Moving Day once again after 4 years

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“This will be the easiest move of your life,” Chris said, as we started filling up large plastic storage bins and endless reusable cloth bags with our belongings.

We’re moving “very very far,” or, well, just a floor up in the same building into a larger 2-bedroom, 2 bathroom apartment. It will be the very first time since I was growing up that I’ll live in a place that has more than one bathroom, which is kind of crazy to me. Our apartment will have southwest exposure, which means we’ll not only have views of the Hudson River, but also views of downtown Manhattan. We hired movers just to move furniture, and we moved the rest of our belongings on our own. We didn’t have to package and tape anything, nor did we need to buy any one-time-use moving boxes, which was nice (and good for the environment). With the large storage bins, the luggage cart, and of course an elevator, plus easy access to two stairwells, although it took a lot of trips up and down, we were eventually able to move every single non-furniture item ourselves. Granted, I willl say that I emptied out the entire kitchen and the vast majority of the closets since Chris claimed he had to wait for the Verizon guy to show up (and because it was a stormy afternoon-evening, there seemed to have been a huge delay), so a considerable chunk of this “move” was me going up and down the stairs and elevators about a gazillion times to finally get most of our non-furniture belongings moved over. After about 14 hours of constantly going up and down between the two floors, emptying out storage bins and our endless supply of stuffed reusable bags, I was totally pooped. I can already feel my calves getting sore from all the excessive exercise. I should win an award for the most physical activity related to moving for a pregnant woman ever.

But now, we are in our new home, the third home we’ve shared, and the second home we’ve shared just with each other. I’m looking forward to new memories being made in this new, spacious apartment, along with the hopeful healthy arrival of our new family member.

Body image

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I cannot count the number of people I’ve met and stories I’ve read of people everywhere who have body image issues, and not just body image issues because of Hollywood and mass media and the unrealistic depiction of male and female bodies, but rather because… of their own parents. It’s not always about what parents say directly to their children that results in these body image insecurities, but what they do and say to and about themselves. Children of all ages are really perceptive; they pick up on even the subtlest things that their parents do.

I’m grateful and lucky to say that my parents have never tried to make me look any different than I do (well, unless you count the times my mom wanted me to continue having blunt cut bangs or attempted to forbid me from plucking my eyebrows). They’ve never told me that I needed to gain or lose weight, that I was fat or ugly, or that I needed to exercise more/less. My parents are likely some of the least superficial people I know, and so from what I know about them, they’ve never worried a lot about their own appearances. With me, they have only told me that I am beautiful the way I am, and there’s no reason to change what I am. I have friends who have parents who’ve saved money for them to get cosmetic surgery. I also have friends and family members who have been constantly told by their parents that they need to lose weight or are fat. These ideas are all very foreign to me, but I am grateful that my parents have accepted my appearance for what it is.

I thought about this today as I thought about all the women who get self conscious about weight gain during pregnancy. Multiple online pregnancy groups I’ve since unsubscribed to have people obsessing over their weight and how “fat” they are now. But it’s a normal part of life: when you get pregnant, you are literally growing a tiny human, so it should be obvious you will gain weight. It’s been said that someone of average body weight/frame will gain somewhere between 25-35 pounds. I just checked the scale, and it looks like I’m about eight pounds over my usual, pre-pregnancy weight now, which seems steady and on track for being “healthy” while pregnant. I have no idea what my end weight will be, nor do I have any idea exactly how big I will be come labor, but regardless of how I look or feel, I doubt I will get too upset about it because I will just be grateful to have had a, fingers crossed, healthy pregnancy and hopefully healthy birth.

Fetal movements throughout the day

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I can’t believe I’ve made it this far: I’m now in my 19th week of pregnancy. It’s so crazy to me that I nervously went through my embryo transfer at the end of March and have somehow made it out alive and pregnant now that we’re already halfway through July.

I was able to detect fetal movements a few weeks ago, but they were so subtle and strange, like a combination of internal tickling and indigestion, that I didn’t really think much of it. Then, on our flight to Oklahoma, I actually felt what resembled an actual kick that really startled me. Sometimes, it feels like a lot of bubbles inside. And since then, there are specific periods throughout the day when I am fairly certain that it’s actual fetal movement. It tends to happen right after my morning workouts, anytime after I eat or drink a lot of anything, and then, funnily enough, right around bedtime, usually between 9:30-11pm. At night before bed, it is especially distracting: it feels like a combination of rolling and rumbling in my lower abdomen, right up to where my belly button is. I’ve even started sleeping with a pillow between my legs and pulled up to my stomach to provide some support for my gradually growing belly.

