3.5 year gap

Tonight, I met up with my cousin, his wife, and their two young children, ages 3.5 and 5, for dinner in Hermosa Beach. The last time I saw my cousin was at my wedding over 3.5 years ago; the last time I saw his wife was about two months before that when she was about to pop to give birth to number 2. Their lives have changed quite a bit since then. Hopefully, it won’t be another 3.5 years before we see each other again.

My cousin and his wife seem to be doing pretty well; they seem quite content in their life, which is completely devoid of his mom, who is my aunt, my dad’s younger sister. No one in the family keeps in much contact with her because she’s always been an extreme drama queen, and he told me tonight that he had zero contact with her.

My mom knew I was going to see my cousin this evening, so she suggested I tell him to reconcile with her. I see no reason to intervene and suggest that with someone who is so toxic. If a person cannot find her own faults and admit them to her only child, then in my opinion, she’s not really worth being in touch with. She’d enrich none of their lives. She’d only create more problems and more anxiety for everyone. And my cousin’s fear is that she will not only have a negative impact on his children, her grandchildren, but that his kids will see their grandmother’s negative effect on their dad and be ill effected by it.

Being estranged from your family is hard to say the least. Everyone judges you negatively about it and blames you. But I genuinely think my cousin did the right thing both for himself and his wife, but also for their two kids.

Love languages

My mom never experienced much affection at all from her mom. Her dad died when she was only six, and my mom was the youngest of ten kids in a country, culture, and household where girls were deemed to be useless. My maternal grandmother looked at my mom as the lowest of the low: not only was she a girl, she was also the youngest of ten, so she was of the least importance to her of all the kids. I think my mom took this to heart and instead as a mom to me, always made sure to hug and kiss me and to remind me constantly that she loved me. I don’t believe she did it as much with Ed because he was a boy and therefore less likely to reciprocate with any of the above.

But the one way she always showed love to both of us was trying to get us to eat as much as possible. It’s an Asian parent thing, I suppose, that even if words and actions fail that food will always succeed. No food consumed was ever enough. “Are you still hungry?” “Eat some more.” “Have more of this.” <Adds more stew/stir-fry/dumplings/whatever is on the table to your plate>. The more we would eat, the happier she would be. When I leave home to go back to New York or wherever I am going, during the last meal together, she always insists on my eating more and more and more. And then, if that were not enough, she tries to pack me as many things as possible, whether it’s lao po bing (these winter melon cakes I like that my dad just bought in Chinatown) or more bao “just in case you get hungry on the plane.” This time, I can’t carry as much since I’m heading to LA for the next few days, so she is dismayed that she cannot add much to my luggage. So she insists as she does each time that I a) stay for longer and b) bring a bigger suitcase so she can pack more food for me.

It’s a little crazy and overbearing in some ways (she has legitimately tried to get me to pack 5 pounds of oranges in my luggage to take back from San Francisco to New York!), but in other ways, it’s extremely endearing and an obvious sign of love and affection, so it’s hard for me to tell her that she can’t pack me food because that’s almost like telling her she cannot show me love. To my mom, food is love, and it’s how she communicates she loves me… and how she used to communicate that she loved Ed.

Not coming back

Most of the time when I go home and back to my parents’ house, I always get this vibe that Ed is still there in spirit, that he’s lurking somewhere around the corner and that eventually I will see him. I especially get it in the bedroom where he slept when I go in to dust his old dresser where we keep a large framed photo of him on top. This time, though, when I went up to the dresser, I didn’t feel the same. He didn’t feel the same. It was as though his being gone has been made more permanent now. He’s definitely never coming back, and perhaps he’s at peace with it. Or maybe I’m projecting, and it’s really that I am finally at peace with the fact that I know for sure he will never come back ever again to this house, to this life.

Still can’t believe it’s been over six years now.

Kids’ birthdays in New York

Space is limited in New York City, and when it’s limited, it means that it’s expensive. And so when it was my cousin’s son’s 7th birthday party today, it meant only a two-hour block of time at a children’s bounce castle play house — exactly 2:55 to 4:55, no more, no less. I genuinely thought it was a typo on the e-vite my cousin sent out. But let’s note that “two hours” really meant one hour in the bouncy house and one hour in a windowless, gymnasium/cafeteria style room with brightly painted walls that screamed of a terrible middle or high school life once again.

And because we got there late since we decided to get banh mi from Sunset Park in Brooklyn, we missed the kids’ play time in the bouncy castle and got stuck only experiencing the miserable room where there was no natural light, and kids and adults alike ate cheese and pepperoni pizza, drank soda and water, and ate generic ice cream cake.

I came for my cousin’s son, who barely took any notice of me and didn’t really seem to like any of his “friends” who were invited, either, other than two young girls. At least I didn’t have to watch him open gifts; that is always the worst part to me.

Lighting tones

I’ve been struggling to get the light the way I really want it in my kitchen for filming cooking videos. The ideal light is always sometime between late morning and early afternoon; after that, all these shadows start forming and it becomes very unflattering to do video. But then our handyman friend suggested tilting the living room ceiling lights to face into the kitchen and tilted some. As I was shooting chicken enchiladas today, I realized that there is still a bright yellow tint after the sun sets… and I wasn’t really thrilled with the close up shots of my enchiladas. They look too yellow and warm, which means I’ll need to figure out how much color editing I’d be able to do to correct this.

