I’ve read a lot of really inspiring stories about moms who have been fortunate enough to experience a natural, unmedicated birth. The most inspiring book I read was Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth; it was really eye-opening to me how amazing and magical the birth process can be when you can fully be immersed in the moment and be completely present. Some have given birth at birth centers. Others have given birth at home in their own bathtub (or on a chair, and even standing up!). Some women have had the double privilege of giving birth at a birth center that is affiliated and attached to a hospital. Unfortunately, I just found out that Mount Sinai West, the hospital closest to us that is just one block away, recently closed their birth center in December 2019. Fortunately, though, all their midwives are still delivering with their usual philosophy and methods at the maternity ward at Mount Sinai, and they also work closely with OB-GYNs if medical intervention is needed. But again, the unfortunate part of this? The Central Park Midwifery group that delivers babies here is 100 percent out of network, much to my dismay. So that’s a no-go for me.

I really like my OB-GYN, as I’ve been going to her for nearly ten years now. I love her practice, and I’ve enjoyed meeting with her practice partners. They are actually known as being one of the practices in Manhattan that advocates for “low intervention,” meaning that they will not force a c-section or episiotomy or epidural on you unless there’s actually a medical necessity for that. It’s sad that I cannot say that about all practices in this city or country given that doctors and hospitals clearly profit more from c-sections and the addition of more procedures/medications than from less.

But despite liking my OB a lot, she’s not going to be with me throughout the entire labor process, as she will be on call at the hospital and attending to many moms in labor. She will likely only be able to pop in at the very end of the pushing stage. For that reason, I feel like I may want a birth doula for emotional support and guidance. I need someone who’s going to know what stages I am going through, how to help from a physical and emotional perspective (do I need my hips pressed? my back massaged? do I need a slow dance to relieve pelvic pain?), and how to ultimately advocate for me. A lot of people say that’s what your partner is for, but to me, that’s a little like the blind leading the blind; my husband has never attended to a birth, nor does he have the faintest idea what is going to help relieve labor pain or the right touch or massage techniques to make me feel better in these moments.

I’ve started meeting with some potential birth doulas. I don’t think I’ve found the right fit just yet, but I am interested to see who I mesh with and how this all turns out.

One of my good friends, in her third trimester of pregnancy, developed pregnancy carpal tunnel syndrome. It was so bad that she could barely hold ceramic mugs that had liquid in them and could only carry really light things up until the point she gave birth to her baby. Another friend told me she had milder carpal tunnel, then developed other muscular issues with her thumbs and index finger once the baby had arrived. “Don’t get rid of your wrist splints!” she warned me. “You’re going to need them again!”

Because of these stories, plus ones I’ve read, I have no doubt that I will have exacerbated carpal tunnel soon. It’s not that I WANT it — it’s more that I already know I have mild cubital tunnel and even milder carpal tunnel symptoms from my daily discomfort in my elbows, wrists, and hands (plus my nerve test that confirmed this), so why would it NOT get worse in the third trimester given all the information above with constricting blood flow? Today, I started noticing my palms under my thumbs on both sides were sore, and my elbows and fingers in general have just been feeling more awkward and stiff. It doesn’t seem to matter how much “nerve gliding” I do, but it still just feels uncomfortable. If this does end up happening to me, I hope my body will give me some grace and give me less third trimester symptoms of other sorts.

Now that my little baby has grown quite a bit, it’s estimated that at 23+ weeks, she’s just over a pound in total weight, and thus I can feel her more often than just after rigorous physical activity and eating. Now, I feel her movements throughout the day, sometimes when I am just sitting here on a work call, I can feel her moving and squirming around. Though almost like clockwork, she will always move quite a bit after meals and after my morning workouts.

