Category Archives: Gratitude

Line up, line up!

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Kaia has really been immersed in Chinese since she started at her current school. Sometimes, she tells me what she’s learning and what things mean, even when I don’t ask. I never formally learned any Mandarin Chinese until college, so a lot of the seemingly basic, kindergarten-level things she’s learning are things I never learned myself. But because I did study it, I pick up a lot of these things simply based on context. For example, she kept saying that they often do work in small groups; she never explicitly said that. But she did say, “G and I are in B 组 (zǔ); but C and M are in A 组 (zǔ).” Based that, it’s clear to me that 组 (zǔ) means team or small group.

While observing the kids at soccer yesterday, I also saw a few of them line up and act silly. As they lined up when going up the stairs from the gym, they chanted, “排排队，排排队，一个跟着一个排. That is “Pái pái duì, pái pái duì, yīgè gēnzhe yīgè pái” or, “Line up, line up, one following right behind the other.” There is something really sweet and almost magical about a bunch of kindergarten kids, chanting the exact same words in perfect unison, all wearing the same uniform.

I wasn’t very pleased that her school had a dress code when we first learned about it; it’s essentially a school uniform, but the colors for top and bottom change by day of the week. But now that we’re over a month into it, I will admit that it does make life easier. I don’t have to fight with her in the morning regarding what she’s going to wear; she knows what day requires which colors. She sees all the other kids wearing the exact same thing, so there’s no reason to whine or have comparisons. Because all the kids are wearing the same thing, they all match, and she does enjoy matching. And well, I do admit that it is really adorable seeing all the kids matching and wearing the same thing every day: it does make school seem more formal and serious.

Plus, as they chant “排排队，排排队，一个跟着一个排,” it looks and sounds better to me when they are all in uniform! Plus yesterday, they were especially matching because three of them had the same single braid hairdo!

Observation days for after school enrichment

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Kaia is enrolled at the after school program at her school. In addition to general after school, which is supposed to have a mix of structured activities and homework help, parents also have the option of enrolling kids in specific enrichment programs. These can range from arts, robotics, and musical instrument learning, to sports like tennis or soccer. We enrolled Kaia in chess and soccer. Chess would be good to learn an important game and strategy (this is a game I’ve never actually learned to play!), and soccer would be good for her to learn a team sport. This week, the school has given parents the ability to watch the kids in action with “observation days.” We can show up during the last 15 minutes of the program to see the kids doing their given activity.

I was the first parent to show up at the observation for today’s soccer. About five other parents trickled in. And I’ll be honest: I wasn’t that happy about what I saw. I saw a single adult coach trying to manage over 20 kids of ages ranging from kindergarten to fifth grade. Half the kids were participating in some form and listening, while the other half were goofing off, doing their own silly things (Kaia included, unfortunately). I really think there should’ve been at least one other adult for authority and direction. Being a lone coach amongst this many kids varying in ages is too tough. For the entire 15 minutes I was there, I don’t think I saw Kaia kick the ball even once! Based on what I watched, I am not fully clear she even understands the idea behind soccer, that you need to kick a ball into a net, and on the flip side, you need to prevent the other team from getting the ball into your team’s net!

I think Kaia knew I wasn’t pleased even though I never said anything. On the scoot back home, she occasionally would stop and say, “Mama, I kicked the ball before you came!” That’s my sweet baby for you.

I never played organized sport other than during PE classes. While I found some sports more fun than others, I don’t think anyone would say that I was even remotely athletic. In middle and high school, I used to win competitions for running (sprinting) and for exercises like sit-ups, push-ups, and pull-ups (abs and arms of steal :). But that was really it for me. So if Kaia isn’t good at any sport, I am definitely not going to be that disappointed. But in the very least, I hope she understands the sports and tries to participate!

Cooking with my Costco and local Vermont goodies

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Every time we come back from a road trip, we always make a stop by Costco on our way back to take advantage of having a car. So of course, we come back with the car fully loaded, and I always tell Chris when we get back, “We’re rich!” It feels that way because when your fridge, freezer, and pantry are stocked to the point of nearly overflowing, it really does make you feel rich: you have plenty in a house of plenty in a land of plenty, and that feels very full. It also makes me grateful that we can actually afford to stock up on our staples, as I am very well aware that not everyone has the ability to do this.

