Category Archives: Beauty

Line up, line up!

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Kaia has really been immersed in Chinese since she started at her current school. Sometimes, she tells me what she’s learning and what things mean, even when I don’t ask. I never formally learned any Mandarin Chinese until college, so a lot of the seemingly basic, kindergarten-level things she’s learning are things I never learned myself. But because I did study it, I pick up a lot of these things simply based on context. For example, she kept saying that they often do work in small groups; she never explicitly said that. But she did say, “G and I are in B 组 (zǔ); but C and M are in A 组 (zǔ).” Based that, it’s clear to me that 组 (zǔ) means team or small group.

While observing the kids at soccer yesterday, I also saw a few of them line up and act silly. As they lined up when going up the stairs from the gym, they chanted, “排排队，排排队，一个跟着一个排. That is “Pái pái duì, pái pái duì, yīgè gēnzhe yīgè pái” or, “Line up, line up, one following right behind the other.” There is something really sweet and almost magical about a bunch of kindergarten kids, chanting the exact same words in perfect unison, all wearing the same uniform.

I wasn’t very pleased that her school had a dress code when we first learned about it; it’s essentially a school uniform, but the colors for top and bottom change by day of the week. But now that we’re over a month into it, I will admit that it does make life easier. I don’t have to fight with her in the morning regarding what she’s going to wear; she knows what day requires which colors. She sees all the other kids wearing the exact same thing, so there’s no reason to whine or have comparisons. Because all the kids are wearing the same thing, they all match, and she does enjoy matching. And well, I do admit that it is really adorable seeing all the kids matching and wearing the same thing every day: it does make school seem more formal and serious.

Plus, as they chant “排排队，排排队，一个跟着一个排,” it looks and sounds better to me when they are all in uniform! Plus yesterday, they were especially matching because three of them had the same single braid hairdo!

Vermont: Population density, covered bridges, and maple grading changes

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I have lots of fond, delicious, and happy memories of being in Vermont. Back in 2009 (or 2010), I came here for the first time for canoeing, hiking, and the Burlington and Brattleboro towns and farmers market. In 2014, I came here on a stop with Chris and his parents, and we did a Ben & Jerry’s factory tour and tasting, visited the “graveyard” of retired ice cream flavors, and also did a very thorough and delicious tasting of cheeses at Cabot Creamery. Now over 12 years later, Chris and I are back with the Pookster in tow for our autumn leaf peeping long weekend! And we are in luck: the leaves are definitely changing colors. We’ve seen so many gorgeous colors on this trip already!

I started thinking more about the state of Vermont versus New York and California, the two states I am most closely associated with. And as we were driving through Vermont and even in just Middlebury, where we are based during this trip, I thought about how I have always lived in relatively densely populated places, and how living in a place like Vermont would probably feel far too quiet and even borderline spooky for me. California is where I was born and raised and lived for the first 18.5 years of my life; it’s the most populous state in the U.S. New York is the fourth most populous state in the country, with a large chunk of that population in New York City, where I live. Vermont, on the other hand, ranks 49th (out of 50) for total population, and it’s one of the least densely populated states in the country. New York State’s overall population density is about six times Vermont’s; New York City is about 400 times more densely populated than the entire state of Vermont. It’s no wonder everywhere we go here, I marvel at how much open space there seems to be, and how far apart all the houses and buildings are. It’s because relatively speaking, they are all very far apart when compared to anywhere in New York City! The town of Middlebury feels rural, but then to me, perhaps the entire state of Vermont feels rural!

Stereotypically when I think of Vermont, I think of three main things: 1) maple syrup (obviously), 2) dairy and all things related (Cabot Creamery makes some of the best cheese in the country. Plus, I even like their branding and logo), and 3) Bernie Sanders. But when I started reading more about Middlebury, I started thinking more about the local college, Middlebury College, which is a highly ranked liberal arts college here, and all these “covered bridges” I kept seeing pop up as potential tourist stops here. For about a split second during my senior year of college, I considered applying to Middlebury College… that was, until I looked at it on the map and saw how it was in the middle of nowhere. Then, I immediately nixed it. Even at the age of 17, I knew I needed to be in or near a major metropolitan area, otherwise I would go nuts (I still feel this way today, so no wonder I live right in Manhattan). Vermont, the “Green Mountain state,” is also known for its covered bridges. While there used to be about 700 of these peculiar bridges, today, only 100 remain standing. These covered bridges were originally built with large structural wood trusses; their main purpose was to solve for all the endless rivers that are all over the state. The bridges are all quite short; Chris drove across the Halpin bridge yesterday and I walked across it; it took me less than 30 seconds to walk across this tiny covered bridge, built back in 1840. Because these bridges were all wooden, if they were exposed to rain, snow, and freeze-thaw cycles, they would rot pretty quickly. So, the bridge isn’t covered to keep travelers dry; the bridge is covered to keep the bridge dry and protected. This is such an interesting fun fact!

