Toddlers are a fun and exhausting group of tiny humans. I always loved learning about child development as soon as I got pregnant because I found every step of the way fascinating, especially as I was watching my own tiny human get bigger and bigger each day. While Kaia has been developing more of her own unique personality and traits, there are some things that just seem to be universal to all toddlers:

*Babies and toddlers tend to learn and say “no” and negative phrases (“don’t want/don’t like” or “don’t wanna!”) before they learn “yes” and positive phrases.

*Toddlers can go through a day of eating all of X food, then be completely repulsed by it the next day and refuse it, even throwing it off their table.

*Babies and toddlers absolutely love repetition, whether that’s of the game “Peekaboo” a hundred times or the same book read 10 times.

*When toddlers go through their tantrum phase, it’s like something innately goes off in them that forces them all to lay on the floor, face down, and just kick and scream.

I would love to hear the scientific or data-based reasons for why all the above tends to be universal?

On Kaia’s floor bed, she has a regular pillow she sleeps on, two smaller pillows that Chris or I will put our heads on while getting her to fall asleep, plus a cushiony bed bumper between the two sets of pillows. Each night, she knows her side of the bed, though she will usually insist on snuggling up next to or on top of me as she falls asleep. Tonight, when I tried to move so that my body was actually on her side of the bed, she clearly was not a fan. She immediately yelled, sat up, pointed at the two smaller pillows, and said emphatically, “You be here!” She wouldn’t calm down until a few seconds later, when I obediently moved to “my” side of the bed and rested my head on the pillows. At that point, she smiled and lied down next to me, snuggling her head against my neck, stomach down, and eventually drifted to sleep.

Pronouns are a bit tricky for babies and toddlers. They tend to learn these later on, so instead of saying “you” or “I” when I talk to her, I usually say, “Kaia brushes her teeth now, or, “Mummy goes to shower now.” When Kaia says she wants something, she will say “Want” or “wanna” or “wanna wanna.” To date, she has not said “I….” anything. So it was actually pretty cute when instead of saying “mummy,” she said “you” in “You be here!”

The other thing that Kaia is quickly realizing is that everyone or thing has its place or place to be. And well, according to her, my place to be at bedtime is on my two pillows, not on top of her pillow.

When you have a baby or toddler crawling/running around, there’s really no such thing as “boundaries.” Your space is their space, and their space is your space. Literally everything is shared, whether it’s your breasts (assuming you’re breastfeeding) or your time on the toilet.

In the last couple of months, Kaia has been expressing intrigue over the toilet, especially when she sees me go. To encourage her curiosity, I always let her come into the bathroom with me when I have to use the toilet, and I explain the steps of using the toilet. The other day, though, she suddenly insisted that I go poop. She dragged me over to the toilet, lifted the toilet lid, pointed into the toilet, and demanded, “Mummy, poop! Poop!”

I told her that that’s not how it works; I didn’t actually have to go. Kaia got really upset and kept insisting that I go poop. I told her “no” repeatedly. Finally, when she realized that I definitely wasn’t going to poop in the toilet, she once again splayed her body all over the bathroom floor and cried.

Welp, I wasn’t expecting that — a tantrum because mommy refused to go poop on demand. Interesting toddler moments, and another one to remind her of when she’s older.

This weekend, Chris finally took Kaia’s new floor mattress/bed out of the box and let it poof up. On Saturday, she slept on it for the first time. And last night, I slept with her on the bed. I’ve been staying with her at night, at least partially, to encourage her to sleep in her own bed. Like last year, when we returned from Australia, she just wanted to sleep with us and hated being by herself. So at some point during the night, especially now that she can walk and open doors, she would creep back into our bedroom and plop herself onto her bed. Most of the time, she wouldn’t cry or whine; she’d just quietly make her way back, sliding back to our room in her sleep sack and all. Last year, she cried because she was trapped in her crib and had no way of getting out. She also couldn’t walk back then. It’s crazy how times have changed. Now, she is mobile and goes pretty much everywhere she wants. We’ve even had to bolt the front door to ensure she doesn’t escape the apartment.

We’re hoping that after a few more nights, I can sneak out of her bedroom and have her sleep alone. While I tried this a few times last week, she somehow managed, for a few nights, to sneak her way back in shortly after I left. Toddlers are more all knowing than we want to admit; even when they appear to be fast asleep, they always have at least half an eye on us. Sneaky, sneaky!

On Friday night, it was a bit brutal putting Kaia to sleep. After reading half a dozen books, she still refused to go to bed. One and a half hours later, she still refused to sleep and just wanted to sit up and read, read, read. After a while, I just took all her books away, turned off the light, and laid there. She proceeded to “take a break” while sitting with her stuffed animals on her toddler bed (where she NEVER sleeps), and she started talking to each of them, one by one. There’s Winnie the Pooh, Marilyn the pink birthday bear, Henry the rabbit, and a kangaroo (still nameless). This is how the conversation goes, with her playing both herself and each of the stuffies:

Kaia: Pooh! Pooh! Time to sleep!

Kaia (as Pooh): No! No, I don’t wanna!

Kaia: You have to sleep! Lie down! Lie down right now!

Kaia (as Pooh): No, no, no! I take a break!

Kaia: Marilyn, time to sleep!

Kaia (as Marilyn): No, I don’t like it!

