Adam Grant has said repeatedly in presentations and talks that he’s given that countless studies done, employees do not leave companies. They leave their managers. Over seventy-five percent of employees who left their jobs voluntarily left not because of their position or view of the company, but because of their bosses. It is often times this case when you see “boomerangs” happen at companies, where employees leave a company to go to another, and eventually return to that company they left.

I personally could not relate to this given that in my last few departures, it was always a multitude of factors that contributed to my leaving: lack of desire to work in a specific type of role, pigeon-holing into specific responsibilities, lack of growth, lower than market-rate pay, lack of ethics, sexism, borderline racism, delusion among employees, lack of real product or technology that has any traction with customers of value, lack of respect for manager, manager’s manager, and general colleagues in general.

Somehow lately, though, I can relate to that statement. Adam Grant really does have it right, doesn’t he?

I’m never going to like football. I understand why it’s interesting and why people get obsessed about it, but the hype around Super Bowl every year is never going to be something I will get into. It doesn’t help that for four years, I had to work late for weeks leading up to the day of the Super Bowl and on the night of the Super Bowl (that is the world of online advertising when you have a major car brand as your customer).

So it grates on my nerves to hear a very stereotypically male colleague of mine complain for days on end that he and his friend, whose shared life-long dream has been to go to the Super Bowl, may not be going because all the tickets have exceeded their $3,500/ticket price ceiling. $3,500 for a game that lasts a few hours? That money could be spent on a trip to another part of the world that is fascinating that will actually expose you to something different, something that might actually enrich your life.

Football just makes you stupider, more brainwashed, and ignorant of Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy (CTE), the resulting disease of years and years of head trauma from participating in a sport as violent as football.

Because this past Christmas was the first time Chris and I had our own Christmas tree in our apartment, he humored me and allowed us to keep it up through the end of January. We haven’t turned the lights on it much in the last week, but it’s still fully decorated with all its ornaments, the sturdy and the delicate. He insisted that by February 1st, we had to take it down and put it away (it’s fake for a cleaner apartment, plus it’s more economical and environmentally friendly). It’s another year to go through before we can get to the glory of Christmas again. Now, we just have to find a home to put it in since we’re really pushing at the limits of our closet space. I actually think that even though it’s not Christmas season anymore, having it up, along with a few other Christmas decorations around our TV, makes the apartment seem a bit more festive and homely.

Even though I am not in sales, my role is so intermingled with sales that sometimes, the stresses they face with meeting their numbers at the end of a quarter tends to spread to me. It’s never been more apparent than at my current company, which makes sense because for the first time, I actually work at a company where we really are closing deals and driving revenue and success for our customers.

So you can imagine how frustrating it is when about four different people are messaging me, texting me, and emailing me for renewal updates. It’s as though there’s no central way to share information and no streamlined method of disseminating the same piece of knowledge just once. We’re supposed to be a tech company, yet like with all companies, the biggest area of frustration always comes back to what seems to be the most basic: communication. We’re still working on it. Or at least, some of us are while others are just having their hair set on fire.

Today, we had brunch downtown with two of Chris’s brother’s friends who have moved here from Hong Kong (and are originally from Melbourne). Before they moved here, Chris had never met them, and this was my first time meeting the guy in the couple. It was hilarious to see exactly how much he has in common with Chris’s brother. The two of them have been friends for over ten years now, and they’re so similar. They both love sport. Their intonations are similar, and how they tell stories (long-winded, weaving in and out irrelevant past stories) are the same. Their Australian accents even sound the same. Even the way they pause and say, “uh/um” is the same! It’s as though I met Ben’s white Australian equivalent.

And after our brunch ended together, his wife says, “Yes, Chris is just like Ben,” but she’s obviously joking. They’re quite opposite, and the “opposite-ness” is even more pronounced when Chris is there.

“Do you think you’ll settle down here?”

“Are you planning to stay here and raise kids?”

“Do you foresee yourself going back to San Francisco and settling down?”

The question of “settling down” is constantly being asked of me; by friends, friends of friends, colleagues, Chris’s colleagues, Chris’s family and friends — you name it. Chris hates the idea of “settling down” because it’s almost like you’re resigning yourself to a life of monotony and the same ol’ same ol’ every single day, and that grates on his nerves.

So, it’s sad when we hear that two good friends of ours are leaving to “settle down” across the country in the Sacramento area. One of them will be leaving in a few weeks to start looking for a new job, and once he gets it, his wife will be joining him out there. It’s a bittersweet time for us given how much fun we’ve all had together the last two years.

But that’s life, right? People come and go, and especially in a city like New York, there are plenty of transients. That’s what cities like this are made of. We get bored of the people who are New York lifers and are attracted to the people who came here from other parts of the country and world. I suppose that’s how Chris and I came together.

We’re not really “settled down” yet. Maybe we never really will be. I hope we can find other people who aren’t yet “settled,” though, here.