I grew up eating a sticky, mochi-like Vietnamese cake that my mom and Vietnamese family friends would buy for us that was coconut and cassava-based. I always enjoyed it, but I never actually knew what it was called. Then, at our home in San Francisco, we hosted a potluck dinner party where I invited a friend and her husband over, and as their dish, they brought over a sheet cake that was just like this cake from my childhood, coconut and cassava based. I inhaled it and wanted to make it and recreate it.

Well, then I forgot about it, and I had another bite of it somewhere, and then wanted to recreate it again. Then, I found a recipe for it in a Vietnamese cookbook I own, and it called for frozen shredded cassava. The local Chinese market I got to in Manhattan Chinatown never had it, so I gave up. But given that this brunch party is happening this weekend, I knew I wanted to try a new Asian dessert. I HAD to make this cake. I was craving it in my head. So I did a quick Yelp search for frozen cassava and finally came across an actual Vietnamese grocery store in Chinatown that not only sells frozen cassava but all kinds of fresh Vietnamese baked goods (like Vietnamese “tamales” and sticky rice cakes).

I went tonight and was in heaven. It’s not a big store, nor is it fancy, but it’s packed with all kinds of goodies. Endless Vietnamese baked goods, Vietnamese ham (cha lua), all kinds of frozen goods that I could tinker with. Cut and grated lemongrass was packaged and frozen in the freezer — that would be an incredible convenience. Fresh Vietnamese rice noodles neatly packaged were lined up by the cash register. There were all these products I’d never even heard of before that I knew I had to do more research on. What would I do with frozen purple yam?

I can’t believe it took me over ten years to take the few seconds to research Vietnamese groceries in this city. Now, I can overcompensate for lost time by always coming here every time I go down to Manhattan Chinatown.

When I was in Shanghai in 2006, there was a book I purchased called Shanghai Ren Jia (Homes of the Shanghainese). The major theme of the book (in both Chinese and English) was that Shanghainese people are very guarded when it comes to their homes; when they meet with friends or colleagues, they always meet in public places, like parks, restaurants, cafes. They rarely, if ever, ask others to come to their homes because that’s an intimate ask. There needs to be a certain sense of closeness to a person before you feel like you can invite him to your house.

New York City is a lot like that. It’s rare to get an invite to “hang out” at someone’s apartment or a homemade dinner invitation. Our spaces, just like in Shanghai, are relatively small and cramped, and it just wouldn’t be very comfortable. And usually, when we have received invites to come over to others’ apartments, these people are not originally from New York; it’s other transplants like ourselves who want to forge a sense of closeness in their personal spaces with new and old friends.

I’ve been wanting to organize a get-together at our apartment with a group of my colleagues for a while, but Chris wasn’t very keen on it because he has a “six-person-max” rule he arbitrarily made up. But since he’ll be away for Dreamforce this weekend, I decided to take advantage of it by inviting the crew over on Sunday. It’ll be interesting to meet some of my colleagues’ spouses and partners for the first time, and also see them outside of the usual work environment. Sometimes, you never know if colleagues could potentially be real friend material unless you take them out of the work space.

I woke up this morning to a surprise medical bill in my e-mail inbox for a sick visit I paid to the doctor last October — that’s almost a year ago. I was surprised given that I knew my insurance should have been billed a long time ago, not to mention the co-pay was paid on the spot. After looking at this three-figure bill in shock, I visited my primary care doctor’s website to discover that they no longer accept my insurance, which didn’t really make a lot of sense because the last I checked when I visited last year, they did accept my insurance. So now I’m getting penalized for this? Their website says that they will still accept my insurance, but bill my insurance as an “out-of-network” provider. The entire concept of “in-network” vs. “out-of-network” has always driven me crazy in my adult life, as what… this is basically doctors’ and hospitals’ ways of making the most money possible by signing with insurance companies that will give them the best deal. From a capitalistic standpoint, that makes sense, but from a patient planning standpoint in terms of how to choose a doctor where your insurance is going to cover the bulk, if not all, of your bill, this is a complete nightmare, and part of the reason I’m sure that people hate visiting doctors period.

In the end, it was a mistake, and my doctor texted me to let me know that the bill was sent in error and to disregard it. But I still got mad about it. I got mad being reminded how senseless and difficult our healthcare system is, especially given how much it costs. And I also got frustrated knowing I could no longer see this doctor given that she doesn’t accept my insurance anymore. Now, I need to find a new primary care doctor, which makes me sad given that I really liked this one. It’s like finding a new friend — takes too long and is arduous and sometimes painful.

A friend of mine said that she had suddenly found a lot of free time given that she just got let go from her job today, so she thought that the next month or so might be a good time to visit. As much as I like seeing my friends at opportunities I regularly do not have, I looked at the calendar from now through the end of the year and realized that almost every single weekend is taken up by something, whether it’s a booked show or live event, a dinner with local friends, out-of-town visitors who will be staying with us, and our own personal and professional travels. The ability to have a spontaneous visitor come and stay with us for 2-4 days isn’t a likely possibility anymore.

I felt kind of bad telling her this, but I guess this is the way our lives are now. We plan a lot of things ahead of time, and with out-of-town visitors, those events really need to be planned far in advance to ensure that no conflicts arise. This is part of grown-up life now.

Tonight, I was on the phone tonight with my friend who is currently in a medical residency program, and as of next summer, she will be starting her fellowship in movement disorders at UCSF. I’m really excited for her, if for nothing else but 1) she’ll finally get a chance to live on the West Coast, as she’s always wanted and dreamed about, and 2) she will actually for the first time in years have nights and weekends relatively free, as her fellowship hours are fairly “normal” white-collar hours, at about 9-5pm Monday through Friday. And because I’ll still be going back to San Francisco regularly for work and family, I’ll be able to see her more often. The last time I got to see her was almost two years ago, sadly.

People have often asked me why I never considered going to culinary school or working in a bakery given how much I love food. If there is one reason only, well, aside from the fact that I’d never have the salary I’d want, it’s that I’d have zero flexibility and I would have to kiss goodbye all nights and weekends. Those would be the times I’d have to work. That’s the way the service industry is no matter what country you are in. You are there to serve; that’s your job, your role, your everything. I love food. But I don’t love it that much to give away all my time and my freedoms. And frankly, I love serving the people I love, not a bunch of random strangers who have random (and chances are, crappy) judgments that I could truly care less about.