In addition to the Costco stocking up we did, we also got way more consumable items in Vermont than I originally imagined: this includes a bottle of local whisky, a bottle of local bourbon, orange wine, chocolate raspberry wine from New Hampshire, and honey mead. The whisky and bourbon we tasted and purchased at the Burlington Farmers Market, the orange wine is from the Shelburne Farmers Market, and the last two bottles are from the fine food and drink marquee at the Stowe Foliage Arts Festival. In addition, we also got local organic chestnut and lion’s mane mushrooms and a Barn First Creamery brie-style goat cheese at the Burlington Farmers Market, a quart of Green’s Sugarhouse Very Dark maple syrup and maple balsamic vinaigrette, fancy marshmallows, and a couple chocolate bars from Adagio Chocolate shop in Middlebury. It was quite a local Vermont food haul! If it wasn’t already clear, I love Vermont!

Today, I spent a good amount of time cooking some of our new foods and ingredients. I seared and sautéed my lion’s mane and chestnut mushrooms; they browned beautifully and have a delicious, earthy, almost nutty flavor. They are almost even a little sweet! We sampled a little of these (Kaia loved the chestnut mushrooms the most!), but I’m planning to use most of them for toast with our Vermont goat cheese. I sautéed half a pound of spinach from Costco, roasted a pound of brussel sprouts (Costco!), made a maple balsamic roasted salmon with my new vinaigrette from Greens Sugarhouse. I also cooked my last bag of Rancho Gordo Blue Goose Field Peas and some brown rice. And on top of all that, I made my third batch of fresh, homemade soy milk! I always feel good when I’m cooking with new and fresh ingredients. This meal felt like fall to me! Now, all I needed to add was some butternut squash to the mix!

Vermont: Population density, covered bridges, and maple grading changes

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I have lots of fond, delicious, and happy memories of being in Vermont. Back in 2009 (or 2010), I came here for the first time for canoeing, hiking, and the Burlington and Brattleboro towns and farmers market. In 2014, I came here on a stop with Chris and his parents, and we did a Ben & Jerry’s factory tour and tasting, visited the “graveyard” of retired ice cream flavors, and also did a very thorough and delicious tasting of cheeses at Cabot Creamery. Now over 12 years later, Chris and I are back with the Pookster in tow for our autumn leaf peeping long weekend! And we are in luck: the leaves are definitely changing colors. We’ve seen so many gorgeous colors on this trip already!

I started thinking more about the state of Vermont versus New York and California, the two states I am most closely associated with. And as we were driving through Vermont and even in just Middlebury, where we are based during this trip, I thought about how I have always lived in relatively densely populated places, and how living in a place like Vermont would probably feel far too quiet and even borderline spooky for me. California is where I was born and raised and lived for the first 18.5 years of my life; it’s the most populous state in the U.S. New York is the fourth most populous state in the country, with a large chunk of that population in New York City, where I live. Vermont, on the other hand, ranks 49th (out of 50) for total population, and it’s one of the least densely populated states in the country. New York State’s overall population density is about six times Vermont’s; New York City is about 400 times more densely populated than the entire state of Vermont. It’s no wonder everywhere we go here, I marvel at how much open space there seems to be, and how far apart all the houses and buildings are. It’s because relatively speaking, they are all very far apart when compared to anywhere in New York City! The town of Middlebury feels rural, but then to me, perhaps the entire state of Vermont feels rural!

