Playing dress up with baby

When our ex-nanny was here, she frequently said that if she had it her way, Kaia would have had anywhere from 5-7 outfit changes per day. Her rationale was: babies grow so fast, and so they don’t have much time to get too many wears out of their clothing. So the only way to maximize the wears was to have them wear a different outfit every few hours. While that is way too high maintenance for me, I also did not let the nanny do this just because I thought it was ridiculous. But when it comes to certain outfits, I do have my favorites, and one of the most recent ones is an Indian outfit, a top and a long skirt, that was handed down from a friend of mine, whose kids are also Indian and Chinese. Her husband, while on a work trip to Delhi, purchased the outfit for their daughter, who has since outgrown this, so she gave this to Kaia. I decided that Kaia would wear this while attending a Lincoln Center Summer in the City kids’ concert called My Paati’s Saris: Dance Story Time. And when I put her in the magenta and gold-flecked two-piece outfit, which fit her perfectly, Chris’s parents went absolutely nuts. They tried to photograph her in every which way possible to get the best angle. Even Chris’s brother was obsessed and made the photo I shared his lock screen photo on his phone. Little babies and toddlers wearing different outfits, especially cultural ones, is just the cutest sight. No one can resist them!

Kaia’s Chinese

At 18 months of age, Kaia is extremely verbal. We’ve been excited to hear her constantly say new words and match words to objects or actions. I’ve been curious to understand at what age children are able to differentiate what language they are speaking or is being spoken, and how they are able to map that out in their minds. So far for her Chinese, most regularly, she says “xi shou” for “wash hands.” She’s also said “xi fa” for wash hair, and “mian” for noodles. I know she also associates “shui jiao” with “sleep” because she always whines and whinges whenever I say it around bedtime, then tries to make a beeline out of her bedroom. But for other things, I’m not always sure.

This morning, I was giving her breakfast, and the final part of it was sliced red grapes. I held up a bunch of grapes and asked her, “Kaia, what’s this?” She immediately smiled and responded, “Pu tao, pu tao.” In that moment, Chris’s mom got confused and asked, what is she saying? But I knew exactly what she said and just felt so damn proud. I felt like my whole body lit up.

“Pu tao! YES, BABY! That’s right! Pu tao! That’s ‘grape’ in Chinese!” I exclaimed, excitedly.

I was a bit worried when she started daycare because they always sing English songs, and it was very clear that she preferred her English songs to the Chinese nursery rhymes I’d sing her. She used to know a couple of the Chinese song verses and sing them, and even our ex-nanny noticed this. But once daycare started, she stopped, so I wasn’t sure if she’d even want to sing the Chinese songs anymore. But with this single act of saying “pu tao,” that worry got put to rest, and my hope for her continuing to learn Chinese was reignited.

Lion’s Mane and Maitake (Hen of the Woods) Mushrooms from Baltimore Farmers Market

As soon as I purchased the lion’s mane and maitake mushrooms on Sunday, I was already excited about making them when we got home. I knew that given both would have delicate flavors and meaty textures that I’d want to lightly pan sear them with a little olive oil, a bit of butter, and season simply with sea salt and pepper. I remember I had also purchased a container of ricotta last week, so they’d go really well together on some crusty bread slices and a drizzle of olive oil. So that’s how I made them this morning. Unfortunately, to get the nice brown sear on both sides, I did create some smoke on my carbon steel pans, which did not sit well with Pookster’s eyes or our air purifier, even with the stove fan on high blast, but I had no choice. But at least it wouldn’t last too long. With one bite of both the maitake and the lion’s mane, and I knew that this purchase was absolutely worth it: the lion’s mane had this interesting, meaty, almost scallop like texture with a light flavor. The maitakes were a bit crunchy and had a deep, earthy flavor. I was obsessed with both and wish I had four times the amount. But if I did, I’d have spent $80, which I wasn’t really going to do with mushrooms… at least, not this time. These mushrooms looked, felt, and tasted extremely luxurious. I just love, love fungus — of the edible variety.

Visiting U.S. historical sites + recognizing that history affects our today and tomorrow

Over the last 11 years, Chris and I have visited pretty much all the U.S. presidential libraries and museums, as well as civil rights museums, historical monuments, sites, buildings, tombs, and cemeteries. While I am sure it is a huge generalization to say this, what I’ve noticed about the conversations I overhear while at all of these sites is that the vast majority of the people visiting tend to be more on the progressive side. Parents bring their kids here to teach them history; adults come to learn more about their own country, or the history that perhaps, they were not fully taught in school (self included). They recognize the connection of the past to our present and future, and they have conversations about this while visiting.