Every time I feel the movement, I get really excited. It’s like I’m detecting my baby’s patterns, and we’re almost bonding with each other. I’m not sure the baby feels that way, but I do. Every day, with each movement, I’m getting closer and closer to meeting my miracle baby.

Apartment inspection

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This afternoon, we went through our new apartment unit to do an inspection for things that may need fixing or additional touch ups. It’s strange to think that this will be our new home. Not that it’s far away or different in finishes at all from our current place… it’s one floor up, just in a bigger unit. The kitchen is exactly the same; the bathrooms are designed the same. But it just seems like a lot of space for the two of us. Fingers crossed that all goes well and it won’t just be the two of us for that much longer, but still feels strange to finally have an apartment where there is “free space,” as in a second bedroom for at least the next 8-9 months, will pretty much be unoccupied other than having my work space in it. Ideally, I would like the baby to stay in our room for at least the first 6-8 months, so it’s not technically planned as “just” the baby room for now.

The views of the unit are also much different. For some reason, every time I look out these windows, it feels so much farther away, even though it’s in the SAME BUILDING. It’s a different perspective for sure.

When you care about the common good

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Although President Biden and the CDC have already stated that masks are not necessary if you are fully vaccinated, I am not feeling quite that confident. With the delta variant close at bay and the number of positive cases still at a considerable rate in this country, I do not feel comfortable going unmasked in indoor situations, particularly in crowded spaces. Whole Foods and Trader Joe’s have gradually increased their max capacity numbers, so I can feel that it’s definitely getting more full in those stores during shopping. Given that the vaccination rate here in New York City is quite high, it’s surprising to see that the vast majority other than maybe one or two guys are wearing masks when I go grocery shopping. This is almost like peer pressure for myself to wear a mask, but I’ve already been entering the stores masked. I’m sure that the vast majority of these shoppers are vaccinated, but they’re wearing a mask just for extra protection and to help everyone else. That’s what it really should be about: making small sacrifices to help everyone else. We’re supposed to be a community.

Accumulating too much clutter and junk

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When friends love and appreciate you, they shower you with gifts for every possible event possible: birthdays, Christmases, Hanukkahs, housewarmings, baby arrivals, engagements, weddings, anniversaries — you name it. Sometimes, some friends can be efficient with gift giving (asking explicitly for what you want, wish lists, etc.), some friends can be frugal (waiting until around New Year’s Day to give you your Christmas gift so she can buy it once it’s gone on sale after Christmas). I get it: it’s done out of love. I’m definitely not complaining about it and am grateful when I am gifted items because it means someone’s actually thinking about me. What this inevitably means is… the more friends you have, the chances are high the more stuff you will accumulate. Between Chris and me, we definitely do not have a high quantity of friends, yet somehow, we’ve managed to accumulate so many items that are still brand new, never opened, and never used.

Among the gifts we uncovered during our move: fancy, hand-crafted, made-in-France cheese knives, cutting boards, excess blankets, never-used bowls and plates, a single-scoop ice cream maker, cheese knife-and-board sets, a wine rack, books on random topics. In addition, I’ve also uncovered things we’ve purchased or been gifted that we really just are bored of and have no use for anymore, including popsicle molds, DVD sets, and a picnic umbrella (I am still confused as to why my husband, who is a self-proclaimed picnic hater, not only owns a very large plastic picnic blanket, but also a MASSIVE multi-colored picnic umbrella). We’re creating a pile of items to sell and wondering what we will actually get back for these.

The downside of moving into a larger space is that when you have more space… you will inevitably get more things to fill it up. When you have more closet space, you will find ways (or your family/friends will find ways) to help you fill it up. I hope we do not accumulate too much clutter in this new place and focus on buying/accepting gifts of items we will actually use.

