Category Archives: Preschooler moments

Kaia’s expanding thoughts and feelings on breastfeeding and equality

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Today was our last day in Barbados before heading to the second destination of our trip: St. Lucia. We spent the morning at the pool, switching off between three pools and one jacuzzi. I was thinking a lot about Kaia’s interesting thoughts and feelings during the trip. While showering together after the pool, she grabbed the hand-held shower head, sprayed it on each of my breasts, and yelled, “Mama! Look! I have milk! And I’m spraying it into your boobies! Now you have milk to feed me!”

She’s still talking and thinking about how she saw her little cousin H nurse, and she still thinks about how she can possibly make it work for us... today.

Kaia also has a strong desire for equality — when it suits her, that is. After a quick flight, we arrived in St. Lucia. We checked into our room this afternoon, and after a housekeeper came to make up Kaia’s sofa bed, Kaia noticed that the two pillows on her bed were smaller than ours. If I had to eyeball it, I’d say her pillows were maybe 20 to 30 percent smaller? She whined and cried, saying that she wanted to have a big pillow… just like us.

“That’s not fair!” Kaia cried. “I want the big ones, too!”

Chris would not relent and said she not only had those two pillows, but also the two throw pillows from the sofa. After crying and then quiet whimpering for some time that seemingly had no end, I decided that we had to let this go. I told her I’d trade her one of my two big pillows for her small pillow. That was when she immediately stopped crying, gave me a big hug and kiss, and finally went to sleep… with my “big” pillow directly under her head.

Each stage of development has its challenges and fun. I feel like I have to document these now because I am scared I will forget how fun and endearing hearing these types of comments is.

Harrison’s Cave, a much-known tourist attraction, and a lesser explored part of Barbados: the northern rugged coast

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Today, we rented a car for the day and explored some further away parts of the island. Barbados is known for its ubiquitous potholes. We got warned by the couple from the snorkeling cruise that we needed to keep a close lookout for them. On their very first day in Barbados, as they were just leaving the airport in their rental car for the day, they hit a pothole so badly that the rim was destroyed to the point of the car being unusable. So they had to pay for the damage and immediately go back and switch the car out. “What a great way to start our vacation!” they laughed. So, we kept their warning in mind on our day with the rental car.

The first highlight of the day was Harrison’s Cave, which is located in the central uplands of Barbados. It’s a crystallized limestone cavern carved by water over hundreds of thousands of years. The cave is known for its massive stalactites hanging from the ceilings like icicles, and its stalagmites, which grow upward from the cave floor. The cave also has beautiful (and incredibly deep!) emerald-green pools and underground waterfalls. It’s 2.3 kilometers (about 1.4 miles) and stays a humid and warm 24.5 C (76 F) year-round. Each year, the tram guide told us, each of the stalactites and stalagmites grow the thickness of a piece of paper per YEAR. It’s one of the features of Barbados that makes the island unique versus other Caribbean islands in that it was originally formed from colliding tectonic plates and thick coral limestone rather than volcanoes. The cave was formed by rainwater that dissolved this limestone. The caves were first documented in historical records in 1795 but were largely unexplored for about 180 years.

The cave was named after Thomas Harrison, a prominent landowner in the early 1700s who also founded a college on the island. Even though we’ve already been here for about four days, it still feels funny to me that the majority of tourist sights here in Barbados are named after a bunch of White people, who were likely either colonizers or slave owners themselves. The majority of Barbados’s population (over 92 percent) is of Black/African descent. Though it is good to read that the local population is recognizing how terrible this is and slowly renaming important historical sites after prominent Afro-Barbadians. One major example is Trafalgar Square, which was officially renamed National Heroes Square.