This long weekend, we visited Mount Vernon, which is George Washington’s home and mansion, as well as Fort McHenry, a U.S. historical site known as the birthplace and inspiration of the U.S. national anthem, “The Star-Spangled Banner.” I wasn’t sure how open Mount Vernon would be in terms of addressing all of George Washington’s hundreds of slaves I knew he had, but amazingly, they actually did address it, and quite openly and often. While many would argue that the way they address it is a bite muted, the fact that they repeatedly mentioned the “enslaved labor” or “enslaved people,” and that they had huge sections of the estate calling out the enslaved people’s living quarters, conditions, and work, shows that they’re not trying to cover up the past.

At one point while walking around the grounds, I came across some young children, likely walking along side their parents after visiting the female slave houses. The kids were asking their parents why the former president of the U.S. would have kept slaves and asking if Washington knew it was “wrong.” The parents were trying to explain it in the context of history, while also acknowledging how wrong it was. They even tried to connect the wrongness of Washington having slave labor to the persistent racism that goes on today. While I’m not sure those very young minds could fully grasp the gravity of what their parents were saying, I silently commended the parents for not only explaining the past so neatly, but also attempting to connect it to the present day for the kids to try to understand. There is very little possibility that those parents are advocating for all these stupid book bans that are an embarrassment of the U.S. today.

And then I thought: I suppose those types of conversations will be had by us when Pookster eventually learns different things, understands more, and asks us questions. And we’ll need to find ways to neatly package all this information without white-washing the truth and fully educating her.

A welcome surprise: the diversity and vibrancy of the Baltimore Farmers Market

One of our very favorite things to do when we visit a new place is to visit their local market. Some places call them farmers markets. In Asia, they’re known as “wet markets.” But regardless, we just love markets. It’s a great place to get a pulse of of a city or town, to see a mix of locals and tourists, and get a sense of what people like to eat, drink, and buy.

Although New York City is known for its Union Square Greenmarket, over the years, I’ve honestly gotten a bit bored of it. When I used to work nearby, I’d browse the market at least a day or two a week during my lunch break, but I didn’t really buy very much. As Chris has pointed out (and as I have begrudgingly admitted is actually true), most of the vendors seem to be selling the exact same thing, just one stall after another, and perhaps with prices varying by a quarter or two. There are a handful of unique stalls that sell specific Asian vegetables, and I do enjoy both of the main bakery stalls (Bread Alone is my standby), but overall, it doesn’t have much diversity. On top of that, most of the meat and seafood products are just so exorbitantly expensive that at the rates they are charging, you might as well just order that same cut at a restaurant because at least then, you won’t have to worry about cooking or cleaning up.

Some of our favorite farmers markets we’ve visited in the U.S. have been in places I wouldn’t immediately think of, but were extremely memorable: Omaha, Nebraska, and Santa Fe, New Mexico, really stand out. I always loved Pike Place Market in Seattle, which is quite famous. But now, we can add Baltimore, Maryland, to that list. I wasn’t sure what to expect of the Sunday farmers market here, but I was obsessed!

Baltimore’s farmers market had such a variety of produce and goods being sold that it was a struggle to keep up with all of them. They had endless locally grown, fresh produce, many bakery stands serving a wide variety of baked goods, both sweet and savory; kombucha, kimchi, brisket and pulled pork barbecue, barbecue OYSTERS, crab pies; and even a frozen dumpling stand. I was blown away when I saw all the beautiful mushrooms at The Mushroom Stand (yes, aptly named), as well as the relatively reasonable prices. I ended up picking up a pint each of the maitake (hen of the woods) and the lion’s mane, the latter of which I’ve never seen at any market anywhere and had only read about in food magazines. I LOVE mushrooms so much, but the special varieties are hard to come by, and when you do see them, they are usually so pricey. I bought two fat bunches of garlic scapes for just $5 (what steal, especially to what the farmers market stands charge in New York City for these babies!). We also got freshly made, cold brewed coffee, a slice of cherry and peach olive oil cake, mini caneles (which I even indulged Pookster with), an egg custard tart, a spinach ricotta flaky pastry, a ginger cardamom lemonade that was extremely refreshing and sweetly spicy; mini frozen hot chili wontons and lamb and chive dumplings; and even a pint of fat, sweet-tart blueberries for Pookster. Chris’s parents joked and said we may have bought the whole market! If we lived closer, I definitely would have bought more fresh produce, but alas, we do not. It was such a fun experience, and we were lucky to be in Baltimore on a Sunday to get to enjoy it.

