While on my short walk to dinner with a friend just 10 minutes away, I was thinking about how everyday a dinner with a friend currently is, and how it’s not going to be as easy once the baby comes. Going to the theater or a comedy show is just an everyday thing in New York, but all these seemingly everyday fun outings aren’t as simple with a child. In the future, I’ll have to think about who’s going to look after the baby when I am out, or if Chris will be able to, or if a friend or babysitter will be needed. That’s actually one downside of not having grandparents around: you don’t just automatically get free babysitting when you need it. And with friends, most friends won’t be willing or able (who wants to change diapers?!) to babysit, while others… well, their ability or trustworthiness with a tiny human who can’t fend for herself may be a bit questionable. Once upon a time, it would “take a village” to raise and look after a child. Now, it’s really just the parents assuming grandparents aren’t around, and whatever hired help they can find or afford. And when I had a pediatrician online consult today, she suggested that the baby not go on the subway or any public transportation until she at minimum has her first set of vaccines at around 2 months of age, which means that we’ll be restricted to places walking distance from our area, or Uber/cab rides.

Life changes pretty quickly with a new family addition. But my hope is that amidst all the lack of sleep, blow-outs, poop and pee everywhere, and disheveled household, that I’ll be able to enjoy these moments because babies grow up so fast. Time really flies quickly, especially the older I get. I can’t even believe we’re already in autumn of 2021 and that I’m now in my 31st week of pregnancy!

For the first time in almost a week, I actually fell asleep lying down last night. I couldn’t believe it. It actually felt like a miracle! Even though it was about 4-5 nights of pain and being forced to sleep sitting up, being able to sleep half on my side last night and partly on my back felt joyous and amazing, like a great feat that was achieved. It sounds ridiculous when you think about it, but it really felt that way to me. I was terrified that I’d have painful shooting sciatic pain for the rest of my pregnancy. It may come back depending on the changing position of the baby, but for now, I will enjoy my little respite.

A lot will change once the baby comes, as pretty much every professional, doctor, and parent will tell me. I’ll need to enjoy the seemingly little things or small moments, whether that is being able to sleep an hour or two at a time, getting outside for fresh air for just 10-15 minutes, having enough energy to prepare an actual from-scratch dish, or having what I perceive to be a full-on shower with my hair fully washed and towel dried. So I might as well start enjoying the small wins now while I can, and sleep as much as I can for as many uninterrupted periods (well, other than peeing what feels like every two hours).

Last night, we went to see the comedian Jo Koy at Radio City Music Hall. It was a much longer show than expected that also ended with a bit of a ’90s R&B concert series; Jo Koy can really sing!! Every time we’re at the theater, comedy, or at events where there’s lots of noise and social interaction, the baby tends to get a lot more active than usual, kicking and waving her hands all over the place, shifting, turning, and making her presence known. It’s almost like she knows that fun is outside of the womb, and she wants to be included in the action.

I’ve also noticed that recently, I think I can detect the difference between her movement and her hiccups. The movements are like more distinct kicks, turns, swivels, pushes, and waving, whereas the hiccups are like her whole tiny body shakes… which feels like my entire uterus shaking from being started. I suppose she is drinking in all the amniotic fluid, which is supposed to taste like what I am eating!

I went into the maternal fetal medicine/ultrasound unit at the hospital this morning for my fourth complete ultrasound, the 30-week ultrasound. At this ultrasound, the goal is to assess the amount of growth of the baby to ensure she is on track (and actually growing) to survive outside of the womb. Unfortunately, Chris was allowed to go only to the 12- and 20-week scans, so the 16-week and this 30-week scan I had to do on my own. Fortunately, the sonographer did allow me to record some of the scanning she did. It was much, much shorter than all of the previous hospital scans I’d done. The 20-week scan was excruciatingly long, but this one lasted probably less than 10 minutes, which I was really surprised by because on the phone when I confirmed my appointment, they told me to set aside at least 30-45 minutes. The sonographer took a close look at her hands, feet, limbs, and measured her head and stomach. She also took a closer look at the baby’s brain. Baby growth still looks good, and her heart beat looks good as well. The doctor said everything looked normal and on track, and he had no concerns. So the next time I go in, which I believe is my last hospital scan, is at 35 weeks.

The sonographer also tried to focus in on the baby’s face to get a 3D image of her, and when I saw it, I thought… wow. She really looks like Chris did when he was a little baby. My little baby looks like my big baby now. 😀

Two chiropractor visits and $150 later, I thought I was on the road to recovery. And last night, I woke up in the middle of the night and knew that something had regressed in my leg right away when I tried to bend it, and my knee immediately hurt. I felt the shooting pains again, and I hobbled my way to the bathroom to pee. Nooooo, I thought to myself. My limp was getting better, and I didn’t need to hobble like this, so why am I hurting AGAIN?

I felt the baby move, and I noticed that again, her position had changed. This is all really being caused by her shift in positions. So maybe the chiropractor helped. But maybe not enough because nothing he does can really prevent the baby from moving into a position that will push down on my nerves.

How long is this going to last? Am I going to be in an on-again, off-again pain situation for the rest of my pregnancy? I was hoping to be physically active and productive for the rest of this pregnancy, and I’m not sure it’s going to be exactly as I envisioned with this sciatic nerve issue. I’m downtrodden. Whyyyyyyy?

