One day, when I leave New York City, I will really miss the variety of cuisines you can find here. While there are some scarcities of some cuisines (I can’t find a really good Cambodian restaurant here), for the most part, you can get whatever you want as long as you are willing to travel either within Manhattan or to outer boroughs. Tonight, my best friend and I caught up over xiao long bao (soup dumplings), spicy Sichuanese wontons, stir-fried rice cakes with shredded pork and cabbage, and dry-fried string beans with pickled greens. The best catch-ups are over great food and/or drink.

My first xiao long bao experience was right here in New York for Thanksgiving in 2005. The first time I had a tamale made from fresh masa was in Queens. I’ve had a lot of epicurean “firsts” here in this city. A guy who befriended me at the gym said to me, “Why would you want to leave New York? One of the best things about traveling abroad is that you know when you come back home, somewhere you can find the food you learned about when away!”

That’s true. But sometimes, you need to leave a place to appreciate it more.

Just four days ago, we left a summery Melbourne to return to the dismal biting wind and snow that is wintery New York City. Tomorrow evening, we are anticipating snow fall of about 7-8 inches (17.8-20.3 cm). This isn’t something I am jumping up and down about.

So the first thought that comes to mind when the snow starts piling up is that I have zero desire to go anywhere during these weekends, and all I want to do is hibernate in our cozy apartment – hibernation means watching meaningless things, reading, and of course, researching countless recipes that will bring hot and hearty meals to our table. Right now, I am thinking about lasagna bolognese, turkey chili, jook, tom yum noodle soup, and Thai fried rice.

I also have zero desire to socialize, go to Meetups, or talk to anyone outside of my apartment right now. That probably isn’t the best way to start off the new year, but when it’s cold, it’s hibernation time – at least, for now.

Today, Chris and I spent the morning reflecting on all of our past New Year’s Eves, and it suddenly occurred to me that I’ve never really gotten very excited about New Year’s at all. I get excited about Thanksgiving and Christmas, but New Year’s always seems so overhyped to me. I guess I am turned off by those events thrown in cities like San Francisco and New York where you fork over some ridiculous three-digit amount of money just to get into the venue, but for some reason, that money will only cover one drink for you, if you are that lucky. I think you can have a great New Year’s celebration and not have to spend so much money. The most important thing is that you are with people who you love who want to have fun, as trite as it is. Fireworks and alcohol are big bonuses, though.

The best New Year’s I’ve ever had was in Sydney last year, where Chris and I waited over 14 hours to see the incredible fireworks over the Sydney Harbour Bridge and Opera House (thank God it was summer where we were – we both got pretty tanned that day despite constant sunblock reapplication). I don’t think any fireworks display could ever compete with Sydney’s – it happens so fast and all around you that you barely have time to process that the fireworks are going off, and then when you are looking one way, you experience an internal conflict where you aren’t sure which way to turn your head – left, right, center, or just turn 180 degrees!

Tonight, we are just going to a small house party in Long Island City that a friend and his dog are throwing. I think as time goes on, I’d prefer quieter New Year’s, and if they aren’t quiet, I’d hope they would be warm like it was last year in Sydney.

I haven’t forgotten about Ed. Bart is coming to Long Island City with us. Happy new year, Ed. Miss you.

For someone who is just 27, I’m a bit of a cynic. I don’t generally trust people or believe that they have the best intentions. Even after I have gotten to know them, I still tend to doubt them. Maybe it’s my own defense mechanism; because if you have the worst expectations, no one can really disappoint you that much in the end, right? So it always surprises me immensely when people react in positive ways when I did not anticipate it. Since my resignation, a number of coworkers have offered to take me out to eat, a vendor partner asked me out, and people I barely know have wished me well. Maybe it isn’t the worst thing to rely on the kindness of our acquaintances.

I have always had a sweet tooth. As long as I can remember, I have craved sweets and never, ever said no to dessert. Then came along Chris, who always wants to have M&Ms or Tim Tams after meals. One day, he surprised me and asked me, “Why do you think you don’t have much of a sweet tooth?” I was taken aback… Then it hit me: in the last few years, on most nights I didn’t have anything sweet (fruit excluded), and though I thoroughly enjoyed sweets when I was having them, the craving was rarely there anymore. Now, most of my cravings are actually savory. Just as I love oysters and blue cheese and other delicacies I rejected once as a child, my cravings have evolved.

My job search has finally ended after a year. For the last several months, all I really did during the week was exercise constantly early in the morning, go to my crappy day job, fill my social calendar with activities with Chris and friends, spend about two hours four days a week doing job applications and preparing for interviews, mentor recent Wellesley grads, cook, read books on my list, and sleep. It was an exhausting period, but knowing how insanely productive I was makes me develop very visceral reactions to people who do not set goals, or say they want things but do nothing to make them happen. It sounds awful, but when you spend all your time working hard to make your goals happen, it makes you question why others are not exerting similar efforts to improve their lives. As cliche as it sounds, life is short, and one day, we’re all going to die. So what are you waiting for?

Today, I officially resigned from my job of the last four years and two months. I went through a lot of highs and lows throughout this period, but I realized that it was truly time for me to leave when 1) I wasn’t having fun anymore, and 2) I wasn’t learning anything. The third thing that I can throw in here is when I realized I was working with people who were over-titled, overpaid, and full of hot air. Despite the anger I have harbored, it was a very emotional experience to say out loud that I was leaving. It’s funny how hidden emotions sneak up on you when you least expect it. I was told by my boss’s boss that leaving “is the biggest career mistake you could make.” Frankly, the biggest career mistake I have made is staying at a place for the last year that never truly valued me and paid me what I was worth. Good riddance. I’m finally leaving.

Everyone seems to have an opinion about things you should do. Your mother says this. Your boyfriend says that. Your coworkers and friends think something else. The hardest (and perhaps most painful) part of listening to all this is to then decipher what your opinion is independent from others. So you agree with Jen? And you disagree with Matt? That’s great, but what do you think? We’d like to think that everyone around us wants the best for us, but my very cynical side says that there tends to be some conflict of interest for almost every opinion you can get. It takes an incredible amount of self confidence to separate your own opinion from all of the other muddled noise you hear.

There is only one word to really describe today: surreal. “Stressful,” “overwhelmed,” “conflicted,” and oddly “emotional” are other ways to encapsulate it, as well. It’s strange how we envision different scenarios playing out, and then when reality comes, it’s filled with all these things you didn’t expect. Part of being an adult is making decisions and living by them. We spend most of our childhoods relying on parents to decide everything for us, and then we are led out into the cold, harsh world to fend for ourselves. Even if in the end, you realize that you hate what that decision resulted in, at least you made the decision yourself and (hopefully) learned something from it.

One thing I do not miss at all about San Francisco is the constant overcast and fog. There is nothing uplifting about waking up and looking outside the window to see… nothing – just the bright grey color and the realization that no, there will be no blue skies today. Although I am not a fan of humidity, it’s so refreshing to know that during my New York summers, I can prance the streets wearing shorts and skirts and dresses and not have to worry about carrying a sweater with me. My hair gets frizzy and my face occasionally feels like an oil spill, but it’s all worth it in the end to feel that warmth on my skin.