A completely pointless family texting group

When you are not texting someone one on one, and instead are texting to a number of people within a group, there can be a tendency for some to message and “participate” a lot more than others. And what also can easily happen is that people simply will text about what they care about, which no one else cares about, and send messages into a dark hole that no one will really read and will actually just ignore. That’s basically what’s happened with a group text among two of my cousins, my uncle, and me.

Here are the general themes among how each person here participates:

Cousin 1: This cousin has never really fully matured, though he is 48 years old now. He has no idea how to properly communicate, and as a psychotherapist I follow on Instagram recently wrote, communication is not a skill we are born with; instead, it requires us being taught and actively learning how to do it well to best express ourselves and be heard. Those who have not matured in this area tend to become very poor at self expression and end up “expressing” themselves by complaining all the time. This is this cousin, who is not only a poor communicator, but also openly racist and basically thinks everyone of every race is bad except Chinese Americans (he frequently criticizes Chinese immigrants). All his texts are about complaining about how White people steal opportunity from Asians (specifically males), Black and White people don’t believe in wearing masks during the pandemic, and Indian people love to throw people under the bus at work. Everyone else is always at fault and he’s always innocent. He’s also awful at confrontation and basically invites poor treatment.

Cousin 2: This cousin is pretty benign. He may respond to a benign message, and he will also share photos of food he has either cooked or eaten at a nice restaurant.

Uncle: My uncle is also openly racist against pretty much all race groups, but particularly any immigrants and Chinese from China. He’s a Trump supporter who frequently shares Fox News articles that criticize and unfairly blame Biden or Harris or Obama for whatever incident is being reported, and talks about how bad “illegals” are in this country, as they are the number 1 reason for the increasing crime rates supposedly everywhere here. He goes on rants that are paragraphs long over text about how incompetent “liberals” and Democrats are, particularly Biden, Harris, Obama, and California governor Gavin Newsom. However, he categorizes himself as a “libertarian” and believes both in vaccines and in masks.

Me: I basically don’t respond or contribute to any conversation and am just a bystander who occasionally scrolls through their messages, but I recognize none of them care about each others’ messages.

At the rate we are going, we should just cancel the group text and tell each person to talk to themselves.

When it gets harder to reach your toes

I’m generally pretty flexible. And I knew that as pregnancy progressed, I’d eventually get to a point where I couldn’t comfortably cut my toenails or polish them anymore. And it seems that as of tonight, I am almost there. I was sitting on my bathroom floor, reaching to clip my toenails and feeling strained. My growing belly was getting in the way, for better or worse.

Well, this wasn’t fun, I thought to myself. I could feel the baby squirming inside of me when I stretched in certain directions. Is Chris going to need to cut my toenails for me next month, or am I going to suck it up and spend the money on a pampering pedicure?

When you can see the baby move from the outside

When I first started feeling fetal movements around week 15, I got really excited. I couldn’t believe that this tiny human was still growing and thriving inside of me, and every little flutter or tickle was like a little blessing. And as the weeks have gone by and she has grown and gotten bigger, the movements have transitioned from feeling like internal tickles or flutters to actual, real movements. Sometimes, they feel like tiny punches. Other times, they feel like real kicks or slaps on the inside. But all of them have made me feel incredibly lucky and grateful. They say that the more fetal movement you feel, the better the sign that the baby is growing and developing into a healthy little human. And so each time I feel these, even when it can be uncomfortable or at inopportune times, like while I’m presenting during a meeting, I remind myself that this all means my little baby is healthy.

Since we got back from Turkey, though, I’ve realized that I can actually *see* the tiny movements on the outside when I pay attention. The baby is still tiny, just about 2 lb in weight, but you can actually see the little kicks and punches now if you look closely enough. So what I’ve been doing, usually right after a meal or at bedtime when she is normally most active, is I’ve been lifting up my shirt while sitting or lying down up to my chest so I can see the movements more closely. Chris grimaced when I first started doing this: “Why are you lifting your shirt up like that? You look like one of those fat men who pulls up their shirt after eating too much!” But then, I’d tell him to watch the belly, and he was able to see the tiny movements himself, which made him chuckle and realize why I wanted to do this.

I hope my little one keeps growing and kicking. I love watching and feeling all of her movements. It’s the biggest highlight of each day for me now.

Backyard hangout in Flatbush

Last night, Chris and I went to an event hosted by one of our favorite New York food people, Auria from Auria’s Malaysian Kitchen, also known as The Sambal Lady, in her huge backyard in Flatbush, Brooklyn. The theme of the event was Malaysian eats, reggae beats, and local beers cohosted by a beer curator/journalist named Josh. Auria runs a small business that really took off during the pandemic, selling her homemade spicy sambal sauces and kaya (a delicious coconut and pandan jam/spread). Her goal with her business was to spread the love for all delicious and authentic things Malaysian to New Yorkers and Americans, as she’s originally from Malaysia. She expanded her operation from being home run to a factory out in New Jersey. Since Chris discovered her last year, she and I have been in contact over Instagram direct message, and I’ve given her some of my footage to include in her promotional material. When she posted that she was hosting this event, we knew we had to go. So I finally got to meet Auria in person, and she really felt like family right away. She was exactly as I imagined: extremely friendly, warm, homely, and kind.