Kaia: Lie down right now! (pushes Marilyn down into a lying position)

Kaia: Henry! You wanna read?

Kaia (as Henry): No, no, no! I don’t wanna!

It was extremely adorable to watch and listen to this role play. I found it hilarious that she was bossing each of them around, probably like how she hears Chris and me boss her around, and she still wanted them to “take a break.” It’s hard being a toddler: you rarely have choices, and someone’s always forcing you to do stuff on their schedule, not yours. But it’s all a part of growing up. One day, she will be able to make her own decisions… and that will be its own level of craziness to me.

This morning, I was enjoying a hot cup of Hong Kong milk tea that I’d made for Chris and me when Kaia came up to me and kept peering into my steaming cup. Usually, she knows when I am drinking tea and says, “mummy tea,” but this time, she said, “Want some? Want some tea?” I’m trying to keep her away from caffeine for as long as possible, so I told her that this was mummy’s tea and that Kaia couldn’t have any. She proceeded to have a bit of a tantrum and yelled that she still wanted some, but I told her that instead, she could have water or milk (this didn’t go over very well). She continued her tantrum but then suddenly quieted down and stopped. She then went to the corner of the room, laid down on the floor with her butt sticking up high in the sky, and said, “Wanna take a break. Take a break.” She laid there quietly for some time, and we just observed her and quietly chuckled.

I’m guessing, based on how I’ve seen her teacher at school interact with the kids, that this is how her teacher helps the kids regulate their emotions. She manages their tantrums and “big feelings” with suggesting to “take a break” from the world and just be one with one’s feelings, quietly moving away from everyone and being by oneself. Kaia’s already done this a number of times just this Saturday, and it actually seems to be self-calming. After she gets up from her face-down position on the floor, wherever she is, she seems to go back to her usual happy self.

Well, I can get behind this. Regulating emotions is a huge part of toddlerhood, so if this helps her navigate her big feelings, then I am all for it (and also, all for less tantrums, especially screaming high pitched ones!).

This evening, Kaia had a decent dinner, and oddly, she rejected any fruit we offered her at the end. She didn’t want blueberries or mandarins that we suggested. So we cleaned her up and let her play a bit before bedtime. As I was washing some dishes at the sink, Kaia kept pointing at the fruit bowl on the counter, specifically calling out the bananas on it. “Banana! Banana!” she yelled a few times.

I wasn’t sure I wanted to give it to her. The last several times she asked to eat a banana and I opened them for her, she refused to take even a single bite. But this time, I decided to just hand her the banana whole and see what she would do. Well, one minute later, she had bitten through the banana peel into the flesh and was chewing away at the entire fruit. A fat bite of the peel was sitting on my kitchen floor, and she happily chomped away at the whole banana, completely unaware of how strange this behavior actually was.

Well, I guess that was a sign that she really did want to eat the banana. So I went ahead and peeled it and let her eat it, holding the banana from the base peel. In the end, it was quite miraculous: she’d actually eaten about 90 percent of the entire banana, which was a decent size. She left me about one bite that she didn’t want anymore and handed it back.

This reminded me of the time about one year ago when she was a young toddler/big baby, and she asked for a mandarin, but I was multitasking and trying to get something else cleaned. So I had handed her the mandarin whole and asked her to wait until I finished cleaning something on the counter. Two minutes later, she had chewed through the mandarin skin and gotten to the segments. I took a picture of the fruit looking totally mauled, like it was attacked by an animal. It would serve as a way to remember how cute my baby was when she didn’t want to wait for me to peel her fruit.

Even when you aren’t aware, babies and toddlers are constantly taking in all the information around them, from your words (in whatever language) to your facial expressions to your actions. These tiny humans really are little sponges. That’s why as their parents, it is our job to try to do as much as possible to teach them, whether it’s with language or through our actions. They will do as we do, not do as we say, as every parent so wisely knows. Today, we all had the day off as it was President’s Day, and we went out for ramen in the neighborhood and went to a playground afterwards with Kaia. At the ramen shop, as Kaia was getting reunited with her beloved noodles once again, I asked her what these were while Chris started swinging them in the air from his chopsticks. Instead of responding in English with noodles, she let out a little giggle and grinned, exclaiming, “Mian! Mian!” She was saying noodles in Chinese. My heart almost burst.

Even when I don’t think she’s paying attention or listening to me, she actually is. And it’s in these moments when it’s evident. It reminded me of the time when I was patting her dry after a bath on the bathroom floor while she wiggled around on top of her towel, and out of nowhere, she started singing the “Lao Shu Ai Da Mi / Mouse Love Big Rice” Mandarin song chorus that I realized she was always listening when I was singing to her. She sang it with the right tune and almost all the right words. She was really paying attention and taking it all in.

She also has her very affectionate moments after refusing hugs and kisses when I ask for them, whether in English or Chinese. While I was stir frying sugar snap peas with king oyster mushrooms this late afternoon, she came over and insisted that I hold her up because she wanted to see the stove action. I held her up to see, and she said she wanted some snap peas and mushrooms. When I tried to put her down to scoop out the stir-fry from the pan, she insisted I hold and hug her as she nestled her face into my neck. I couldn’t help but think it was so sweet, so I stopped what I was doing and just sat with her on the kitchen floor, hugging her close. These are the moments, I thought. I have to embrace them while I can because one day, they will be no more, as she will be all grown up and running away from me.