Today, we visited two different farmers markets: Burlington Farmers Market and Shelburne Farmers Market. There was a great variety of vendors at both. I always love seeing the local produce and goods at each city and town we visit when we can. At the Burlington Farmers Market, we picked up some local chestnut and lion’s mane mushrooms (they were organic and so fresh and springy!), Vermont goat cheese (loved the taste and texture of this one), “artisanal” marshmallows created by a local pastry chef, a bottle of local bourbon, and a bottle of local whisky. At the Shelburne Farmers Market, we bought a bottle of local orange wine. At both markets, we saw the inevitable vendors selling maple syrup and other maple products, and I noticed that instead of saying “Grade A” or “Grade B” as I had previously seen during my 2009 Vermont visit, the labels said something more descriptive, like “Golden Color,” “Amber Color,” or “Dark Color.” So I made a mental note of this to research this later. In 2014 (the year we last visited Vermont), Vermont actually officially overhauled their maple syrup grading system, as “Grade A” vs. “Grade B” was far too confusing (I would agree with this). In 2015, this became official nationwide. The old hierarchy that I remember, “Fancy,” Grade A, and Grade B, was replaced because darker syrup was not actually lower quality; it just had a stronger flavor, which many people prefer (including me!). I distinctly remember a colleague who had a spouse from Vermont say that he preferred “Grade B” because it had a stronger maple flavor and was darker in color. But to the average person, “Grade B” sounds like it would be inferior quality to something labeled “Grade A.” Today, the grade tells you mainly about color and flavor intensity, which makes more sense immediately. Grade A is all commercially available maple syrup now; this is the default for anything you can buy. “Grade B” does not exist, period.

So, I learned a lot of new things today about the second least populated state in my country! I’m so happy I got an update on Vermont’s maple grading and how it changed in 2015; I feel so much more “in the know” about local Vermont facts, and perhaps more importantly, national food facts now. 🙂

Kaia and her bed full of stuffies, aka her “siblings”

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Since Kaia was very little, I could tell she was very nurturing. She’s always shown care and concern for others. When she was just over two years old, there was a new little girl in her 2s class at daycare. This girl was terrified and scared of everyone, actively avoiding interaction with anyone. But Kaia managed to take this kid under her wing and make her feel welcome, doing activities with her and making her feel included. Kaia’s vocabulary was quite limited, then; she never told me what she did. She simply mentioned the name of her new friend in class. I found out via this girl’s mom when we ran into each other at pickup. The mom shared that her daughter kept mentioning Kaia’s name and how much she liked her. In the mornings, drop offs became less painful because she said she was going to see Kaia again, and that made her excited for the day at school.

Kaia is now the youngest kid in her kindergarten class. She doesn’t get much interaction time with the 2s, 3s, or 4s classes at this school. So I suppose her only time to “take care” of others is with her “siblings” at home. She claimed my work chair the other day, insisting I couldn’t use it for work anymore because she needed it to push all her little brothers and sisters around. Then tonight when I tucked her in for bed, she gave me a disapproving look and said, “I also need to tuck Irene and Maddie and Flora and (keep naming the 10 other “siblings”) so that they are super comfy, too, Mama!” So we gave each of these siblings a little spot on the bed beside her, tucked each of them in together, and then I kissed her good night.

This doesn’t sound like a truly significant moment, does it? It sounds like an everyday thing with a child of Kaia’s age. But that’s the thing, though: the things that are seemingly everyday to us now will eventually fade from the front of our minds to the back of our minds…. into a distant memory, and then potentially be long forgotten. And then we’ll move on to the next thing that will occupy our minds and follow the same process of disappearance. So I thought about this as I closed her door to a crack and thought to myself: this is such a beautiful little moment of my little kindergartener, wanting to care for and nurture her “little siblings,” also known as her endless collection of stuffies. And I should write it down now so that in the event that I do forget, when this becomes the past, that I can always look back to this and remember.

