Category Archives: Preschooler moments

Off to the Caribbean (again)

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There are lots of good things about having Juneteenth recognized as a federal holiday in the U.S. For the obvious reason, it celebrates the emancipation of enslaved African Americans in the U.S. On June 19, 1865, Union troops arrived in Galveston, Texas, to announce that the last enslaved people in the state were free. The sad part about this is that through the Emancipation Proclamation was issued in January 1863, so over a year and a half earlier, it wasn’t until the end of the Civil War in 1865 that the Union Army could enforce this in the westernmost Confederate state of Texas. Concealment of the Emancipation Proclamation was no longer possible after June 19, 1865.

Since former President Biden made Juneteenth a federal holiday, that means that now, I can get a total of four summer holiday days off from work: Memorial Day, Juneteenth, Independence Day, and Labor Day (I never complain about having another day off or holiday). Memorial Day and Labor Day mark the beginning and end of summer for me (at least, mentally speaking), and now Juneteenth can be the beginning of our annual summer trip. Kaia ended Pre-K yesterday, so today is the official start of her summer! Today, we left early in the morning for a direct flight to the first of four islands on our Caribbean trip: Barbados! We’re so used to connecting somewhere during our trips that it felt like a little luxury to be able to fly directly from New York to Bridgetown today. We arrived just past noon and arrived at our hotel, which is the very first all-inclusive resort experience we’ve ever had. This means that all food, drink, and activities onsite are included. It even includes things like made-to-order coffee, the mini bar items in the rooms, the onsite ice cream parlor, any and all meals onsite, as well as the kids club, which runs activities for children age 4 and up from 9am to 9pm every day (and acts as an onsite, included childcare center).

We’re not really relax-at-resort people and never have been, so this is a different experience for us hotel-wise. Before Kaia, we may have used our hotel pools a few times, but that was really it. At a resort we stayed at in Cancun when Kaia was about 1.5, we did have a good amount of pool time, but that was balanced with exploring the real Cancun outside of the tourist area, driving around the Yucatan, and seeing Chichen Itza. We’re interested in local culture and food, and we’re definitely seeking to get that — off property. It was funny for me to hear about things like all alcoholic and non-alcoholic drinks included, including specialty coffee drinks, and an ice cream parlor, though. I am used to hearing ridiculous costs for at-hotel food and drink items.

So while we did have drinks and lunch at the resort today, as we approached dinner time, we took an Uber to Oistin’s Fish Fry, which is in an area that was originally an old fishing village turned into a fun hangout for both locals and tourists alike. Oistin’s Fish Market is just steps away from the Fish Fry area, and it’s a true Barbados institution. Oistin’s stretches along the water with multiple little bungalow-like buildings where different vendors grill and fry fish, meat, and vegetables to order, as well as local popular side dishes, like macaroni pie, rice and peas, coleslaw grilled breadfruit, and fried plantains. And of course given we’re in Barbados, there are many rum drinks and bar options everywhere. There’s a huge stage in the middle of the outdoor market area, where music was being played, live music and performances happen, and people can congregate and dance.

We ended up choosing a spot at Oistin’s called Yvonne’s Bar & Grill (my namesake has to be good, right?). After reviewing multiple vendor menus and coming to the conclusion that everyone had the exact same fish selection, almost the same sides, and all the same drinks, we figured that there was no way we could go wrong. We chose a whole grilled red snapper, which was grilled perfectly with super moist, flaky flesh, and smothered in a really delicious and addictive Bajan seafood seasoning blend. I kept licking my fingers after taking bites of the fish because the seasoning was just that good. The fish was served with coleslaw, green salad, potatoes, plantains. and grilled breadfruit.

Kaia got to have breadfruit for the very first time here, and she seemed to like it. Though to be honest, by dinner time, she was clearly so exhausted and looked like she wanted to pass out. So she may have just been eating the breadfruit mindlessly… Breadfruit is one of the funniest fruits to me in that it really is exactly as its name sounds like: it’s a very carby, starchy, “bread-like” fruit that hangs round and heavy from large trees, and is eaten like potatoes or bread would be eaten. In the Caribbean, breadfruit is usually served grilled or fried. It’s not “fruit” like you would consider something like a mango or orange at all. It’s a hundred percent savory and not the least bit sweet! It reminded me of her former Jamaican nanny, who said grilled or fried breadfruit was on regular rotation at her house. Once, she even brought a piece to share with me; that was my very first time having it. And today at Oistin’s marks my second time ever having it.

