Author Archives: Yvonne

Online dating podcast

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My friend, who is trying online dating, was planning to have a dessert/drinks date with someone new he met online dating tonight, but she flaked out on him at around 4:30pm today and claimed she had some big audition tomorrow that she has to practice for, so she couldn’t make it tonight. Clearly demoralized and frustrated, my friend said online dating has not yielded a single positive result for him. Instead, he’s had a number of people who have just decided to cancel on him last minute.

Ironically enough, today I also listened to a Freaknomics podcast on online dating. While looks are clearly a high priority for anyone who is looking for their future husband/wife/fling online, I found out that weight somehow doesn’t actually matter in the long run based on studies down. A chubby or slightly overweight person who is decent looking has the same chances of scoring a date online as does a person who is decent looking and slim. Maybe the U.S. is just becoming more accepting of overweight people. I guess in some ways we kind of have to be when I’ve been told that just by living in the U.S., I have a 70 percent chance of being overweight. Oh, America.

Creeper

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At my friend’s birthday event last night, I met a guy who I would definitely label a creeper. I realize that sounds really judgmental, but I couldn’t help it. As soon as he introduced himself and made eye contact with me, I felt uncomfortable. He stood too close to me, got his face too close to my face, and tried to bond over the fact that we both have roots in Vietnam. To make sure he knew that I wasn’t available or interested, I started talking with another of my friend’s friends about my fiance and our upcoming trip to Japan, where this friend is originally from. This creeper suddenly became super belligerent and started interrupting our conversation to talk about completely irrelevant topics just for the sake of inserting himself rudely into our conversation. It eventually became so unbearable that I looked at my time and decided it was late enough to leave and not look like I was ditching my friend. So I left.

On my short walk home, I started thinking about how people get labeled “creepy” or “shady,” and I realize that I couldn’t really pinpoint an exact quality or trait. They tend to seem like ordinary guys at first glance, but there’s a certain unsettling vibe that these guys always tend to send to those around them. I kind of feel bad for them, but at the same time, I wonder if they even realize they are being creepy.

Home cooking

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Tonight at my friend’s birthday event, I met a young married couple who cooks meals from scratch almost every single night except when they go out to eat. In New York, this is a complete rarity. Even I don’t cook every night — Sunday is my night to cook for the week. Occasionally I will cook things on other days, but for the most part, it’s once or twice a week, and that’s it. Their main concerns are over sanitation, and just the fact that so many things that people find so daunting and complex, like a whole roasted chicken, are actually really simple if you are just willing to give it a little time to perfect your method and just do it and stop just talking about it. I couldn’t have agreed with them more, and as they were hating on companies like Blue Apron and Plated, which are like the lazy man’s way to cook, someone came by to defend it by saying that he actually didn’t have time to measure out simple things like salt.

I hate it when people say they don’t have time. We all have time. Most of us are busy with one thing or another. But we all make time for what’s important to us. Perhaps cooking and health are not important to him, but I personally think that everyone should know how to cook basic foods just as a method to survive and not get ripped off by restaurants… and to not always eat food that you don’t even know the ingredients of.

First day of spring

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It’s the first day of spring today, which is the biggest joke at the office because New York is expected to get five to six inches of snow before today ends. The snow is not supposed to continue until tomorrow though, yet the program coordinator at my Saturday mentoring program has cancelled tomorrow morning’s session and has decided to reschedule for Easter weekend.

This made me really annoyed today, not just because I won’t be here Easter weekend, but considering the fact that it will be Easter weekend, didn’t he have the foresight to realize that both mentors and mentees may not be able to make it that weekend? We cancelled this session when it wouldn’t even be snowing on this Saturday, yet our very first session, it was snowing quite heavily on that morning, yet they still held the session. There’s not much rational logic that goes into making these decisions seemingly. I e-mailed him back and told him I thought it was a bad idea to reschedule for the Saturday before Easter given what day it precedes, yet he didn’t respond.

Wedding catastrophies

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Tonight, I had two chats with two different prospective photographers I’m considering hiring for our wedding. One question I like to ask photographers is what is the craziest thing that has ever happened in a wedding that they did not anticipate, and how did they handle it (from a photography perspective). Tonight, I got an answer I wasn’t that prepared for. Usually when I ask this question, I really mean to ask if any spiffs happened with family, if family members were uncooperative with the photographer in getting the family/friends shots, etc. Tonight, a photographer told me that the worst thing that ever happened at a wedding was when one by one, each of the reception table centerpieces caught on fire because of the flowers hanging too low above the tea light candles. The bride had hired a florist who wasn’t experienced with doing weddings as a way to save money, but when the florist made the arrangements and placed the candles around the vases, she didn’t realize she was placing them ominously close to the flowers. So they all caught on fire. As a word of advice, she said to me, try to make sure you hire a florist who is very experienced with wedding florals and arrangements.

And of course, this light show was not photographed.

Ed and the therapist

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I had a really good sleep last night. It was probably the best weeknight sleep I’ve had since I’ve come back to New York from San Francisco last month. And oddly, I dreamt about being in a small conference room with my therapist…. and Ed. Ed was sitting at the table with us.

I don’t remember hearing any of the words coming out of our mouths during our discussion, but I remember seeing all of us very animated and speaking and smiling and laughing. Ed was speaking openly with my therapist, and it was like a real, truthful conversation about our family and our intertwined lives. Ed was smiling a lot.