Stereotypically when I think of Vermont, I think of three main things: 1) maple syrup (obviously), 2) dairy and all things related (Cabot Creamery makes some of the best cheese in the country. Plus, I even like their branding and logo), and 3) Bernie Sanders. But when I started reading more about Middlebury, I started thinking more about the local college, Middlebury College, which is a highly ranked liberal arts college here, and all these “covered bridges” I kept seeing pop up as potential tourist stops here. For about a split second during my senior year of college, I considered applying to Middlebury College… that was, until I looked at it on the map and saw how it was in the middle of nowhere. Then, I immediately nixed it. Even at the age of 17, I knew I needed to be in or near a major metropolitan area, otherwise I would go nuts (I still feel this way today, so no wonder I live right in Manhattan). Vermont, the “Green Mountain state,” is also known for its covered bridges. While there used to be about 700 of these peculiar bridges, today, only 100 remain standing. These covered bridges were originally built with large structural wood trusses; their main purpose was to solve for all the endless rivers that are all over the state. The bridges are all quite short; Chris drove across the Halpin bridge yesterday and I walked across it; it took me less than 30 seconds to walk across this tiny covered bridge, built back in 1840. Because these bridges were all wooden, if they were exposed to rain, snow, and freeze-thaw cycles, they would rot pretty quickly. So, the bridge isn’t covered to keep travelers dry; the bridge is covered to keep the bridge dry and protected. This is such an interesting fun fact!

Today, we visited two different farmers markets: Burlington Farmers Market and Shelburne Farmers Market. There was a great variety of vendors at both. I always love seeing the local produce and goods at each city and town we visit when we can. At the Burlington Farmers Market, we picked up some local chestnut and lion’s mane mushrooms (they were organic and so fresh and springy!), Vermont goat cheese (loved the taste and texture of this one), “artisanal” marshmallows created by a local pastry chef, a bottle of local bourbon, and a bottle of local whisky. At the Shelburne Farmers Market, we bought a bottle of local orange wine. At both markets, we saw the inevitable vendors selling maple syrup and other maple products, and I noticed that instead of saying “Grade A” or “Grade B” as I had previously seen during my 2009 Vermont visit, the labels said something more descriptive, like “Golden Color,” “Amber Color,” or “Dark Color.” So I made a mental note of this to research this later. In 2014 (the year we last visited Vermont), Vermont actually officially overhauled their maple syrup grading system, as “Grade A” vs. “Grade B” was far too confusing (I would agree with this). In 2015, this became official nationwide. The old hierarchy that I remember, “Fancy,” Grade A, and Grade B, was replaced because darker syrup was not actually lower quality; it just had a stronger flavor, which many people prefer (including me!). I distinctly remember a colleague who had a spouse from Vermont say that he preferred “Grade B” because it had a stronger maple flavor and was darker in color. But to the average person, “Grade B” sounds like it would be inferior quality to something labeled “Grade A.” Today, the grade tells you mainly about color and flavor intensity, which makes more sense immediately. Grade A is all commercially available maple syrup now; this is the default for anything you can buy. “Grade B” does not exist, period.

So, I learned a lot of new things today about the second least populated state in my country! I’m so happy I got an update on Vermont’s maple grading and how it changed in 2015; I feel so much more “in the know” about local Vermont facts, and perhaps more importantly, national food facts now. 🙂

When your baby calls out in the middle of the night

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Chris and I take turns putting Kaia to bed. Since there’s two of us and one of her, it makes the bedtime routine easy and predictable. Back in the days when we had to wake up Kaia in the middle of the night to pee, I would honestly dread the nights when it was my night to put her to bed because this also meant I needed to do the middle-of-the-night “dream pee” with her (does anyone like interrupted sleep?!). Back then, I had to set an alarm (anywhere from 11pm to 3am) to wake her up (okay, half wake up) to pee. In the beginning of overnight training, we both would wake up, one earlier in the evening, one in the early hours of the morning. So when we went down to one wake up/overnight pee, it became easier and more manageable. But the funniest part when we went down to one dream pee per night was that Kaia always knew which side of the bed to go to, mine or Chris’s, in the nights when it was our turn. Chris found this amusing and pointed it out to me one day. I thought this was very astute of her. Even though we never explicitly told her, she knew that if one of us read to her and put her to bed, then that same person would also be responsible for having her pee in the middle of the night. And likewise, if she had a night disturbance or cried for some reason, it was that same person’s job to wake up to go soothe her.

