Category Archives: Contemplations on New York Life

The reactions you want when you send out a birthday dinner invitation

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Food is something I’m passionate about. That’s a pretty huge understatement. I love food, and I love being around people who love food, and not just one type of food, but food from all corners of the globe, in all shapes and sizes, eaten with hands, forks, chopsticks, a shovel. And the more people like to try different foods and talk about food, the chances are higher that I will like you even more.

I sent out the Paperless Post invitation for my birthday party coming up in January, and within an hour, I got two responses via text from invited friends:

“Oh man. Are we getting lechon for your birthday??!!”

I love this response because a) this means that this friend not only saw the invite, but he also went to look up which restaurant this dinner was being held at (this is exactly what I would do). And b) it is obvious that he’s excited for PORK with CRISPY SKIN.

The second response I got was from a friend who I shared my Sunday plate date lunch experience with. This is what she wrote me with a laughing giphy at the end:

“Mmm, I can’t eat anywhere that serves pork. I had a little pig stuffed animal that was my best friend as a kid, and it would be wrong to eat them.”

If she were next to me and said this, I likely would have whacked her pretty hard.

She later followed up and said she’s super excited for Filipino food and is positive this place is going to be really good — simply because I chose it.

These are the reactions I love — from friends I have who love food.

A very exhausting and annoying play date

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I had scheduled a lunch and play date today with a building neighbor and her son. She asked me the night before if it would be okay if her other mom friend and daughter could also come. They had originally had a play date scheduled the previous Sunday but had to cancel because my neighbor was sick. I figured it would be fine… I’d likely just need to find a slightly roomier restaurant to accommodate three adults, three toddlers, and three strollers.

The first issue came up before we even got on the train to go down to Dumbo, Brooklyn. One of the moms said she couldn’t fold her stroller because it was too big, so she asked if we could use the elevator. I hate using the elevator and usually carry the stroller down while holding Kaia’s hand, so I told them I’d wait on the main level for them. After scanning into the subway, she wanted to take another elevator down to the downtown platform. I waited for them on the platform level… but they took over 20 minutes to arrive because that elevator was out of service, and they had to find another elevator further away to come down to us. My neighbor lightly suggested that we all stick together to prevent getting separated, but all I could think was… I would really love it if people could just be nimble and go with the flow, especially with the person who actually organized this outing. On the flip side, maybe I was actually being the rigid one because I didn’t want to use the elevator? Either way, this was not fun, and we missed three trains and ended up getting to the restaurant 15 minutes later than I’d wanted and had the reservation for.

Once we got to the restaurant, one kid had a face-down-flat meltdown. Then, one of the moms said she was avoiding carbs, and said the words of cardinal sin to Chris: “I don’t really eat fried rice (or noodles).” She asked me what was low-carb on the menu, so I tried to point out more protein/meat options for her. We went back and forth on whether we’d all share, which was stressful because no one could seem to come to a consensus. Finally, we did, and we ended up all sharing. The side order of stir-fried gai lan came to the table, and Kaia immediately said she wanted them. One of the moms said that would be an adult dish because “the kids won’t touch that,” and I had to chime in and say something. “No, my kid will definitely eat that. That’s her favorite vegetable!”

Kaia had a tantrum when I insisted she had to sit near me (and well, not with her best friend). She eventually had the biggest lunch out ever. I think she even encouraged one of the other kids to branch out and eat foods that weren’t just white and beige.

The first Space Club we tried to go to, which was brand new in Dumbo, had a 25-30 minute wait. So we took a quick Uber ride to the Fort Greene location where we finally got to let loose a little and not be so hyper focused on the kids. Kaia and I made some necklaces, and she seemed quite focused. We all enjoyed the large trampolines, which were unique to the Fort Greene location.

We mapped the closest subway, which was a 17-minute walk away. Neither seemed keen on that walk, so we ended up splitting a Lyft home. I wasn’t thrilled to tack on another $20 to my all-day play date, but I guess that’s the cost of being around people you don’t know well and are hesitant to take public transit. When I got home, all I could think was, I’m so glad to be back and not with two other moms and two other kids. My neighbor friend said to me as we entered our building with a smile, “So, feeling exhausted — just a little?”

Yeah, no kidding.

The more is not always the merrier, especially when you are leaving your neighborhood and relying on things like public transportation and everyone’s comfort level taking public transit.