The saddest part about going on a trip: having to come home

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Once upon a time, we used to take multiple trips a year and plan the majority of them out at the beginning of the year so that we always had something to look forward to. There was always a “next trip” on the calendar to greatly anticipate in between the mundane and usual of the everyday with work and nonsensical daily news and politics of the world. Then, the COVID-19 pandemic came crashing down upon us, changing all of our lives in ways we’d never seen in our lifetime. All trips got cancelled. We had no idea when we’d never travel to see a new place.

When boarding the plane yesterday to come back home, all I could think about was: when are we going on another trip? When will we be able to travel freely again? Where will we be going? Where can we actually safely go….?

It’s not that I don’t like home: I obviously love New York, as I’ve willingly lived here the last 13 years. It’s more the idea of having to go back to the daily grind of work, work, and work. And with this trip going home, we’re going to be moving, so we’ll not only have to go back to work, but also start packing up our apartment for our move upstairs. Even though it’s only one floor up, a lot of packing and trips between stairs will need to be done, and who looks forward to moving… ever?

Vietnamese food in the South

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I’m pretty annoyed to admit this: there are more authentic Vietnamese bakeries and restaurants all over Oklahoma, Texas, and Louisiana than there are in New York. Chris noted that other than our trip to Vietnam, we’ve eaten the most Vietnamese food on this trip than on any other trip. We had Vietamese food once in Oklahoma, multiple times in Houston (small bites, full meals, and snacks), and then twice here in New Orleans. Our very last meal this morning before heading to the airport to go home was at Dong Phuong, a famous bakery-restaurant about 25 minutes outside of the main New Orleans downtown area. They have a bakery section that is quite famous not just for their banh mi and Vietnamese baked treats, but also their seasonal king cakes (they’re reputed to be the BEST in New Orleans if you come around Mardi Gras in March!!), and they sell their perfect baguettes in oversized bags of 2, or even in 8s and 10s! Attached to the bakery is a restaurant with a good amount of indoor seating, and next to the restaurant is likely their bakery and cooking operations, which based on the building, is quite extensive and long!

We picked up a special pate/cold cuts banh mi, two types of banh bao (Vietnamese steamed buns), a Vietnamese iced coffee, a jackfruit smoothie with tapioca balls, taro and coconut cream sticky rice, and a slice of cassava-coconut cake. I LOVED ALL OF IT. The banh mi was spectacular, with huge, thick cuts of all the usual Vietnamese sliced meats, a delicious and creamy pate, thickly sliced cucumber, and enough pickled daikon and carrot to balance all the meaty flavors. And the bread was just perfect: super crisp on the outside and light and airy on the inside. I could have easily sat there and eaten five of those sandwiches by myself. While I’m used to the meats and vegetables being sliced thinner, I actually enjoyed the thicker cuts this time as a novelty.

The banh bao were delicious, though Chris thought they were just fine. I don’t get many opportunities to eat Vietnamese style bao, so I try to get them when I see them. The filling is always made differently than the Chinese ones, and you can just tell they taste Vietnamese. Sometimes, it’s because of their liberal use of white pepper. Other times, they have just a hint of fish sauce flavor. And the way the meat tends to be minced is a bit finer, too.

I grew up eating different Vietnamese tapioca and rice-based coconut desserts, so this taro one definitely hit the spot: it even had nice little chunks of creamy taro. Taro and coconut cream paired can never go wrong. The drinks we got also hit the spot: the iced coffee was SUPER potent; I could only have a few sips, otherwise I’d have been wired the rest of the day. The jackfruit smoothie was nice and fruity, and the tapioca balls were soft and chewy, with a hint of honey flavor to them.

I enjoyed the cassava cake at the airport a few hours later, and while it wasn’t as tasty as the version I make, it would serve as a good substitute for when I don’t want to bake a whole cassava cake or bake at all. Love this spot. As we ate our treats outside the bakery before heading to the airport, I watched avidly as the workers rolled over endless hot and toasty baguettes on carts while hungry patrons queued up and waited for their endless orders. So many cars just kept pulling into the parking lot to get their Vietnamese food fix; it’s a good thing their parking lot is so big! I enviously watched one guy leave the bakery with two huge bags of goodies, likely multiple banh mi orders and an entire bag of JUST baguette. He’s a smart dude, I thought. I would totally do that if I lived here!!