The compost worms and Kaia

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While in San Francisco and staying with my parents, Kaia loves to go out to my parents’ backyard and see my dad’s compost, specifically the worms that live and nourish the compost bin. To be frank, I am not sure what the hell my dad does with this nutrient rich compost soil he is creating, but since it gives him joy, we just have to “let them!” If it gives him joy and a reason to be, plus it keeps his mind and body occupied, then I consider it a win for all. Before we left, Kaia requested to see the worms before going to the airport. So my dad was really excited and proudly showed them to her one last time. Then last night unexpectedly, I got this text message from my dad:

“My compost worm said hi to Kaia.”

I smiled when I read this. If you don’t know my dad, then you won’t know why this message tickled me so much and warmed my heart. My dad is usually stoic, always emotionless and rarely shows any real love or affection; he just doesn’t know how. He’s spent his entire life just surviving and being deprived of any real tender care. So now that Kaia is here, she gives affection so easily that it’s like her second nature. So she happily showers it on everyone and anyone, including her Gonggong. And I’m sure it made my dad happy. So he remembered this and wanted to interact with her in this way by sending this text, which is a hundred percent out of character. This is a very playful, affectionate message, one that in a million years I would never have guessed my dad would send to me, even if it’s for my kindergarten-age daughter.

Becoming a mother has changed my life in more ways than I could count. And incredibly, it’s also even changed the way I see my dad. At the core of every person is someone who wants to be seen, recognized, and loved; this is no matter how unfeeling and stoic they may be on the outside. Maybe that’s what my dad was missing in his life all along. Now that he has someone who does this for him, loudly and unabashedly, as in, his granddaughter, something new has been awakened in him.

A letter of well wishes for my sweet Kaia Pookie on her first day of kindergarten

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I originally wanted to write a little letter, as in a real paper letter, to Kaia and read it to her on her first day of kindergarten. But then I wasn’t sure she’d want me to read it to her.. And that she may end up writing and doodling all over it since she cannot yet read herself. So, this year, I will keep it on this blog. I will save writing a real letter on paper for her when she is able to read… which is unbelievably just around the corner.

To my dearest Kaia Pookie,

It is with a bittersweet, squishy heart that I write this message to you, wishing you the very best on your first day of kindergarten, or your first day of formal schooling. 祝你幼儿园第一天超级棒！开开心心上学去! It is trite because it is so true: the days are long, but the weeks and years are so short. I can say with complete honesty in my heart and mind that taking care of you, protecting you, and loving you have been the ultimate joy and job of my life. I don’t think you are aware of how often I look back at old photos and videos of you on my phone, whether it’s a year, two, three, or four years ago when you were just a wee baby, and think about how precious all these sweet moments have been for me. The days were often exhausting, especially in your newborn days, but I could not get enough of sniffing your ethereal, sweet newborn scent. I regret none of my time and efforts in nourishing and taking care of you in the best way possible. I still look back fondly all the time at every moment with you, but especially your solid start days; those were some of my true favorite moments in raising my sweet Kaia Pookie. You were an amazing eater then, and you still are an incredible eater now! Please don’t stop!

It feels like it all flew by so quickly: triple feeding, pumping milk, endless diapering, prune juice (#ifkyk), blow outs, baby-led weaning, your first (and then endless!) words, your first steps, tantrums, potty training, and increasing understanding and awareness of everything around you. Where did all the time go? Sometimes, I get very wistful and sad. But that’s why sometimes I make your Daddy mad and am soft with you; sometimes I just want to sit in the moment with you and snuggle and cuddle and see you carefree and silly. You are my only baby, my one sweet baby, and I want to relish the moment with you. I’ve loved every stage of your development and hope you will continue to be sweet, kind, thoughtful, curious, affectionate, cuddly, and think of others. Kindergarten is a big step, Pookster, but there is a long, windy path ahead of you, filled with lots of learning. Remember: you always have to try, try, and try. Sometimes you will try and fail, but that doesn’t mean you just give up. You have to keep going and try again. I always say this to you: 加油! You have to keep going and keep trying! And when you succeed, we can celebrate the wins. Some things will come easily to you, while other things will be more of a challenge. If it doesn’t challenge you, it will not change you. And change is a good thing. Remember that the next time something is really hard. Don’t be afraid of failing, though; you can learn from every mistake, not just in school, but in life.