Usually, when I dream of Ed, I tend to wake up and not want to get out of bed. I want to stay in bed and try to fall back asleep in hopes that he will come back so I can see him again. This morning, I didn’t. I woke up, lingered for ten minutes, and hauled myself out of bed to go to the gym.

It hurts to see him in my dreams and know I will never see him again in this life on earth. But as much as I want to linger and hope that I can see him, what I really need to do is to stop holding onto trying to see him in my dreams, and instead to live my life to the best of my ability to make him proud.

Ao dai

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I’m considering getting an ao dai, a traditional Vietnamese dress, made for our welcome dinner before our wedding next year. I’ve always imagined myself having a traditional western white dress and a Chinese qi pao, but I realized that would be slighting my mother, who is Vietnamese, which obviously makes me half Vietnamese. My mom’s always felt like her race was lesser since moving to the U.S. Her mother-in-law, my grandmother, thought that Vietnamese people were like the dirt of the earth and was so disappointed that my dad decided not to marry a Chinese girl and instead chose the filth that was my mother. My mother quickly learned English and Toisan, as useless of a language as it is, in order to communicate with her mother-in-law. She never taught Ed or me Vietnamese because my grandmother forbade it. And I think at some point, my mother actually believed after all my grandmother’s brainwashing that it was a useless language to learn, that Vietnamese culture didn’t matter as much as Chinese culture, and that we would grow up not knowing much about Vietnam other than the food.

I don’t want to contribute to the view that Vietnamese culture is less, though. I want my mom to know I’m proud to have her as my mother (as crazy as she drives me), that I’m happy that she has passed down this incredible culture to me. So I’d like to show it in the form of dress for the wedding period. I talked to her about it today, and she was so surprised. She said, “You want to wear an ao dai? But that is so old looking. It’s not stylish today.” I reminded her that I’m half Vietnamese, remember? She laughed and said, “Okay, if you want to, you can as long as it makes you happy. Just don’t spend too much money on it! You can get it for cheap in San Jose!” Always the practical one, my mom.

Green smoothie

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I’ve been experimenting with different recipes and methods of cooking in the last few weeks to not only make more use of the new and shiny slow cooker I bought, but also to incorporate more ways of eating beans, legumes, seeds, and other non-meat forms of protein, especially after a trainer at the gym hinted that I probably need more protein in my diet given what I’m trying to achieve (how often does an American get told s/he needs more protein?!). I also wanted to have more smoothies for breakfast, so after adding in chia seeds for protein, I’ve also been putting in spinach to make my smoothies green. You can’t have too many vegetables in your diet.

Chris didn’t seem to appreciate this idea. When he came back from his trip to Austin for South by Southwest, I had a glass of just blended green smoothie on the counter waiting for him. In it was a mix of orange-peach juice, coconut water, a couple frozen pineapple chunks, pear, tangerines, chia seeds, spinach, and ice. The dominant flavor of the smoothie by far was orange/citrus/pineapple. You can’t taste the spinach at all. But he didn’t seem to agree with me. After one sip, he said he couldn’t have anymore and that this was “too healthy.” He happily ate the pureed black bean soup I made, though.

Well, here’s to trying to convert him. 🙂 My green smoothie post was clearly popular on Instagram, as I think it’s one of my top liked posts ever.

Bridal gown “discounts”

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My friend and I went bridal gown shopping yesterday afternoon, and I found one dress I really liked that is now on my short list. The hesitation I have with this dress is that the sample I tried on is about six sizes too big for me, so obviously because of the size difference, it’s hard to tell exactly how the dress would fit my bust and arms if it were exactly in my size. By far, it’s the favorite dress I’ve tried on since beginning my bridal gown shopping, so I’ve thought about it a lot since then.

The assistant who was helping me gave me the brand, model number, and the price, and when she wrote the price down, she said that she’d give me 10% off the original price. This morning, I looked up the brand and model number, and I find out that the retail price for this dress is actually the price the assistant gave me after the discount.

You’ve got to love the fake mark-ups for the fake mark-downs. Everyone is out to screw you in the wedding industry. Everyone.

Gratitude

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I woke up early this morning to have breakfast downtown with my friend and his girlfriend, who I haven’t seen since I can’t even remember. I catch up with this friend at least once a month, but I don’t often see his girlfriend because our schedules are so different. She’s been working on a nonprofit project in her spare time, and they’re doing a fundraiser to raise money to help young children stay fit and active, so I donated money to it. I’ve donated money a few times to a number of causes, but this was the first time I donated and someone actually bought and wrote me a thank you card for donating. She handed me this card, and I said, what’s this? I didn’t do anything. And she says, no, you did! Thanks so much for donating. She wrote some really kind things in the note that clearly showed she wrote this especially for me, so this wasn’t some canned response she gave to anyone who donated. I was really caught off guard.

Gratitude is one of those things that seems to be forgotten in today’s digital age. People rarely avidly express gratitude past a casual “thanks,” and a hand-written thank you note, even after formalities such as weddings or funerals, seems uncommon now. I love and appreciate these things, though, and try to make sure I do these things. Chris’s grandmother recently expressed to Chris’s brother that she had attended a wedding and of course gave a gift, but months after the wedding, she’d never received a thank-you note, and she was really disappointed and turned off. Maybe my etiquette expectations around gift giving and showing gratitude are from another era.