In a city that is as populated and dense as New York City, sometimes, taking around a stroller is not necessarily the most convenient thing. It is annoying to take a stroller up and down stairs, particularly in Subway stations. Not all of the station entrances are accessible, and when I say that, what I really mean is, most are not. Stations usually have signs that tell you where the wheelchair accessible entrances are (assuming there is one at all…) and they are usually annoying to get to. And don’t even get me started on the fact that many of the elevators for the stations smell like pee mostly because of the homeless people who use them. Then, there are stores like Trader Joe’s that tend to have all of their items packed into small aisles along with large customer bases. That also makes it less convenient to push the stroller around. Given that this is the situation, sometimes, if you need to take your baby to a certain place, it’s just easier not to take the stroller at all and instead, to wear the baby.

We got gifted four different baby wearing carriers: the Hana Baby, the baby K’Tan, the KeaBabies wrap carrier I picked out for our registry, and the automatic Ergobaby carrier. All of these except the one that I picked out for our registry were hand-me downs that my friend had given me. She said that all of them were way too complicated for her to figure out, and she got very frustrated right away, and so she thought that I might have better luck. Well, after trying to use the Hana baby just once, I immediately gave up on it and gave it to another friend who is expecting her first in May. That was basically just like a long piece of cloth… And I did not feel very confident in securely carrying my baby around in it. The Baby K’Tan was a little better. I took Kaia out in it a few times to Whole Foods, but the second time that I did it, her butt got a little bit loose on the bottom, so I ended up having to hold her on the bottom just in case because I was getting paranoid. The Ergobaby carrier seemed like it was too big for her. But it wasn’t until another friend showed me how to use it that I actually realized that if we adjusted some of the settings on it, she would actually be just right for it. This baby carrier is supposed to grow with your baby, just that you have to know how to adjust the settings. 

And so that leaves me with the KeaBabies wrap. It seemed really straightforward when I watch the video when choosing a wrap to put on our registry. And when I put the baby in it for the very first time, she felt very snug and secure. I felt comfortable walking around with her in it. However, as with all of these baby wraps, all of these take some getting used to an understanding the most optimal way to get your baby into it. You really have to be careful and make sure that the baby’s bottom is always supported, and that their head is okay and she can breathe. With the KeaBabies wrap, the baby’s butt has to go directly into the bottom of the X shape that you cross the wrap in. Then, there is an additional piece of cloth that keeps her even more secure and supported that you pull up. We used this for the second time with our baby this weekend to take her to Queens for the very first time. It was also the very first time that we took her on the subway. Chris did not want to deal with pushing around a stroller, especially given that the birthday party location was so close to the subway station in forest hills, so he carried the car seat just in case she needed a place to sleep or we needed to take a car back, and I wore the baby in the wrap to and from. 

She didn’t seem to mind the noise or the commotion of the train. She was not always that comfortable in the wrap because we didn’t have it put on correctly the first time. But after some moving around, she eventually fell asleep and she got very comfortable. Seeing that I was clearly wearing a baby on me, people on the train were very kind and kept on offering the receipt to me. I actually didn’t need a seat for a lot of the train trip to Queens because she just wanted the movement, which was why I kept on walking up and down the car. But it’s nice to know that people actually do care and want to help. It reminded me of when I was pregnant and people were always offering their seats to me. As I have always said to people who do not live in New York City, New Yorkers really do care about each other. They actually do look out for each other, and when they see something, they do say something. It’s always why I have thought that New Yorkers have a bad rap when it comes to this stereotype that they are supposedly rude.

I think I probably just need more practice using the wrap and putting her into it. Baby wearing is definitely a lot more convenient than pushing a stroller around, especially in New York City.

Today was the first nanny trial, and it was… not good. She is NOT someone I would entrust caring for my baby, even in the next room. Here are the notes:

1. Not comfortable with mixing formula – she was a deer with headlights when I asked if she’d done this before.
2. Forgot to change diaper before 5pm feed until I asked her.
3. Did not read signs of fatigue to put down for nap; she actually refused to let the baby nap when she was clearly showing signs that she was tired!
4. Confused spit up for throw up. These are NOT the same thing.
5. Too much holding and not enough engagement
6. Did not read signs of pre-teething to soothe even though she was warned
7. Bath was too cold and not enough water
8. Did not write meticulous notes on feeds, poops and pees as I requested; forgot the amounts she fed baby and asked ME how much the baby ate.

We had my friend, her husband, and their baby come visit us this weekend. I also got to catch up with my friend one on one over tea, and that was nice and relaxing. It was also just nice to get out of the apartment and dress up a little bit while also just not being completely baby focused… Or focused on finding a nanny. I honestly never really thought about how time-consuming finding a nanny would be, but alas, here I am. Finding a nanny is nearly a full-time job in itself.

It’s funny when you think about how the dynamics change once you have kids. I always knew about this and was aware about this in theory, but in practice, it’s definitely something that you have to get used to. When my friend originally booked this trip, she said that she and her husband could have done so many things without the baby if she had left the baby at home with her mom… But she really wanted her baby to come to meet my baby. She wanted to do things like Broadway shows, museums, afternoon tea… We compromised and we did afternoon tea and left the babies with our husbands. But the Broadway show was never going to happen because her baby gets stranger danger, so even when I offered to babysit, she said that there was no way her baby was going to let that happen. My friend is also someone who rarely checks luggage unless she is traveling internationally and plans to buy a lot of things, but on this trip, they checked a bag because of all of the things that they have to take with them because of their baby.