A day off with snow flurries, freezing temperatures, lots of cooking, and scooting

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Since I started at my current company, I’ve had Veteran’s day off the last six years. No other company I’ve ever worked at gave me Veteran’s Day off. I suppose it’s one way to be “inclusive,” but what that ultimately means is that other days off I would hope to get don’t happen, such as New Year’s Eve. That is not a federal holiday, but every company before this current one gave that day off. These days, I have to request that day off officially. Now that Kaia is in preschool, she also gets that day off, so she was at home with us today. She woke up in our bed after creeping over to us a few hours before wake-up time and got excited to see tiny snowflakes falling from the sky.

“What is that falling from the sky, Mama?” Kaia asked, pointing out the window.

“It’s snow, Pookie!” I exclaimed. “Tiny little snowflakes falling down!”

Today, I made a bunch of things to feed the family: browned butter buttermilk oatmeal pancakes using toasted and ground steel-cut oats, my remaining buttermilk, and a bit of browned butter for extra toastiness. Both Chris and Kaia enjoyed these pancakes; they are likely the tastiest (but alas, most laborious) oatmeal pancakes I’ve ever made. So these will definitely be on rotation. I am very much in the “clean out the pantry and fridge” mode right now, so that ticked off using up my remaining buttermilk and most of my small amount of remaining steel-cut oats. That was followed by Eleven Madison Park style granola (which Kaia diligently picked out all the dried sour cherries from her portion…), Thai green curry with chicken and tofu using homemade stock from the bone bag in my freezer, leftover cut-up firm tofu, and pre-frozen cubes of green curry that I doctored up; plus, Thai-style papaya salad with the green papaya I got for super cheap at Apna Bazaar in Connecticut weeks ago! I even made the dough for my once/twice-a-year challah and left it to proof in the fridge overnight. I am planning for us to eat one loaf now, and then I’ll freeze the second loaf to await us in 2026 when we return from the Southern Hemisphere.

Kaia impatiently waited for me to finish shaving the papaya so that I could take her to Lincoln Center plaza for some scooting around. She is definitely mastering her scooter (minus some awkward turns), and she is gaining confidence using it. She loves riding it around and around the plaza reflecting pool, and then she likes to take breaks to pick up fallen autumn leaves and pebbles, pretending to “make pesto for mama.” She says she loves pesto pasta and wants to share it with me. This is her new thing whenever we’re in the Lincoln Center plaza together, with her intermittently scooting and then taking breaks to stir the special pesto pasta she makes for me in her imaginary kitchen.

We have about 2.5 weeks remaining in New York City this year. There is a lot left to do, lots of ingredients to use up, and plans still to be made. Every year seems to fly by quicker than the last, but I guess that’s how you know you are definitely getting older. I’m almost ending my 40th year, as Chris would say, yet I don’t feel close to slowing down even a bit just yet!

2025 AFSP Manhattan Out of the Darkness Walk at Pier 16/17 Seaport

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The AFSP Manhattan Out of the Darkness walk was rescheduled to today given that the original date of October 12 had stormy weather with flood advisories. Out of the twelve years that I’ve participated and fundraised, it’s the first year I’ve been on the Walk committee, and the first year I’ve actually volunteered to help with setup in preparation. I arrived at around 9am to help set up tents and stations. Chris and Pookster arrived once her swim class had completed, and my friend and her boyfriend, who also joined my team, came to the walk to support me and also support suicide prevention in general. My friend had a suicide attempt in her high school years that resulted in a days-long hospitalization. My friend’s boyfriend’s dad died from suicide when he was just a teenager. So suicide and mental health are very painfully relevant topics for both of them. My team was asked to lead the walk, so we kicked it off this year.

The walk turnout felt lighter this year, but I still think that overall, things ran much smoother than they did at last year’s. We were able to work out some of last year’s kinks. In addition, we tried to be more community oriented by calling out individuals and teams for walking with us for various numbers of years.

Volunteering for any nonprofit can be pretty taxing, frustrating, and time-consuming, not to mention insanely (but understandably) fundraising and money obsessed. But I felt happy and proud to finally be a part of the Walk committee, to get to know some of the committee members, and to also get to know our executive director more personally. I appreciated the opportunity to represent AFSP NYC on CBS News twice; it was definitely the highlight of participating on the Walk committee this year. New experiences like that are always exciting and fun, plus they test me in different ways and help keep me on my toes. It’s been a valuable experience, and maybe I will actually continue to be on the committee next year.

