When I was chatting with another mom who was a night nurse reference, I told her that I was used to the house being spotless. I had a regular schedule when I would clean the bathroom, I would sweep the kitchen every week, I would clean the kitchen countertops at regular intervals. I liked everything exactly the way it was, which was super clean. I was very averse to dust and felt like I was constantly dusting. She laughed and told me that I was obviously a first time mother. “You need to learn to let go of all of those things,” she said. “When you are able to rest, you rest! Who cares if the shower has not been scrubbed in two weeks. You need to prioritize rest and sleep, otherwise you will never rest or sleep!”

Well, since the baby has arrived, this apartment has not been vacuumed even a single time. I have gathered dust bunnies and put them in the garbage. I have swept and dusted a number of times, but I have cleaned far, far less than I normally would. I still insist that our bathroom is cleaned every two weeks. I clean most of the bathroom, and Chris will clean the shower and the bathtub. I will be honest and say that his standard for cleaning the bathtub is much lower than mine, but hey, you can’t have everything perfect, otherwise you will end up doing everything your damn self. So I had to let go of this. 

I have also been cleaning the mirrors less. I used to spray and wipe them down every month. Now, I have probably sprayed and wiped them down maybe three times in the last 19 weeks. And I only sprayed and wiped down the parts that I could reach. I did not do my usual thing before baby and actually get on top of the sink and toilet to get the top parts of the mirrors. Again, this is something that I learned to let go. And though I have done this, you know that I have not been as anal because there are streaks all over the mirrors. I absolutely hate streaks on mirrors. I used to proud myself on having streak-less mirrors, though I never shared that with anyone. What is the secret to having streak-less mirrors after cleaning? Well, the main secret is to use very very hot water while wiping them down after spraying and scrubbing. The hot water is very key. This allows all of the excess grime to be removed from the mirrors, and any streaks will just evaporate. Some people will use a half-and-half mixture of water and vinegar, but I never really found this necessary. Now, I care less about the streaks. All of our bathroom mirrors have streaks now. I hate it when I see it, but I have to learn to let go of some things clearly… so this is one of those things.

So yes, I am a first time mom. And I am gradually, gradually learning to let some of the cleanliness obsession go.

Today, Chris decided to get a Zipcar for a few hours so that we could make a Costco run and also go to Little Italy along Arthur Avenue in the Bronx. We took the baby with us, as well. It was actually funny to think about the fact that in the nearly 19 weeks she’s been here, she’s only been in a car one time, and that was during her trip home from the hospital after discharge. When I took the car seat out to get ready for this quick trip, I even had to remove the newborn insert in the seat; she used it only once!!

This time, she’s obviously way more alert and aware of her surroundings than she was when she was only two days old, and barely even that. I wasn’t sure how she’d be while I buckled her into her five-point straps, but she wasn’t fussy in the least bit and actually seemed entertained. She enjoyed being in her car seat and even babbled a bit. She definitely looked and sounded very comfortable.

And it’s a good thing that they make car seats like ours without a base being required because if we had to install a base into every single rental car, that would be absolutely frustrating and annoying.

Today, I went to visit the Bright Horizons daycare center location that is closest to our apartment. It’s about two blocks away, so very convenient. I was not very keen at all on our baby going to daycare this early. I really didn’t think that she would benefit much from being there. The number one benefit to being at a daycare center as opposed to having a nanny, at least in my opinion, is that the child would have more socializing opportunities with other kids of a similar age. And that would give them the opportunity to learn to be around others and share and communicate. Well, my baby is just over four months old, and she doesn’t really care who is around as long as her mom and dad are there. She’s pretty oblivious to other kids now, as we learned from the time when my friend visited with her 18-month-old daughter, as well as when we took our baby to a friend’s twin girls’ third birthday party. So this visit was really to scope out what a day in the life could look like when our baby is at least one year old. I am still not certain I want her to attend daycare at one year old, as I think it may be better for her to go to daycare when she can actually talk, but I am still open to the idea, sort of.

Bright Horizons doesn’t really consider itself a daycare center. It’s really more like school. And when the director showed me around and showed me the schedule of activities per age on the walls, I completely understood why. There is actually a set curriculum that varies every single day. There are different learning targets for each stage of growth. They have scheduled nap times and scheduled play times and scheduled learning times. They also have things that the kids are evaluated on. And those evaluations are shared with parents via parent-teacher conferences. Yes, that is what I meant to say: parent-teacher conferences. Your one year-old will have a parent teacher conference if your child attends Bright Horizons!

The center looked the way I kind of imagined it in my head. It’s laid out the way that I imagined. They have areas where there are cots for naptime. They have play areas and tables for activities. All of the instructors have bachelors degrees or higher in early childhood education or related areas of study. These are people who are not only passionate about children, but they are passionate about learning. I watched some of the teachers interact with the children through the glass, and it was really clear that these people are very engaged and are not just there to collect a paycheck. 

Then again, given that this daycare center is essentially going to cost about $4,000 per month, these people better give a damn about the children and learning and be doing 120%. Honestly, at that rate, you would think that they would also be serving the children high end sushi, like toro and uni, for lunch. 

I remember looking at the rate card and thinking to myself, how the hell do everyday working class families afford this type of daycare?? This is not affordable for the average family. We are clearly not the average family to even consider this daycare center for our child. This country is so screwed when it comes to child care in general. It is embarrassing just to think about it.