Crib railing comes down

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Over the weekend, Chris took down the front railing on the crib and blew up an air mattress to place right by the crib. Given that it’s been about two months of Kaia avoiding her crib and refusing to sleep in it, meaning she has to co-sleep with us, I decided we really need to start cracking down on this. On Saturday, we successfully got her to nap on the air mattress and even sleep on it for about 2.5 hours at night. On Sunday, Chris got her to sleep on the actual crib mattress for about 1.5 hours. These are all baby steps, but steps in the right direction of getting her to sleep independently. On Sunday, I tried to have her nap on the crib mattress, but she wouldn’t fall asleep or get comfortable unless she was on the SAME mattress I was on. She was happy to go up and down from one mattress to the other to the floor and play, though. So it seems her aversion for the crib is dying down. This is really about addressing separation anxiety and just comfort with this room in general.

The things parents go through during their children’s development — it’s like every single day, I gain more and more respect for people who choose to become parents. Being a parent definitely gives you a perspective you’d never quite understand until you became one. And no, being a dog or cat parent is just not the same.

When baby embraces vegetables

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I didn’t care that Kaia’s “toddler selectivity” started around the time she turned 1 year old. All these mom colleagues of mine teased me and said that there would come a day soon when my child would not happily shovel broccoli and asparagus into her mouth, when she would not embrace all food simply because I presented it to her. Annoyingly, the day came sooner than I was hoping, but I did not care: I was NOT going to face defeat with this. I was NOT going to stop giving her vegetables simply because she expressed disinterest at a handful of meals. I have gone through far, far harder things than this. I had to deal with my brother’s mental illness and suicide. I had a dysfunctional family growing up. I dealt with workplace politics, toxicity, and borderline bullying. I went through IVF and a natural birth. I exclusively pumped for 14 months and battled a love-hate relationship with it. I was tougher than this and was going to get through this!

So even when she repeatedly refused things, I still gave it to her. I still made sure she saw it on her tray. I made sure she saw us eating it. Even if she only touched it, that would still be a win because touching leads to eating. And this weekend, incredibly, she didn’t refuse anything we gave her. She at least ate a little bit of everything. She especially embraced her asparagus, which she hadn’t had since last summer; she sucked all the “meat” out of them until just the woody, fibrous pieces were left. She tore up her broccoli and shoveled it into her mouth. She even started accepting finger-fulls of hummus straight from my hands.

While many would say we are blessed with a good eater, I would say it’s partly a blessing and partly perseverance. This stuff takes a lot of time, patience, and hard work. And I remain committed to ensuring Kaia Pookie is a true omnivore.

Dining in the West Village with a baby

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Although I’ve obviously dined in the West Village more times than I can count, I have never really thought much about the fact that when I went, I rarely saw strollers in the area, especially when you compare the volume of strollers seen on the Upper West and Upper East Sides. You mostly see younger people with their partners, their friends, dining out, brunching. And then, when we went to have a late lunch at a spot known for its burgers in the area, I was reminded of why this is likely the case.

The further downtown you go, the more you realize how tight and cramped all the restaurants are. The tables are typically smaller and closer together. There are usually very narrow aisles to get from one part of the restaurant to the next. And the bathrooms are usually ridiculously small. You are lucky if there’s even a full sized sink. There is usually a half sized sink with a side faucet (always the worst because those get water EVERYWHERE), a toilet, and potentially a paper towel dispenser and/or a hand dryer, all in less than five feet of space. I am 5’3″ and about 117 lb now, and if someone MY size finds these bathrooms tiny and cramped, then I cannot even imagine what a slightly larger, wider person would think.

Right before our burgers came, Kaia was happily sitting in her high chair, and Chris noticed she smelled, so I took her diaper change items and carried her into the bathroom after I scoped it out. I had JUST enough space to change her on the floor (where else was I supposed to do it? I’ve gotten used to this across all our Saturday outings from when she was four months old onward). Of course, she had a poop. She screamed and cried, as she always does in dark, cramped bathrooms on the floor in scary New York City restaurant bathrooms. Multiple people tried to open the locked door into our bathroom. But we got through it. I brought her back to our table, and we finished lunch. And because she really wanted to get yet more poop out of her… well, she had yet another bowel movement before we left. So for the first time, I had to change her diaper, a SECOND poop diaper, at the same restaurant… ON A TINY FLOOR. At least this time, she was in a much better mood and even babbling as I put her new diaper on and washed my hands.

It would be so, so nice if restaurants were mandated to have real changing tables in their bathrooms in this city. I’d feel less miserable in situations like this, as would my baby. But then again, more space typically means a higher price for rent… which then means…. well, we’ll all pay more for our food. But it’s not like these spaces are getting bigger overall. At least she didn’t have a blowout like she did last weekend.

