Around the time of my college years, I stopped following music or specific singers and groups because it just no longer interested me. I stopped reading tabloids and celebrity magazines, even though my friends continued to discuss and read stuff like that. All that stuff bored me to tears. Why do I care about what a bunch of strangers are doing with their lives when I should be focused on my own life and where it’s going?

But given I don’t really listen to the radio unless I’m in a store, the rare time I’m in a car, or at another person’s home, this makes it hard to discover new music. Welp, in a day and age of TikTok, now I seem to be finding new songs I like through TikTok. And I’m apparently not the only person. The other day, I was briefly scrolling through my TikTok feed at different Christmas videos, and someone posted a video that had a Sia song called “Snowman” playing, and in just 15 seconds, I was hooked. Something about the tune and the raw sound of her voice just caught my attention, so I went to add it to my YouTube and Spotify lists, and also went on YouTube to see the lyrics. I scrolled through a few of the comments, and someone wrote, “Who else found this song on TikTok and came here to listen to the whole song?” And at least 90 people gave this comment a thumb’s up.

All of our habits are becoming the same thanks to social media.

While listening to “Snowman” over and over in a very Ed-esque style of listening to music, I realized that unlike other artists, I actually had no idea what Sia looked like. So I quickly looked her up and found that she purposely hides her face with big wigs. She apparently was very overwhelmed with her rise to fame and spiraled into drugs, alcohol, and depression. While out for coffee with a friend one day, a fan interrupted their conversation to ask for a photograph with her… all while her friend was trying to reveal to her that she had cancer. She was left traumatized by this experience.

I think that if Ed were alive today, he’d like Sia’s sound and music a lot. He would likely be hooked on “Snowman,” too. He probably wouldn’t like her wigs very much, though.

It’s been quite cold in New York, so cold yesterday that it was under 32 F, or freezing. That didn’t keep us inside yesterday, though, as we spent about 3.5 hours walking all the way down near Lower East Side and taking the train back up… all for three pounds of kimchi, some tofu, and other random little things at HMart in East Village. Yep. This is what our life looks like during freezing days in COVID-ridden New York City — long walks to get kimchi while bundled up.

In the last few days, I’ve had all kinds of strange, inconsequential dreams. Chris says that I tend to have negative, menacing dreams because my subconscious is disturbed, and I apparently “choose” to think about annoying, frustrating things. In recent dreams, I have been getting hit on by random friends and acquaintances, looking for lost items in the closet, or preparing food for events. They are all pretty boring things to remember I dreamt about, but, well, they are all inconsequential and did not leave me puzzled as per usual.

But maybe that’s what I need more of. Maybe I need more “boring” in the same way that the U.S. needs more “boring” from its president. The more soap opera/theatrical crap we have to deal with, the more we realize our government is a total sham. The more “boring” I have in my dreams could be a sign of how stable my life is. Sort of.

Well, Christmas and Chris’s birthday have officially arrived this year, and somehow, this whole year seems to be awash. In many ways, it’s felt as though life has been on hold this entire year, waiting for 2020 to end and 2021 to begin. It doesn’t seem to matter how many new recipes I try out, how many videos I shoot and edit, how many books I finish reading (I’m already at 31 with a 32nd coming along), how many podcasts I finish listening to…. this year just feels so bleh. I have no other words for this year other than bleh. Go away. Good riddance. Just end, damnit.

I’ve come to realize a number of things this year, for better or worse. I’ve realized that it doesn’t matter how much I’ve accomplished on my check list or how efficient I have been, but I will never really feel “satisfied” with what I have done. Part of that is because I am anal retentive, and the other part is that my over-achiever side may just be coming out of hiding. I’ve also realized, thanks to a new food friend I made over Instagram, that oftentimes, your closest friends will not be your biggest supporters, that actually, acquaintances and new people you meet will end up being the biggest supporters of side hustles and businesses you try to run. Part of that is due to skepticism and cynicism that you won’t succeed (“haters gonna hate…”). The other part of it likely due to jealousy, whether it’s conscious or subconscious. It’s like this street art I took a picture of while in Brooklyn a few months ago: “If you don’t build your dream, someone will hire you to help build theirs.” Not everyone can make money and create a livelihood following their passion. And the people who do… well, they will have haters simply because others wish they could have done the same thing, but frankly lacked the grit and willpower to get there.

I’ve also more starkly realized that I am just getting more and more impatient with seemingly superficial things. I don’t want to have conversations about stupid cat clocks or drives to get boba when there are bigger things to discuss, like a pending Senate race or a COVID vaccine or even my own shitty health condition with my elbows. Why do people choose to have conversations about totally inconsequential things that we’ll forget about in five minutes rather than issues that are actually persistent and lasting? Is this what people do to “escape” now — lead superficial lives and fill their closets and apartments with a bunch of junk they will never use? The friends I’ve made as a child really are not sticking as well to me as the ones I’ve made in recent years. And the more Zoom conversations I have, the more painfully obvious this seems to ring true.

Or, hey, maybe I’m the one getting senile. That may be true since I am turning 35 in a few weeks. I even found another white hair on my head a few days ago.