Although I was happy and proud when she finally slept through the whole night without needing to pee (or pee her pants!), I also felt a little sad. It was like those posts I see on social media where they say that as parents, you don’t always know when “the last time” is when you get to do something with your child. Sometimes it can be a bit shocking, as though something has been taken from you before you were ready for it to be taken away, or as though your baby has moved onto the next phase of their life faster than you were prepared for. Here’s a tangible example: I can’t remember the last time I gave Kaia a proper bath in a tub, but I remember that whenever that last time was, I didn’t realize it would be the last time. She just suddenly decided and declared one day that she didn’t want to do baths. Chris said it would be easier, so he agreed to give her a shower. And that was that. Since then, she’s only had showers we’ve given her!

So in the wee hours of this morning, at around 3:12am, I awoke to a seemingly far-away moan. “Mummy! Mummy! Mummy! Mummy!” Kaia cried, over and over again.

Kaia was sitting on her bed, eyes wide open, blankets in a disarray. Sluggishly, I dragged myself out of bed to see what was bothering her. I opened her bedroom door. She immediately saw me, reached out to hand me her favorite little ice pack (already water by that time, of course). I obligingly accepted the ice pack to put back in the freezer. Then, she asked if I could hand over her cow… As in, her cow Halloween costume from two years ago that she still uses as a stuffed animal… which is always sitting at the right foot of her bed. I told her to lie down and grabbed the cow for her to hold. I hugged and kissed her, then told her to go back to sleep. Then, I went back to bed.

Unlike Chris, when these quick wake-ups happen, I am usually able to go back to sleep again quite quickly. So, they don’t bother me as much. But I also found the entire situation hilarious, endearing, and completely ridiculous at the same time. There was zero urgency in this random middle-of-the-night wake-up and cry-out for mama: The ice pack did not need to be placed into the freezer immediately; she could have easily grabbed the cow at the edge of her own bed for herself to cuddle; none of these needed to be done by me. But she did this all because 1) she knows I will come and indulge her, 2) she wants cuddles and kisses from her mama in the middle of the night, and 3) she simply wants me to come, period. And for me, this is okay. It’s actually more than okay. I love feeling loved and needed, and this is one of those moments that makes me feel loved and needed… even if it physically wakes me up when I do not want to be woken and interrupts my deep sleep (which it did).

One day, she won’t call out for me at night. Hopefully, that will be a long while from now. So for now, I will try my best to embrace each time and give my baby the middle of the night cuddles and kisses that she wants and needs… Because I’ll never know when it will be the last time. And I do love every chance I get to have cuddles and kisses with my little cheeky bubba.

Visiting a kids’ party venue

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After exchanging many messages between the family of the child we’d like to do a joint birthday party with, we realized pretty quickly that hosting a party in our respective building lounges probably wouldn’t be a great fit. For one thing, my building lounge does not even allow children’s birthday parties in the lounge (talk about age discrimination to the extreme!). Their lounge fee is 25 percent more than ours; it also requires a mandatory extra cleaning fee that we have to pay. None of those fees includes any real help or coordination; we’d have to do all that work ourselves. It also wouldn’t include any kid entertainment. So when I found this venue in our general neighborhood that basically charged similar fees but included built-in entertainment (a large indoor play gym!), I thought this sounded pretty promising.

I was a little skeptical of the space, as the photos publicly available looked like those wide-angle distorted views that make spaces look far larger than they are. But when I went up there this afternoon to see it in person, it was even bigger than I expected! There’s a very large, open play space and a good entry way for gifts, goodie bags, and coats. From the open floor, there’s a stairway that goes up to a fun loft area that overlooks the play space. This consists of two rooms, one large room for the kids to eat and have cake, and a smaller room for the adults to congregate and hang out. I got a tour by the husband of the husband and wife team who run the place, and he seemed pretty relaxed, but also very informative. I took lots of photos and videos to share with Chris and the other parents, and I left feeling pretty good about this space.

I guess I found a little gem in the neighborhood I would have had zero idea about before. And this is all thanks to ChatGPT!