At the event, she served pai tee cups (these lovely fried cups filled with jicama and carrot, topped with shrimp and a sweet-spicy savory sauce), her delicious beef rendang, white rice, and Malaysian style cucumber salad. For dessert, she served a purple sticky rice topped with sweet and salty coconut milk. And her friend Josh provided all the local beers that Chris got to enjoy. She also unveiled her latest projects, which are spice blends in partnership with Burlap and Barrel, a local spice company that seeks to support small-scale farms from around the world. She has three that have been finalized and will be available on October 30, which is also her birthday: rendang (she used it in the beef rendang tonight!), chicken curry, and satay. I’m especially excited about the rendang and satay blends: those are INVOLVED cooking projects normally. I know from experience last year that making satay is intense; I got sore arms and hands from that video I filmed!

It was also just amazing to be in a BACKYARD in New York. I felt like I wasn’t in the city at all, as it felt like a very non-urban, very suburban experience. I also got my share of mosquito bites, unfortunately. I’ve read that mosquitoes particularly love the sweeter blood of pregnant women. What joy for me.

It was a really fun night, and I’m especially happy I got to meet Auria. I love being around people who love food, cooking, and sharing it all with others. If this could be my life, I’d be eternally happy.

Growing belly and limited visibility down there

I am now in my 28th week of pregnancy. I never thought I’d get here, but well, here I am. Every day feels like a blessing, and every movement makes me feel so grateful to have gotten this far.

As I was showering the other morning, I realized that I needed to shave my pubic area, and well, I was lacking the visibility I usually have of it down there. Once upon a time, I could peer down my stomach and see it; now, I have to crook my neck over to the left or right and stretch out a bit before I can actually see myself. This is going to be increasingly challenging, I thought to myself. At some point, I may even need a mirror to guide myself while shaving to ensure I don’t end up injuring myself!

No one really warns you of these things before you get pregnant, though. We’re just supposed to suck it up and figure it out. Even lifting my legs or feet to wash myself has become a bit more challenging given my changing center of gravity. I have to be more careful so that I don’t fall over when doing this. And normally, I have pretty decent balance for someone who has little athletic ability. I wonder if at some point of pregnancy, women just put a stool in their shower so that they can wash themselves while sitting down. That sounds almost geriatric, but… anything to keep clean and safe, right?

Another Wellness Day to myself

Today I had the day off due to another company Wellness Day. Since it didn’t overlap with a day off with Chris as it did last month, I was left to my own devices. So I started the day with my usual workout, worked on updating this blog, answered a few personal emails, did some more online baby shopping to prepare for our registry, and then walked all the way uptown to check out a family owned baby store that is reputed to have good customer service. After looking at strollers first at Buy Buy Baby, Nordstrom, and finally here at Albee Baby, I can say with certainty that the service I got here was the best. The assistant knew all the models on the floor inside out, let me play around and stroll them all around, and also talked about the different accessories. I think we’ve finally made our stroller decision. It only took three store visits and endless hours of online research!

After my time at Albee Baby, I walked further up to have lunch on my own at Banh, a modern Vietnamese restaurant that opened during the pandemic. I’d already been here twice before and knew the food was delicious, so I ordered the dry hu tieu noodles and a house made strawberry lime soda. As I sat on my own and ate, watching all the action happening in their fully open kitchen, I thought about how this was actually one of the few times I’d be fully on my own, able to explore and galavant all over this city without a baby in tow. I should probably try to enjoy my freedom as much as possible while I can because soon, it won’t be that easy for me to go to any neighborhood I want and not have to think about feeding/changing diapers for a baby, a car seat, or how to navigate a stroller through narrow walk-ways or poorly paved roads or streets.

A few of my friends who have gone through pregnancy encouraged me to take a few days off sporadically leading up to labor and delivery just to do things for myself, whether that was read a book, get my nails done/massage/facial, or stroll through markets or have meals on my own. They told me I’ll never get this time back, so I should soak it up as much as possible. While eating my hu tieu today, I thought… that’s actually a pretty good idea. I will probably do that.

Working as a parent

As long as I’m at the company where I am currently employed, I will never have to go into an office and work a traditional 9-5 or 9-6. I will never have to deal with pumping breast milk in a mother’s room or bathroom between meetings at work. I will never have to post on a Slack channel that I’ll be out for a baby’s appointment for whatever hours of the day. Given the pandemic and the general nature of working from home during this period, this is quite a privilege I have. I remember my mom marveling at the idea of a mother’s room at my last workplace: “we never had that when I was working!” So she never had the option to pump milk for Ed or me; we just had to have formula after she went back to work after eight weeks of maternity leave.