One of the traditions Chris and I have every year during the holiday season is we see the Christmas decorations and lights in Midtown, and we also visit the Rockefeller Christmas tree. This year is obviously a very different year for us all, and we’re actually here in New York to do this on Christmas Eve. There was actually a queue of people to safely at a distance view the Rockefeller tree and get a photo op. And to my pleasant surprise, there were a lot more Christmas lights than there normally are. Fifth Avenue NYC put together a number of Christmas light installations along Fifth Avenue, ranging from a dreidel, a teddy bear, a hot air ballon you can actually go into (kind of), a truck full of toys, to a NYC taxi (of course). And at the plaza right across from the Plaza Hotel, they had a number of larger than life Christmas ornaments and decorations bedazzling the entire area. It was a really beautiful early evening stroll and so fun to see, especially knowing that we are stranded here this Christmas.

It’s sad that we haven’t been able to do what we originally wanted for Christmas this year, but after experiencing how beautiful this all was, it made me realize that New York City really is quite far from the worst place to be during Christmas. This city really does do a spectacular job getting decked out in Christmas decorations… even during a global pandemic.

Every holiday season, as we would normally get ready to leave for the Southern Hemisphere for Christmas, we partake in the annual tradition that all residents in a doorman building do, and we get ready to distribute Christmas bonuses to our staff to express our appreciation. Before I lived in a full-service building, I always thought this was an absolutely insane practice; shouldn’t these people get paid a living wage? Why should the residents be expected to tip them? Then, I moved into one of these buildings, and I realized how integral they are to keeping things running smoothly (plus, the question of what they should get paid… unfortunately has nothing to do with what I think SHOULD be reality, but it is what it is in this country and doesn’t look to be changing anytime soon).

In addition to tips, though, I also like to express appreciation by baking for the staff, so each year, I’ve made an assortment of quick breads and cookies to say thanks. I actually share baked goods throughout the year, but I do the most at one time during this time of year, and they always appreciate it and look forward to it. World peace (aka double chocolate sable cookies) have been on the bake list almost every year because they’re so simple and delicious, but this year, I also made chocolate chunk pumpkin bread and bacon cheddar scallion corn muffins. They all seemed to enjoy them; some even took seconds and thirds. I’d assume that’s probably another reason why most of the staff seem to really love us, and occasionally will go out of the way for us.

Because who can reject cookies, right? Food is the way to one’s heart.

My husband likes to hold grudges. I still remember the time when he talked about wanting to eat Malaysian food years before we were a couple, and I quickly Yelped a few Malaysian options in Manhattan Chinatown and chose one for us to meet at for dinner. Needless to say, it was just okay at best, or in his words, “absolute shit.” He did not like any of the dishes and said that everything seemed more Chinese than it was actually Malaysian… which was pretty true. He was not happy with my choice and made sure to remind me of this incident years and years after it happened.

So now, whenever I suggest trying a new Malaysian spot that opens in New York City, he’s always… just a tad skeptical. But when I told him that Ronny Chieng, an actual Malaysian and comedian we love and respect, went there and had good things to say about it, he seemed convinced. So we went down to Chinatown this afternoon for our monthly massages, and I stopped by Kuih Cafe to pick up a few things on their limited pandemic-era menu. While waiting for my food, I chatted up the worker, and he said that they opened this cafe just a month before the pandemic. That must have been harsh. I felt so bad for them, and at the time time wanted to support them even more to ensure they stay afloat. I ended up getting nearly one of each thing on their menu: we got the nasi lemak, salty duck egg butter fried chicken, a few pieces of kuih, and a slice each of caramel kaya cake and burnt pineapple cheesecake. Since indoor dining has officially shut down in New York City and the cafe was too tiny for outdoor dining, we got takeout and took our food home to eat.

You probably don’t care what I think given what I wrote above, but I thought all of it was delicious. The briny fishiness of the nasi lemak was impossible to ignore. It tasted like we were in Southeast Asia again.

And the verdict from the husband? “Mm. Tastes homely,” Chris said between bites as I asked him what he thought.

“Homely” is a compliment from this critical Malaysian food eater. I’ll take that.

On many weekdays during the pandemic, for a light lunch, I’ll prepare some version of toast for the both of us. It’s usually one slice of bread each with some type of topping, usually avocado, sardines, kimchi, cheese, peanut butter, jam, or some combination of some of the above. Pre-pandemic, we rarely had bread in the house, but since the pandemic, we’ve been eating a lot more than we usually do. And no, mind you, there’s been no weight gain.

I realized after lunch prep today that we’d run out of bread, so I took a break later this afternoon to go out and see if I could grab some. Whole Foods and Trader Joe’s lines would be insane, so I tried to stop by Levain or Orwashers to see if I could get a whole grain loaf. Welp, no such luck: BOTH shops had sold out of all their loaves by 2pm, and they both shared that this was highly unusual. “This has never happened before,” the worker at Levain said to me. “At this time of the day, we’d always have some of each type of bread we bake, but today, ti was all gone before 2pm! I have no idea what’s going on.”

It’s the sixth day of Hannukah today, and I wondered if that could be a reason for the bread shortage. The other day I had was… oh wait. The weather report says a huge snow storm is going to blanket all of New York City tomorrow. Could that be the reason everyone is buying up all the carbs?

I’m pretty sure it’s the latter. When it snows here, no one wants to go ANYWHERE.