There is only one word to really describe today: surreal. “Stressful,” “overwhelmed,” “conflicted,” and oddly “emotional” are other ways to encapsulate it, as well. It’s strange how we envision different scenarios playing out, and then when reality comes, it’s filled with all these things you didn’t expect. Part of being an adult is making decisions and living by them. We spend most of our childhoods relying on parents to decide everything for us, and then we are led out into the cold, harsh world to fend for ourselves. Even if in the end, you realize that you hate what that decision resulted in, at least you made the decision yourself and (hopefully) learned something from it.

One thing I do not miss at all about San Francisco is the constant overcast and fog. There is nothing uplifting about waking up and looking outside the window to see… nothing – just the bright grey color and the realization that no, there will be no blue skies today. Although I am not a fan of humidity, it’s so refreshing to know that during my New York summers, I can prance the streets wearing shorts and skirts and dresses and not have to worry about carrying a sweater with me. My hair gets frizzy and my face occasionally feels like an oil spill, but it’s all worth it in the end to feel that warmth on my skin.

Tonight, we went to the Great Lawn in Central Park for the annual New York Philharmonic performance in the park. It’s an event that is highly anticipated every year to the point that people will stake out their spot at 6am the day of just to make sure that they have a good view. By the time 6pm hits two hours before the show, the entire lawn is entirely filled with people and their blankets from end to end. New Yorkers will wait endlessly for anything that is free. I guess I can’t blame them since this city is so expensive, but at times, it just gets to be too desperate.

I’ve always been a health conscious person partly because my dad was always interested in nutrition. Despite this, I also love buttery things and sweets, but I’ve always thought I’ve maintained a good balance. Then I decided a few months ago to start exercising more rigorously in the mornings, which somehow led to my being more conscious about portion sizes and calories, so then I started eating a little less and being more concerned about things like fiber. What the habit book I am reading says is true: when you adapt one good habit, it tends to lead to other new habits that may or may not be related that overall, will be beneficial for you and make you happier and more satisfied.

Despite the changes that we go through during our lives, it’s comforting and refreshing all at once when we have some things that always remain there. I honestly haven’t kept that many friends over the years, so the ones I do have, I’m extremely grateful we still are connected. The friends who have known you the longest who stay in touch with you – those the ones who will usually see how much you have evolved and changed – and are also the ones who will keep you in check when you do really stupid things. And it’s the most warming feeling when you know that you are happy in your current stage of life, that long-time friend is, and both of you are genuinely, truly happy for each other.

It’s odd to look back on the last few years of my life in New York and realize how changing one aspect of my life would then have a domino effect on everything else. I suppose it makes sense; everything in your life is interconnected in some way. That’s why it’s all in your life. When some habits end, new habits form and replace the old ones. When some leave your life, (hopefully) new people will come in to fill those voids and provide you with even more. I’m not quite sure where I am going, but I do know that wherever it is, it will only be a brighter, much happier place than yesterday and today. Each day can only be better.

Tonight, we went to see the off-Broadway show First Date, which showcased what a modern-day (blind) first date could be like. During the show, the man waiting on the first date couple’s table is obviously attuned to what is going on between the two – their strange quirks and dynamic, their awkward moments and odd transitions. I realized that since I’ve moved to New York, I’ve learned to completely block out what is around me when I don’t care. Chris always notices when a couple near us is on a first or second date; I completely shut them out as though no one else is there. I used to think it was nearly impossible to block out surrounding noise; now, I’ve almost become a master of it.

My friend and I were discussing our mothers today and both agreed that although we both loved our moms to death, we have zero desire to become carbon copies of them when we become mothers ourselves. In most women’s lives, their mothers are the women they respect the most – they raised you, fed you, instilled you with values, and helped shape you into the person you are today. Of course, we want to continue for our children what we loved about our mothers, but we also want to learn from what they taught us and give our children what will hopefully be an even better life. Maybe the mental check list of what to do (and not do) for our children will be helpful when the day finally arrives.

I am a happy person. I can’t remember a time when I was happier. I love the city in which I live, my career is progressing (or so I think it is), I’m exploring new places and learning new things and expanding my interests, and I’ve found the love of my life and get to spend every single day with him. Despite all this, every time I remember any of my dreams when I rise in the morning, something negative is there. Someone is denouncing me, a body of a loved one is getting mutilated, or someone is outright betraying me. Sometimes when I reflect on this, I wonder if I’m really meant to be happy. Maybe there is some person or force out there that really doesn’t want me to attain happiness.

I just read an article about The Risk Not Taken, how we don’t really make decisions; they just come to us when we least expect them. Life is really about the roads not taken (yes, Robert Frost, you were right) and how risky they could be to our overall spirituality and inner happiness. I’ve generally always been a risk-averse person, but I’ve realized in my short life that aversion to risk, in the form of choosing a mate that seemingly would be a fit or a job that is stable and “secure,” can lead to an incredibly boring, unfulfilling life. I don’t want to be 80 one day, look back on my life, and think about all the things I wished I had done.