For a second, I felt a little worried today because after lunch, I barely felt her move at all. So to check in on her, I started tapping and pushing my fingers into my lower abdomen to get her to react, and well, yes, she seemed to have felt it, as she responded by pressing up against my stomach and then making me want to pee immediately. She then continued to move around for a few minutes and then slowed down. It was a little bit paranoid, but I needed to make sure my baby was okay. I’ve read that at week 24 and beyond, baby in the womb can also sense light, so if you are sitting in darkness and shine a flashlight on your belly, she will actually react by moving! I’m looking forward to testing that out and teasing her.

I’m currently doing research and looking at referrals/recommendations for newborn care specialists (otherwise known as night nannies or night nurses) and post-partum doulas for when the baby arrives. Given that both of us have no idea what we are doing when it comes to raising a baby and have no family nearby who could help, it made sense for us to hire someone who actually does know what she’s doing to help us with things like feeding and very importantly, allowing us to sleep and not bite each others’ heads off once the baby is here. Sleep deprivation is very common and almost 100% expected once a newborn has arrived, and it’s the number one reason that causes irritability and problems between couples once a baby has come into the picture. A colleague of mine told me that with his night nanny, he and his wife had zero regrets with hiring her, and it actually ensured their marriage stayed in tact, as they were both well rested and had enough energy to think and speak rationally in those initial 4-8 weeks of newborn chaos.

It seems that these services tend to book up very quickly, as one person I reached out to who has a team of NCSs let me know that she and her entire team are booked out for December. The search and interviewing continues.

I told one of my friends that Chris and I bought the Costco-sized diapers and baby wipes that were on sale during our trip this past Friday, and she exclaimed, “Yay! You’re nesting! So exciting!”

I’m not sure how I feel about the term “nesting.” Nesting refers to expectant parents getting their home ready for the newborn’s arrival. That could mean purchasing baby gear, clothes, toys, and necessities, child-proofing the home, discarding or giving away things that may be hazardous to the new baby, and/or decorating the nursery. And here, I just thought “nesting” meant snuggling.

I’ve started compiling a list of things that I think we need, but I am hoping I make some headway with the Facebook mom and “buy nothing” groups I’ve joined. And I’ve already mentioned how annoying researching stroller and car seat options are. I really have no desire to be THAT parent who thinks their child needs every toy and high end stroller and baby item on the market and then cluttering our entire apartment. I’d like to be as minimalist as possible while also being practical, but this seems to be a bit of a challenge now as I am overwhelmed by all the options that are out there.

I wish someone else could make all these choices for me. 😀

I’m officially 22 weeks pregnant today. Every day that passes, I still cannot believe I’ve made it this far. Every time I feel the baby move around and flail and kick, I smile and remember how lucky I am to be able to grow a tiny human inside of me.

While running on the treadmill this morning, I noticed that my belly seemed particularly tight. I’ve gradually been running slower and slower given the weight is noticeable on me more and more as the weeks go by. The tightness eventually went away but came back on and off throughout my workout, so I started doing easier activities just in case. Eventually, the tightness went away, but I was wondering why this was happening.

I did a quick Google search for belly tightness at this stage of pregnancy, and depending on the level of tightness or “hardness,” these could be early Braxton Hicks contractions. They aren’t real contractions in that the baby is not ready to come out, but these are said to be “practice” contractions the uterus does to gear up for the Big Day.

Well, that can be a little scary. Who knew that “practice contractions” were a thing the body does?! I’m constantly learning new things about my body through this whole process and being amazed by it all.

It’s been challenging to meet up with some friends and former colleague friends during this visit. Given that most companies are still having the majority of their employees work from home given the ongoing pandemic and the increasing number of Delta variant cases, few people have any incentive to even come into the city. Many former colleagues who once lived in the city moved into outer suburbs of San Francisco during the pandemic for more space. And because of that, they have no reason to come here, particularly downtown/the financial district: it felt like such an eerie ghost town to be walking along Mission and Market this trip. I felt foreign, alone in a city that was once always full of people walking up and down its streets in the busiest business area.

