The travel obsessed dad-in-law

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Every time we are traveling to and from Melbourne, one of the things I secretly look forward to is Chris’s dad tracking our flight. And when I say “tracking our flight,” I do not just mean tracking the flight path and ensuring on time arrivals, etc. I mean, tracking our journey literally door to door: checking in with us at the approximate time he thinks we’d be leaving to head to the airport; asking about the lounge experience at JFK; asking about boarding/luggage/the related at check-in; inquiring about the in-flight experience from JFK to LAX. Then, he will text us via Whatsapp to ask how it all went, how connecting at Tom Bradley went. He will ask about what we ate in flight, what we might be nibbling and sipping at the Qantas First Lounge at Tom Bradley Terminal. He’ll check the exact flight and plane we’re on via ExpertFlyer and see how many empty seats there are, if any, and give commentary on whether it will be cramped or spacious. He’ll even make commentary about the direction in which we’re walking at the airport and whether it’s pleasant, circuitous, long, etc. Chris and his brother think this commentary is excessive, and in my head, I can see Chris’s brother roll his eyes and scroll pass his dad’s messages regarding this, but I absolutely love it. I love seeing these messages because his passion really comes out, and I love watching people be passionate and in their own skin, doing what they love. It’s so cute and endearing. Plus, it’s also a sign of how much Chris’s dad loves: he loves witnessing from afar the long and exciting journey his eldest son, daughter-in-law, and granddaughter are taking to come home to Oz to visit him.

Back in the Qantas First lounge at LAX Tom Bradley Terminal in 3 years

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Three years ago was the last time I was at LAX’s Tom Bradley Terminal, coming in and out to go to and come back from Melbourne. Three years ago, it was just Chris and me transiting through here, and now, it’s the two of us plus one. We’re now three. And so the experience here is different now. Chris dropped the baby and me off at the Qantas First lounge while he went to retrieve our checked bags from our AA flight and get them checked into our Qantas flight.

As soon as we got in, I had to change Kaia’s diaper, so I realized right away that all the individual, full bathrooms were not only spacious, but a couple include a baby changing station, which an attendant quickly directed me to. When I entered the room, I thought, WOW! How luxurious. Everything is white and spotless, with high end skincare products, and there is not only ample room to change the baby, but also shower, use the toilet, wash up, and even sit on a nice cushion and rest! Plus, the largest stroller would fit in this room with space to spare!

The second thing I thought about was how airy and spread out the space was. There are lots of couches, plenty of outlets, and lots of open areas to park a stroller comfortably. We set up at some couches, parked the stroller so Kaia could nap, and I plugged in my breast pump so that I would not have to worry about the battery during our 14-hour flight over to Melbourne, during which I will need to pump at least twice.

There’s a menu to order a la carte, so we chose a few appetizers, which included spicy fried calamari, caprese salad, and almond cake. I wanted to feed Kaia some fresh mozzarella, but she had already passed out before I thought to ask for a high chair.

I have missed this lounge experience. And it still feels welcoming with a baby in tow.

Packing and preparing for trips back to back

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The great thing about having two trips nearly back to back is that even though you’re sad that the last trip has ended, you immediately have something fun to look forward to within just days. The bad thing about having two trips back to back is that it actually causes that much more stress to prepare, pack, and wrap up things you had to get done before you leave, especially when it’s end of year, and you’ll be away a long while. That includes things like… organizing everything in the apartment to ensure it’s all in the right place, doing laundry, cleaning out the refrigerator and pantry to ensure no bugs feast away while you’re gone, and nothing rots or goes bad; in our building, it means taking care of Christmas tips; with our nanny, it means making sure she gets paid and gets a nice Christmas card and gift from us. Oh, and don’t forget taking care of presents for people both here and wherever you are going. It’s a lot of stuff on top of managing things at work, and with a baby now, it’s even more tiring. It would be really nice to go away for an extended period of time and not have to worry about all these annoying obligations and “adult” things that need to get done while you are away.