We did the tram tour, which was a bit simpler given Kaia was of course with us, and she likely would have whined and whinged endlessly if we did the longer (and much more slippery!) walking tour. What I loved the most about the cave were all extremely different shapes and sizes of the stalactites and stalagmites. Some really unique ones were pointed out, like the formation of the Great Hall (it really felt like a great big hall in a grand home), several chandelier-like formations, and stalactites that looked like real drapes and shawls. The guide warned us at the beginning of the tour that touching any of the cave formations is against Barbadian law, and we could be fined as much as $50,000 USD for just a simple touch! I will say that after seeing so many of the cave formations so close up that it was tempting to see what they felt like. They look like they could feel like a cross between jade or pearl!

The second highlight of the day was our stop at Little Bay, Pie Corner, which is located in the rugged northern parish of St. Lucy. It felt very secluded and remote. Other than one other man who was wandering the area, it was just us. There, the waves were a lot more forceful constantly crashing against the large rocks and cliffs, and the water was darker and more treacherous. Swimming is strongly advised against given how strong the currents are in this area. Here, there are also lots of interesting rock formations like sea caves and geyser-like blowholes. We also saw lots of interesting sea shells, and so many tiny little crabs hurriedly scurrying around.

Kaia fell asleep on the way to Little Bay. So instead of waking her up and dragging her out (which would have been unpleasant for all of us), we let her sleep in the car while we spent a little time exploring the little area. I picked a bunch of shells for her and presented them as a gift when we got back to the car. By that time, she had already woken up and was wondering where we went and when we’d come back. As soon as we opened the car door to see her, she had a big smile on her face to see us. I told her she missed out on seeing the teeny tiny crabs crawling around everywhere. The quick video I took of them moving around definitely amused her.

The last highlight was our stop at Tapas Restaurant, which is a short drive from our hotel and was recommended by a local we met and made small talk with at a coffee shop on our first full day. They are known for their open-air restaurant setup with great beach views, as their large selection of local rums from Foursquare Rum Distillery, an internationally awarded maker of rum. Chris tried two rums: one was a Clifton Hall Great House, made in a bourbon cask, and the second was an R.L. Seale 10-year aged in former bourbon casks. I enjoyed a really well made and smooth dark and stormy, likely one of the best versions of it that I’ve had.

Although rum became a thing in Barbados during the 1640s and 1650s as a byproduct of the island’s booming sugar industry, today, the majority of the rums produced on the island are not made with locally grown sugar cane. The island country just isn’t able to produce enough local molasses to meet the global demand for Barbadian rum. Barbados produces significantly less sugar cane today due to global market shifts making the industry unprofitable. The country is now restructuring its traditional sugar industry by transitioning toward rum production, specialty sugar, renewable energy, and agricultural research.

Despite its downward shift of sugar production, Barbados still continues to be recognized globally as the birthplace of rum, still operating historical sites like Foursquare Rum Distillery, Mount Gay Rum Distillery, and St. Nicholas Abbey. The Geographical Indication (GI) Rules state that every stage of production — distillation, aging, blending, and bottling — must take place entirely on the island using limestone filtered water. The laws intentionally do not restrict the origin of raw sugarcane or molasses. We did pass by many fields of sugarcane, but it still didn’t seem like it could possibly be enough given how much rum is actually still produced here.

It was a a beautiful and tasty way to end our time in Barbados, with lots of culture and learning along the way. Tomorrow, we are off to St. Lucia for another cultural experience!

On a catamaran in Barbados to see sea turtles, shipwreck, and endless colorful fish

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As soon as I read that Barbados was known for sea turtles, and there were near-guaranteed chances to see them when snorkeling, I told Chris we had to do a catamaran tour here. The last time we did a snorkeling excursion, it was in Cebu, the Phillippines, on New Year’s Day this year. We were spoiled given the exchange rate, and so we had a private boat for just the three of us. Here in Barbados, tourism (especially from Westerners) is massive, and of course they are going to capitalize on that. No one’s going to fault them for that! If you want to do a private charter for a day, it will cost close to a thousand USD! So we went with the 36-person max five-hour catamaran tour, which takes you snorkeling at two stops in Carlisle Bay. It includes a Bajan-style lunch and swimming stop near Holetown, and then we’re back to our starting point in Bridgetown.