The friends I have plans to meet with and have met with all still live in the city. This afternoon, I visited a former manager and now friend who lives in Potrero Hill. First, I was blown away by how huge and monstrous his condo was. Then, I was saddened to hear that after his dad had suffered from an opioid addiction and taken his own life during the peak of COVID last year, my friend didn’t take the proper time for himself to heal and mourn. Instead, like most Type A people who work in tech startups, he just threw himself deeper and deeper into work. Earlier this year, I think all the stress and sadness of losing his dad so suddenly and unexpectedly manifested into physical health problems: he started developing symptoms of rheumatoid arthritis, and his lung capacity decreased to a point where he could barely jog even a quarter of a mile without feeling short of breath or like he was going to collapse. This is particularly distressing and alarming for someone who was used to running 5-6 miles three to four times a week at a 9-minute-per-mile pace. He went to get tested, and the doctors said they didn’t have any explanation other than his mental health stress translating into physical health problems. He’s now considering taking some extended leave to take care of himself and his mind and body, and to spend more time with his wife and two young girls.

We all take our mental and physical health for granted when we think everything is going well. And when it’s going “well,” we naively believe we will always have normalcy. But when we don’t take care of ourselves, our bodies give us rude, painful reminders that, hey, they need love and care, as well. We forget that mental and physical health are intertwined, which results in awful episodes like this occurring. I can only hope my friend will really be serious about taking time off sooner rather than later before he starts developing any further negative symptoms. Work will take every little thing they can get out of you. But none of that will matter once we’re dead.

This morning, we went to the hospital for a full, detailed anatomy scan. These are usually done between 20-22 weeks of pregnancy, and they are just as detailed as you’d imagine: they’re basically taking pictures of every single organ, limb, finger, eye socket, genitalia that exists. They also take very zoomed in shots of the different chambers of the heart and sections of the brain to ensure proper development up until this stage. While it’s always exciting to be able to see the baby and watch her move (and she certainly does a LOT of that!), it’s not always that fun to have your stomach pressed on constantly and then to have a wand stuck up your vagina when they’re not able to get the proper pictures just from the abdominal ultrasound. The doctor had to come in towards the end because the original brain photos weren’t clear enough, and he pressed down HARD on my belly while also moving around a wand in my vagina. That was pretty miserable and I held my breath, hoping it would end soon. I was literally lying on that table for over an hour.

Well, the stars seemed to have aligned: baby’s development looks great, and the doctor says he has no concerns at all. They asked me to come back in 10 weeks at the 30-week mark to measure overall fetal growth. My little schnookums is doing quite well, maybe even a little too well with how active she is. She certainly loves touching her face and flipped a few times during the scan. She even stuck her feet up in her face!

On Friday, I went to my OB-GYN office for my scheduled 19-week appointment. There, I got to see my little baby on the ultrasound once again. She is still growing with a healthy heart, thankfully. The doctor measured the amount of liquid in the amniotic sac to ensure it was adequate and also checked her heart rate, which all looked good. We also got to see her move her hands around and even try to cover her face; it was as though she knew we were looking in and wanted to get away from us! “And there’s her little distinct nose; she’s so adorable!” the doctor exclaimed. Yes, the nose was quite distinct, even on this ultrasound screen which wasn’t super clear.

I go back in five weeks for my 24-week appointment, when I have to do the test I’ve dreaded this entire pregnancy: the glucose test. This is the test where, about an hour before my visit, I have to drink a bottle of this disgusting “glucola” solution, and when I come in, they draw my blood to test for gestational diabetes. If the test is negative, then YAY! Good news, and I can proceed as per usual with diet and level of activity. If the test is positive… well, that’s when I’ll be completely upset and terrified and have to prick my finger multiple times a day to check my blood sugar level and watch all refined carbs/sugar intake until I give birth. I’m hoping and hoping hard that I do not have it. I know a lot of women who have had it, and it’s really no fun AT ALL.