When your baby is the center of your world, and then they grow up and want nothing to do with you

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It’s funny how babies grow into children, and then children grow into adults. And then those adults have children, and then the cycle continues all over again. In the beginning, babies and children are100 percent dependent on their parents and caregivers for everything (and as newborns, even for lifting their necks!!!! I still can’t get over that), but then as they grow older, they become more independent to the point that they don’t even need their parents anymore. And while some people would find this fully liberating, others mourn it. They mourn not having someone to care for, not having someone who fully needs them for their survival. I’ve seen a few posts on social media about mothers mourning their baby becoming a kid, and their kid becoming an adult because once they become an adult, it’s likely they will be splitting their time across multiple commitments and loved ones, and so you will then only get a fraction of their time, if any. They yearn for those days when their babies babbled and cooed, when their babies’ eyes lit up when they came home from work or into the room. And for those children who have tumultuous relationships with their parents, they may end up choosing to spend little to no time with their parents.

Kaia is almost a year old. It’s mind-boggling to me how quickly this year passed. When I am doing my last pump of the night before bed, I frequently watch older videos of her from her newborn days, even the ones as recent as last week, and then I compare them to when she was just a few months old. I admire the super chubby cheeks she had in her 4-6-month stage and how excited she would get when I’d sing or take out Shungu the elephant for her. Her cheeks aren’t that chubby anymore, and she’s becoming more toddler like every single day, pulling herself up to stand, trying to cruise along the furniture. Her babble is sounding closer and closer to real words. It almost makes me sad. She could very well be my only baby, and so that would mean this is the only experience I will ever have having a little baby, to have and hold and care for. I keep looking at her and telling her not to grow up too fast. But I have a feeling she isn’t listening.

There was a New York Times article I recently read about the choices you make and how much time a person spends with their children, their parents, their colleagues, their chosen life partner over the course of a lifetime. And it all says the same thing: time with your parents and children are at the max when your kids are their youngest selves; as they grow older, it maxes out and eventually starts declining. And so for that, we need to cherish those times with our little ones as much as we can… because very quickly, they will not be so little anymore and will spread their wings to fly away. That’s partly why even though sometimes, I do get sad that I don’t get to go out with friends as much or read as many books or have as much time to myself as I did before my baby came, I know this is all temporary, and soon, I will get that time back. But, she won’t be this little forever, and so I want to savor every moment with her while I can, and snuggle her for as much as I can for as long as she will allow me to. I want to learn from the mistakes of my parents and not have her want to avoid me. I want her to associate me with love and acceptance. Because sadly, after the childhood I had and even the adulthood I continue to have while in my parents’ presence, I have little desire to spend more time than I already do with my own parents. It is sad, but it’s true. I don’t want to continue the intergenerational trauma. I don’t want that to be normal for me, and I certainly don’t want it to be normal for my daughter.

Living in a luxury apartment building – where everything is not so “luxury”

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In our last unit in this building, we were in a “model” unit that had mostly sun shades in all the rooms. It made pulling them up and down really easy. Unfortunately in the rest of the units in this building, they use blinds, which we not only hate, but are frustrating to use, and are really, really easy to break. I get that there are different types of blinds, but these are just… awful. Also, how the hell are you supposed to clean them?

A few weeks ago, our nanny said the sun was in her eyes and also shining on Kaia while on the play mat, so she’d been pulling them down in the living room in the afternoon as the sun was setting. When Chris went to adjust it up when he got home, the entire thing snapped and fell apart. The handyman came the next day and had to replace the entire thing.

Oh, and then yesterday, I pulled the blinds back up in our bedroom, and the main piece that holds them all together snapped and fell down. The handyman had to come to put it back. He said they were just cheap blinds, so it’s easy for this to happen. Well, isn’t that nice to know that we have cheap blinds in this expensive building?

I also asked the building manager to have the painter to come do a few touch ups. He told me that the paint, while technically the same color, is not the same “type,” (in other words, the new paint is cheaper because our management company is getting cheaper), so the paint may not match 100 percent. I said whatever, just touch it up anyway. It’s not like we own this place…

It’s always fun to know that while your rent is always going to go up, even in a “luxury” apartment building like this, the materials they use to put these units together is only going to get cheaper. What better way to show tenant appreciation than that?

The Monday after Thanksgiving: when no one wants to work

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I had two meetings scheduled today: one was at 9am and external, while the second one was at 1:30pm and internal. The external meeting got cancelled, and the internal meeting still happened. It was just a 1:1 with someone I got assigned to help onboard onto our team. She said almost all her meetings got cancelled today or people said they were out sick, so she decided to forgo wearing makeup. “Sure, everyone’s sick! How convenient!” she laughed.