Autumn baking for friends

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I am always looking for an excuse to bake. I have an endless list of desserts ranging from muffins to cakes to tarts to custards to mousses to brownies I want to make that it’s nearly impossible to keep track of. They are in OneNote, my phone’s notebook, in my browser “favorites,” bookmarked in my New York Times Cooking app, saved in my Instagram posts; the whole situation is unruly and totally out of control. With just the three of us at home, it’s hard to justify baking regularly. Plus, as someone who is working on body recomposition, I think it’s just a bit too self-indulgent.

So when a friend invited us over for brunch today, I immediately knew I wanted to bake something autumnal. So I chose these spiced apple muffins and got Sweet Tango apples from the local farmers market for them. I wanted to perfect these muffins and ensure they got a good muffin top, especially after my blueberry muffin fiasco from the spring when Chris’s parents came. I was so excited to make them fruit muffins for breakfast, but I really messed up: not only did the muffins stick to the tin (which I ended up tossing), but they didn’t rise that high. So I read more about what causes muffins to rise and get a proper “muffin top.” After some research, these are the secrets: 1) after mixing dry and wet ingredients, allow the batter to rest for at least 30-45 minutes, and 2) blast the muffins in the oven with 425 F heat for the first five minutes, then lower the temperature to about 350 for the remaining time to evenly bake. The resting allows full hydration of the batter and the rising agents to work their magic to the fullest extent. This lets the flour’s starch molecules absorb liquid to create a thicker batter that holds a taller shape. The initial high heat blast in the oven “shocks” the batter into an initial rapid rise and sets the crust into a dome. And well, this time, it worked! I also didn’t make the same mistake twice, and I got proper muffin liners for my muffin pan. I felt quite happy when my friend’s husband looked at the muffins on the brunch table when I laid them out and asked where we bought them from. 🙂

Now that I got this right, I feel more empowered to keep the muffin momentum going. What’s the next muffin I am going to make?

The babysitter bearing gifts… again

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We had our babysitter from a couple weeks ago come back to take care of Kaia this evening, as Chris got us tickets to see Mo Amer at Radio City Music Hall tonight. Last time, I wasn’t that happy that this babysitter allowed Kaia to sleep at 9:15; in fact, I was so annoyed that when we got back, I had to give her a mini lecture (and then followed up with a text message to reinforce this) about why Kaia needs to sleep earlier. I gave very clear instructions both verbally and written in a notebook for her. Before this babysitter, I’d never had any issue having Kaia in bed, lights out, by 7:30pm, if not earlier. All the other babysitters were good about this, and she was always asleep for quite some time by the time we got home (usually around 10pm). This babysitter, while well meaning and very sweet, just isn’t as strict, and Kaia clearly picked up on this quickly.

Tonight when we got out of the show and I checked my phone, the babysitter messaged to let me know Kaia went to sleep at 8:45, which is still an hour and 15 minutes AFTER the time I said she had to be in bed by. So while I was annoyed, I was a little less annoyed. When we got back, she told me that Kaia kept tossing and turning in the bed, then finally got out and told her she was not that sleepy and asked if they could play hide-and-seek for a little. And so the babysitter relented. I was annoyed and had to repeat myself again that she really needs to be in bed by 7:30, no stalling, no questions, no nothing.

Again, even after I told her not to bring gifts, this time she said she just wanted to share and knew Kaia would like these things. In addition to more bilingual English/Chinese kid library books, she also brought a couple coloring books (she claims she has “lots” of these at home), as well as two packs of ready-to-eat chestnuts, and even a little Taiwanese pineapple cake. She insisted that these were for belated good wishes for Mid-Autumn Moon Festival. It was very hard for me to fault her for this kindness and generosity in thinking of Kaia with this recent Chinese holiday, so I thanked her and let it go.

So I still feel conflicted. I know this babysitter means well, and she is clearly very kind, warm, sweet, generous, and thoughtful. But I need a babysitter who can set boundaries better and instill discipline. The next time she comes will be a Thursday, which means it will be a school night, and so she absolutely needs to sleep by 7:30pm.

There is no such thing as a perfect babysitter or caregiver. I don’t totally mind that she gets these random one-offs to sleep later while having fun and building a relationship with a different trusted adult, especially as she is close to turning five now. But I need my instructions to be followed. So, we shall see how this works out.

