Sugar Loaf Mountain (Pão de Açúcar)

Today, we had a full day with our private guide Katia and her driver Paolo, so we took advantage of all the things this could do for us: a windy drive all the way up to the Tijuca forest, the largest urban (rain)forest in the world, covering almost 12.5 square miles within the city of Rio de Janeiro. Here, we saw the incredible views of Rio, Cristo Redentor, Sugar Loaf mountain, and the beaches from the Vista Chinesa. We also visited the Rocinha favela, a shanty town that just two years ago finally got recognized by the local government. We saw quieter, more pristine beaches along the coast that made the Ipanema and Copacabana beaches seem overcrowded and loud. Interesting events happened along the way. And the day ended with one of the most stunning sunsets I’ve ever seen in my life at the top of Sugar Loaf mountain.

Because I like to photograph and view photos, I am jaded most of the time because I know how much editing goes into professional photography. A book I read written by a well-known photographer said that even on his most tact-sharp photos, he will still use software to sharpen the image even further. So when I saw images of sunsets from Sugar Loaf, I thought that they were probably too good to be true, like the sunrises in all those photos I saw of Angkor Wat in Cambodia. When my friends and I did wake up at 4am for the sunrise in Siem Reap to see this famous temple, though what we saw was beautiful, it wasn’t anything like what I imagined based on the postcards and online images.

Sugar Loaf mountain’s sunset renders me speechless, though. It’s every bit as spectacular in person as it is in those photos, if not more so. The sky really does turn multiple shades of orange and red and even purple and pink at times, and the endless mountains of Rio, which is all at once a beach paradise, a tropical jungle, and a fast-paced urban craze, makes for one of the best backdrops for this sight. It’s like the Christ statue is enabling the best sunsets right here in Rio.

Today was one of those days for me that was just non-stop fun and joy. It was filled with sights and experiences and tastes that make me wish now more than ever that Ed were still with us, and that I could share with him just one more time why living is such an amazing feeling.

Escadaria Selarón

Today, we explored Rio on our own and walked through Lapa, saw the Arcs do Lapa, the old aqueduct of the neighborhood, and also walked up the Escadaria Selaron, or the Selaron staircase, which were designed and out together by Jorge Selaron, a Chilean-born artist who created these beautiful and eclectically tiled steps as a personal tribute to Brazil. He worked incessantly on these steps and their tiles until the day he was found dead on them with burn marks.

As with major tourist attractions anywhere, the stairs were filled with lots of people, even locals just standing around it, chatting and smoking. As we reached the top, Chris wanted to take my picture right by a mosaic tiled image of the Brazilian flag when we suddenly heard a British man shout out and tumble down the top of the stairs. He looks to have hurt his leg with the fall, and a few men, presumably his friends, run down after him and carry him to a flat spot. We heard him say that he saw someone with a gun at the top of the stairs, so everyone immediately started walking down, including us. No one else ran down the stairs, though, except him, so it was hard to judge what really happened at the top. Either way, we never got up there.

 

Belgium vs. Russia

After our morning trip up to Corcovado Mountain to see the Cristo Redentor (Christ the Redeemer – he’s about 130 feet tall!) statue, we rushed onto the subway to get to Estadio Maracana, where the Belgium vs. Russia World Cup game was held. We found out that on game days, if you have game tickets, all you have to do is show your tickets to the train station workers, and they’d let you in free of charge four hours before the game, and four hours after.

I’ve never been in a stadium so full of energy before. I’ve been to one professional hockey game and about four or five baseball games in the States, but I’ve never seen chaos, cheering, and pride in the way I saw it today. Thousands of people were dressed up in either Belgium or Russia’s colors, with their faces painted and tall elaborate hats on. The Belgians wore their red devil hats and horns, while the Russians carried in big flags to represent their country. And the “waves” were real waves, not like the boring ones I’ve seen at other games where they half-happen maybe once or twice. I was sitting in an area where there were mostly Belgians with a sprinkling of Russians and their fans here and there.