Motivation to work after a long time away from work is really hard. It’s almost like both your mind and your body are dragging, wondering why you have to be back at work when instead, your trip could have just gone longer. But I guess that’s why people take advantage of “sick” days! But I guess we all need something to jolt ourselves back into action to prevent from being lazy and not accomplishing anything.

Either way, it’s hard to not do anything when you have a young baby who is completely dependent on you to raise. Kaia still has to eat, so I still have to prep food for her. That’s my real work now.

Flying home and dealing with landing

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Somehow, the trip has already ended. It’s almost like in some ways, it just started, but I guess that’s how these trips go. We flew back home via London on British Airways. We were seated in the front row of Business Class, which meant that Kaia got her own little “bassinet,” which was really a more easily adjustable version of a Baby Bjorn chair that could be fully reclined. We had her eat in it sitting quite upright, and it worked really well, but she refused to sleep in it and got fussy. The way that the “bassinet” gets installed is that the baby faces everyone who walks by. So this meant a lot of the flight attendants tried to be friendly with her… which she was not always keen on. Somehow, one flight attendant who really tried to befriend her always elicited crying from her. She refused to like him and got bad vibes from him, and we’re still not quite sure why.

Landing was tough. She had only been napping for maybe a couple hours, and I had to wake her up to get ready to land. She was really upset and cried a lot, and there was really nothing we could do to help her. We tried patting her, singing to her, holding her close, but it all failed. Eventually, I handed her over to Chris, and she calmed down as the plane was descending.

Oh, and here’s a fun little fact about Global Entry: even if both partners have Global Entry and your baby does not (because we didn’t think she could get it), you cannot go through Global Entry; one partner has to take the baby through the regular immigration line for screening. That’s really annoying and stupid, but hey, apparently the people who work at EWR immigration say that’s the way it should be! I was wearing Kaia, so I took her into the regular immigration line while Chris went through Global Entry. And as soon as we separated, Kaia cried a little. Yeah well, that’s how I felt, so I guess we can all agree how dumb and inefficient that was.

Babies eating in public – highly distracted

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So far, we’ve been really lucky with Kaia because she’s been such a good little eater. Not only does she seem willing to try pretty much everything we put in front of her, but she’s really embraced greens. Many times, she actually prefers to eat whatever green vegetable we put in front of her over other things. I’ve been really intentional about trying to make sure there’s something green on her plate at every meal, so I hope that effort is paying off.

The thing is — she’s mostly eaten her solids in a controlled environment. That is to say — she’s almost always at home, in a high chair strapped in with a tray, silicone bib on, with one of us there coaching her and supervising, encouraging her to eat. The second she’s had anyone else there, even if it’s Chris or our handyman friend, she gets really distracted and wants to know what else is going on. She’ll try turning her whole body in her chair. She’ll stare at the washer as our clothes are being swished around. If she hears music, she’ll stop and try to see what direction from which the music is coming. Babies are easily distracted, and so that makes feeding them in public even more challenging. Kaia is no exception to this.

The first few days while at the hotel restaurant for breakfast and at the lounge in the evening, it was a real struggle to feed her. She’d take a few bites of something that she seemingly liked, but as soon as a friendly face walked by, she’d smile and try to watch that person, thus ignoring her food and anytime we’d try to get her attention. I’d usually be pumping and trying my best to be careful to not get my tubes twisted in something while attempting to spoon feed her or get her to look at a new food I put down in front of her. Chris had been really sensitive to her making a mess, so in certain places, he insisted we try to put food directly in her mouth or spoon feed to reduce the amount of mess. The problem with that is that Kaia is pretty independent; she prefers to self-feed, and sometimes she gets REALLY angry when you try to feed her that she’ll just flat out reject the food, even if she had previously indicated interest. She got mad when we tried to control a pouch at the Christmas market the other day, and she just started fussing and crying, and then just refused the pouch altogether. She’s not at that level of dexterity yet to realize that when she squeezes the pouch too hard, the food just squirts out uncontrollably and fails to end up in her mouth. Now that we’re at the end of the trip, it’s gotten easier, but it was still hard and took a lot of time. Plus, I’d be scrambling to eat my own food before it got cold while also cutting and prepping her food into safe bites/sizes, and so it was a lot of multitasking for me. It was hard to enjoy most of those meals.

