the majority!) will go into a freezer-safe ziplock bag into the freezer. And that fruit will inevitably get thrown into smoothies, shakes, or popsicles for Pookie when we get back home. I usually tell Chris he has to be the fruit manager who checks on ripening fruit, but before family trips, I end up being the ultimate fruit manager doing all the manual work!

Mangoes from the Dominican Republic

Posted on by
Reply

In the U.S., the majority of the mangoes we can get here are imported from Mexico. They are usually either the Kent or Ataulfo varieties. There are also a few varieties I’ve heard of that are grown in Florida, but they are not widely available depending on where in the country you are, and either way, Florida has never been impressive to me when it comes to fruit. For example, when people talk about Florida oranges (okay, the rare times they do), I always roll my eyes on the inside; I think we all are aware that California navel oranges in the U.S. are the best when it comes to pure flavor nuance and sweetness, both for eating and drinking!

Every year as March rolls around, Chris gets excited as a mango lover as Ataulfo mangoes become readily available. Whole Foods usually has large stocks of these small yellow mangoes, which we always have a large supply of at home, ripening while socially distanced at our window sill. Mangoes are always, always at our place from March through July. This is generally when the Ataulfo mango season is.

So when some friends came over on Saturday and brought us some Dominican Mingolo mangoes from a Dominican market near them in Brooklyn, I was intrigued. These were larger, fatter, and heavier. The fragrance was evident as soon as you held one up to your nose. And they seemed quite ripe already! I cut them, and given they were so ripe, most were peeled and then disintegrated into some mango mush. While it isn’t as firm as Ataulfos, these Mingolos tasted a bit more tropical, more tart-sweet than Ataulfos, and were definitely far more juicy. I think they would be really good in desserts or just simple shakes with some added ice.

And the added bonus: once Ataulfos go out of season in July, Mingolos are supposedly still available (usually at Dominican markets across the city) until end of August! So if we are lucky and can source some from Dominican neighborhoods, we can still keep eating mangoes through the end of summer!

Golden Mall at FiDi

Posted on by
Reply

Once upon a time, the Financial District was not a fun place to be at all. It was a place you went to and from work. It was an area of the city you’d go shopping at famous discount mega stores like Century 21. It was also a destination to see the New York Stock Exchange and of course, the famous Wall Street bull (and get a photo op!). I still remember once I went down there on a Sunday night in my early 20s to have dinner at a friend’s place. She was living in a luxury high rise in the heart of FiDi. And it was so incredibly eerie and quiet while walking from the subway to her place and back that I sped-walked both ways, wondering what lurked in the corners. The whole area on a late Sunday night gave me the heeby-jeebies.

That was circa 2008-2010, my early years living in New York City. Now in 2026, there’s a Printemps department store from Paris, a Los Tacos No. 1 outpost, a huge Whole Foods, an excellent Uighur style restaurant, and lots of delicious regional Chinese restaurants. We also have the much awaited opening of the Golden Mall, which is an extension and recreation of the famous, divey Golden Mall in Flushing, Queens, one that really recreated a lot of the hole-in-the-wall/mass eateries that I once remember frequenting when I was in China in 2006. The food was region-specific, authentic, and dirt cheap. Here, of course, the food isn’t dirt cheap since everything in Manhattan is expensive, and FiDi is no exception. Golden Mall FiDi just opened a few weeks ago, and so far, the line-up looks really good: They have Lou Yau Kee opening, of the original Hainanese chicken rice consultants to the beloved Urban Hawker Center in Midtown Manhattan; we have Good Coconut, a fresh coconut juice/pudding spot, Prawnaholic, also originally of Urban Hawker. And Joju, the Vietnamese sandwich spot originally from my original hood of Elmhurst, is also opening an outpost here (they wanted to match the quality of bread at the REAL banh mi OG in Brooklyn — Ba Xuyen!!). My friend and I met here to catch up over Xing Fu Tang bubble tea, and she also had some braised beef hand pulled noodles at a sparkly new Lanzhou-style hand-pulled noodle stall. It looked and smelled delicious and authentic.

Every neighborhood is evolving and changing. Some like FiDi are becoming more fancy… and more Asian. And I’m all for that!