Baltimore – first impressions

While Chris’s parents are in town, Chris wanted to do a side trip with them somewhere like we did last year via car, so we went to Baltimore this long weekend. Although Maryland isn’t that far away from New York City, the last time I was there was in 2011, when we went to Ocean City for Thanksgiving weekend. When I think of Maryland, I immediately think (of course) of the famous Maryland blue crabs, amongst other local and delicious seafood such as oysters and fish. But when I think of Baltimore, stereotypically, the other things that come to mind are the fact that Baltimore, also known as B’More or “Charm City,” is also unfortunately always featured as one of the most dangerous cities in the U.S. It is usually in the top five when it comes to violent crime as well as property crime. In addition, from what I’ve heard from friends and colleagues who either have lived or are living there, it’s a city that is deeply segregated by race; there are very clear “White” neighborhoods vs. “Black” neighborhoods. The other thing about it is that in some ways, driving and walking through parts of the city today certainly felt a bit like Detroit: you could have a really nice hotel right next door to a dilapidated, totally abandoned building with its windows fully blown out and the doors boarded up. That seemed to be quite the norm walking from street to street in the downtown area where we are staying.

The city clearly wants to attract more tourism, though. While walking in the tourist area right by the waterfront, we went into a huge new building that served as Baltimore’s visitors center. Inside, they had a lot of tourism information (obviously), as well as many interesting artifacts, displays, maps, photos, as well as free Wi-Fi and very clean restrooms. I’d never seen such a well done, modern, and clean visitors center in the U.S. like this one before.

The same area also had a lot of fun play structures and areas for young children. Most were for kids slightly older than Kaia, but she did get to enjoy Federal Hill and the swings up there. While up on the hill, a huge mosaic of the Aurora Borealis caught our attention, which was covering the American Visionary Art Museum facade: the mosaic features over 2,300 square feet of recycled bottles, glass, and mirrors, and was created with the help of incarcerated Baltimorean youth.

The other highlight of the day was definitely our first meal in Baltimore, which we ate at Nick’s Fish House. Given how popular this restaurant appeared on Google Reviews (5,700+ reviews at 4.5 stars), I wasn’t sure if we’d even get a table and might get turned away given we’re a party of five with no reservation. I got especially nervous when Chris went to park the car and we got in line to check in with the hostess, who I heard turned away the party of 4 ahead of us and said there was no table available for a party of their size for at least an hour. When we got to the front, the hostess got really oogly eyed when she saw Kaia… and somehow, out of nowhere, a prime table overlooking the water (that she apparently overlooked with the party ahead of us…) was available on her table diagram, and we were immediately seated! We really scored with this one, and I wonder if we can attribute it to Pookster’s cuteness!

So the last time (or really, only time) I’d had memorable, delicious crab cakes with lots of crab and little to no filler was when we were in Ocean City, Maryland, in 2011. And today, I was reminded of how good (and relatively inexpensive) they were because today, we had what is likely the next best crab cakes to the Ocean City ones: we got two fat Maryland blue crab cakes, and they were just STUFFED with crab and almost no filler at all! I couldn’t believe how meaty and juicy each piece was, and it was so, so fresh. The crab meat was flavorful and sweet. Kaia only had maybe two pieces of crab and preferred her mac and cheese, but I intentionally left two bite sized pieces of crab cakes until the very end of my meal so that I could properly savor them. These crab cakes were not cheap, but they were most definitely worth it. In addition, the fish and chips were done perfectly: the fish was done just enough to be flaky, juicy, and moist, and the outside was fried well — crunchy and not greasy. This place was incredible!

Streamlining the daily face “maintenance” routine

I’ve never worn a lot of makeup. Since I was very young, my mom always rammed into my head that while eye makeup and lip products are fine, I should always steer clear of foundation/face makeup. She said that foundation would age me faster and make the quality of my skin worse. She used to scrutinize my face occasionally after not seeing me for a while to see if I was wearing foundation. Occasionally, when I had a tinted moisturizer on, she’d ask me accusingly if I was wearing foundation. I always said no. I mean, I wasn’t lying; the moisturizer was just tinted…

While I debate a lot of things my mom says, I don’t think she was wrong about this. A lot of foundations have all kinds of weird additives and chemicals that would not allow your skin to “breathe” properly. Many are unfortunately reputed to clog pores. And because everyone is a unique person, a product can affect one person very differently than the other. While there are many on the market now that are supposed to have ingredients to moisturize and even help with skin concerns like fine lines and wrinkling, I still have no desire or patience to use them. I’m fairly satisfied with the state of my skin, so I don’t really think I need it.

At dinner the other night, my friend commented on the tinted lip balm I was using. Since the pandemic, I don’t even have the patience or desire to fuss over a lipstick or lip balm. I feel like I’m so over all those products, not to mention how expensive they are. I have always been lip balm obsessed, since I like the soft feeling of having balm on my lips, but I normally wear just plain lip balm. But TINTED lip balm: it was like the best of both worlds. I had the moisturizing properties of lip balm, combined with the “hint” of color and shine of a lipstick or gloss. I don’t think I will ever go back to a real lip gloss or lipstick again. And what’s also great about this: the tinted lip balm I’m obsessed with now is SO much cheaper than the average clean lipstick/lip balm!