Mangoes are in season, once again

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This time last year, I was surprised when I went to Whole Foods to see that the champagne/ataulfo mangoes from Mexico were on sale, which means they were available and plentiful. It made me excited because a) I obviously love mangoes, and b) when mangoes are in season, you know warmth is right around the corner. So Chris bought six, and then I went back to Whole Foods to look for other things and also picked up five more. So now, we have 11 mangoes sitting by our window sill, waiting to ripen and be eaten. And because our nanny also loves mangoes, she’s been looking at and monitoring our mangoes to see if they ripen and if they turn out to be any good. She reminded me that if it weren’t for working here and for me, she never would have started buying the ataulfo mangoes. She was always used to buying the Haitian mangoes, which I personally find a bit too stringy. Now, she’s addicted and prefers the ataulfos while in the U.S.

I hope Kaia enjoys them this time around. It was a bit weird that she didn’t seem too fond of any of the mango varieties other than one in Australia when we were there in December.

Baby’s first words

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In a lot of baby memento books and scrapbooks, you always see lists of “baby’s first words.” The truth is that since around 10 months, when Kaia first said the word “diaper” about 50 times, I have lost track of all the words she has said. Part of me is a bit wary of even recording them because it’s never been clear to me whether she understands the words she actually says, or if she simply repeats words we say because she hears us say them.

Either way, these are the words I’ve heard her say in some form. We will never quite know whether she understands the words coming out of her mouth at this stage, but hey, I suppose that’s what being a baby is all about, right?

Kaia’s first words that I can recall in this moment, in no particular order other than the first word:

diaper

byebye

purple

blue

got it

keys

ball

baby

hi / hey

Weetbix (haha)

berry

sky

happy

more

no

yeah

bubbles

up

go

Breast milk benefits and the sadness of weaning

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It’s been over three weeks since I last pumped milk. It’s been three weeks since I last had to clean pump parts, three weeks since I heard the “brrr!” sound of my Spectra S1 Plus pump, which I used to joke was like my second baby. It took a few days to over a week to finally get used to not pumping before bed, to actually having time… to MYSELF before bed, but it finally started feeling okay about a week ago. It felt strange, but my new normal finally sank in. Sometimes, when I am in the shower now, I still squeeze one of my breasts to see if any milk comes out. And alas, I do get some drops. It’s still a nice white color, but it’s a lot thicker now, almost like the colostrum I originally produced right after birth. I don’t know how to store the drops because they are so small, and it’s not like the quantity is that much, so I end up just washing it away. But it would be nice to save it for Kaia somehow, especially since it seems like after her little hand foot mouth disease situation, she also got another fever somehow.

No one wants to see their baby in pain or suffer. But if there is some benefit to her getting some breast milk drops, then maybe it would be worth saving them for her in some way. One drop of breast milk contains about one million white blood cells that can protect a baby from infections. It’s almost like a super power in itself.

I used to have this silly fantasy of nursing until my baby was past two, of being THAT mother who still nursed in public at a toddler age and would get slightly embarrassed because her toddler would actually ASK for “the boobie.” I thought about it because I just wanted my baby to reap as many benefits from breast milk as possible, and I thought it would also help our bonding. Well, that was never to be in our case. I wish I did have some milk to share for her, though. Sometimes, it still makes me sad that I never froze even a single bag of breast milk for her for the future… even though it doesn’t logically make that much sense since I know that after 3-6 months of being in the freezer, most of the breast milk benefits drop off heavily. But I still think about it. Mom guilt has a million different forms.

Norovirus

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Back in late January when I got that stomach bug, I had no idea what caused it. In total, it probably lasted about two days. On day three after, I started feeling like more of myself, but I felt exhausted just from being sick those two days. The extreme body fatigue and ache wore me out, as did the stomach pain itself. After reading some recent news, Chris suggested that I could have gotten norovirus, which seems to be spreading quite rapidly throughout the U.S. In most cases, the symptoms include diarrhea, vomiting, nausea, stomach pain, and body aches. I didn’t have the first three symptoms, but I definitely had the last two.

The thing that confuses me about whether I got it was… how would I have even contracted it? In the few days leading up to my getting sick, I was barely around any people at all, especially since I work from home. It seems like now, I just have to expect to get sick simply because I have a young child at home. It will be a wonder (and potentially a total nightmare) to see how much I get sick once Kaia is in daycare/school.

The Montessori method gone awry?

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Ever since I became pregnant, pretty much everywhere I looked, I see the Montessori method of child-rearing mentioned. Toy companies trying to market more aggressively label their toys “Montessori” to increase their perceived value (and price). Everyone talks about encouraging children to be their own independent selves, and the way to do that is to have the child “lead,” whether that’s through baby-led weaning (which is inherently “Montessori”), skipping a sippy cup and going directly to straws and open cups; and having children choose their activities vs. having the parents push activities on the children.