While the Caribbean islands have never been an area that has been on the top of my list of places I want to see, I do think it’s fun to see how different the culture, customs, and food are amongst all the islands. And I’m always happy to embrace the local food and fruit! After having locally caught red snapper tonight, I’m looking forward to having more local fish, including mahi mahi, flying fish, and marlin. And I will most certainly be on the lookout for interesting local fruit, and of course mangoes because it’s mango season here now!

Kaia’s last day of Pre-K and the red envelope handout

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Here in the U.S., where teachers are generally under appreciated and underpaid, especially if they are in the public system, it’s kind of semi-expected and customary to give teachers gifts, whether that is around the December holiday period, Teacher Appreciation Week, or at the end of a school year. Since this is Kaia’s last school year at this school, we thought it would be a good idea not just to give cards to her teachers and the admin, but also to the cook/cleaner, and to the doorman at her school building. They all play a part in helping the school run and thrive, and so we wanted to thank them for their support and kindness.

Given Kaia is 4.5 years old now, she knew what I was doing and that I was handing out envelopes to the teachers. And while she knew this, she didn’t mind that I was handing out the envelopes to the teachers. BUT, she insisted on handing Ah Gong, the doorman, his red envelope. So we went downstairs after signing in just to have her hand the envelope to him. Ah Gong was shocked and flattered. They gave each other high-fives, and Kaia was super excited.

Ah Gong remarked how cute, smart, and mature she was. It’s strange to think that after summer camp ends in August, we will no longer be seeing Ah Gong every day, even in just casual acquaintance. But I guess all these everyday people you have even the smallest interactions with do play some parts in your life, and their kindnesses will be remembered.

Kids’ birthday parties at playgrounds and the fun question I got when I arrived

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My neighbor friend let me know that her friend’s daughter was having her fifth birthday party at a local playground just half a block away today, so she suggested that I bring Kaia. I had met this friend and her daughter two months ago at my neighbor friend’s son’s birthday party, so I had previously met them. I told her I wasn’t sure we should come given it was a birthday party, and we didn’t know them that well and weren’t explicitly invited. But she insisted, saying it was a public playground and open to all, and she was sure her friend would be glad to welcome us. My friend said it would be a good last opportunity for both our kids, who adore each other, to play together this month before we go on our respective summer trips.

So just after 3pm today, I brought Kaia to the playground. We saw the picnic tables covered with endless food, snacks, drinks, and decorations. The area was streamed with banners, huge prints, and balloons. We came over to say hello to the mom, and we made some small talk. Her daughter, the five-year-old celebrating her birthday, also came over, and she had a very large frown on her face as she sized Kaia and me up.

The mom asked her to say hi to us as we wished her a happy birthday. The girl looked us up and down and then down and up, wrinkled her brow, and finally said, “So, you didn’t bring a present for me?”

Her mom scolded her, first in English then in Bulgarian. “D! That is so rude,” her mom admonished her. “You aren’t supposed to say things like that! Be nice!”

“You came without a present,” D rephrased herself while continuing to frown at us. It was as though she wanted to stare holes into our faces.

I didn’t say anything. What was I supposed to say? It’s true that we came without a gift, but frankly, we don’t really know this kid or her mom. And to my neighbor friend’s point, this is a public playground and anyone is welcome to come to the freaking playground regardless of whether a birthday party is being held in the corner of it! But this was also a reminder to me that once kids hit the age of 5-6, this is generally when they become more bitchy, bossy, demanding, and flat out openly rude… and unlike in earlier years, at this age, they know they are being rude. This is really when parental discipline becomes extremely crucial.

The kid never apologized even after getting scolded at in two languages. To be blunt about it, she sounds like a total brat, and not a kid I’d want Kaia to spend any time around. My neighbor friend warned me about her and said she thinks this girl is a bad influence on her own son, so I never had my hopes up about this child.

I told Chris that this happened, and he responded, “If Hoji said that, there would be no more birthday parties for the next ten years.”