While all of this can be annoying and at times frustrating, as my former night nurse always said… All of these things last for a finite time, and then they eventually end. So while we can be frustrated at not being able to see a show or have a tasting menu when we have our baby with us, our baby is only going to be a baby for a set amount of time. And that time will eventually end. I am already looking at videos and pictures of my baby when she was a newborn and comparing them to how big she is now. And it already makes me a little bit sad to see how quickly she has grown as well as how quickly time has flown. She was once this teeny tiny baby in my arms (or, really, HANDS at that point!) who barely weighed 6 pounds. Now, she is definitely double that weight. I am trying to cherish every moment as much as I possibly can. Soon, she will no longer be a baby I can hold in my arms.

We decided we would hire a full time nanny for when I go back to work as opposed to putting our baby in daycare. Given that I work from home at my current company, the transition to going back to work would be less painful for me given that I could still see the baby throughout the day between meetings if we had a nanny looking after her. And that was important to me given my remote work situation. If I didn’t have to go to an office, then why not have a nanny be here with her during the day?

The search was looking up initially. I had two solid leads and one “okay” lead that we had trial dates scheduled for. But then, out of nowhere, one of them bailed and said that she couldn’t start at the end of April. The second one, within a couple days later, told me she accepted a position with a family that she had done a trial with two weeks before that she didn’t think she’d hear back from. And then I was left with my third choice, which I wasn’t that enthused by given these first two didn’t work out. So I sunk into a hole and wondered if I’d ever find the right fit for my baby.

Chris found a site called Mommy Bites where parents can pay to recommend and list their nannies who are ending with them, so I used that site and ended up finding a lot of solid leads. Around the same time, I got a new lead from the Upper West Side Moms group. Now, we have about six potential nanny candidates who all seem to fit what we are looking for: passionate about babies, interested in baby learning and development, and generally easy going and relaxed. If you can believe it, one used to be a chef in Belize, but when she immigrated here, it wasn’t that easy for her to find a job in food. So she decided that because she loved kids that she would become a nanny. All her references have raved about her energy and interaction with their kids, and they even said that she cooked for the kids AND the families. She’d whip up gourmet meals out of scraps in their fridge. And when I scheduled the trial date with her, she asked if we could leave chicken and vegetables in the fridge so she could cook for us.

Guess who I am partial to?

Before becoming a parent, I had frequently heard about all kinds of childcare failures: nannies or baby nurses that just stop showing up, daycare centers suddenly shutting down without notice or sending babies home, stat; babysitters cancelling last minute, and even family members and friends who babysat having major meltdowns with the kids. I figured that at some point, something like this would happen to us. I just was not anticipating it happening this soon.

When Annie started working with us after Cheryl left, I had told her at the beginning that we wanted her to come at night. And I told her that when the baby started sleeping through the night, we would start shifting night support to daytime support, but I wasn’t certain of the number of days that we needed help with because it was so far into the future. A common way that I repeatedly started statements with her was, “We’re not sure, but…” Well, it wasn’t that far into the future as I thought, as the baby has started sleeping through the night in the last week. So that’s why we started having Annie come during the day last week. In total, she was still working four days a week with us. But given that we were shifting 100 percent to daytime support, I personally did not think that four days was needed, particularly since both of us are still on family leave. And now that I am unfortunately counting down the weeks until I have to go back to work, this has made me feel very unsettled and emotional knowing that I will no longer be able to spend this much time with my baby once I go back to work. So the thought of having daytime support four days a week, which is just one day less than five days a week when I would be working, just did not make any sense to me.  With that logic, why don’t I just go back to work now?! And so I thought that we could try doing three days a week with Annie.

Apparently, something got lost in translation, and Annie never thought that we would reduce the total number of days that she would work with us. She flipped out when we told her that we did not want her to come a fourth day this week, and she sent me a very distraught text message late at night on Tuesday to let me know that she felt that we had not told her the truth and misled her all along. The next day, we talked it out over the phone, and we both admitted that we could have been a little bit clearer about the communication. I could have explicitly told her that we eventually did not want four total days of support per week. At the same time, she could have also explicitly told me that she needed to work four days a week, and a minimum of 40 hours a week. That was never told to me, otherwise I would have said that this may not be a fit, particularly since I had interviewed other people who were more flexible in terms of the number of hours and had explicitly told me so. So, she was supposed to come this Friday, and because she was so hurt, she decided that she would rather forgo an entire day’s worth of pay rather than work with us one last day. In the end, she is losing a day’s worth of pay because it is highly unlikely that she would have found work that soon, but we also lost: we have a show that we booked for Friday night, and now, we don’t know how we are going to see it without any help. And what’s worse… In the last couple of days, our baby has been super fussy when we put her down to bed after her last feed at around 8 PM, and this is a new development. Chris is not comfortable asking anyone we know who has offered babysitting to deal with this fussiness. And it also makes us apprehensive to have a babysitter come and deal with this.

So what the hell are we supposed to do?