The baby had moved positions in the wee hours of the morning before my chiropractor appointment, but I wondered if this visit would additionally help me at all. I went in, spoke with the doctor, and told him where I was experiencing pain and what it felt like. He asked some follow up questions and asked some clarifying questions, and he came to the conclusion that I was suffering from facet syndrome with mild sciatic neuropathy as a result of the uterus pushing down on my facet bones in my pelvic region and ultimately my sciatic nerve. He massaged my lower back, some pressure points around my butt bone and hip, and also adjusted me in three different spots. Well, no one is going to complain about a massage! And the adjustments felt really good, though the first one did seem a little scary initially. While all of this was a new experience to me, I actually found it a little comical that it had taken me this long to see a chiropractor. Both my parents regularly see the same chiropractor. When Ed was still here, he saw the same family chiropractor, as well. It was really only a matter of time before I finally saw one, too.

He ended our session by whipping out an object that appeared to be a cross between a drill and a multiple-bullet nerf gun. It looked pretty terrifying. He said that it might hurt a bit, but he also insisted that it would help relieve a lot of my tightness along my hip and IT band in my leg. So he applied it on both sides, slowly running it up and down the sides of my thighs and hips, and while it was a little painful initially, the pain gradually transitioned into a rough massage feeling, and when he finally shut the device off, I felt even further relief. “So, what is that called, and I can get one of those things?” I asked him, grinning.

Welp, lay people like myself can’t just pick up one of those devices from Amazon. You actually have to be a certified chiropractor with a practice to use those things. At least I tried to ask.

I went back again today. If anything, the visit was worth it just for the massage and that amazing drill-nerf gun device, which could be like my new best friend.

Last night until about 2-3am, it was pretty much impossible to find a position that was comfortable and didn’t result in burning sensations or shooting pains down my hip and right leg. I kept trying to adjust in bed, and everything failed. Chris finally dragged the sturdy leather chair from the second bedroom into our bedroom, and we took a big diaper box and plopped it in front of the chair as a makeshift leg stool. He arranged the pillows and blankets on the chair for me to attempt to sleep there. It was much more comfortable there, and I pushed the ice pack onto my right hip for relief. It still hurt, but I felt more comfortable half lying on something that was more sturdy since our mattress really isn’t too firm. The pain lingered until about 3am, and suddenly, something, or SOMEONE, shifted in me. I could feel her movement change and the areas where I felt her hands and feet were not the same anymore. At that point, I needed to pee, so I slowly tried to get myself up, and I quickly realized that it was so much easier than a few hours ago. While my right leg was still weak, I didn’t have the same kind of weakness in my knee. I could walk more comfortably, and it seemed like a relief. The shooting and burning feelings were gone, too. THANK GOD.

After I used the bathroom, I attempted to go back to bed to sleep. I still couldn’t lie down and feel comfortable, so instead, I just sat at about a 45 degree angle and fell asleep. It felt like a small victory… all because baby likely decided to shift her position.

This little baby could very much be both the biggest blessing and the biggest pain of my life.

This morning, I was limping. I knew that I wasn’t even close to 100 percent, but I wasn’t experiencing any shooting pains down my leg, so I figured I could at least go to the gym to walk on the treadmill, do some upper body exercises, and stretch my back and limbs, so I did that. Except, well, the stretching of the limbs didn’t really go so well. I knew something felt wrong when I got up from my child’s pose and felt a deeper dull ache on my right side. I limped my way out of the gym and onto the elevator, back to my apartment. Undressing for the shower was extremely uncomfortable; I had to sit down the whole time while undressing. And then finally when I got all my clothes off, I tried going to the bathroom and totally failed. I ended up crouching, then lying on the floor naked, wondering how I had come to this. I kept trying to get up, but my right leg felt so weak and the shooting pains were starting again that I could barely gather the energy to get my entire body up. So I gave up and just laid there, feeling miserable and sorry for myself. I Slacked my boss to let her know I had to take the afternoon off and that I’d reschedule all my meetings.

Then, I laid there for a good 30 minutes before I was finally able to get up, limping even harder into the bathroom. I somehow found the energy to make it into the shower. Boy, did THAT take a lot of effort. I think the warmth of the water really helped because after that, I was actually more mobile and nimble. I then proceeded to call multiple chiropractor offices to see if they’d take my insurance and tried to make the closest appointment possible. Unfortunately, none of them were in-network with ANY insurance (how fun for me), but I was desperate and I needed SOMEONE to help me feel better.

I finally made an appointment for 10am the next day, and I hope this helps. It will be my first time at a chiropractor’s office, so I hope I leave feeling better and not broken.

The pain doesn’t seem to be stopping. And the worst part is, it’s inconsistent regarding what actually makes me feel better. Lying all the way down feels terrible regardless of what position it is. Sitting for too long is uncomfortable. Walking, surprisingly enough, is actually comfortable despite the pain I feel when the weight is on the right side. But then when I did some new stretches this afternoon that were supposed to help, I felt even worse. I laid on the bed for a good half hour, constantly switching positions and having no clue how to alleviate the pain.

Chris suggested I walk in the pool, as the water could help. So I walked up and down the lines for a while and finished with a few swims on my back because I can’t be bothered sticking my face in the water. That felt pretty good. Then, I carefully went into the jacuzzi, trying to ensure the belly wasn’t submerged in the water, just to get the jets pushing water out against my thighs right along my IT band where the pain seems to be. While all of that felt good, as soon as I got out of the water, I didn’t feel good again. What is going to help…. someone please help meeeee.

I contacted my doula, who suggested prenatal massage and/or a chiropractor who specializes in pregnancy. I emailed my OB for help. I even texted the trainer at the gym for some stretching advice. Why do I have all these lines of support yet I still feel miserable and like nothing is actually concretely helping me in this moment?