New York City’s food scene, a new mayor-elect, and championing the “hidden gems” in lesser traveled to parts of the city

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Since the pandemic year, we’ve been using our Saturdays to explore the city we currently call home, traveling to a different neighborhood and borough each week to see what the vibe and food is like. Chris has kept a record of all our neighborhoods, which weekends we went where, and which restaurants and tiny stands we’ve visited. So, it was a bit fun to see that the new mayor-elect of New York City, Zohran Mamdani, had built his mayoral campaign around leaning into his love of food, foods and restaurants in areas of the city that the average New Yorker or tourist may not be readily willing to trek to on their own. He’s campaigned at bodegas in the Bronx, taken politicians and journalists to restaurants in Astoria and Jackson Heights, and even organized a city-wide scavenger hunt that included many small, family-owned businesses that make some of his favorite foods.

Mamdani is highlighting many under-the-radar food spots, and likely drawing more visitors to those businesses. This makes me happy to see — to see that we have a new mayor-elect who not only likes to eat and has a deep appreciation of food across cultures and boroughs, but also likes to go to lesser known spots. We love discovering new places, and then we also get excited when those lesser known amazing spots somehow get “discovered.” Chris likes to say that he’s been doing this since the pandemic, but alas, he does not have the same following that Mamdani has. What makes New York City special is not just the big-name, flashy, expensive restaurants, but the teeny tiny hole-in-the-walls representing cultures and countries from around the world, where the owners are simply trying to share some of their own culture’s food with the rest of us and make a living.

We really need someone to lead who has new ideas, who truly embraces diversity. All the endless cultures of New York City make it the very special city it is. So I think this is a welcome breath of fresh air in more ways than one. And I’ll be honest: I’m looking forward to seeing what else Mamdani is going to be eating along the way; I’ve already added a few of his favorites to my “to try” map list!

Vir Das in “Hey Stranger” at the Claire Tow Theater, Lincoln Center

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Oftentimes, when people think of the Lincoln Center, they think of huge theaters like David Geffen Hall or David Koch Theater. But there are smaller theaters within Lincoln Center that perhaps have less name recognition that are fun, classy, and intimate, with a seating layout that ensures you are pretty close to the performers and would have zero reason to squint to see them. Vir Das, one of our favorite comedians from Mumbai, is here doing his “Hey Stranger” show at the Claire Tow Theater at the Lincoln Center. He’s the first Indian performer to star in a show at Lincoln Center, so this was a pretty big deal. We went with my friend and her husband to see his show last night, and it was ninety minutes of near-crying laughing, but also with lots of serious moments spread throughout.

One personal thing he revealed during the show was that given the topics he covers in his comedy, he’s more and more not welcome home in India by the government, so he feels like he has no choice but to leave. And the U.S. has offered him a green card. Many people would see this as incredible, but for him, he’s quite torn. Moving to and living in America would mean… he’d ultimately become a different person. His comedy would not be the same. His identity would change. And he wasn’t sure he would like it that much. And we all know he’d end up being grouped with other brown comedians like Hasan Minhaj or Russell Peters, who are definitely talented in their own right, but their comedy is not the same as his. His jokes are what they are because he’s not in America living an American life. He can be critical about America from an outsider’s lens. And his comedy is all that much smarter for it because he has a bird’s eye view of how crazy and insane this place really is. Where you call “home” really defines us in ways we may not fully be aware, but he’s thinking about it long and hard now.

I honestly don’t want him to move here because I love what he says and produces just as he is, where is is from. He provides an intelligent, authentic voice that would not be the same if he lived here. But hey, what does my opinion matter? I’m just another fan of his living life in the U.S. He has his livelihood to consider, and he also has to pay bills and try his best to stay out of jail just for simply having opinions and speaking. Being a comic is hard, and he’s showing exactly how hard it is to do that job while living in India and having Indian citizenship.

Another year, another sickness

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The most amazing things about years 2020 and 2021 are that I never got sick, even a single time. In 2020, I was isolated from pretty much the entire world, so who was going to get me sick? In 2021, we were technically still in COVID times, but I was still fairly isolated. Then I got pregnant and had Kaia. And I was still in the clear. Then 2022 came and the world was open and free again. Chris went to Chicago for a big work conference, came back and gave baby Kaia and me COVID. My milk supply (temporarily, thank God) plummeted for those days, and I still remember every pumping session was painful and so sweaty that I had to change my top and air out my pumping bras each time. After he got back, he learned that over a dozen of his colleagues went home with COVID. He never tested positive, so he annoyingly claims, to this day, that since he never tested himself, he never had it.

