Two days ago, on Saturday morning, we were sitting on our couch and suddenly heard screaming, clapping, and pots clanging outside our window. Within minutes, we got news alerts on our phones saying that Biden had won Pennsylvania, ultimately securing him the 10 additional electoral votes he needed to win the presidential election. I could not believe it. I mean, I could, but I was numb on Election Day, pissed the day after that the race was so close, and increasingly getting angrier and angrier to see that even MORE people had cast ballots for Trump than in 2016… he’s at about 71 million votes now. But none of that matters since he’s not going to be in the White House come January, 20, 2021. Joe and Jill Biden are moving in, and hopefully, they will help heal this country and bring a bit more normalcy and less drama into the White House and this country.

We went out and celebrated across Columbus Circle, Times Square, Union Square, and Washington Square Park. I’d never quite seen New York City this way; the people were out with signs, instruments, making noise, singing and cheering like never before. It was like for once this entire year, we’ve finally had some good news.

Yet President Dipshit is making false claims about voter fraud constantly and refusing to concede, and his 71 million supporters will be on his side because of this continued malinformation. I’m genuinely concerned about what will happen if he really does fail to concede and his idiot Republican colleagues continue to back up his false claims, and what his tens of millions of voters will do to continue the malinformation that Trump made the “new normal” since even before he took office.

This country… truly is a mess.

Yesterday, other than a quick news briefing over my NPR Up First podcast and a few NYT news alerts on my phone, I refused to look at news at all. No constantly checking CNN or NPR or the New York Times; definitely NO looking at Fox News or any insane right-wing malformation center the way I did the day of the presidential election in 2016. Nope. I was not going to repeat all those awful, paranoid, anxious actions I did four years ago. This time, I was going to sit and wait until this was really final.

Well, I woke up this morning hoping to get an update one way or another, crossing my fingers that the election was swaying in Biden-Harris’s direction. I had a gut feeling this would be a very close election; I refused to listen to all the idiots on the left in their own bubbles, insisting that many Trump supporters would have come to their senses, particularly given the awful way he has handled the COVID-19 pandemic. And as of this morning, when I immediately went to check my NYT and BBC apps… it’s looking painfully close; so close that I can taste the anger and bitterness in my mouth.

This is not a referendum on Trump. Nope. This is a referendum on the American people. This is exactly how stupid we are that we have made every excuse in the book for Trump, from his blatant sexism, racism, xenophobia, all the way to his total disregard, lack of care, and empathy for all of those who have suffered and/or died directly and indirectly from COVID-19.

I’m pissed today. I just feel so, so fed up with this entire country.

Welp. The day we’ve all either been dreading or waiting for has finally arrived: U.S. Election Day is finally today, and if you are American and have not either submitted your absentee ballot or completed early voting, you should be headed to the polls today for various local and state level elections, as well as the presidential vote. I’d been feeling pretty anxious in the last few days leading up to today, and I can say with total honesty that I feel pretty uneasy today.

As we both had the day off since our respective companies gave Election Day off, we both didn’t have (paid) work to do, so instead, I spent most of the day working on my social media, filming a new video, and making pumpkin spice lattes and Vietnamese roasted chicken. Yet somehow, even focusing on food and inhaling all the delicious smells in our apartment wasn’t enough to qualm my anxiety. In general, since November 2016, I’ve pretty much lost faith in the American electorate. I do not trust that Americans are smart enough to vote for their own interests instead of against their own interest. I also don’t trust that those who should know better would cast votes for everyone and not just for their own selfish interests (hello, Republicans in the Senate and House — thanks for being all about “party over people” the last four years). While everyone always says that education is key to helping people make informed votes, I would actually argue that sometimes, too much information can render people paralyzed, and thus they will completely disengage and make snap decisions based on random feelings they have about very specific issues or political situations. And snap decisions… are never a good thing.

And now, we wait. And wait.

When I started highlighting my hair back in 2017, I knew I’d always have brown, caramel-color type streaks in my hair. I never thought I’d go any lighter than maybe a light brown latte color… that is, until Friday, when I came in for a cut and color with my stylist, and she said to me, “So.. for the color, not too dark, and not too light, right?” She slammed the color book closed and said, “I know which one to use! You will LOVE IT!”

I figured I’d take her word for it. She knew I wanted brown highlights, so… how crazy could it really get? She first foiled my hair, then applied the toner with her selected color. But as she blow-dried my hair, I knew immediately it was too light. Ohmigod — my hair…. looked blonde. I really look like she gave me blonde highlights. I had never pictured my hair so light in my life. I looked like one of those self-hating Asians who didn’t want dark hair and wanted to be a white person. Noooooooo

“You look SOOOO sexy!” she exclaimed as she finished blow-drying and applied some smoothing cream on my flyaways. “I LOVE IT!”

I awkwardly looked at myself in the mirror. I did not recognize the person I saw in the mirror. Is that really me?

“I think this might be too light,” I suggested to her, as I wrinkled my brow.

“WHAT?” she yelled. “No, honey, this is PERFECT! It highlights your pretty face SO well!”

I didn’t have enough time to get this fixed right away, as I had a meeting to get to, and she also had another customer waiting. I ended up getting it darkened on Sunday to a “light brown mocha” tone — thank God. Now, I actually feel like myself again. But yes, that was about two days of being a blonde, and well, I’m never going to be that light ever again.

In the ’90s, I was the biggest Mariah Carey fan. My brother was a huge fan of hers basically through her Rainbow album, and most of the time, whatever music he liked, I also liked, as well. We had all her albums as soon as they would come out, and we used to listen to her songs on repeat. When I finally got access to the Internet in 1997, I was always reading about her, finding out about her fan club, reading fan pages devoted to her. Everything about her seemed amazing to me.

After the Rainbow album, though, I think I stopped obsessively following her and every interview and performance she gave. Part of it was because her life was becoming way too dramatic, and part of it was because I just stopped following celebrities in general. But I never stopped appreciating how she came from absolutely nothing and made her dream happen. She came from a neglected, abusive household amidst constant violence and racism, and she had massive grit to get to her level of success and fame. So when I saw Trevor Noah interviewing her on The Daily Show about her new memoir, I figured it would be good to read it.

The audio version of the book has Mariah Carey narrating it herself, and with that, each chapter begins with a clip from a song that is meaningful for her, and she actually sings each part. What many are not aware of is that she’s not just a singer: she’s written or co-written pretty all her songs (minus the covers), and she’s also co-produced a majority of them, as well. So there’s a lot of personal, intimate lyrics she’s written, many of which have proven to be inspirational for millions around the world. I still remember Ed used to play “Make It Happen,” “Hero,” “Can’t Take That Away from Me,” and “I Am Free” on repeat.

Listening to her share her violent moments with her siblings and the many racist incidents she’s had to endure was really gut wrenching. It’s only made me respect her even more for what she’s managed to survive and how she’s still a force to be reckoned with.