It feels luxurious that this is the third time we are going snorkeling this year (and the fourth time in my life, after the Great Barrier Reef / Cairns, Queensland, in December 2014), but if you’re only going to be here once, you might as well dive in (literally). While one of my lifelong dreams has been to swim with dolphins, I have always wanted to see sea turtles up close, and what better way than to see them in their natural habitat in the ocean? I love wildlife, and the ocean, while terrifying to me given I have a fear of deep water and scary things that could potentially kill me (okay, the last part is a lesser fear, but you get it), has always been one of the most beautiful sights for me. I still remember my very first time snorkeling in the Great Barrier Reef and how surreal the coral reef was to see, and being rendered speechless by exactly how many colors are under the sea. That feeling of being in the water and seeing it all just feels magical to me.

In Carlisle Bay, there are two types of sea turtles that all catamaran cruises say you have a 98 percent chance of seeing: green(back) turtles and hawksbill turtles. Green turtles can grow up to 1.2 meters (just shy of four feet) in shell diameter and weigh over 180 kilograms (about 400 lb). These little guys eat seagrass and algae, and the greens of their diet colors their fat and cartilage, giving them their name. Hawksbill turtles, on the other hand, have shells that can be about 0.8 meters (three feet) in diameter and weigh between 45 to 80 kilograms (100-177 lb). Hawksbill turtles eat sea sponges, giving them the name “spongivores.” This diet helps coral reefs, as these turtles eat aggressive sponges that then prevent the overgrowth of coral colonies, contributing to a healthy coral reef system. Shape-wise, they have narrow, bird-like curved beaks and serrated, patterned shells. In Barbados, sea turtles are protected by law, and they have one of the largest nesting populations of this endangered species in the Caribbean. I spoke with a couple yesterday at the resort we visited, who said that just a few days before, they actually saw a sea turtle come up to their shore to lay their eggs — what a treat to be able to see that in real time!

Our cruise was really, really well run: the staff were extremely warm, friendly, hospitable, knowledgable, and hands-on. When we had our two snorkel stops, they had two crew members act as guides/helpers in the water to show us where to look for wildlife. And because Kaia was the youngest person on the boat, one of those two guys was so kind that he stayed with her (and a floatie) the entire time, which allowed Chris and me to enjoy swimming and snorkeling with more ease and on our own. We brought our own life jacket fitted for her, which she wore the whole time in the water. The cruise offered her a child-sized snorkel set, but she refused to wear it (she was probably still hating it from when we tried to get her to wear one in Cebu, and well, that one was likely malfunctioning as ours did). And when they said we were guaranteed to see sea turtles, they were not joking: during our first snorkel stop, we saw two green turtles on the very bottom of the ocean floor, which was fully clear and just endless white sand in that area. The water was extremely clear, and we could see both of the green turtles waddling around the ocean floor separately as though time did not matter.

For a while, I didn’t even really move while I was watching each of the sea turtles walk around on the ocean floor. It just felt so captivating, watching them move in slow-motion, one or two legs moving at a time. They looked so graceful, so purposeful, with fluid and effortless strides. Given that sea turtles evolved over 100 million years ago and outlived dinosaurs, I think it’s pretty clear they live steady, purposeful lives, and their swimming pace reminds all of us to slow down a little bit and to really enjoy the moment. I could probably spend hours just staring at these gentle little giants swim and waddle across the ocean floor.

While reading about sea turtles, I read this quote that stayed with me: “Watching a sea turtle swim is knowing they are following an incredible, invisible roadmap. They use the Earth’s magnetic field—an innate ability called magnetoreception—to navigate thousands of miles across open oceans to feed and return to the exact beaches where they were born.” I rely so heavily on Google Maps for everything, whether it’s trying to see how long it will take me to get from point A to point B, or just identifying where a restaurant is. I guess I will never be as intelligent as a sea turtle. The fact that sea turtles are so smart and can do this, especially the part about returning to the exact beaches where they were born, is mind-blowing.