If there is one tiny piece of advice I will give for learning, it is to always be curious, to ask lots of questions when you don’t understand or may not agree. The more questions you ask, the more answers may come. Don’t be silent and keep lingering questions to yourself. You want to expand your horizon and your knowledge! This is what school and learning are all about!

I hope you make new good friends at your new school. The definition of “friends” will change and evolve over time and as you get older, but always remember to be kind and share with your 小朋友. You will not get along with everyone, and not everyone will like you, and that’s okay. You don’t have to be friends with everyone, but you should always be kind, always be true to who you are.

I hope you know how much Mama and Daddy love you, how your health, safety, and happiness are our utmost priorities. We hope that you will be open with us about what is going well and what is not. You should never feel afraid to share with us; you can always tell Mama and Daddy everything and anything. We hope you will always see us as your safe space. We are always here for you no matter what.

We love you so, so much, my sweet Kaia Pookie baby. Even though you are in kindergarten now and are soon turning five, you know you will always be my sweet baby, right? You are my one and only, and for you I want to do my very, very best and be here for as long as humanly possible to watch you grow and thrive. Wishing you the very best on your first day of kindergarten. Muah.

As one of your favorite Chinese songs, “宝贝宝贝,” (BaoBei BaoBei) says: 你是我们的心肝宝贝 / 爸爸妈妈的爱永相随 (You are the apple of our eye; Daddy and Mommy’s love will always be with you). <3

With all my love, your mama,

Yvonne

Some people can still surprise you when you least expect it

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Years ago, I asked a friend what my least attractive quality was. I could name at least a dozen qualities I have that would deter people from liking me right away pretty quickly (to be honest, today, I don’t give a shit, but at least I have self awareness unlike many). But she said something I did not expect to hear: “You are really predictable,” she said to me at the time. That was in 2008. We’re 18 years past that now, so I’d like to think that may have changed… maybe.

If “predictability” is a real quality of mine, I’d like to say that I got it from my mom. If you know her as well as I do, almost every single thing she says and does is entirely predictable: her likes, dislikes, criticisms, reactions, lack of reactions, purchases, objections, what she wants to do, see, or eat. You name it, and I can predict it. But during this last trip, she actually said something to me out of the blue that I did not expect at all.

“Yvonne! Can you come here?” my mom called across the house when she was in the bathroom. “I want to ask you something.”

I wasn’t sure this was going to be good. Obediently, I walked into the bathroom where she was. Out of nowhere, she had my clear toiletry case laid out on the bathroom counter.

“What do you put on your skin now?” my mom asked, with a very curious look on her face.”I was looking at your skin while we were at the restaurant the other day, and I couldn’t believe how nice it looks! It’s so bright and clear and young! What are you doing?”

I sheepishly smiled. I wasn’t expecting that she was going to say anything positive to me about my skin or appearance. I am so used to my mom pointing out all my sun spots or pimples over the years that I have just ignored her most of the time when she points out my flaws… even when they are blatantly staring back at me in the mirror.

So I walked her through my skincare routine, both morning and night time. I told her what I use and in what order. I told her I always, always put sunscreen on my face and neck in the morning even if I don’t leave the house. I even reapply it midday now, based on what my dermatologist suggested. I told her about my prescription skincare and the “cheap” skincare I get in bulk at Costco. I even admitted to her that I always wear a hat outside now… which she had always advised me to do since my teen years… which I just ignorantly declined to do… until the ripe age of 35 when my sun spots really started to piss me off. So yes, sometimes my mom is right about some things…

My mom looked like she was a in tizzy after I walked her through everything. “How do you have time to use so many products? This is a lot!” my mom said in shock. “No wonder your skin looks this good!”

I insisted to my mom that it only took an extra few minutes each morning and night. Now, it’s so routine that it’s really nothing for me. She then proceeded to test out every skincare product in my toiletry bag. She told me she wanted me to buy her a specific one I’d transferred to a travel-sized container… which happened to be one of the cheapest items in my routine, which is the Cerave Moisturizing Cream with ceramides I get in massive bulk from Costco and just started using in the spring. I told her it’s just from Costco and that I’d send my dad the link so he can buy it for her the next time he goes. That cream is quite a bargain and a little gem find at Costco!