Bleeding scare

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A week ago, when we were still in Oklahoma City getting ready to go out for the day, I went to use the bathroom and noticed a slow, bright red drip in the toilet. When I wiped, I saw bright red on the toilet paper. I froze, and my heart nearly stopped. All I did was stare into the toilet, looking at the bright red droplets and wondering what the hell was going on. How could I be bleeding? I just had my 16-week scan two days ago, and the doctor’s actual words out of his mouth were, “Everything looks perfect.” Am I having a late stage miscarriage? I couldn’t even think straight. We literally just told all of Chris’s aunts, uncles, and cousins that I’m pregnant the day before. How could this be happening?

I came out of the bathroom and told Chris that I didn’t know why, but I found blood in the toilet. He asked what the doctor said about this happening. I told him that for this entire pregnancy, I hadn’t had a single drop of spotting, so this wasn’t normal. Unless we’d had sex or my cervix had been irritated, there’s no reason for me to have any spotting. I went to get a panty liner from my backpack in case more blood came. He suggested I call my doctor, so I called, but it was too early, so I left a voice message asking for them to call me back. Chris did some quick searches for bleeding during pregnancy, then calmly reminded me that I just had a cervical exam at my scan just a day and a half ago, so maybe the bleeding was because of that.

Oh. I totally forgot that, I said to him. In my moment of panic, I had forgotten this procedure had been done so recently. He’s right. Maybe that IS what this was. But then my next thought was, why did the bleeding not happen immediately after and instead came two days later…?!

So during breakfast, I went to use the restroom again, and no blood came. There wasn’t even a drop on the panty liner when I checked it. And during our drive that morning, a nurse called back from the doctor’s office to ask about my symptoms. She asked some questions and I told her what I saw. She said that given the blood was bright red and only lasted one bathroom session, it was likely just due to my cervical exam two days before. If I felt any heavy abdominal cramping or fever, or if I had passed dark red blood that could soak a pad or big clotted blood, then it would be a concern, and I would need to see the doctor ASAP. She gave me the emergency number to call in case the bleeding continued but said this didn’t sound concerning.

When you go through nearly two years of trying to conceive and eventually have to resort to IVF to get pregnant, you’re never fully “out of the woods,” even after you’ve survived the first trimester. I know too many women who have had second trimester complications and miscarriages. I’m gradually loosening up and thinking about planning for the future, but I’m still holding my breath a little. I just can’t get too comfortable.

New Orleans

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The last time I visited New Orleans, it was in March 2011 with a group of my friend’s friends. There were eight of us, and we were in Nola to celebrate Mardi Gras, clearly a huge festivity of nudity, endless alcohol and dance, and too many beads that will get sticky and trashed by the end of your visit. A friend had planned the entire trip, so I just went along with whatever restaurants and activities were laid out. I had a lot of fun on that trip, perhaps even a bit too much fun. That trip, in retrospect, was like the marker of the beginning of the end of my then long-term relationship with someone I nearly got engaged to. I had so much fun on that trip that I started wondering why I was with someone who… frankly, really wasn’t that exciting or adventurous, and was relatively conservative and clingy.

Outside of Jazz Fest or Mardi Gras, I tend to have a pretty unpopular opinion: I’m really not that excited by New Orleans overall as a city. The French Quarter is extremely touristy; as we walked the streets last night, all I could smell was a lovely combination of stale alcohol, human urine, and garbage. The food is good, but if one does her research, she will immediately find out that the best creole/cajun food is really to be had in Lafayette, Louisiana. There is good cajun/creole/seafood, and there is also pretty good Vietnamese food (the overall options do pale in comparison to Houston, though, and even Oklahoma City), and while the architecture is pretty, if you aren’t going there for a festival or to party, I’m generally not that interested in New Orleans. You can do ghost tours in other cities in the South, like Savannah. You can get the food elsewhere. There’s great history there, but isn’t there interesting history everywhere?

One thing I will note about the beginning of our time in New Orleans that I enjoyed: pretty much all the businesses we visited during our first two days were Black-owned. A LOT of businesses in New Orleans are Black or minority owned (in some cities, you actually need to do research and try hard to seek these out), so it made me happy to at least have coffee or dine in at shops and restaurants that were owned by POCs.