During the second snorkel stop, we saw lots more shipwreck, coral reef growing on top of said shipwreck, and endless colorful fish. Many of them are likely the same or related to the colorful fish we saw in Roatan and Cebu, except this time, I definitely know I saw a handful of different parrot fish that were even more than all the colors of the rainbow. I saw lots of scorpion-like fish, endless varieties of angelfish, sergeant majors (just like in Roatan!), and many schools of blue tang fish, which were like dark blue florescent fish with rounded flat bodies and cute little tails. We also got to see THE fish in Barbados, which are the flying fish (very popular for eating, as well. We had these, breaded and fried, at the Trini rum and roti shop we ate at during our first full day in Barbados). They really do “fly” out of water in packs. If a crew member hadn’t pointed them out to us, I barely would have noticed them. They almost looked like little darts coming out of the water in very specific semi-circle patterns. And because of their color, they blend into the water and you need to really look for them.

We also got warned several times to stay away from a certain area of coral, where it got shallower and there was plenty of fire coral. After my Roatan incident of getting my butt burned by what appeared to be dead coral, I will heed those warnings and stay TF away.

Kaia loved being on the boat. She enjoyed being doted on by crew members, being in the water, and fighting over foam noodles with her mama (i did not quite enjoy this, but, well…). She enjoyed the outing so much that she actually ended up napping out on the catamaran (on Chris)! Pookster even attracted the attention of a younger couple just finishing up med school who are planning to have kids soon. They kept raving about how cute and good she was being (even though she had several tantrums and they witnessed first hand her fight with me in the water). We told her the next time we’re out in open water again, she needs to try to put her head in the water so she can actually see the fish and the sea animals. I was bummed she didn’t get to see the sea turtles, as I know for a fact she would have loved them. She’s an animal lover like me after all, so I know she’d get a kick out of seeing these beautiful, graceful gentle giants. I guess there is always next time.

The “dine around” exchange program and the unexpected brand-new swimsuit

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While in Barbados, we’re staying at a south coast all-inclusive resort, which is part of Marriott and their Tribute Portfolio collection of hotels. While in flight to Barbados, Chris looked up additional benefits and perks of staying here, and he found out that we could get access to what is called the “Dine Around” Exchange Program. This means that guests can utilize the “dine around” option at other participating Marriott resorts on the island. So this would not only give us (free/included) access to other properties and their food/drink/amentiies, but also give us an opportunity to enjoy a different part of Barbados. So we chose a hotel to visit today that was on the west coast, which is supposed to have calmer, more child-friendly beaches.

While we had to pay for our transport to get to the second hotel, all our food and drink would be included at this property, so the Uber would be the only real extra expense of the day. And it was really nice to see another part of the coast and see how a sister property was laid out. Of course, Kaia was thrilled to know she was having a full pool/beach day. She went back and forth between the white sand beach with calm, crystal-clear waters back into the east coast hotel’s pools, which were better situated than our hotel’s given that they directly overlooked the beach the way they did at our Roatan hotel last month. We ended up befriending a couple from Edison, New Jersey, and their daughter, who was born 11 months before Kaia. So they played together as we all had our own separate adult conversations.

One funny thing that ended up happening was that while we were on the beach with G and her mom, Kaia suddenly started scratching her crotch area and tried to take off her rashie/swimsuit. I asked her what was wrong, and she said the swimsuit was hurting her leg. G’s mom was so thoughtful that she eagerly offered to give Kaia one of G’s own brand-new swimsuits given she said she overpacked and probably wouldn’t need all the swimsuits anyway. She went a short distance back to their room and brought out a really cute turquoise and white one-piece swimsuit with a big bow on it — so new that it still had its tags on. Kaia happily took off her rashie, put on G’s swimsuit, and went back to splashing.

When it was time for all of us to go, I dried the swimsuit off as much as I could and tried to hand it back to G’s mom, and she insisted that we keep it because they didn’t need it due to having too many swimsuits for G, and they would be leaving in a couple days anyway. I was floored and just in shock.