At the end of the game, Belgium won, and they showed a count of how many spectators were at Maracana for this game today. Over 73,000 people came for this game; I was in a crowd of over 73,000 screaming football (soccer) fans today. And I actually watched the game and enjoyed it. Amazing.

Polícia Militar do Estado do Rio de Janeiro

We arrived in Rio this morning and took a cab from the airport to our apartment in Copacabana. During the drive, we immediately noticed the massive police presence all over the city, from the immediate vicinity of the airport, to along the highways, around the beaches — everywhere. And it wasn’t just local police, either; we saw military police and municipal police in big groups pretty much every 20 to 30 feet along Copacabana beach during our walk to the FIFA fest. I guess the country really is doing a lot to ensure the safety of its international guests during this massive sporting event.

Granted, I have noticed far fewer people carrying DSLR cameras around their necks or on their phones crossing the streets, but I am aware that a lot of these people are not locals (“cariocas”) and are visitors here for the World Cup games. During beach walk, I think I only saw three other people with DSLR cameras. I kept mine in a bag unless I was taking it out for a specific photo.

Leaving for Brasil tonight

We’re leaving for our Brazil trip tonight. I’ve gotten into the habit of telling my parents about my international trips about one to two weeks before I leave, except when I go to Australia for Christmas with Chris. The main reason for this is so that they have very minimal time to worry about all the potential dangers I could encounter, and the secondary reason is so that they have less time to nag me about why I apparently don’t understand the value of a dollar and how hard it is to earn money (even though I have been 100% self-sufficient, and not in any debt, ever since I graduated from college just over six years ago). I tend to get nagged about “wasting money,” and “why are you taking a trip instead of coming home to spend more time with us?”

This time surprisingly, neither of my parents had much of a reaction when I told them I was going to Brazil. I don’t really think that my mom knows where Brazil is or what the World Cup is. When I told my dad we were going to Brazil, he immediately asked if it was for the World Cup, and he seemed surprised in a positive way. He also didn’t raise a single question about safety or violence the way pretty much every older adult I know has. Maybe my parents are finally accepting the fact that I’m going to continue traveling and making my own decisions for the rest of my life. Or, maybe they have just given up on me. 🙂

Series of dreams

Our office got a Nespresso maker with a milk foamer, and yesterday, some colleagues and I were tinkering with it. I somehow ended up deciding to have a double shot of espresso with foam at 4pm. I should have known it would mess up my ability to fall asleep that night.

I don’t think I ended up falling asleep until past 1 this morning, but I remember the most convoluted series of dreams that I’ve had in a while. In the first dream, I’m at home with my mom and Ed. My mom has just come back from work. It appears I am in elementary school and Ed is in high school. She’s obviously had a bad day because she starts yelling at both of us about the single dirty dish left in the sink. “Were you waiting for me to come home from work to wash this for you?” she yells from the kitchen. “All dishes should have been washed before I came home!” She started slamming drawers and doors in the kitchen, and Ed sulks on the couch in the living room, rolling his eyes and giving me a sympathizing glance. I get really angry, and I run down the hall to my room, slam the door, and lock it. My mom starts screaming at me for slamming and demands I open the door. I refuse. I hear Ed cheering for me outside the door.

In the next dream, Chris and I are at some random museum where we are viewing miniature roller coaster ride models. A friend from middle school pops up, and she is apparently our docent for this tour. She seems like she doesn’t want to guide us and is being passive aggressive with me.

In the last dream, I am at work and feeling miserable. My colleagues are all ignoring me. I guess that’s somewhat familiar, but still unsettling.

Without feeling

It’s hard to talk about sensitive topics like death and suicide even when you are around friends you would consider close. But honestly, it’s even harder to broach these topics when you already know that your friend is robotic feeling-wise and doesn’t know how to express his emotions.

I have a friend who always says that when we get together, we’ll chat about things like greater purpose in life or what it really means to travel, or how being around a diverse group of people changes the way we perceive the world for the better. Those completely sound like elitist, privileged chatter subjects, but… it’s what we touch on in e-mails where we send each other links to articles that interest us. As I am getting older, I constantly find myself questioning the “why” of everything I do. It’s not like I voluntarily toil over it; the questions just subconsciously come.