Parenthood: the ultimate test of patience and perseverance

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As I sat there with Kaia yesterday evening, struggling through getting her to complete a single page of Chinese strokes, specifically, the “na” (捺) stroke—the sweeping downward-right stroke, I thought about my mom and all the work she put in for me before I even got to kindergarten. Before I entered kindergarten and during my preschool years, my mom had taught me the entire English alphabet. She taught me all the letters, both lower and upper case. She made me write them over and over and over again. Before kindergarten began, I knew how to write all of them on my own, and in relatively good form. In addition to that, she taught me all the numbers and had me do basic addition and subtraction in hopes that I’d be more advanced than my peers. While I was initially more advanced than the majority of them, that quickly ended by the time I reached third grade. Multiplication and division did not come naturally to me; it was a painful and miserable process before I finally understood it. I do not think I was the slowest of the pack, but I was most certainly not the quickest in that realm. The concept of “carrying over” numbers was a true struggle. To this day, my mom can do quicker and better mental math than I could even dream of.

When Kaia started 3K, I did momentarily think that maybe I could model my mom and proactively teach Kaia these things in her 3-4K years. But I thought to myself: she has a real curriculum she is following in her two years of preschool. She’ll be fine! They’re going to teach all of that to her, right?

Wrong. They taught her recognition and sounds. We all know that recognition is not the same thing as applying and writing it all yourself.

We are still struggling with writing the date on each page of homework. I wonder when we will get over this hump. She still does her “9” and “6” backwards. She doesn’t do a real “8” that has two circles on top of each other. She also does not like to do the same thing more than three times, apparently, and then has a total melt down. I have to let her cry it out. Then, I myself have to take a deep breath and try not to yell.

I wonder how much whining, screaming, and crying I did when my mom started the alphabet and numbers with me when I was just three years old. I suppose next time I can ask. But whenever I ask her questions about my childhood, she has only vague recollections and does not remember the details. I cannot blame her for that; that would be 37 years ago now. So maybe through this blog, I can preserve some of these “fun” and truthfully painful memories so that one day when Kaia gets older and she asks me, I can simply reference this blog and tell her what a total brat she was and give very clear, concrete examples. I can also share how many times we had to insist to her that she did not have the option of giving up, that she “can do hard things” about a million times.

Massive kudos to my mom, though, for getting me through all that before formal schooling kicked in for me. I just knew I wouldn’t have the patience to do it with my own kid even though my mom did it with me.

The compost worms and Kaia

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While in San Francisco and staying with my parents, Kaia loves to go out to my parents’ backyard and see my dad’s compost, specifically the worms that live and nourish the compost bin. To be frank, I am not sure what the hell my dad does with this nutrient rich compost soil he is creating, but since it gives him joy, we just have to “let them!” If it gives him joy and a reason to be, plus it keeps his mind and body occupied, then I consider it a win for all. Before we left, Kaia requested to see the worms before going to the airport. So my dad was really excited and proudly showed them to her one last time. Then last night unexpectedly, I got this text message from my dad:

“My compost worm said hi to Kaia.”

I smiled when I read this. If you don’t know my dad, then you won’t know why this message tickled me so much and warmed my heart. My dad is usually stoic, always emotionless and rarely shows any real love or affection; he just doesn’t know how. He’s spent his entire life just surviving and being deprived of any real tender care. So now that Kaia is here, she gives affection so easily that it’s like her second nature. So she happily showers it on everyone and anyone, including her Gonggong. And I’m sure it made my dad happy. So he remembered this and wanted to interact with her in this way by sending this text, which is a hundred percent out of character. This is a very playful, affectionate message, one that in a million years I would never have guessed my dad would send to me, even if it’s for my kindergarten-age daughter.

Becoming a mother has changed my life in more ways than I could count. And incredibly, it’s also even changed the way I see my dad. At the core of every person is someone who wants to be seen, recognized, and loved; this is no matter how unfeeling and stoic they may be on the outside. Maybe that’s what my dad was missing in his life all along. Now that he has someone who does this for him, loudly and unabashedly, as in, his granddaughter, something new has been awakened in him.