Supporting friends through the adoption process

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About a year and a half ago, I met a friend, who I like to say I met because of Kaia. We were at a food event in an independent food producer’s backyard. Back then, Kaia was just over 2.5 years old. Of course, she was running amok all over the backyard, trying to pull leaves and flowers off plants while also garnering attention from any person who would look her way. And Kaia kept running to this one particular table where this now-friend and her husband were sitting. This person was so warm, loving, and affectionate with her, and she was also quite friendly and personable when I came over to get Kaia. So, I thought it would be a good idea to exchange numbers with her and see if she might be potential friend material. So we started meeting up for coffee and lunch dates. She and her husband came to my 40th birthday party and Lunar New Year Party this year. And now, I’ve spent the last week gathering clothes, blankets, crib sheets, books, and toys that Kaia has outgrown to pass on to her as they adopt a 2-year-old girl into their family. Given the timing, I also cleaned Kaia’s high chair, which she started refusing to sit in this past February, and wiped down the Babi-Deal stroller Chris got last August to also hand down to them. So, that was a good four bags worth of baby/toddler stuff, plus some random things I almost forgot about but thought would also be helpful, like a cleaned snot sucker (yes, really!), handkerchiefs, and practice toddler chopsticks. They came over tonight to pick up all these items and to hang out for a while on our roof. And of course, Kaia lapped it up and put them to work for her own enjoyment!

The second time I met with this friend one on one, she told me about her long and painful fertility journey, how she went through four egg retrievals, two surgeries, multiple miscarriages, and endless doctor appointments. And finally one day she looked at her husband and said she didn’t want her life to revolve around IVF anymore, that she wanted her body and life back. And so that’s when they started seriously looking into adoption, and now here they are, about to welcome this little girl into their life. Her whole journey brings me to tears, but it makes me happy because while all our journeys to parenthood look very different, this feels like a happy ending — or rather, a happy beginning of yet another journey.

Kaia has been so cute and sweet in all this. We told her that these friends would be bringing a baby home soon, so she started proactively gathering books and clothes that she doesn’t want or need anymore and setting them aside for Baby B. Although Kaia will never have a sibling, I can already see that she is extremely loving, giving, caring, and willing to share, and that warms my heart even more.

Kaia’s Pre-K Graduation today

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Being a parent has a lot of ups and downs. The night time wakings, the blowout diapers, the seemingly endless sicknesses, the whining, the tantrums, the days when you’re running on fumes because of lack of sleep — I don’t think anyone gets excited about that or looks back on any of those things wistfully. But the cuddles, kisses, moments of true understanding and growth — those are the things all parents relish and look back on and think, “What — where did time go?!”

As the days led up to Kaia’s Pre-K graduation today, I couldn’t help but constantly scroll through my phone’s camera roll and our Google Photos when I had five or ten minutes here or there, whether it was on the subway commuting or while waiting for people to join work calls. I have such fond, happy memories of being pregnant with her — feeling my growing tummy/uterus, feeling her middle-of-the-night somersaults in the uterus, feeling her constantly kicking and squirming around, especially after eating or exercising. And then when she was born, my entire life changed. It was like I finally learned what a different level of love and nurture was. And since then, I have never looked at life quite the same way ever again. This little blob, who is no longer a little blob but a kindergarten bound girl, changed my entire life and perspectives. Suddenly, nothing mattered as much as her health, well being, and happiness. And each day, she forces me to live more in the moment, to listen to and notice all the little things. And with her, life is just so much better and richer. To this day, sometimes I still cannot believe I got so lucky with this sweet, sweet child — in more ways than ten.

Kaia’s preschool graduation was supposed to start at 5:30 today, but due to technical difficulties, we probably didn’t get admitted until around 6. This was very late for a bunch of 4- and 5-year-olds, all of whom were having later dinner (and inevitably a much later bedtime). But somehow, Kaia held it all together. She performed two dances, one to an English song and one to one of her favorite Chinese songs 有你就幸福 (Blessed to Have You/Having You is a Blessing). And she sang so happily and proudly, especially the Chinese song, funnily enough. I was so proud that my heart was nearly bursting. And then when the school showcased the big school-wide skit that they’ve been working on for months, I couldn’t help but tear up. My little baby is growing up — so so fast, almost too fast.