I am shocked that at age 40, I’ve already gotten complimented about my skin by both a friend who does Botox and my own mom! It’s interesting what wisdom comes with age! Maybe being “middle aged” isn’t so bad after all.

Chicago as a visitor many times over and the Obama Presidential Center

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Given Chris and I have already traveled to Chicago a lot before, we didn’t have much of a tourist list of things to see and do when we got here. While I created a map of interesting restaurants and bakeries, there wasn’t any single place I felt we absolutely had to go to. The main thing I wanted to see this time around, which was obviously not around in any previous visit, was the Obama Presidential Center, which is located on the South Side of Chicago and just opened in June of this year. Unfortunately when we booked this trip in June, official tickets to enter the center were already sold out… through October. But upon doing research, we discovered that this wasn’t the worst outcome because so much of the center, both indoors and outdoors, was open to the public and did not require any ticket. We were still able to enter the library portion, which is part of the Chicago Public Library system, and see lots of personal belongings of Barack and Michelle Obama. We got to see photographs, murals, and paintings of their lives and the values they believe in. I loved the grounds, the walking paths, and the vegetable garden (of course, Kaia was also a huge fan). My favorite thing I got to see was likely the ridiculously long mural in the library with far too many colors and ideas to see in a single viewing. Even without access to the main museum, we could easily have spent a longer time there exploring the beautiful grounds.

Another favorite, quiet part for me was the Ann Dunham Water Terrace, dedicated to Barack Obama’s mother, who was an anthropologist by training and a huge influence on his life. In his words, “My mother, Ann Dunham, was the biggest influence on my life. She had a core belief in our common humanity, and she made sure I recognized the inherent dignity in every person.” This was noted as a “touchstone vital not only for a political career but for a life of service,” hence why the structure is made of two massive round stones, with water that flows from one to the other. She died quite young, at the age of 52, from uterine cancer. This heavily influenced Obama’s desire and push for healthcare reform, as she spent her last days worrying about expensive medical bills. While his mom had employer-sponsored health insurance that covered most of the costs of her medical treatment, she still had a large deductible and uncovered expenses, which were denied by her insurance for coverage because the insurance company considered her cancer a “preexisting condition.”

I’m really happy that despite not having tickets to see the entirety of the center that we were still able to come visit and experience the vast areas open to the public. I was thrilled that Kaia’s first presidential library experience was at Barack Obama’s, and that we got to do the super touristy thing of “posing” with Barack and Michelle altogether (okay, fine, their statues!). While I am pretty pessimistic at the direction the U.S. is going, especially with the current Dipshit administration for the disgusting second time around, somehow being here for the few hours we visited imbued me with a little more hope, a little more faith for the future. I need to have a little more hope and faith… at the minimum for Kaia’s sake.

Last day with family in San Francisco for this year

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My family tends to go through the same behavioral patterns in the last day or two when I am home. My mom goes through an anxious, angry period where she is either aggressive or passive aggressive with me, getting mad at me for innocuous things or accusing me of having feelings or intentions that she makes up. If I am not home during a given period, she will call repeatedly and ask when I am coming home; this is her way of actually saying, you need to come home now. On Monday, we planned to have dinner at my aunt’s upstairs, and my uncle would also be joining us. She asked us to come at 5 since my uncle needs to leave early since he cannot drive in the dark. So at around 3 while in Mission Bay with Chris and Kaia, I called home to let my dad know that we’d be back before 4. I could hear my mom in the background saying I was late and that I needed to come home right away. I could hear her angst, but I shrugged it off.

We went to pick up ice cream (black sesame and mango!) from Joe’s Ice Cream, a neighborhood ice cream shop that’s been around since I was a kid. Then we walked home from there. When we arrived back and I came into the kitchen, that was when I could feel my mom glaring at me with her eyes burning. “It’s almost 4 o’clock now. You are late,” she hissed at me. “You should have been home a long time ago! They are already upstairs waiting for us and eating.” Um. It wasn’t even 4pm. Who the hell was going to be eating dinner at this time? I said nothing and did as I promised, which was to help make a steamed eggplant dish to bring to the dinner along with my purchased dessert. She proceeded to get mad that we went out at all today and didn’t tell her, as she was hoping we could “talk more” together. I did not have that same hope.