Even though Chris wasn’t doing most of this feeding, he was clearly getting very impatient with the whole process, especially since Kaia will ignore a food… and then 40 minutes later, decide she wants to eat it again. She likes to take her time and graze — if you want to call it “grazing.”

“Every meal we sit down and watch her eat is yet another tick against having a second child!” he grumbled.

Uh-huh.

Pumping while traveling in Europe

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I am still pumping three times a day. Even during this trip, I haven’t skipped a pump. I pumped at the Charlotte AA airport lounge, on the plane from Charlotte to Munich, at the hotel restaurant during breakfast, at the hotel lounge, and of course, in our hotel room. Yesterday night, I even pumped on the train from Salzburg back to Munich; I just wouldn’t wash my parts in the train bathroom because I knew it would be absolutely filthy.

The love/hate relationship I’ve had with pumping has been ongoing. It made me sad to wean down from 4 to 3 pumps per day, but at the same time, I felt more liberated and like I wasn’t totally chained to the breast pump anymore. It’s annoyed me to have every single meal at the hotel, whether it’s breakfast or dinner, with the pump connected to my nipples. I envy Chris being able to walk in and out of the restaurant without his nipples connected to anything, to feed Kaia food without being constrained by a nipple sucking device. But it’s a choice I made that I stand by and live with. It’s an inconvenience, an annoyance. But it’s given my baby fuel to grow and thrive. And that still makes me happy, even when she is now having significantly more solids and far less breast milk. And while I do not love to pump, I pump because I love. And I am still grateful to my Spectra pump for providing me technology to feed my baby when she was unable to breastfeed directly from my breast. I still pump because I love.

First Thanksgiving meal at a fine dining establishment where I got chased around by an overbearing baby-hating restaurant manager

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While exploring Salzburg today, Chris took us out into what felt like the countryside, where parts of Sound of Music were filmed, as well as where the fine dining establishment Restaurant Brunnauer is. It was a tucked away, white linen-cloth type restaurant with the choice of a fixed price lunch, which we opted for. I wasn’t sure how we’d do this with a baby with us, but they immediately accommodated us and offered Kaia a high chair when we asked. The servers all seemed fine, and we got put in a dining room with just one other couple. Kaia did quite well during the meal, mostly eating from our hands and fingers and being pretty happy and observant.

My irritation came, though, during the two times I took her to the bathroom to change her diaper. I had to bring the stroller into the bathroom so I’d have a safe place to keep her when washing my hands. A woman who I later figured out was the restaurant manager came in and gave me a disapproving look (those looks transcend language) and said there wasn’t enough room for a stroller in the bathroom. There was no changing table, so I had to change Kaia on the floor on top of a changing pad. I gave her a hard stare, said nothing, then continued changing Kaia. She left and came back when I was done changing and started obsessively cleaning every area she saw the changing pad and the stroller wheels touched. She was being passive aggressive and rude, but I chose to ignore her.

Later on towards the end of our meal, I knew Kaia had done a poop, so I brought her into the bathroom to change her again. And once again, the manager came in and this time, she said, this is a restaurant where many people will be using the bathroom, and having nappies in the rubbish bin would prove to be quite unpleasant for the other guests. She even told me she removed the used nappy that I had put in the bin earlier. Like I cared? I kept changing Kaia, and she just stood there and watched me change her. It was once again, passive aggressive and rude, but what else was I supposed to do? I had to change my baby, and there was no where else to do it. The manager asked if I had a place in my diaper bag to store the used nappy. I said no. She asked if I could take it outside. I just ignored her and didn’t say anything. Finally, she insisted she take the used diaper, and so I handed it to her without saying anything. Then, after putting my baby back in the stroller and washing my hands, she went through the same fruitless routine of trying to manually hand scrub every area she saw the stroller or the changing pad on.

Restaurant managers are supposed to make guests feel welcome. She made me feel extremely unwelcome, and it was clear she was not a fan of babies or families in her restaurant. Sure, we could have chosen not to dine there, but our baby was well behaved the entire time, and we gave the restaurant revenue. Shouldn’t she be grateful and hospitable and treat us well instead of being a passive aggressive, condescending twat?