After summer camp in July-August, she’ll be off to kindergarten at her new school in September. All I can say is that I’m trying hard to soak all of her up… because every single day of her life, I’m preparing for her to eventually leave me. Kaia even said to me a couple days ago while discussing her going to kindergarten and then getting a year and two and three older, “Mama, when I am big, you won’t have a baby anymore!”

But no matter what, as I say to her, Kaia Pookie will always be my baby — mama’s sweet baby.

When Pookie stopped needing a middle-of-the-night pee

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When we decided to stop putting Kaia in an overnight pull-up, we knew she’d need to be woken up for a pee in the middle of the night because she pees a lot. I guess she is like her mother in that way: she’s always drinking lots of liquids, and as we all know: what goes in must come out! We originally started her overnight pee wakeup at around 11-12 because she’d end up wetting her bed at around midnight if we didn’t do this. Gradually, we started pushing it back to 12, 1, 2, and then 2:45, just as the Oh Crap! Potty Training method suggested in the famous potty training book. But something miraculously happened last week: Kaia actually went the entire night without needing to pee or wetting the bed until 5am. It was Chris’s night to wake her up to pee, and he had forgotten to set his alarm. He woke up early in the morning to check on her and found out she was still sleeping and still dry. So he took her to pee at 5am when he woke up. So the next few nights, the same thing happened, and she woke herself up to pee, or she went through the whole night without needing to pee. She woke up between 6-7am, and she was dry. And it’s been this way for the last week!

A while ago, I told Pookster that if she stayed dry all night, and/or woke herself up to pee in the middle of the night, that I’d finally get her wish of nail polish. I really wanted to put off nail polish for as long as possible, but she kept asking, and I figured this would be a good incentive she’s been asking about for almost two years now that I’ve rejected. So we got really excited and told her we were so proud of her, and she’s just this close to getting her much coveted child-friendly nail polish. But Chris wanted to add another step: she can get the nail polish when she not only stays dry all night and pees as soon as she wakes up, but also when she can fully wipe herself and wash her hands — all on her own. Kaia was not thrilled to her about this and of course threw a mini tantrum, but alas, life has its ways of putting more hurdles in front of you!

It seems like ages since we started doing middle-of-the-night wake-ups to have her go pee, and now it is all coming to an end before I even realized it. While you think I’d be thrilled about this, it still feels bittersweet. Every day, my sweet Kaia Pookie is getting more mature, bigger and bigger, and closer to eventually not needing me.

Call from school, and an unexpected urgent trip to the doctor’s office

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It was mid-afternoon today. I was in the middle of writing a long Slack message to someone to prep them for a customer meeting. And suddenly, I saw my phone ringing, and it was Kaia’s school’s number. So I answered it, and school administrator let me know that Kaia’s right eye was red and swollen, and she could barely open it and said it was hurting. I asked if she had gotten bitten by a bug at the playground, and the teacher said it was a possibility, but she strongly suggested I come pick her up as soon as possible and take her to Urgent Care because she was concerned. I told her I’d try to shift some things in my schedule to do an earlier pickup and would call her back. During that time, I did a quick inquiry with ChatGPT about the symptoms the admin shared, and this is the response it gave me:

“Given that she can barely open one eye and it’s red and swollen, she should be seen today, urgently—call her pediatrician’s urgent line now or go to urgent care/ER, especially if you cannot be seen quickly.

Possible causes include a bug bite/allergic reaction, a stye, irritation, or conjunctivitis, but the concerning possibility is periorbital cellulitis—a bacterial infection of the eyelid/skin around the eye. A rarer but more serious form, orbital cellulitis, involves deeper tissues and is an emergency. Children can have unilateral eyelid swelling/redness from these infections, and it can sometimes follow a small scratch, bug bite, or recent sinus/cold symptoms—even if those symptoms are not obvious. 

Go to the ER now if she has any of these: fever, eye pain, pain with eye movement, trouble moving the eye, vision changes, double vision, the eye bulging forward, severe headache, vomiting, unusual sleepiness, or she looks very unwell. These are red flags for orbital cellulitis, which needs urgent evaluation.”