“You have so much more of your trip to go, so it can’t hurt to have an extra swimsuit for her,” G’s mom insisted to me. “It’s really nothing! I got it from Target!! It’s not like I gave you a Burberry swimsuit or anything…”

I told her it wasn’t about the cost; in most cases of generosity, money has little to do with it. In these and in so many cases I’ve experienced with Kaia, it’s truly about the gesture itself, the selflessness to offer a swimsuit to a child you do not even know when you can see she’s uncomfortable and you know you have an extra one… and then to just let them keep it! We were total strangers who met just hours before, and she was giving one of her daughter’s brand new swimsuits away — who cares that it’s from Target! To be honest, I am not totally sure that if I were in her shoes that I would have done the same thing. And so when I think about cases like this, it just makes me realize how truly kind other people really can be. Being a mama to my Kaia Pookie opens my eyes to that fact every single day.

Off to the Caribbean (again)

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There are lots of good things about having Juneteenth recognized as a federal holiday in the U.S. For the obvious reason, it celebrates the emancipation of enslaved African Americans in the U.S. On June 19, 1865, Union troops arrived in Galveston, Texas, to announce that the last enslaved people in the state were free. The sad part about this is that through the Emancipation Proclamation was issued in January 1863, so over a year and a half earlier, it wasn’t until the end of the Civil War in 1865 that the Union Army could enforce this in the westernmost Confederate state of Texas. Concealment of the Emancipation Proclamation was no longer possible after June 19, 1865.

Since former President Biden made Juneteenth a federal holiday, that means that now, I can get a total of four summer holiday days off from work: Memorial Day, Juneteenth, Independence Day, and Labor Day (I never complain about having another day off or holiday). Memorial Day and Labor Day mark the beginning and end of summer for me (at least, mentally speaking), and now Juneteenth can be the beginning of our annual summer trip. Kaia ended Pre-K yesterday, so today is the official start of her summer! Today, we left early in the morning for a direct flight to the first of four islands on our Caribbean trip: Barbados! We’re so used to connecting somewhere during our trips that it felt like a little luxury to be able to fly directly from New York to Bridgetown today. We arrived just past noon and arrived at our hotel, which is the very first all-inclusive resort experience we’ve ever had. This means that all food, drink, and activities onsite are included. It even includes things like made-to-order coffee, the mini bar items in the rooms, the onsite ice cream parlor, any and all meals onsite, as well as the kids club, which runs activities for children age 4 and up from 9am to 9pm every day (and acts as an onsite, included childcare center).

We’re not really relax-at-resort people and never have been, so this is a different experience for us hotel-wise. Before Kaia, we may have used our hotel pools a few times, but that was really it. At a resort we stayed at in Cancun when Kaia was about 1.5, we did have a good amount of pool time, but that was balanced with exploring the real Cancun outside of the tourist area, driving around the Yucatan, and seeing Chichen Itza. We’re interested in local culture and food, and we’re definitely seeking to get that — off property. It was funny for me to hear about things like all alcoholic and non-alcoholic drinks included, including specialty coffee drinks, and an ice cream parlor, though. I am used to hearing ridiculous costs for at-hotel food and drink items.

So while we did have drinks and lunch at the resort today, as we approached dinner time, we took an Uber to Oistin’s Fish Fry, which is in an area that was originally an old fishing village turned into a fun hangout for both locals and tourists alike. Oistin’s Fish Market is just steps away from the Fish Fry area, and it’s a true Barbados institution. Oistin’s stretches along the water with multiple little bungalow-like buildings where different vendors grill and fry fish, meat, and vegetables to order, as well as local popular side dishes, like macaroni pie, rice and peas, coleslaw grilled breadfruit, and fried plantains. And of course given we’re in Barbados, there are many rum drinks and bar options everywhere. There’s a huge stage in the middle of the outdoor market area, where music was being played, live music and performances happen, and people can congregate and dance.