In early 2023, Kaia caught Hand Food Mouth from a friend in the play room, and then gave ME my first case of HFM. I had it worse than she did. In the spring of that year, she got sick, and I got really sick, too, AGAIN: I was sick on and off for at least a month. I was so miserable, with my violent coughing fits. I went to see a primary care physician, a respiratory specialist, and even a gastroenterologist just in case. I took lung capacity tests and even a scan of my lungs for anything potentially more serious (all came back negative for problems). No one could give me any answers for why I was having these coughing fits. I still don’t know why I get them now.

Then memorably in November 2024, so about a year ago, I got a peritonsillar abscess as a result of getting hit by two rare strains of first the flu, and THEN strep throat. Because both hit me at the same time, an abscess developed on my left tonsil about three times the size of a quarter. Ever since that happened, I told myself I seriously needed to isolate myself and stay the hell away from anyone remotely sick. Although I am not sick anywhere as often as my colleagues who have young children, when I do get sick, I get REALLY sick, and I hate being nonfunctional. Inefficiency is one of the things that pisses me off the most.

About two weeks ago, I could feel a sore throat coming on. I did all the things I was recommended: daily salt gargle, daily evening nasal saline rinse, all the ginger-lemon tea. I even added a few TCM teas into the mix, like apple-fig-apricot kernel and ginger-aged tangerine peel-honey. While I clearly had a cold because I had some congestion and a cough, I was fully functional for the last week and a half. I did everything I’d originally planned to do and worked every day. I just skipped a few mornings at the gym. It felt like a standard, mild cold. I could deal with that. Then, we had two friends over for lunch on Sunday. I thought I’d wake up Monday morning being 100 percent. No, I did not: I woke up with a scratchier throat, a sharper cough, and more phlegm than I’d had the previous week. I had no idea what was going on. Today, I basically moved any meeting where I had to speak a lot, or joined meetings camera-off when I could, because my cough and phlegm were so bad. Chris got me some soup, and I increased my hot liquid intake and took a long, steamy shower.

I keep maniacally checking my uvula to ensure it hasn’t deviated. It has not, fingers crossed. I also keep checking to see if I have any weird spots in my throat. I just want to be a regular person who gets a minor cold and then it goes away. Why is that so much to ask? In my twenties, I almost never took real “sick leave” because my colds were so minor that I’d just sleep them off. Now into my late thirties, it’s as though my body says, nah, you can’t have it easy anymore! Now, you have to suffer because you’re getting older and you have a child, muah hahaha!

Kaia tried to wake me up earlier than I wanted this morning, and I told her to be nice to mama because she’s not feeling well. She pat me on the head and said, “Mama, why are you sick?”

“That’s a good question, Pookie,” I said back to her. “Why am I sick? Is it because of you?!”

First dermatologist visit and full body skin cancer screening

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After almost forty years of existence, I finally decided to schedule a dermatology appointment for a full body skin cancer screening. For many years, I wrongly assumed that you needed a specialist referral from a primary care provider for a “skin problem” to see a dermatologist. Then about two years ago, my doctor told me that I should actually see a dermatologist every year for skin cancer screening, and that it’s covered by pretty much every insurance — no referral needed. After trying and failing to make appointments at several derm offices that were in very high demand, I decided to go the ZocDoc route and find someone who got decent reviews and was semi close by. And so the appointment happened today.

It was pretty straightforward. I came in, confirmed the reason for my appointment, and then an assistant noted anything of concern or any spots you may want to have extra special attention looked at. Then, I undressed completely except for my underwear and put a fun gown on. The doctor came in and greeted me, asked me a few questions, and then proceeded to go section by section of my body, looking for any potential scary spots. The good news is that she said my skin looked great — I didn’t have any spots of concern. She was pleased to hear that I wore a hat and wore sunscreen every day (even inside, really). She did note a few freckles and sun spots I developed, especially the ones I pointed out to her on my face. We talked about potentially using a prescription grade 20% azelaic acid cream to lighten them. She emphasized sunblock and reapplication, plus covering up/wearing hats when outside. And given I knew it could be possible that insurance would cover a prescription grade retinol (and I am almost 40!), I decided it wouldn’t hurt to ask and spin it as, “Can retinol help with fading sun spots?” She said that it would help pretty dramatically and asked if I’d be interested in Tretinoin, the prescription retinol. She divulged that it is typically covered by insurance if you state it’s for the treatment of acne. “You do get the occasional pimple, right?” she winked at me. “Everyone does!” And then she quickly wrote me prescriptions for both the Tretinoin and the azelaic acid cream. She also told me that I had to be patient and consistent; I’d likely see changes over the course of three to four months. I could do that.