As 4:50 rolled around, my mom started yelling that we’re all late and that we all needed to get upstairs, pronto. I was still cleaning up and washing dishes in the kitchen. Kaia was running around happily. My dad was doing something somewhere in the basement. Chris was lying on my bed, asking what the rush was. The reason she wanted us to go upstairs as soon as possible was that she wanted us to be done with this family dinner as soon as possible. She can only keep up her “family dinner” face for so long, and she had nothing to say to my uncle. While at dinner when we were asking my aunt questions about her potentially changing living situation, my mom got mad at me for asking questions and insisted we “let her eat her dinner.” I told her that it’s normal to have a conversation at the dinner table, and that shut her up; not everyone wants to eat in silence and call that a “family dinner” for god’s sake. It’s almost like she is in pain being at a dinner table with any wider family members and she needs to find a way to make it stop as soon as possible. When they invite her, she feels a need to “return the favor” and invite them back right away, which is “suffering.” Thinking about this is so exhausting.

There were some nice moments, though. This morning before we left, Kaia kept insisting to my dad that he show her his worms in his compost pile before leaving. Obviously this made my dad beyond thrilled, so he was happy to comply with her ask. Then as he rummaged through random junk in the garage, she insisted she wanted to stay with him to watch what he was doing. This attachment she’s developed to my dad has been really endearing. Every time she yells, “GONGGONG! GONGGONG!” and runs after him, it makes me smile and chuckle. Chris commented that my dad has probably never felt more desired or more affection from another human in his entire life before now. He is probably right.

And as we packed up the car to go to the airport, while she was being a little bratty and refused to give my mom a hug and kiss until the very last minute, she had zero problem giving my dad endless hugs and kisses and grabbing onto his leg until she had to let go and get into the car. My dad’s big goofy grin in this moment was pretty epic… and this is coming from someone who never uses that word.

When we got to the airport lounge and sat down, I asked Kaia if she missed Popo and Gonggong. She nodded her head and quietly said a drawn out, “Yeah.” Then, she didn’t say anything for while, but out of nowhere looked at me and said, “We never got to see Jiujiu… because he died.”

Yes, that is true. At least she waited to say that until after my parents were gone because I am not sure how they would have reacted to hearing Kaia say this.

Presidio Tunnel Tops: nature-inspired and a great outdoor gift

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A couple years ago, my friend with kids told me that at the San Francisco Presidio, a large outdoor children’s play area had opened with sweeping views of the Golden Gate Bridge, Alcatraz, and the entire city skyline. Built on top of 14 acres right on top of highway tunnels in San Francisco, Presidio Tunnel Tops connects the historic Presidio military base to the Crissy Field waterfront. It’s It’s open to the public, has clean, well maintained restrooms, and has a whole line-up of rotating food trucks just steps away from it seven days a week.

I originally wanted to organize a meetup/play date there last year, but we ran out of time. So assuming the crappy San Francisco weather cooperated with us this time, I insisted we go today to meet my friends and their kids. Luckily, the weather worked out in our favor, and we ended up having a beautiful, high-60s F, blue-sky day! Presidio Tunnel Tops has been open for just over four years now, and I was really impressed: the playground is nature-inspired, with areas for kids to play featuring boulders, logs, and lots of different water features. And unlike many children’s play areas, this is specifically designed to be interesting for kids ranging in age from two to 12. That way, if you have kids of varying ages, you can rest easy knowing that one won’t get bored faster than the other.

I also really enjoyed the variety and quality of food options available at the nearby mobile food trucks area. The Mess Hall just steps away from the Tunnel Tops recently opened, but only one major food vendor was operating, so that limited our options. The food trucks were the obvious place to go. The food ranged from Chinese, Filipino, Mexican, Hawaiian shaved ice (!!), to Swahili (they called it “East African cuisine”), burgers, and fried chicken. I chose food from the Mexican truck Mestizo and the Swahili Spot trucks; both were delicious and things I’d order even not from a truck!