We ended up choosing a spot at Oistin’s called Yvonne’s Bar & Grill (my namesake has to be good, right?). After reviewing multiple vendor menus and coming to the conclusion that everyone had the exact same fish selection, almost the same sides, and all the same drinks, we figured that there was no way we could go wrong. We chose a whole grilled red snapper, which was grilled perfectly with super moist, flaky flesh, and smothered in a really delicious and addictive Bajan seafood seasoning blend. I kept licking my fingers after taking bites of the fish because the seasoning was just that good. The fish was served with coleslaw, green salad, potatoes, plantains. and grilled breadfruit.

Kaia got to have breadfruit for the very first time here, and she seemed to like it. Though to be honest, by dinner time, she was clearly so exhausted and looked like she wanted to pass out. So she may have just been eating the breadfruit mindlessly… Breadfruit is one of the funniest fruits to me in that it really is exactly as its name sounds like: it’s a very carby, starchy, “bread-like” fruit that hangs round and heavy from large trees, and is eaten like potatoes or bread would be eaten. In the Caribbean, breadfruit is usually served grilled or fried. It’s not “fruit” like you would consider something like a mango or orange at all. It’s a hundred percent savory and not the least bit sweet! It reminded me of her former Jamaican nanny, who said grilled or fried breadfruit was on regular rotation at her house. Once, she even brought a piece to share with me; that was my very first time having it. And today at Oistin’s marks my second time ever having it.

While the Caribbean islands have never been an area that has been on the top of my list of places I want to see, I do think it’s fun to see how different the culture, customs, and food are amongst all the islands. And I’m always happy to embrace the local food and fruit! After having locally caught red snapper tonight, I’m looking forward to having more local fish, including mahi mahi, flying fish, and marlin. And I will most certainly be on the lookout for interesting local fruit, and of course mangoes because it’s mango season here now!

Kaia’s last day of Pre-K and the red envelope handout

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Here in the U.S., where teachers are generally under appreciated and underpaid, especially if they are in the public system, it’s kind of semi-expected and customary to give teachers gifts, whether that is around the December holiday period, Teacher Appreciation Week, or at the end of a school year. Since this is Kaia’s last school year at this school, we thought it would be a good idea not just to give cards to her teachers and the admin, but also to the cook/cleaner, and to the doorman at her school building. They all play a part in helping the school run and thrive, and so we wanted to thank them for their support and kindness.

Given Kaia is 4.5 years old now, she knew what I was doing and that I was handing out envelopes to the teachers. And while she knew this, she didn’t mind that I was handing out the envelopes to the teachers. BUT, she insisted on handing Ah Gong, the doorman, his red envelope. So we went downstairs after signing in just to have her hand the envelope to him. Ah Gong was shocked and flattered. They gave each other high-fives, and Kaia was super excited.

Ah Gong remarked how cute, smart, and mature she was. It’s strange to think that after summer camp ends in August, we will no longer be seeing Ah Gong every day, even in just casual acquaintance. But I guess all these everyday people you have even the smallest interactions with do play some parts in your life, and their kindnesses will be remembered.

Kids’ birthday parties at playgrounds and the fun question I got when I arrived

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My neighbor friend let me know that her friend’s daughter was having her fifth birthday party at a local playground just half a block away today, so she suggested that I bring Kaia. I had met this friend and her daughter two months ago at my neighbor friend’s son’s birthday party, so I had previously met them. I told her I wasn’t sure we should come given it was a birthday party, and we didn’t know them that well and weren’t explicitly invited. But she insisted, saying it was a public playground and open to all, and she was sure her friend would be glad to welcome us. My friend said it would be a good last opportunity for both our kids, who adore each other, to play together this month before we go on our respective summer trips.

So just after 3pm today, I brought Kaia to the playground. We saw the picnic tables covered with endless food, snacks, drinks, and decorations. The area was streamed with banners, huge prints, and balloons. We came over to say hello to the mom, and we made some small talk. Her daughter, the five-year-old celebrating her birthday, also came over, and she had a very large frown on her face as she sized Kaia and me up.

