It seems like every day I am in New York, I am listening to someone discuss the latest food trend (gluten free? Low carb? No eating after 6pm?). I have a coworker who just eats a grapefruit for breakfast each morning and does the low-carb thing the rest of the day. I have another coworker who is doing a five-day juice cleanse, and when she is “feeling desperate,” she is “allowed” to eat cucumber slices. Fast-paced, work-centric city life seems to make us resort to painful, pointless fads to stay thin, but what long-term achievement will be found from this?

I had never seen a real cockroach in my life until I moved to New York at the age of 22. Naive little me, I had only heard about them and never though I’d have a problem with them because I am a completely anal clean freak. Then within a week of moving to New York, for the first time I saw a tiny roach running across my bathroom floor. I freaked out and squashed it, but I knew there’d be more. Now, I very occasionally still encounter them, and I have to settle into the fact that no matter how clean I am, somehow they will still come.

When I first moved to New York, I often got asked where I was from. When I’d respond that I was from San Francisco, people would laugh and say, “I thought so. You are so Californian!” In general, if you are a happy, upbeat, bubbly person, you will not fit in as a stereotypical “New Yorker” here. It wasn’t until my third year here when people would actually assume that I was originally from here that I’d realized that New York’s mean, cynical reputation had potentially taken the best of me. After a certain amount of time, living here certainly does shape you and make you a bit harder, and whether that is a good or bad thing is really up to you to decide.

After my friend got engaged and had a 1.5-carat diamond, I started noticing engagement rings more. I recalled the times when my mom got oogley-eyed over 1-carat diamonds, but I quickly realized that the amazement over one carat in her day has progressed to an obsession over two-carat diamonds today, especially in New York. As they say, the bigger, the better. What was once considered a symbol to prove how much a man loved and could support a woman has now sadly become an item that is largely used for women’s comparison purposes against one another (and insecurity jogging).

People from all over the world come to New York hoping to fulfill their dreams. What I’ve realized after almost five years here is that by moving here, you are really increasing your own competition in whatever realm you are, as you are competing in a job or love market that is probably more cut-throat than anywhere else you could go. Extremely ambitious and attractive people come to New York with a goal, and they all want that dream fulfilled. Sometimes being here, I am reminded of how I felt in college – I came in thinking I was really smart, but there in the midst of some of the most intelligent women, I came to terms with my own mediocrity.

When I first moved to New York, I lived in a large flat in Elmhurst, Queens. The thing that drew me to this apartment was its massive kitchen with granite counters. I spent four years living there and finally took the big step last year and moved into Manhattan – and downgraded my kitchen space significantly. The “kitchen” that I now have is a small wall in the living room, which my partner ectioned off with a kitchen island that he installed. I’ve realized that space doesn’t really matter when I really love cooking, and I will happily spread out my mise en place on the coffee table and kitchen stools to get our meals ready.

I went to the Upper East Side Fairway Market this morning to replenish the fridge for the week. What most have heard about New York groceries is true: in general, items ranging from boxed cereals to oranges is almost always going to be more expensive than anywhere else in the country. I don’t often think about how relatively expensive groceries are here until I visit home in San Francisco and see how ridiculously cheap and fresh produce is there (hello, Pint of Blueberries for only 99 cents!). As a colleague recently pointed out to me, we all love it when we get the chance to shop at a Trader Joe’s in Manhattan, “because those are actually normal prices!”

It’s a bit embarrassing to admit out loud, but I haven’t been behind the wheel since 2007. That’s right – it’s been almost six years since I last drove a car. I get made fun of for this quite a bit by friends back home and colleagues who live in outer boroughs and Jersey, but for those who live in New York City, this is not surprising at all; in fact, it’s a way of life and the way they like it. Living in Manhattan is probably one of the few places where you could live where not driving every day is considered acceptable and even applauded.

In a city as fast-paced as New York, everyone is always trying to get from place to place and accomplish one thing after another. I overheard a conversation today about a colleague who was planning out his near-future – buying an apartment. His mother asked him how he was going to afford these things. He said he was hoping for a raise soon, but he didn’t sound convinced that he even wanted to buy his own place.

Despite the chaos and speed around us, how often do any of us really stop to think about whether we really want these things that we supposedly want, and how much of it is really imposed by societal (or familial) expectations?

Last month, I spent a week in Los Angeles for work. On my first walk to lunch along Wilshire Boulevard with coworkers, less than two minutes pass before a coworker exclaims, “Slow down! You’re not in New York anymore. You’re in LA.” I laughed and slowed down, but in my head I thought, do I really walk that fast? And then I remembered the times when my family and friends from San Francisco yell at me for the same reason. In New York, when we walk, we’re not just going on a casual stroll; we’re walking with a purpose to get from Point A to Point B in as little time as possible. Speed is everything.