Given we met up at 10:30 and stayed in the Crissy Field area until about 3pm, we essentially were outdoors for over half the day. When I thought about this and how nice it was to maximize time outside during good weather, I realize that this is one of the very best qualities of Bay Area, or even specifically, San Francisco living: you don’t need to travel too far or even outside of city limits to get truly fresh, crisp air, beautiful green landscapes, and ocean/beach views. Hiking and easy walking trail opportunities are countless. As long as the weather cooperates with you or you can tolerate the cold, outdoor access is just easier and better here than in New York City. When you walk the trails of the Presidio Tunnel Tops or watch kids playing on these massive wooden structures there, you kind of forget you’re even in a “city” because of how natural the whole setup feels.

It makes me happy that I can not only expose all of these great things about San Francisco to Kaia, but also that she can have opportunities to play with my friends’ kids while here. Now that she’s 4.5, I have a feeling she will start remembering more and more of these experiences and recount them. I hope when she remembers and talks about these moments that she shares them with great joy.

A question I’ve never been asked before

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“Yvonne, who does your Botox?”

I wrinkled my brow and was completely caught off guard by the question. “Excuse me?” I blurted out. Did I hear this right?

“Who does your Botox?” my friend asked again with a smile on her face.

“Oh, I don’t do Botox!” I said, surprised. Then, I got confused. Does it look like parts of my face don’t move “normally”?! “Why, does it look like I do Botox?”

“No, not at all,” my friend insisted, still smiling and now laughing. “Your skin just looks so good. I thought you did Botox. In fact, doesn’t everyone do Botox?”

I laughed at this and paused. “Actually, I don’t think I have any friends who do Botox,” I replied to her.

She smiled even bigger this time. “Yes, you do. You have me.”

That’s when I was even more shocked. She does Botox?! She doesn’t look like she does it. As I’ve gotten into my mid-30s and am now 40, I can spot Botox on people’s faces pretty quickly. Some people are more obvious than others. But you can usually tell when you look at people who have been doing it for a long time. Their faces just do not move as naturally as they should when they smile or laugh. The tops of the cheeks and the foreheads that never move are usually the dead giveaway. She pointed out the three parts of her forehead where she’s been getting it done over the last year by her doctor friend, who shares a vial of Botox across three friends and splits the cost. I suppose she is an example of someone who does Botox where it actually looks natural.

“Well, if you ever change your mind, (friend’s name) hosts a Botox party about every three months,” my friend said. “And you are always more than welcome to join!”

In general, I’d always been against cosmetic surgery for things like eyelids surgery (UGH), boob jobs (except in the case of breast cancer related breast reconstruction, which frankly I do not consider “cosmetic”), face lifts, and anything related. I just think we have what we have, and we should work with what we have. On the other hand, I’m all for people getting things removed they do not like that really bother them (e.g. moles, sun spots, freckles, permanent body hair removal. Contrary to what Chris thinks, those procedures are not “cosmetic surgery.” They are cosmetic removals). And as we age, in general we should embrace the gift of getting older by taking care of our bodies, which includes our skin and hair. I’m a huge advocate of sun protection/sunscreen. I believe in regular exercise and eating well. And I believe in trying to reduce stressors, which all lead to a healthier and hopefully happier life and health span. And I’ve been pro retinol, vitamin C, and other skin nourishing ingredients forever. But outside of that, I never really considered any cosmetic surgery like Botox, fillers, or the like.

But then when my friend mentioned Botox, it started making me think of actual numbers. And that’s when I asked ChatGPT to give me a breakdown of usage: It shared that about 5 percent of the U.S. population aged 25 and above uses cosmetic Botox. The breakdown is estimated to be: 20% Baby Boomers and older; 39% Generation X; 35% Millennials; 6% Generation Z and younger. So that’s about 12 million people in this country — not a small number.

As I’ve gotten older, while I still do not think any of those cosmetic procedures are right for me (and more so, I absolutely am not willing to pay any of those prices out of pocket!), I’ve relaxed my general stance on them. At the end of the day, people have to do what they are comfortable with, and if they have the time and money to spend on these procedures, and they make them feel good about themselves, then all power to them. Plus for women especially, the beauty and “youth” standards are so stupid, senseless, and unrealistic that I totally understand why some women would just default to Botox, fillers, etc., once they get to a certain age, assuming they have a certain level of means. Yes, even today, the ageism against women continues to be that worse versus for men. So much for the equaling of the damn sexes.