Daycare and school: where you cannot control everything

Now that Kaia is in daycare/school, there’s really little to no way to control everything. Even when our ex-nanny was with us, I couldn’t control everything. She repeatedly went against my back and did things I explicitly told her not to do, and she’d overlook and forget things I gave instructions for her to do. But with daycare, even when you provide detailed notes to the administration and ask that they pass it onto the teachers of your child’s class, there’s no actual guarantee those notes will ever get to the teachers. So it can make you wonder why you have to fill out all those endless forms in the application process to begin with, when you will likely send multiple messages to the teachers directly after you start, and have to reiterate it… yet again in person during drop-offs and pick-ups.

One of the things I wrote in Kaia’s food notes in the original enrollment forms were: no foods with added sugar. Well, these notes were never passed onto the teachers. And even when they were, the teachers actually don’t even know what I mean when I say “added sugar.” To them, they didn’t recognize that fruit or fig bars actually DO have added sugar in them; they said they were “natural sugar.” No, not really: the way these things are processed, it’s definitely added sugar! I had to explicitly write: no fruit or fig bars. The teacher wrote this in capital letters for all teachers and substitutes on the fridge for all to observe (or so we think). Then, I saw photos posted on the daycare app of all the kids, including my own, eating cinnamon raisin bread. In what world does cinnamon raisin bread not have any added sugar? And what about Special K with strawberries — they were also eating this for breakfast the other day! It suddenly hit me that it was highly likely the teachers did not actually understand there were added refined sugars in any of these foods. And that really made me sad: that’s the state of our education. Average Americans don’t even know what they put in our bodies willingly.

At the end of the day, I cannot police everything, and I cannot constantly message the teachers banning all these items from being put into my baby’s body. At some point relatively soon, the Pookster will likely have regular exposure to it, so it’s really going to be up to her (to a certain degree) regarding whether she wants these things or not. For example, yesterday, they were doing deconstructed s’mores. To my inner joy, I was so happy to see that my baby ate part of the graham cracker, but refused the marshmallow (processed, nasty sugar) as well as the tiny bit of chocolate. That’s my baby.

My affectionate baby

I got lucky in endless ways with my baby: Kaia is growing into a sweet, affectionate little toddler. Not only does she happily kiss or lean her face in when you ask for a kiss in English or Mandarin, but she also readily asks for hugs. One day, she was just walking around our living room, came up to me, and said “Hug?” And immediately threw her arms around me and hugged me. It was so sweet that I nearly melted into a puddle.

She’s also understanding a lot more of what we’re saying. A couple weeks ago, while reading one of her favorite books, Bluey at the Beach, when we come to one of the end scenes where Bluey finds her mum out of nowhere, and they both embrace, Kaia loves to blow me kisses and hug me when this happens, and she either starts saying “Hug! Hug!” or “Muah! Muah!” It’s so heartwarming that sometimes, I just want to freeze time and play the scene over and over again.

It’s nice to no longer have a stranger in my house

A few weeks ago, our handyman friend came by to help repair something. It had already been over a month since our ex-nanny had left. And he said to us, “Can I just ask: doesn’t it feel good to not have a stranger in your home anymore?”

I immediately answered… YES. While I’m sure many families consider their nanny “part of their family,” unfortunately, we never got to that point with ours. Our ex-nanny was a source of a lot of frustration and tension, constantly judging the way we did things, whether that was how we set up the apartment or how we chose to parent. One of her very favorite phrases to start sentences with when she first started was, “you new moms think you know everything.” She was inflexible and hated any type of constructive feedback, instead scowling or responding harshly to it as though harm had been inflicted on her. I especially do not miss cleaning up after her, whether it is the food that she’d leave on the floor around Kaia’s eating area, which she either willfully ignored or was just blind to; the smeared fruit on the couch that she’d miss, her crumbs on our kitchen counters and in our entry way from all her snacking, the food she’d spill or smear on or in our fridge, or even her makeup stains on our walls and doors. In retrospect, sometimes it felt like it was more work having her as a nanny than not having her.

And now that Kaia is 1.5 months into daycare, it makes me even more grateful for the fact that we found a daycare/school that seems to be pretty good, where the teachers have accountability, and where I know she is exposed to and learning new skills and activities every single day. I don’t have to come up with activities or try to convince a nanny to actually do her job. Each day, I see photos and videos of her doing different arts and crafts or practicing her fine motor skills. And each day, I don’t have to think about whether I am showing enough “gratitude” toward the caregiver of my child. I don’t have to worry about whether something I said will piss the teachers off, and they will just decide to stop showing up; that does not happen at daycares the way it happens with nannies in your private home. The emotional load of having a caregiver in your home is not a small one, especially when that caregiver is repeatedly disrespectful of your wishes and requests, but fakes it to others. It’s strange to me that more people do not discuss or address this in online parent groups.