So, as you can imagine, my eyes stay on “periorbital celluitis.” And I’m thinking, it can be that serious – are you for real? At that point, the admin sent me a photo of Kaia’s right eye, which was closed, very red, and puffy. This did not look good that she couldn’t even open the eye. So I dialed her pediatrician’s office and spoke with the receptionist, explained the symptoms, and she asked if I could come at 4. It was about 3:40 at the time, so I said I’d have to go from the Upper West Side down to Chinatown to pick her up and bring her to the office, so I could probably make it just after 4:30 if I pushed it. They squeezed me in and said Kaia would be the last patient of the day.

Well, when I went for early pickup, Kaia was already able to open her right eye. The swelling and redness had died down considerably, and her mood seemed to be more chipper. I told her we were going to the doctor’s office, so she got excited that we’d be taking the (new) B train to a stop we normally don’t get off at – West 72nd Street! She eagerly counted all the stops and then yelled when it was time to get off. Just based on her mood, I had a strong feeling this was a false alarm.

The doctor finally saw her and after examining and checking a few things, she said she’s concluded that Kaia may be having seasonal allergies. It didn’t seem like anything serious, so she gave me some children’s Zyrtec, gave me instructions in case the puffiness/redness came back, or if she wakes up with a red eye ball tomorrow morning. The doctor proactively wrote and filled a prescription for the eye drops in case her eye was red tomorrow, and she sent us on our merry way.

By the time we left, it was as though Kaia had nothing. That was lucky, as it easily could have been a lot worse. But I still felt better we had her checked with the doctor to be in the clear.

Chats with AI are great, but man, can they stir up the worst of the worst possibilities.

I love my child, but I do not necessarily love all children

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I have never been one of those people who have said that “all children are beautiful/cute,” or that I love kids. The truth is that I actually do not love kids at all, and that’s probably a huge reason that even when I was a kid myself, I never even for a minute considered being a school teacher (even though it’s fed to you as a [female] child that being a teacher is cool!). I know myself, and I know that I just don’t have the patience it takes to deal with kids and their tantrums, their constant irritating questions, their outbursts, and even things like peeing or pooping in their pants, even if it’s by accident. It’s obviously different when it’s your own child/children, but with other people’s kids… I could never even imagine proactively babysitting another friend’s child unless they were a baby who couldn’t speak.

Despite this fact, I always knew I wanted to have kids. I always wanted to raise my own child and know what that entire experience was like. I wanted to have a family of my own to nurture — I do think that I’m a nurturing, loving person by nature; I love taking care of others. So, now that I have one child of my own, I love her more than I ever thought possible. But that doesn’t necessarily change my original state of being, which is that while I may love my own child (you’d hope so!), I don’t necessarily love other people’s kids, even if they are the kids of my own extended family and friends. Some of my friends’ kids are extremely bratty and entitled. Others, even for their respective ages, are extremely immature and socially awkward and have made it pretty clear that no matter how sweet I am to them, they just will not give me any love at all, even if it’s a simple-high five. One of them has refused, for her entire existence, to ever give me a hug or kiss; in fact, she refuses even to wave hi or bye to me to acknowledge me! And then today, while out with a neighbor friend and her son, who is just a few months younger than Kaia, I was really at my wit’s end at times trying to control this kid and his tendencies.

First, this little friend kept trying to run into the street (and he actually did when there were cars coming and the light was red). This drove his mom crazy, as she’d obviously worry for his safety. I had to grab him a few times before he actually got into the middle of the street. Then, when I took out our Bluey bubble machine, he randomly started sticking it in strangers’ faces to blow bubbles just a foot or two away from their noses — this was not good at all. Then, he kept insisting on running into people on purpose while walking simply because he thought it was funny. And there was a good stretch of time when any time I tried to open my mouth to say anything, he’d talk over me and say that ‘Kaia’s mom isn’t listening to me.” I kept pretty calm overall, but I did have to shut down the bubbles in people’s faces, plus the “running into the street when cars were coming” situation a number of times.

Everything finally came to a head when we were just a block away from our building, and the little friend decides to try to run into the street yet again during a red light. This time, his mom finally lost all her patience and screamed at him while simultaneously pulling him back onto the sidewalk. Predictably, he started sobbing, and she had to carry him across the street and sit him down for a good talk. I mean… he kind of deserved it after being warned literally all day long?