Chris then proceeded to move a few more of the living room ceiling lights into the kitchen, which is actually a good thing because we never want the living room that bright anyway. Now, the kitchen looks like a studio for shooting! And the light would be accurate to show the color of the enchiladas or anything else.

Grubhub gone wrong

Given that our Seamless app has converted into Grubhub for our corporate accounts where we get a daily $20 credit to use, the number of options has increased exponentially since this switch; I can’t even count how many new places I now have access to at work that I didn’t even know I could order from! So today, I tried a Georgian place not too far away from the office. For $11, I ordered khinkali, which are Georgian dumplings with a thick, handmade skin, normally filled with a ground meat mixture. I rarely get to eat Georgian food; the last time I had it was in July, when I was in Rego Park seeing off my friend moving to Hong Kong, and we had a delicious Georgian feast together. I excitedly waited for my dumplings to arrive.

And, arrive they did. A teeny tiny box of… three dumplings. That’s three dumplings for $11. Really? That’s all I get?! While they were quite delicious, they weren’t particularly large, and it was just sad to see these three little blobs in my box alone. “Is that all you got?” my colleague said, looking over with a wrinkled brow at my box.

Welp. That was the first and last time I’m ordering from there. Delicious? Yes. Good value? Absolutely, heck no.

Autumn is here

Autumn officially started a couple of weeks ago, but the temperatures didn’t really start dipping into the “I need to wear a jacket in the morning” feeling until this week. I resisted it on Monday, when it was definitely jacket weather, but I rebelled and left the house only wearing a thin cotton cardigan on top… and then really regretted it and wear my office hoodie home. I go through this same phase every year when summer has ended and autumn is pushing its way into my life: I resist, resist, resist, and then cave in.

The only things keeping me going are what’s keeping me productive: autumn baking and cooking, as well as video editing and my channel. Autumn is a great time for baking with all the squash and spices, so it is a good time to experiment again.

Picky eating as an adult choice

If you know me at all, you will know I absolutely hate picky eaters. As a child of a certain age, it’s passable because you’re a child and your taste buds are still developing, but an adult, it is not. You maybe get 3-5 different things you’re allowed to hate and can refuse to eat, and then after that, your tastes in food are pretty much just dead to me; I could never take you seriously for any food advice, opinions, or recommendations. Because as an adult, it is a choice to be picky. It is a choice to be close minded to new things, new ideas, new foods, new cultures’ foods that you’ve never had before. Unless you have serious food allergies or a disease that prevents you from trying new things, it’s just a childish choice to me.

So I was sitting at the lunch table today, listening to a new colleague go on and on about how picky of an eater he is, that picky eating is a “personality trait” and that he can’t stand ground meat, but he’d happily eat a burger or a meatball “because in one, it’s all put together, and in the other, it’s just all crumbled all over the place.” I could feel my blood pressure go up. He was literally sitting there, thriving on all this attention he was getting, this grown white man, having nearly every person around the lunch table poke and prod, ask him “what about this?” and “will you eat that?” His face was truly priceless. I don’t know what made him more excited: the attention he was getting from his pickiness or his actual pickiness not being completely shat on by someone like me.

I’m an adult. And part of being an adult is remembering to think before we speak. So, instead of saying anything, I chose to simply leave the lunch table. I can’t be around ignorant talk, nor can I be around reinforcement of ignorance. This is the exact kind of person I really do not want to spend any time around at all.

New York City – the city everyones wants to come to

I wonder if I’d be able to access data for exactly how many people in a given week come to New York for work. And then after I look at the data for that, I’d really like to understand of the number of people who travel to New York for work whether that travel was actually necessary for real business purposes, or if it was justified as fluffy internal meetings or accompanying supposed direct reports on their customer meetings. Regardless, New York is a hot place to visit, and it’s an even hotter place to visit when you’re not traveling on your own dime.

I cannot even count the number of “fluffy” BS visits I’ve heard of at companies where I’ve worked when people just wanted an excuse to travel to New York, so they made them up. The most recent one was for a supposed “internal” training that would have lasted an hour… and could easily have been done over a video and screen-share meeting.

So oftentimes now, when I hear that someone is coming to New York for “business” purposes, I usually just chuckle to myself and think, “Sureeeee they are.”

Yvonne meets Food “launch”

After several months of studying and practicing video editing about once a week, shooting videos both in my kitchen and on the road, today, I’m finally launching my YouTube channel Yvonne meets Food, which as of today, has 10 videos fully edited and uploaded. Most of them are cooking videos which are focused on basic recipes that have just a handful of ingredients; others are more complex, like the red mole recipe. And then I have one travel video posted where I filmed in Chengdu while eating mapo doufu (tofu). Not all of this was very well planned, and there aren’t always smooth transitions or the best use of color overlays since I’m still in the process of figuring things out, but it’s coming along, and I’m enjoying the process a lot more now that I have a semi-hang of things.

In the beginning, video editing was extremely painful, but now, it’s almost like a fun, interesting creative release, a far departure from the everyday expected ups and downs of office and customer life. I can experiment with color, angles, and music. Even though I’m not much of a music person, testing out different types of music to set moods for different shots has probably been the most interesting for me. The music site I’ve been using for music has really great tutorials on how to edit videos to the beat, which I plan on using more when I shoot travel and field pieces.

In some ways, it feels like a second job, and in other ways, it feels like a creative outlet that just requires a bit more time and intense focus. But I hope something interesting will come of this. Life is short.