Within the hour, I got a text notification that my health insurance approved the Tretinoin, no problem. The azelaic acid cream was denied, though. Wahhh. So I will see how much it costs out of pocket vs. other methods and go from there. This is pretty exciting, though, to get a heavily subsidized prescription grade retinol for the first time. I am wondering if it will live up to the hype I read about in mom groups that it “changes your life” and skin completely!

“Couples” date in Elmhurst today

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Today, the three of us met up with my friend and her husband for lunch at an Indonesian restaurant we like in Elmhurst, Queens. The funny thing is we originally met them at a food event in a Brooklyn backyard just over a year ago, so this wasn’t actually our first time meeting her husband. I’ve met up with this friend over the course of the last year one on one, but we’d never arranged for the guys to come until this time. Kaia was intrigued by the “new friends” at the table. My friend’s husband knew way more about Bluey and Peppa Pig’s family than we would have ever guessed. And we talked a lot about family and cultural dynamics, travel, and college experiences.

The “couples mingling” thing is always funny because two friends can get along amazingly well when it’s just the two of them, but their spouses may not get along when in that group setting. Or, one of the friends may detest the other friend’s spouse, or whatever other combination you can think of. Given this was the first time we were all hanging out together, the conversation was fairly neutral and tempered, and nothing really edgy came up. But I was thinking about “couples friends” and how hard, in reality, they are to make, given the above potential situations. In most of my friendships, I far prefer just hanging out with my friends vs. hanging out with them and their spouses. I like being with them all occasionally, and I do enjoy seeing potential group dynamics and how they can unfold. But I almost always would prefer their spouse not be there. There are very few people I can name where I can say I equally enjoy time altogether as much as time spent with just my friend.

So, we’ll see if we all hang out again. I hope we do, but if it doesn’t happen that often or again, it won’t necessarily be the end of the world. The good news, though, is that both like kids, and they definitely enjoyed spending time with Kaia Pookie. I could tell Kaia was warming up to them, too. When we took a bathroom break, as we washed our hands, she asked me if my friend would still be at the table when we came back. When she asks questions about my friends, this is how I know she likes them.

Halloween with a sweet little ice cream vendor, and Kaia’s first real packaged Halloween candy

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This year, we dressed Kaia up as an ice cream vendor for Halloween. It was Chris’s idea, and Kaia was obsessed with it. The costume came with a hat, shirt with a big red bow, and white pants, but the part that really reveals her costume is a large white cloth tray that houses six detachable ice cream cones in six different colors. It has straps that you velcro onto your child. So it’s a bit bulky and annoying to carry around. Kaia did embrace carrying it around in the beginning, smiling and giggling endlessly while saying “Who wants ice cream?” and then naming her (constantly changing) flavors by color.

This year’s Halloween was quite cool and windy, so she had to wear a jacket over her costume to keep warm, as did all her classmates during their annual Halloween parade that the parents come for. Once we got to the playground and took group photos, she immediately wanted to rip off her ice cream tray and ice creams and run around freely. So of course, she handed all that over to me (which her teacher eventually took).

In the evening while Chris passed out candy to our building trick-or-treaters, I took Kaia trick-or-treating in our building for the second time ever. Last year when it was her first time, she did not completely get what was going on, but went with it. This year, she understands that when she rings doorbells and the doors are opened, if she says “trick or treat!”, then she gets candy! She got really sad, though, when some participating neighbors didn’t want us to ring their bell and instead set up “self serve” candy stations, either with large bowls, buckets, or bags full of treats. I’m still very impressed by some neighbors’ selections of treats they are dishing out, some of which I can remember from last year. This year’s treats handed out ranged from authentic packaged stroopwafels, Walker’s shortbread, granola bites, to “healthy” lower sugar options. When we went to all the units to trick or treat, we relented and finally let Kaia eat some of her Halloween candy (last year, we confiscated all of it). Chris let her choose two, and she settled on one tiny box of Nerds, and one Twix (mama’s favorite Halloween candy from childhood!). She savored both of them and ate them slowly. In the end, she declared she liked the Nerds more.

People ask us if we let Kaia “indulge” on Halloween. Well, that’s as far as “indulgence” is going to go for our almost-four-year-old! And she seemed quite happy with her overall Halloween experience and her candy eating allowance today!