Mentoring training

Tonight I went to my first mentoring training session. This mentoring organization is site-based, meaning we always meet with our mentees in a supervised environment at a specific site where other mentors meet with their kids. I’m still awaiting a placement, so we’ll see where I end up.

I was told at the end of it that I’d have to get a formal background check and get finger printed – just to make sure I wasn’t a former child molester or animal killer. It’s weird to think about getting a background check. You don’t even get to see the “background” report that these people are getting of you. I’ve always wondered what one actually looks like – a really one that is not on TV. Does it tell you information on the person’s siblings and all the things that their siblings and mothers and fathers have done, too?

Listening

We’re all bad listeners. Even if we say we are good listeners, we’re all really just crap at it. Even quiet people who claim to be great listeners still want to be heard; their struggle to speak is just more silent. We’re human beings; that’s the way we are programmed.

One of the worst feelings, though, when having a conversation, is when you are cut off, and not just cut off once, but repeatedly – over and over and over again. This happened a number of times during a three-way conversation today among me and two other men today. Initially, I thought, these jerks. They’re doing this because I’m the only woman in the conversation! I can do this, too! So I started cutting them off. But as I stood there and observed, I realized that they were doing the same exact thing to each other. It led to a number of misunderstandings, which I was able to clear up at the very end of this conversation that really should have lasted about 1/4 of how long it did last.

Everyone really just needs to shut up and listen. It’s not going to kill you to wait a few extra seconds and listen to what the other person has to say. I feel exhausted.

Sunday nights

It’s my first Sunday night by myself. I can’t even remember the last time I have spent a Sunday night alone. Chris left this afternoon for a work trip, and so I am left to my own devices to keep myself entertained. I made an Indian dal (lentil) dish, roasted brussel sprouts with shallots and balsamic vinegar, and Korean purple rice. I worked on Valentine’s Day cards even though I don’t know who I am giving these to (I’m not feeling very generous this year). I did some cleaning and reorganizing, and also caught up on some personal e-mail. I also watched a movie a friend recommended that I didn’t like. I’m going to finish reading The English Patient tonight and maybe catch up on The Economist.

It’s weird to think of simple things like Sunday nights with your spouse. Chris and I just spend every Sunday night at home for the most part and have a homemade meal. We listen to his podcast. He might do laundry. But now that he is not here, I find myself feeling very strange because this is not what I am used to. I am in the home we share, but I feel slightly out of my element. This is what it’s like to miss your spouse when you know you won’t be going to bed together, and is a reminder to not take people for granted, not that I was doing that.

Dining out on Valentine’s Day

Chris and I are not huge fans of Valentine’s Day. Neither of us gets giddy or excited when anyone mentions it. I do like doing something special for him on that day, but I don’t hype it up in my head the way most women do. I love card making. I love giving chocolate. I do not love stressing out about this overly commercialized holiday. So I don’t.

I don’t even really think about what we could eat on that day very much because I get mad at the restaurant industry when I think of all these hyper overpriced prix fixe menus just for that special night’s dinner. What usually tends to be the case (as I learned from reading Waiter Rant, a book based off of a highly successful personal blog of a man who has made a living out of waiting tables at different low and very high end restaurants over many, many years) is that restaurants, expecting couples to be willing to shell out lots of dough for their significant others (or who they hope will become their significant others soon), will create these fancy-sounding prix fixe menus and increase the price tag on them, yet will use lower quality ingredients but mask this fact by adding more cream and butter to the dishes. The average person who dines out doesn’t know much about food or food preparation, so they won’t even realize this reading the menus. I know a lot about both, and I will not tolerate giving into this nonsense.

I love eating out, but I will not do it on New Year’s Eve (unless I am traveling) or Valentine’s Day, because those are the two nights of the year when restaurants will create these special, crappy menus in an effort to rip you off. We may get delivery, or I may make us a nice meal. No eating out on Valentine’s Day.

Dinner with friends

Tonight, we went to see a play called Dinner with Friends, which is about two couples who are best friends and do everything together – outings, vacations, endless home-cooked dinners at home. They even get pregnant and raise their kids together. Then one day, one of those marriages breaks up, and they have to face the harsh reality that life is evolving and will never be the same again – for them as friends, as well as their own respective relationships with their spouses (and ex-spouses).

Karen tells Beth that for the first 20 years of her life, she did everything she could do to get away from her family (assumption here is that they are obviously dysfunctional), and the last 20 years of her life, she did everything she could to create her own family – of friends, a loving husband, and kids they bore and raised. Apparently, she says, she was trying to escape how “fucked up” her family was, but in the end, the friends she chose are just as fucked up.

That actually sounds kind of familiar.

Disappearing act

Last night, we went to a magic show that was really awful. Chris wanted us to try seeing something different than the usual off-off or off-broadway theater that we usually see, so he got us tickets to a magic show called “You Will Be Thrilled.” It was scheduled to be 90 minutes, and ended up being only about 40 minutes. The lead was a complete disaster. He didn’t explain anything well, messed up on pretty much all of his “tricks,” and ended the show extremely abruptly. We requested a refund via Eventbrite and got our money back.