The mom asked her to say hi to us as we wished her a happy birthday. The girl looked us up and down and then down and up, wrinkled her brow, and finally said, “So, you didn’t bring a present for me?”

Her mom scolded her, first in English then in Bulgarian. “D! That is so rude,” her mom admonished her. “You aren’t supposed to say things like that! Be nice!”

“You came without a present,” D rephrased herself while continuing to frown at us. It was as though she wanted to stare holes into our faces.

I didn’t say anything. What was I supposed to say? It’s true that we came without a gift, but frankly, we don’t really know this kid or her mom. And to my neighbor friend’s point, this is a public playground and anyone is welcome to come to the freaking playground regardless of whether a birthday party is being held in the corner of it! But this was also a reminder to me that once kids hit the age of 5-6, this is generally when they become more bitchy, bossy, demanding, and flat out openly rude… and unlike in earlier years, at this age, they know they are being rude. This is really when parental discipline becomes extremely crucial.

The kid never apologized even after getting scolded at in two languages. To be blunt about it, she sounds like a total brat, and not a kid I’d want Kaia to spend any time around. My neighbor friend warned me about her and said she thinks this girl is a bad influence on her own son, so I never had my hopes up about this child.

I told Chris that this happened, and he responded, “If Hoji said that, there would be no more birthday parties for the next ten years.”

Supporting friends through the adoption process

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About a year and a half ago, I met a friend, who I like to say I met because of Kaia. We were at a food event in an independent food producer’s backyard. Back then, Kaia was just over 2.5 years old. Of course, she was running amok all over the backyard, trying to pull leaves and flowers off plants while also garnering attention from any person who would look her way. And Kaia kept running to this one particular table where this now-friend and her husband were sitting. This person was so warm, loving, and affectionate with her, and she was also quite friendly and personable when I came over to get Kaia. So, I thought it would be a good idea to exchange numbers with her and see if she might be potential friend material. So we started meeting up for coffee and lunch dates. She and her husband came to my 40th birthday party and Lunar New Year Party this year. And now, I’ve spent the last week gathering clothes, blankets, crib sheets, books, and toys that Kaia has outgrown to pass on to her as they adopt a 2-year-old girl into their family. Given the timing, I also cleaned Kaia’s high chair, which she started refusing to sit in this past February, and wiped down the Babi-Deal stroller Chris got last August to also hand down to them. So, that was a good four bags worth of baby/toddler stuff, plus some random things I almost forgot about but thought would also be helpful, like a cleaned snot sucker (yes, really!), handkerchiefs, and practice toddler chopsticks. They came over tonight to pick up all these items and to hang out for a while on our roof. And of course, Kaia lapped it up and put them to work for her own enjoyment!

The second time I met with this friend one on one, she told me about her long and painful fertility journey, how she went through four egg retrievals, two surgeries, multiple miscarriages, and endless doctor appointments. And finally one day she looked at her husband and said she didn’t want her life to revolve around IVF anymore, that she wanted her body and life back. And so that’s when they started seriously looking into adoption, and now here they are, about to welcome this little girl into their life. Her whole journey brings me to tears, but it makes me happy because while all our journeys to parenthood look very different, this feels like a happy ending — or rather, a happy beginning of yet another journey.

Kaia has been so cute and sweet in all this. We told her that these friends would be bringing a baby home soon, so she started proactively gathering books and clothes that she doesn’t want or need anymore and setting them aside for Baby B. Although Kaia will never have a sibling, I can already see that she is extremely loving, giving, caring, and willing to share, and that warms my heart even more.

Kaia’s Pre-K Graduation today

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Being a parent has a lot of ups and downs. The night time wakings, the blowout diapers, the seemingly endless sicknesses, the whining, the tantrums, the days when you’re running on fumes because of lack of sleep — I don’t think anyone gets excited about that or looks back on any of those things wistfully. But the cuddles, kisses, moments of true understanding and growth — those are the things all parents relish and look back on and think, “What — where did time go?!”

