5-year wedding anniversary

Today marks five years since our wedding. We technically got together as a couple in January 2012, which is the anniversary that Chris says counts more. That has a lot of validity, but the wedding anniversary still “counts” to me. We don’t really do anything to “celebrate” it, as in we do not exchange gifts or go out to a fancy meal for this anniversary. In fact, if I remember correctly, for our first wedding anniversary, we just got halal food that cost $6 per box from the famous 53rd and 6th Avenue cart. Yum, chicken/lamb and rice, although they have since gotten rid of the lamb as an option because they said it’s too expensive.

It’s made me sad to hear all the stories that my friend’s been sharing when she felt unappreciated, unheard, and unseen by her boyfriend of 10 years. One of the recurring issues seems to be when she’s been in a bridal party at a wedding or performing dance at a wedding, and because of her involvement, she misses some of the drinks or canapes during cocktail hour. While she’s scrambling around, she’s hoping her partner would have saved her some food or at least a drink, but wedding after wedding (and there have been at least 3 or 4, including my own) where she has performed or been in a bridal party, he’s failed to deliver. Even after the first or second time when she’s asked him to do it next time, he would make excuses, get defensive, and say he “had no place to put it!” She would try to brush it off, but after so many times of it happening, she realized that he didn’t even want to try to do something she wanted.

I thought about the one time I was in a bridal party and how Chris saved me food and drinks during cocktail hour while I was busy taking bridal party photos. I had at least one of each canape on a plate ready to be eaten. And when I got into bed this evening, I told him I loved him and appreciated him always saving me food.

“Huh? Ythi, you’re going nuts… talking to your friend and thinking about your own situation,” he mumbles sleepily in his half-asleep stupor.

Well, appreciation also needs to be stated…

Home cooked meals

Tonight for dinner, I made lime leaf sambal broiled salmon, roasted broccoli, heirloom carrots, and quinoa for the three of us. My friend supplied the broccoli; she’s offered to be our FreshDirect while she stays with us, which I’m happy to take advantage of. We sat in our lounge room and ate together, and while eating and relishing the food, she said that it suddenly dawned on her that she couldn’t remember the last time anyone had made her food before yesterday when she came over (aside from ordering at a restaurant, obviously).

“Was the last time someone made me food…. you? It was probably you!!” she exclaimed. She paused between bites. “It feels nice to be taken care of.”

I patted her back and glanced back at her contemplatively. She’s right. It is nice to feel like someone is taking care of you, whether that person is doing your laundry, getting your groceries, making you dinner, or doing all the repairs around the house that you hate doing. And it’s really sad when it feels like no one, even your own partner, has done anything even remotely to take care of you at all, and you’re the one who has done every imaginable form of “taking care of” him.

New roommate

On a Zoom catchup with friends the other night, I was talking about my cooking and baking, and how since the city had begun opening up in June that I started sharing baked goods with our building staff again. I didn’t feel comfortable sharing with them before then… given we had no idea how contagious COVID-19 was and whether it could be transmitted through food. But since then, they’ve been happy to accept my baked goods and eat whatever I make. I also made a comment, saying that I wish I had more people to cook for. Before the pandemic, I used to have friends com over and eat food I’d make, and well, that’s clearly come to an end. No more using friends as guinea pigs for test dishes. It’s just Chris now.

Well, I guess got what I wanted…just not exactly how I thought. My good friend is in the process of breaking up with her boyfriend, so she is staying with us temporarily until she finds her own place. Tonight, I made her a cheesy chutney toastie sandwich with the olive bread I picked up from Le Fournil Bakery in East Village. And well, now that I have another mouth to cook for, I can make more food. 🙂 Chris also cannot walk around the apartment in his underwear anymore, but hey, it’s give and take.

The lamington face off

I discovered the joys of what a lamington were quite late. Chris had waxed on and on and on about how delicious these fluffy blocks of vanilla sponge cake, coated in chocolate and rolled in dried coconut flakes were. The best ones, he explained, are filled with a nice jam, usually raspberry, and some are even filled with jam AND cream. You could get basic ones from Cole’s or another grocery store, but the best ones always came from local bakeries in Australia.