Another magic trick happened in my dream last night. I was at home with my mom, and she was saying that she had two children, a son and a daughter, yet her son wasn’t with us anymore. As she said this, I looked across the room, and there was Ed, sitting near our massive CD/DVD collection, organizing them quietly while sitting Indian-style. I ran over to him to hug him, and as he reached out to hug me back, POOF! He disappeared. Right into thin air. He was gone that quickly.

As I retold this dream to Chris this morning, he told me that this seems to be a reoccurring dream for me – my being in some place, seeing Ed and not expecting to see him, and running up to him to embrace him.

Maybe this is his way of reminding me not to forget about him. If it is, boy, is he an idiot. Do you really think I could forget about you, Ed? I think about you every day, constantly. It would be impossible to forget you even though you forgot how much I love you and decided to leave me in this world alone forever.

Deja vu

So a new Malaysian restaurant opens on West 8th Street in New York a few weeks ago, and my friend suggests we try it out. Four of us went tonight, and I got this odd feeling as I entered the restaurant that I had been here before, but when it was a different restaurant/cuisine type. As we sat there, I realized it had previously been a so-so sushi place I visited once. Apparently, the people who took over this spot and made it Malaysian kept the decor and layout exactly the same and just redid the menu and staff.

This tends to be what happens when you live in New York for a while. You go to restaurants that are just so-so or sub-par (or horrendous), forget you ever really went there because there was nothing worth remembering, and then go back to the same location and get that deja vu feeling you’d been there before but can’t pinpoint when. Turnover here is really high, even when restaurants are tasty or innovative. This replacement was passable, but not worth eating again (the laksa was nothing like the laksa I know, and the Hainanese chicken was completely flavorless, even for a relatively blander dish). These are the places that need to be eliminated to give other places a shot.

Crafts meetup

Tonight, I went to an arts and crafts Meetup group. I’ve been wanting to meet more people who have similar interests, and since I really enjoy making greeting cards and scrapbooking, I figured it would be nice to find friends who do the same. Everyone who came to the group did something different – scrapbooking, card-making, sewing, calendar-making, embroidery, tatting (like crocheting, but even more intricate). It was fun being around women who had different crafts hobbies, but I’m not sure we quite clicked. They were all from the tri-state area and seemed so surprised when I said I was originally from San Francisco. I thought Meetup (and New York City, at that) welcomed everyone and attracted people from all over the place?

This sounds like such a PC, I-went-to-Wellesley-and-want-to-make-a-difference-in-the-world type thing to say, but I’d love to make friends who are from everywhere – here in the tri-state area, the Midwest, the South, the West Coast, Canada, China, Singapore, Germany, France, whatever. But when I meet them, it would be nice if they all didn’t treat the idea of not being from their native place as odd or surprising. I thought that was what made New York City so great – that it attracts people from around the globe? Or maybe it’s just that the people I met tonight just surround themselves with locals only?

Lines

Before moving to New York, waiting in line at the supermarket, or any store for that matter, never seemed like a big deal. The worst line might have 3-4 people in front of me, but I never had to wait more than 5 minutes to get to the cash register.

Now that I have been living here for over five and a half years, waiting in line is basically part of New York life, whether it’s for a restaurant (with or without a reservation, sadly), groceries, or even at freaking Rite Aid just to buy M&Ms for Chris. I’ve actually been at the Rite Aid right around the corner from my apartment on a Saturday, where I was disgusted to see a single-file line of about eight people. All Trader Joe’s locations in Manhattan are notorious for their lines that zig-zag throughout their store (and requires employees to follow the ends of those lines carrying large, bright red “End of Line” signs) and I guess that shouldn’t be surprising since it’s the most affordable place to buy good-quality groceries and produce in this crowded and expensive metropolis.

I went down to the Trader Joe’s during a break midday to drop off baked chocolate pastries I made for one of my best friends who works there, and I thought, hmm, maybe since it’s snowing and slushy outside, there won’t be a line there, and I can get away with grabbing a few things and not dealing with a huge crowd. Wrong. The line went all the way  to the back of the store. Apparently, these New Yorkers all had the same idea I did.

Actually, the best time to go grocery shopping really would have been during the Super Bowl last night as Chris suggested. Oh well. Maybe next year.

No work today

For the last four years of my life, I had to work insane hours and long nights and even weekends since my main client was in the automotive vertical and would have commercial spots during the Super Bowl. Most of my Januarys were shot, as every work night was a long one preparing massive search campaigns to capture all the Super Bowl commercial traffic. I remember the last two Januarys never even going to the gym more than once or twice.

It feels strange to not have to work tonight and knowing that I didn’t have to work late hours for all of last month. You always tend to think that when a huge load has been lifted off your chest that you will feel relieved, but I think in this case, it just feels kind of weird. It’s a good weird, but still weird. And I’m also proud to say that I really don’t care about the Super Bowl or who wins since I have never cared for watching sports.

It will be a nice, calm night for Chris and me. I love it.