As the days led up to Kaia’s Pre-K graduation today, I couldn’t help but constantly scroll through my phone’s camera roll and our Google Photos when I had five or ten minutes here or there, whether it was on the subway commuting or while waiting for people to join work calls. I have such fond, happy memories of being pregnant with her — feeling my growing tummy/uterus, feeling her middle-of-the-night somersaults in the uterus, feeling her constantly kicking and squirming around, especially after eating or exercising. And then when she was born, my entire life changed. It was like I finally learned what a different level of love and nurture was. And since then, I have never looked at life quite the same way ever again. This little blob, who is no longer a little blob but a kindergarten bound girl, changed my entire life and perspectives. Suddenly, nothing mattered as much as her health, well being, and happiness. And each day, she forces me to live more in the moment, to listen to and notice all the little things. And with her, life is just so much better and richer. To this day, sometimes I still cannot believe I got so lucky with this sweet, sweet child — in more ways than ten.

Kaia’s preschool graduation was supposed to start at 5:30 today, but due to technical difficulties, we probably didn’t get admitted until around 6. This was very late for a bunch of 4- and 5-year-olds, all of whom were having later dinner (and inevitably a much later bedtime). But somehow, Kaia held it all together. She performed two dances, one to an English song and one to one of her favorite Chinese songs 有你就幸福 (Blessed to Have You/Having You is a Blessing). And she sang so happily and proudly, especially the Chinese song, funnily enough. I was so proud that my heart was nearly bursting. And then when the school showcased the big school-wide skit that they’ve been working on for months, I couldn’t help but tear up. My little baby is growing up — so so fast, almost too fast.

After summer camp in July-August, she’ll be off to kindergarten at her new school in September. All I can say is that I’m trying hard to soak all of her up… because every single day of her life, I’m preparing for her to eventually leave me. Kaia even said to me a couple days ago while discussing her going to kindergarten and then getting a year and two and three older, “Mama, when I am big, you won’t have a baby anymore!”

But no matter what, as I say to her, Kaia Pookie will always be my baby — mama’s sweet baby.

When Pookie stopped needing a middle-of-the-night pee

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When we decided to stop putting Kaia in an overnight pull-up, we knew she’d need to be woken up for a pee in the middle of the night because she pees a lot. I guess she is like her mother in that way: she’s always drinking lots of liquids, and as we all know: what goes in must come out! We originally started her overnight pee wakeup at around 11-12 because she’d end up wetting her bed at around midnight if we didn’t do this. Gradually, we started pushing it back to 12, 1, 2, and then 2:45, just as the Oh Crap! Potty Training method suggested in the famous potty training book. But something miraculously happened last week: Kaia actually went the entire night without needing to pee or wetting the bed until 5am. It was Chris’s night to wake her up to pee, and he had forgotten to set his alarm. He woke up early in the morning to check on her and found out she was still sleeping and still dry. So he took her to pee at 5am when he woke up. So the next few nights, the same thing happened, and she woke herself up to pee, or she went through the whole night without needing to pee. She woke up between 6-7am, and she was dry. And it’s been this way for the last week!

A while ago, I told Pookster that if she stayed dry all night, and/or woke herself up to pee in the middle of the night, that I’d finally get her wish of nail polish. I really wanted to put off nail polish for as long as possible, but she kept asking, and I figured this would be a good incentive she’s been asking about for almost two years now that I’ve rejected. So we got really excited and told her we were so proud of her, and she’s just this close to getting her much coveted child-friendly nail polish. But Chris wanted to add another step: she can get the nail polish when she not only stays dry all night and pees as soon as she wakes up, but also when she can fully wipe herself and wash her hands — all on her own. Kaia was not thrilled to her about this and of course threw a mini tantrum, but alas, life has its ways of putting more hurdles in front of you!

It seems like ages since we started doing middle-of-the-night wake-ups to have her go pee, and now it is all coming to an end before I even realized it. While you think I’d be thrilled about this, it still feels bittersweet. Every day, my sweet Kaia Pookie is getting more mature, bigger and bigger, and closer to eventually not needing me.