In a nutshell, the Montessori method has five principles:

  1. Respect for the child
  2. The absorbent mind
  3. Sensitive periods
  4. The prepared environment
  5. Auto education

What this all means is: education should revolve around “child-led activities” versus “work.” Even without seeing the label of “Montessori,” I’m already very pro Montessori concepts like baby-led weaning, like skipping a sippy cup in favor of a straw or open cup drinking, like encouraging Kaia to problem solve instead of fixing all her problems for her. But at some point, the Montessori method really does go too far, and when I say “too far,” what I mean is this:

I recently got suggested a Montessori parenting handle on Instagram where the mother had a somewhat radical idea when it came to feeding babies. She suggested that instead of giving babies and young toddlers metal, plastic, or silicone plates, bowls, and cups to instead give them ceramic dishes and ceramic or glass drinking cups. The idea behind this is that if you allow the baby to throw or drop a glass or ceramic cup/plate, the mere scary sound of the crash/shattering would be so startling to the child that they would immediately re-think ever throwing or intentionally/accidentally dropping a plate/cup ever again. That way, we “respect” the child by allowing them to do what they want, and at the same time, they come to realize on their own through these loud sounds that throwing/dropping is wrong, and to never do it again. And — that’s ultimately a Montessori approach to feeding young children and teaching them that plates/cups stay on the table!

Ummmm, no. No, no, and no. I’m not going to spend endless money on replacing glass cups and ceramic plates just to do the “Montessori” method of feeding. No, I don’t want to further add to the world’s landfill. And no, I don’t want to constantly clean and sweep up broken glass and ceramics, I don’t want to expect Chris or my nanny to do that, and I especially do not want to risk Kaia getting punctured or injured in the process. Sometimes, these suggestions are truly just beyond stupid. Those who are constantly obsessing over whether they are truly following the “Montessori” or any other method need to get a grip of themselves, calm down, step back, and just be in reality for a second. There’s no reason to get your panties in a bunch because you’re not the perfect parent; no one is, and no one ever will be!

Kaia learns to drink with an open cup

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A lot of people asked if I was planning to get Kaia a sippy cup. Many people just assumed this, including our nanny and parents on both sides. For the longest time, sippy cups were the “normal” thing to introduce babies to after they weaned off the bottle or breast. But the more I read about sippy cups, the more I realized that getting Kaia to learn to drink from one would allow her to gain no real long-term skills. The real skills she needed to learn from 6 months onward when it comes to drinking fluids is drinking through a straw and open cup. She mastered a straw after just a few tries. An open cup has certainly been more challenging, but she does seem to understand the mechanics more or less. We do still expect a number of spills, so to conserve things like soup or milk, we have her practice with water.

The cutest thing happened today while I was encouraging her to tilt her cup more. She was being a little conservative, and she wasn’t tilting her cup enough. So I kept repeating gently, over and over, “Tilt it more, Pooks! Tilt it just a little more! You can do it! Tilt it!”

Out of nowhere, she looked me in the eye and exclaimed, “I know!” in response. Chris stopped what he was doing and looked up, and I looked at him in shock.

Did she actually just know what she said? It’s unclear. But what is clear is… I know for a fact that I’ve got a very, very cheeky Kaia Pookie on my hands.

An eventful lunch out with a bang at the end

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Today, we went up to Banh on the Upper West Side to have a late lunch. The last time I ate there was by myself in 2021, when I was very pregnant and testing out strollers at a nearby shop, and off work for a company-wide wellness day. The food and drinks there have always been delicious, and they are very well known for their weekend specials, which they change every week. Unfortunately, we got there too late today, so all of the specials they had that we were interested in getting were out except for one. It was pretty disappointing, especially since we don’t go there often at all, but at least it was fun to see Kaia enjoy the food: she slurped up her fresh rice noodles and was obsessed with the lemongrass grilled beef we cut up for her.

The visit ended with a bit of a bang. Chris suggested that I check her diaper since Kaia had had a lot to drink. And as I took her with all the changing materials to the bathroom, I realized that her bottom felt like there was a leak. As soon as I opened her onesie, I knew it was trouble: a big pile of poop was in the left leg of the onesie, and Kaia cried and cried. I smeared poop on the changing pad, the floor, and even my pant leg. It was… quite the spectacle. I had to rub off excess poop on her onesie and flush it down the toilet and get her diaper changed quickly. I took her out of the bathroom with Kaia just wearing her diaper. People were probably wondering why I was carrying a nearly naked baby as I walked back to our table. Luckily, we still had a second change of clothes for her in her diaper, so Chris got her into those.

Chris was reflecting on Kaia’s output history. In the beginning as a newborn, Kaia struggled to poop and would get backed up. A couple times, our night nurse even had to stimulate her to get the poop out. Now, Kaia has zero difficulties pooping: in fact, now she poops so often and so big that Chris has already ordered the next size diaper for her, even though those diapers are meant for toddlers who are 2+ in age! That’s how big her poops are now – they’re like explosions every time!