Unfortunately, the very first one I had was at a Pie Face in Melbourne. It was not filled with anything. It just seemed like a big slice of vanilla cake coated in chocolate and coconut, which really was not that exciting to me. It was just vanilla sponge inside – what’s the big deal? I didn’t get the hype and immediately wrote the experience off.

But then, Chris discovered Bushwick Hot Bread, owned by an Aussie chef who works at Eleven Madison Park. Given the pandemic, she’s out of work, so she’s started a side hustle preparing Aussie treats and delivering them on Sundays. He ordered her lamingtons, and it was love at first bite: it was super moist, almost to the point where it felt like it was SOAKED in liquid, and the jam on the inside was fruity and delicious. I loved everything about it. We have since ordered many more, in addition to her other baked goods, as well, and none have disappointed.

Then, I noticed while at Super Moon Bakehouse this past Friday that they had their own rendition of a lamington that was filled with jam AND cream, double the size of Bushwick Hot Bread’s. So I bought one and brought it home to compare side by side. The vanilla sponge was good, but nowhere as moist as Bushwick’s. And the cream layer was almost triple the amount of the jam to the point where it overpowered the jam! In many bites, I could not even taste the jam. One glance at the innards after I cut into it, and the Australian in Chris went nuts. “No, I can tell it’s not as good because the ratio of cream to jam is completely off!” he exclaimed.

We all have strong opinions on something, and when it comes to Aussie treats, Chris lets it all out. Bushwick Hot Bread won easily.

Fruit cutting = love

I was having a Zoom chat with two of my friends yesterday night, and one of the topics that came up was fruit cutting, funnily enough. We were talking about our lack of social lives given the pandemic, that Zoom chats were the real “out” of conversing with our partners. And I told them that I’ve prepared lunch every single work weekday for Chris and me, not to mention daily fruit bowls.

“I have probably prepared about 370 fruit bowls for both of us since this pandemic began!” I exclaimed.

One of my friends responded that her boyfriend is obsessed with having fruit cut for him, too. When they were in Bali years ago where they had a helper who would prepare meals, he explicitly requested a fresh fruit smoothie and a plate of a variety of cut fruit every day. She thought it would be nice for her to cut him some fruit one day after the trip, so he asked for papaya. She went to buy a papaya and realized how annoying it was to peel and cut the fruit, so she gave up, and he ended up having to cut it!

“If he wants fruit, we can go on vacation again, or my grandma can cut it for him!” she said, laughing. She said moving forward, she would cut him a fruit bowl once a year… on his birthday.

Chris has no idea how good he has it….

Closing time

Today, Chris and I were exploring Williamsburg and decided to meet up with my friend and her boyfriend. When I think about the meetup, it was pretty normal and fun the way it usually is, but in the back of my mind, I was thinking about how funny it is that we’re all meeting up, pretending not to acknowledge the elephant in the room: that my friend is in the process of telling her boyfriend that she wants to end their nearly 10-year-long relationship.

Ending a relationship with someone you’ve been with that long is really hard, and it’s even harder when you live with the person. I don’t really know what’s going to happen, or if she’s really going to end this, as the thoughts have been in progress for her for over a year now. But I suppose what I am most concerned about is that she will just jump right into another relationship with someone who doesn’t completely value her for what she is and doesn’t communicate openly yet again. It seems to be a pattern in her relationships whether she’s aware of it or not.

If they do break up, I will miss him. I like his no-nonsense, no-bullshit attitude and commentary. I also like that he just says it as it is and doesn’t care to be PC about anything.

