For someone who is just 27, I’m a bit of a cynic. I don’t generally trust people or believe that they have the best intentions. Even after I have gotten to know them, I still tend to doubt them. Maybe it’s my own defense mechanism; because if you have the worst expectations, no one can really disappoint you that much in the end, right? So it always surprises me immensely when people react in positive ways when I did not anticipate it. Since my resignation, a number of coworkers have offered to take me out to eat, a vendor partner asked me out, and people I barely know have wished me well. Maybe it isn’t the worst thing to rely on the kindness of our acquaintances.

I have always had a sweet tooth. As long as I can remember, I have craved sweets and never, ever said no to dessert. Then came along Chris, who always wants to have M&Ms or Tim Tams after meals. One day, he surprised me and asked me, “Why do you think you don’t have much of a sweet tooth?” I was taken aback… Then it hit me: in the last few years, on most nights I didn’t have anything sweet (fruit excluded), and though I thoroughly enjoyed sweets when I was having them, the craving was rarely there anymore. Now, most of my cravings are actually savory. Just as I love oysters and blue cheese and other delicacies I rejected once as a child, my cravings have evolved.

My job search has finally ended after a year. For the last several months, all I really did during the week was exercise constantly early in the morning, go to my crappy day job, fill my social calendar with activities with Chris and friends, spend about two hours four days a week doing job applications and preparing for interviews, mentor recent Wellesley grads, cook, read books on my list, and sleep. It was an exhausting period, but knowing how insanely productive I was makes me develop very visceral reactions to people who do not set goals, or say they want things but do nothing to make them happen. It sounds awful, but when you spend all your time working hard to make your goals happen, it makes you question why others are not exerting similar efforts to improve their lives. As cliche as it sounds, life is short, and one day, we’re all going to die. So what are you waiting for?

Today, I officially resigned from my job of the last four years and two months. I went through a lot of highs and lows throughout this period, but I realized that it was truly time for me to leave when 1) I wasn’t having fun anymore, and 2) I wasn’t learning anything. The third thing that I can throw in here is when I realized I was working with people who were over-titled, overpaid, and full of hot air. Despite the anger I have harbored, it was a very emotional experience to say out loud that I was leaving. It’s funny how hidden emotions sneak up on you when you least expect it. I was told by my boss’s boss that leaving “is the biggest career mistake you could make.” Frankly, the biggest career mistake I have made is staying at a place for the last year that never truly valued me and paid me what I was worth. Good riddance. I’m finally leaving.

Everyone seems to have an opinion about things you should do. Your mother says this. Your boyfriend says that. Your coworkers and friends think something else. The hardest (and perhaps most painful) part of listening to all this is to then decipher what your opinion is independent from others. So you agree with Jen? And you disagree with Matt? That’s great, but what do you think? We’d like to think that everyone around us wants the best for us, but my very cynical side says that there tends to be some conflict of interest for almost every opinion you can get. It takes an incredible amount of self confidence to separate your own opinion from all of the other muddled noise you hear.

There is only one word to really describe today: surreal. “Stressful,” “overwhelmed,” “conflicted,” and oddly “emotional” are other ways to encapsulate it, as well. It’s strange how we envision different scenarios playing out, and then when reality comes, it’s filled with all these things you didn’t expect. Part of being an adult is making decisions and living by them. We spend most of our childhoods relying on parents to decide everything for us, and then we are led out into the cold, harsh world to fend for ourselves. Even if in the end, you realize that you hate what that decision resulted in, at least you made the decision yourself and (hopefully) learned something from it.