In these moments, I always think about early childhood educators, and it’s really hard for me to comprehend having to deal with other people’s young children all day long. Their job is so, so tough. And it’s a very unappreciated job. These little kids are growing into their own selves, they are discovering their emotions and what their bodies and minds are capable of, and they are… simply growing. And that’s a lot to deal with, especially when there’s an entire classroom full of these bursting little personalities. I have moments with Kaia when she’s screaming and sobbing into my ear so loudly that I can barely hear my own thoughts, all over something innocuous when I wonder how anyone could ever willingly decide to deal with this more than once.

Amen to early childhood educators. I just don’t have the patience to deal with most other people’s children.

Preschooler observations and negotiations

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Chris has noted a few times that he loves negotiating with Kaia. Kaia will rarely accept one option; she needs to have multiple to choose from at all times. So sometimes, we have to throw in some “options” for fun.

Some recent examples include:

Kaia asked Chris for an iPad. He told her no, when you’re bigger, you can get one. I can’t remember the exact age, but he said something like, “When you’re 18, you can have one.” And she responded back and said, “No, no no! I will get one when I am 31,” to which Chris was super positive about! And then she told me later, “Daddy can buy me an iPad when I’m 31!” And I looked at her and said, “Yes, babe! That will definitely be possible!”

And onto another topic: I have a pretty quick makeup routine on days I wear makeup. During our Honduras trip, she always liked to watch me put in my daily contacts (which I wore for three days) and then my makeup. She asked me at what age she could also wear contacts, and I responded and said in an ideal world, I hope she never, ever had to wear contacts. She didn’t quite understand this, so I relented and said she could wear them at 18 if she needed to. She seemed okay with this.

Then she asked, “Mama, can I wear makeup when I am 19?” I looked down at her and smiled. “Of course you can, Pookie! Nineteen would be perfect!!”

Kaia has also been very loving and caring, checking in with me daily on my “boo boos” from when I scratched my thigh and butt from the coral reef in Roatan. So she’s been asking to see them every day and also asks if she can help me put ointment or ice on them. I tell her that I put the ointment on myself each morning and evening, but she also insists on applying her bedtime ice pack (this is her thing) to my boo boos for a few seconds to “help” me heal. It’s very sweet, so even though I don’t need it, I humor her and let her do it. And then after she takes the ice pack away, she asks me while peering up with big, wide eyes, “Does it feel better now?” To which I always respond, “Yes, Pookie, it does. Thank you for helping mama!”

A lot is tough about this age and every age of child-rearing, but I do love these cute, sweet moments so much.

“Camp” setup at our San Pedro Sula hotel

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Once Kaia had outgrown a crib and pack-n-play, when traveling, we’d ask the hotels for a roll-away bed for her. All hotels accommodate this, of course, but occasionally, you get a special surprise at some properties.

We stayed at an Aloft hotel in San Pedro Sula. Aloft is known for their Camp Aloft, which encourages kids ages 2-12 to have fun by providing them with their own unique Aloft experience. They call it a “bed in a bag with special treats!” The last time Kaia had something close to a tent experience was when we had the Lovevery “fort” setup, but she quickly outgrew that because that was more for babies and younger toddlers. She’s also hidden in the tent at Chris’s aunt and uncle’s place in Melbourne, which she loved. So when we arrived at our hotel room on Saturday late afternoon, she squealed with delight when she saw her little tent bed. After taking off her shoes, she immediately ran over to the bed to hide in her tent. She was obsessed with the little windows where you could play peekaboo. I love that she still loves peekaboo… and I still wonder how long this peekaboo love will last?!

The hotel manager also tried to spoil her by giving her a full-sized bag of M&Ms and a bag of Skittles… which Chris immediately confiscated. I think by the end of the trip, he may have let her have two M&Ms and two Skittles max. I love these experiences that Kaia gets when traveling, and I love seeing people treat children well. I hope she can remember at least some of these experiences when she’s older, as at the age of 4, this is the earliest time of my life that I have very vivid memories of. And even when she isn’t able to remember, we will have lots of photos and videos to document and share with her so she can relish in the fact that she was so spoiled in these travel moments.