When your mom is afraid to leave the house

My mom has been pretty scared to leave the house for the last year. It’s not just because of the fear of catching the virus, but also because of the anti-Asian hate crimes that have gone up over a thousand percent in this country since stupid politicians kept calling the virus the “China virus” or “kung flu.” My parents are the king and queen of keeping up with scary news, so they have heard all of the stories of the elderly Asians who have been punched, beaten, spat on, pushed down. They’ve heard of the Asians who have been stabbed. They’ve also heard of the ones who have been spat on, blamed for the virus, and told to “go back to China.”

My mom was telling me on the phone yesterday, “Don’t leave the house unless you have to. If you go out, only go with Chris because there’s power in numbers. They will beat you for no reason. Be careful!”

She said she doesn’t feel safe leaving the house by herself anymore, even to walk around the block for exercise, so she tries to only leave with my dad or my aunt. When she leaves the house now, she also said she will only take, at most, $10 with her, in fear that someone will rob her. “It doesn’t matter if it’s just $5, but they will stab you and take your five dollars!” she exclaimed. I suggested she get pepper spray. She said she’d have no idea how to use it and would be scared that it would be used against her. Well… okay, good point.

My mom has been through a very hellish life, particularly for her first 20 years. Then, she immigrated to this country hoping for better opportunities and a good future for her soon to be son and daughter, the way most immigrants have hope for a better tomorrow. What she probably never thought about when she was on that plane from Saigon to San Francisco is the racism she’d have to endure here as a person of Asian descent.

It is a sad reality to think about: racism existed then. It exists now. And when you’re Asian in a society that seems to only “get” race as “Black and White,” you’re just invisible. Hate crimes against your people don’t even get labeled “hate crimes.” It’s like your life doesn’t even matter. It’s been a really depressing week.

Anti-Asian Hate Crimes

So what, now anti-Asian hate crimes get national attention finally after a year-plus of what our former President Dipshit called the “China virus” because a stupid white man in Atlanta decides to storm into multiple Asian massage parlors and shoot them dead? This is what it takes to get national attention when you are Asian in the United States of America?

And yet.. the sheriff refuses to call it a “hate crime” because this shooter “was just having a bad day” and claimed he did not harbor hatred of Asians. We’re supposed to believe this murderer???? And we’re also supposed to believe the racist sheriff and his incompetent and racist police unit?

https://www.cnn.com/2021/03/18/politics/white-supremacy-racism-asian-americans/index.html

I’ll leave this link here.

Asian grandma attacks back

An elderly Chinese woman was attacked from behind by a racist white man along Market Street in San Francisco today. But instead of letting him go, she somehow found the strength to take some large stick and beat him so badly that he ended up needing to get hospitalized. Her face is grossly bruised and bloody, and she continues to not be able to see out of one eye, which is still bleeding.

It makes me happy to see that she attacked him back. But to be frank, it would have made me even happier to see her be able to beat him dead. He would have deserved a slow, painful, bloody death.

Spillover

I recently started reading the book Spillover, which was published in 2012. It’s basically a journalistic book (it reads like a mystery, so it’s fun to read) that documents over time all of the pandemics and viruses that we’ve faced that have originated from animals (it’s the majority of them, if you want to know). While I’ve passively participated in vegan groups, I’ve often read the same sentiment over and over: if we humans stopped eating meat and animal-derived products, pandemics and deadly viruses originating from animals would stop.

If you look to data and science for facts, you would understand that this above belief is simply wrong. One notable example is from the Hendra virus, which began (and ended, ahem, talk about contact tracing and control!!) in Queensland, Australia, in the early 90s. Bats were hanging out at some tree where a horse at a horse ranch liked to rest. One day, the horse got super ill, interacted with all her horse friends, and then she died. Her horse friends who got in proximity to her all died within a week (it was about 40 horses in total). Her closest human care taker died shortly after. Another human, a vet, who interacted with the horse and did her autopsy became ill but survived. These horses were devastating not just for the ranch, but also for the big horse racing business in Australia. With horse racing, you do not eat the horses; you watch them race. So what does this mean: we need to eliminate ANY interaction with EVERY animal on the planet to avoid the next pandemic? How sustainable is that????

Welp. We’re doomed.