But when we do actually get together for lunch or dinner or drinks, I realize that I leave him never having learned any new, undiscovered facet of him. It’s as though we at most may have touched these topics on the surface, and I am left still waiting for what I came to hear when he has already left. It’s troubling because then I wonder, how much do I really know this person, or how much do I really know anyone? Am I ever going to see that other side of him? Or maybe even worse, how well do even my closest friends genuinely know me if I cannot express myself fully when in their presence?

Graduation day 2004

I am sitting in bed reading a book tonight when I look over to my left at framed photos of my brother, and I realize that it’s been just over ten years since I graduated from high school. Two of the photos are from May 2008, when I graduated from college, and my brother is with my parents at the Boston Commons and watching ducks swim. In the last photo, we are standing together on my high school graduation day, a sunny blue sky day in front of San Francisco City Hall, in June 2004, with me in my cap and gown, and him in a full suit and tie. We are both smiling at the camera, squinting from the sunlight.

Then I look closely at the suit Ed is wearing, and I wonder if it’s the suit we buried him in. I think it’s the same one.

He was really happy that day. His little sister was graduating from high school and about to start a new life in the Boston area. He was actually going to attend my graduation this time, unlike my middle school “graduation.” And he was going to shower me with all these gifts I didn’t really deserve to show how much he loved me and how proud he was.

He got all dressed up for me, which ended up peer pressuring all three of my cousins to at least wear button up shirts and slacks instead of their regular street clothes. “You’re wearing a suit?” One of my cousins asked Ed as we were getting ready to leave for Bill Civic Auditorium, where my high school graduation was held. “Why not?” Ed said. “Yvonne’s graduating!” My cousin immediately ran back to his room, obviously changing his mind about what to wear that day.

High school graduation was one of the happiest days of my life. I remember it with great clarity and pride; it was honestly a much happier period family-wise. I actually felt close to my cousins and my uncle, and I felt like we had as cohesive of an extended family I could have asked for. My entire family came – my parents, Ed, my two aunties and uncle on my dad’s side, and my three cousins who lived in the Bay Area. Everyone took the day off to see me walk across that stage and get my diploma. My then-boyfriend came, as did a couple of friends who had graduated the year before I did. I think I had to special request 12 graduation bids for my guests. My cousin’s now wife joined us for dinner that night at Roy’s but dropped an orchid lei off for me that morning, telling me I needed to have a lei at my graduation. My uncle had a special occasion lei ordered and shipped from Hawaii for me that day.

Ed was always suffering, but that day was probably one of those days that he suffered a little less. I still can’t believe it’s been ten years since that day. I keep thinking it in my mind, but I never thought that he wouldn’t be here ten years later, and it really hurts. I have no words anymore. It’s all like broken records to me. It will never stop hurting.

Vaccination booklet

I hate that feeling of looking for something constantly and not being able to find it. When I got all my travel vaccines for Brazil, I left the booklet stuck in a massive stack of paper about vaccines and international travel on the kitchen counter. Chris put it away somewhere, and now I have no idea where it is. Even though I just found out I don’t need the booklet since proof of the yellow fever vaccine is not required for re-entry into the U.S, it still bothers me that I don’t know where it is.

So as I am fumbling through different papers and documents, I come across an official copy of my brother’s death certificate at the bottom of the pile. I’d never seen a death certificate before I’d seen my brother’s. Who would have thought it would have so many details on it? It even has to have the decedent’s parents’ places of birth. I have only really looked at it three times, and each time has not ended very well.

Car ride

Last night, I dreamt I was in a car in Lake Placid with my parents and Ed, except that it looked nothing like what I remembered from our weekend trip a few weeks ago with Chris and his parents. We were driving up what looked to be a massive plastic red slide, and I was wondering if that was supposed to be covered in snow for people to sled or ski down during the winter. Ed was asking where we were going, and I told him we were upstate in Lake Placid. He didn’t seem particularly excited about the trip at all. And the sky looked pretty gray and miserable.

It was one of those very uneventful dreams where nothing really great or terrible happened, and you wake up wondering what the point of all that was.