Kids’ birthday parties at playgrounds and the fun question I got when I arrived

Posted on by
Reply

My neighbor friend let me know that her friend’s daughter was having her fifth birthday party at a local playground just half a block away today, so she suggested that I bring Kaia. I had met this friend and her daughter two months ago at my neighbor friend’s son’s birthday party, so I had previously met them. I told her I wasn’t sure we should come given it was a birthday party, and we didn’t know them that well and weren’t explicitly invited. But she insisted, saying it was a public playground and open to all, and she was sure her friend would be glad to welcome us. My friend said it would be a good last opportunity for both our kids, who adore each other, to play together this month before we go on our respective summer trips.

So just after 3pm today, I brought Kaia to the playground. We saw the picnic tables covered with endless food, snacks, drinks, and decorations. The area was streamed with banners, huge prints, and balloons. We came over to say hello to the mom, and we made some small talk. Her daughter, the five-year-old celebrating her birthday, also came over, and she had a very large frown on her face as she sized Kaia and me up.

The mom asked her to say hi to us as we wished her a happy birthday. The girl looked us up and down and then down and up, wrinkled her brow, and finally said, “So, you didn’t bring a present for me?”

Her mom scolded her, first in English then in Bulgarian. “D! That is so rude,” her mom admonished her. “You aren’t supposed to say things like that! Be nice!”

“You came without a present,” D rephrased herself while continuing to frown at us. It was as though she wanted to stare holes into our faces.

I didn’t say anything. What was I supposed to say? It’s true that we came without a gift, but frankly, we don’t really know this kid or her mom. And to my neighbor friend’s point, this is a public playground and anyone is welcome to come to the freaking playground regardless of whether a birthday party is being held in the corner of it! But this was also a reminder to me that once kids hit the age of 5-6, this is generally when they become more bitchy, bossy, demanding, and flat out openly rude… and unlike in earlier years, at this age, they know they are being rude. This is really when parental discipline becomes extremely crucial.

The kid never apologized even after getting scolded at in two languages. To be blunt about it, she sounds like a total brat, and not a kid I’d want Kaia to spend any time around. My neighbor friend warned me about her and said she thinks this girl is a bad influence on her own son, so I never had my hopes up about this child.

I told Chris that this happened, and he responded, “If Hoji said that, there would be no more birthday parties for the next ten years.”

Supporting friends through the adoption process

Posted on by
Reply

About a year and a half ago, I met a friend, who I like to say I met because of Kaia. We were at a food event in an independent food producer’s backyard. Back then, Kaia was just over 2.5 years old. Of course, she was running amok all over the backyard, trying to pull leaves and flowers off plants while also garnering attention from any person who would look her way. And Kaia kept running to this one particular table where this now-friend and her husband were sitting. This person was so warm, loving, and affectionate with her, and she was also quite friendly and personable when I came over to get Kaia. So, I thought it would be a good idea to exchange numbers with her and see if she might be potential friend material. So we started meeting up for coffee and lunch dates. She and her husband came to my 40th birthday party and Lunar New Year Party this year. And now, I’ve spent the last week gathering clothes, blankets, crib sheets, books, and toys that Kaia has outgrown to pass on to her as they adopt a 2-year-old girl into their family. Given the timing, I also cleaned Kaia’s high chair, which she started refusing to sit in this past February, and wiped down the Babi-Deal stroller Chris got last August to also hand down to them. So, that was a good four bags worth of baby/toddler stuff, plus some random things I almost forgot about but thought would also be helpful, like a cleaned snot sucker (yes, really!), handkerchiefs, and practice toddler chopsticks. They came over tonight to pick up all these items and to hang out for a while on our roof. And of course, Kaia lapped it up and put them to work for her own enjoyment!

The second time I met with this friend one on one, she told me about her long and painful fertility journey, how she went through four egg retrievals, two surgeries, multiple miscarriages, and endless doctor appointments. And finally one day she looked at her husband and said she didn’t want her life to revolve around IVF anymore, that she wanted her body and life back. And so that’s when they started seriously looking into adoption, and now here they are, about to welcome this little girl into their life. Her whole journey brings me to tears, but it makes me happy because while all our journeys to parenthood look very different, this feels like a happy ending — or rather, a happy beginning of yet another journey.

Kaia has been so cute and sweet in all this. We told her that these friends would be bringing a baby home soon, so she started proactively gathering books and clothes that she doesn’t want or need anymore and setting them aside for Baby B. Although Kaia will never have a sibling, I can already see that she is extremely loving, giving, caring, and willing to share, and that warms my heart even more.