I recognize how lucky I am to work from home and have the flexible schedule I have. My boss, who has a 6-year-old daughter, shuts down her computer to pick her daughter up from daycare at 4pm on the dot every single day, and she doesn’t check email again until about 9pm in the evenings, likely after her daughter is already in bed. We have other colleagues who shut down at 3pm each day, and no one ever blinks an eye at it. It feels good to know that parents are accommodated well at my organization, at least as far as I can see.

I’m having a chat with our benefits team about my leave next week and am curious to see what they will say is required from a paperwork standpoint. In the U.S., regardless of what company you are employed at, this process is rarely fun or enjoyable.

Pediatrician search

I was chatting with my doctor at my last OB visit about next steps to think about: getting my TDAP vaccine updated in my third trimester, a flu shot in early October, and finding a pediatrician for my baby. I worked with my Aetna nurse, and she sent me a list of in-network pediatricians that are walking distance from my apartment (there is no way I’m getting on a train or in an Uber regularly for baby visits, especially since they happen so frequently in the first year of baby’s life!). I read that the best pediatricians will make time for a prenatal consultation before baby is born so that the parents feel comfortable with their choice in baby doctor, so I started calling pediatrician offices today to ask for a prenatal consultation. I was only able to get one booked so far; the second one said she isn’t accepting new patients for consideration until late October/early November. Another doctor’s office said that they don’t do prenatal consultations period. “The doctor is already booked solid and stretched thin, so she doesn’t do prenatal consultations, unfortunately,” the receptionist on the phone said, apologetically.

That’s always a bad sign. If you cannot commit 15-20 minutes just for a CHAT with parents before committing to a relationship, what’s it going to be like when you are actually my baby’s doctor, and something is urgently wrong? This is that doctor’s loss, not mine.

Exercise as a habit

I was chatting with the trainer at the gym this morning, and he was asking me how I was feeling this far along in my pregnancy. I told him that other than recently having to change how I roll out of bed (the change in center of gravity is no joke!), everything has been feeling pretty good. I’m wondering when and if random aches and pains will happen that other pregnant friends and colleagues have warned me about, but that I’m just kind of taking it all day by day.

He shook his head and grinned. “None of that is going to happen to you. I’m willing to bet on it.”

“What makes you so sure of that?” I asked, confused.

“You work out every single day, no fail!” He exclaimed. “When pregnant women stay active their whole pregnancy the way you have, when you have exercise as a habit, all those aches and pains stay at bay because you’re taking care of your body. If you take care of your body, it will take care of you. That’s the way it works, and a lot of people don’t get it.”

He’s been a trainer for over a decade now and has worked with a lot of women in their pre- and post-natal periods, and he said that based on what he’s seen, not only does keeping active help with preventing pregnancy aches and pains, it also helps to enable a smoother labor and birth. While I’ve read that all this is true, it’s really hard to know for myself what will actually be the case when the time comes.

He even suggested to me that when women stay active, even if they end up needing a c-section, whether by choice or out of necessity, their recovery is faster. I have no idea how true that is, but hopefully I will never know about that from experience.

Product “testing” with Bourke Street Bakery

If you watch Sonny Side’s Best Ever Food Review Show on YouTube, you may notice that he advertises for and sells a shirt that says “micro influencer.” It’s basically a bit of a jab at people like me who *hope* one day to be a social media influencer, but really aren’t quite there yet (I recently barely passed 900 followers on Instagram. Granted, once I started my current job, I was far less aggressive in terms of social media interaction and trying to get new followers, so hey, it’s not terrible!). I follow a number of local restaurants and bakeries via my Instagram handle for YmF, and they also follow me, as well. One of the handles I follow is a favorite bakery out of Sydney, Australia, called Bourke Street Bakery. We’ve had a number of their savory and sweet treats, and I am just obsessed with almost everything they make. When they recently posted, saying that they were looking for product testers for frozen almond croissants, I jumped at the chance. I direct messaged them to let them know I was interested, and after a couple back and forths via email, they sent me via DoorDash two frozen almond croissants for “product testing.” In exchange, they asked for my feedback.

We tried out one of the almond croissants on Saturday. I followed the instructions as written. I hate to say this, but the delicious almond filling was almost too generous; it weighed down the bottom layer of the croissant and left it almost soggy, plus it was nearly impossible to hold in one hand without the whole thing falling apart. But the flavor was spot on, and the flaky texture of the croissant was perfect. It did what all perfect croissants do, which was shatter upon your first bite Mmmmm.

If this could be my day job, I’d be pretty darm happy. I’d likely gain a lot of weight, but boy, would this be a fun job.