A few days after we arrived in Melbourne this year, Chris’s Nana called his dad and said she wanted the family to come over for a “blessing” of our engagement. It was originally just going to be immediate family, but Chris extended the invite to his cousins, aunts, and uncles. I wasn’t sure what to expect. I just thought there might be a Bible reading or two, a prayer, and maybe some dessert at the end. Little did I know that a reading would be done by Chris’s mother, followed by a blessing prayer from both of Chris’s grandmothers with my head being held in their hands, and subsequently a blessing from Chris’s dad and his two uncles on his head.

“I know that Christopher proposed, and Yvonne accepted, but an engagement is only real when with the family,” Nana said, as she commenced the event.

In their prayers, they blessed our union and wished us hope and love for our life together. They said a number of words that made me immediately feel overwhelmed. This is what it means to be accepted into this family… Everyone will be praying for our life together? And everyone accepts me as one of them? And I get to have my head held by both of his grandmothers? That day, I thought about Ed and what he would have thought if he had witnessed the event. I’d imagine he’d be so proud to think that his sister was being accepted into a Christian family, where real love and care actually exist without any strings or senseless, conditional expectations attached. I can’t imagine my brother having a prouder moment than this one.

I haven’t converted or gotten baptized or started going regularly to a Christian church, but so far, I think this would make Ed as happy as he could be.

It’s been just over six months since we got engaged, and we’re finally starting to look at venues for our upcoming wedding in 2016. If it’s in Melbourne, it will need to be sometime in the first half of 2016, and if it’s in Southern California, it will need to be between May-August of 2016. Most venues tend to book out one year in advance, so if we decide on Melbourne, we will need to lock down our venue fairly soon. The stressful part about this is that our days are severely numbered here, and if worse comes to worse, we will need to have a proxy (most likely in the form of one of Chris’s parents or aunt and uncle) to visit places for us and send us numerous photos at many angles so we can decide if a place is fitting for us. I’ve just started booking appointments for site inspections and to discuss ideas with wedding coordinators at venues in the Mornington Peninsula and Dandenongs.

What is interesting so far in this research phase is that not all of the venues I’ve looked at require that you use their internal food services; if you wanted to hire outside catering, a number of places are accommodating around this. The prices also seem a bit lower than what I have seen back home, especially when you factor in that these prices are inclusive of tax and gratuity, and even more so when we consider that the U.S. dollar is very strong in Australia now.

I’m not sure if this means we should be adding in more things that I’ve dreamed of for our wedding or just sticking with what is basic. Now I feel conflicted and need to think more about what I want for us thematically. An ice cream truck sounds amazing, but so does a large table with a decorated dessert buffet, and a chocolate fountain, and a themed and colorful candy table. Needless to say, our guests will not leave feeling like they didn’t get their fill of food and dessert.

Dear Ed,

Merry Christmas! It’s the second Christmas since you’ve left us. Christmas will always be one of those bittersweet times for me each year because I know how much you’ve always loved it – everything from the Christmas trees and ornaments, to the giving of presents, to even Santa Claus and Christmas movies on television. You were always so generous every year, giving far more than you ever received. I’m sure a lot of us took you for granted. We all just expected to get high quality pillows and bed sheets and blankets from you. I honestly wish you weren’t so generous because maybe then, you wouldn’t have been so disappointed about other people and their lack of thought when giving you gifts.

It’s also Chris’s 33^rd birthday this Christmas, Ed. He’s now the same age as you were when you left us in July 2013. Thirty-three years on this earth. It’s a number that will always be ingrained in my mind because once you reached that age, you never got any older, and you never will now. Even when you were that age, you barely had any white hairs or even a hint of a wrinkle on your face. It just added to your childlike innocence and naiveté in this world.

I stood around Chris’s family today, observing and listening and participating in all the loudness and insanity that has been there the last three Christmases I have been in Melbourne with them. Sometimes throughout the day, it’s as though I don’t hear all the calamity around me, and I drift off into my own thoughts which almost always include you. You probably would have been a bit awkward to be around them, but I know for a fact you would have enjoyed yourself. You would have enjoyed and loved being a part of an extended family that not only embraced Christmas, but tried to extend it for as many days as possible.

Every day, I’m learning to accept life without you as one of us. Some days, it’s easier than others, but around Christmas time, your birth date, and your death date, it’s always the worst. The void you have left becomes more pronounced, but then I am reminded of all the things in life that you were deprived of that made me angry for you.

It would have been amazing to take you to be a part of these Christmas gatherings and to involve you in our wedding planning. Can you believe that your little sister is going to get married and is actually planning her wedding? I can’t even believe it myself. It’s like the reality I hoped for but never really thought about realistically. I am thinking about ways to incorporate you into the wedding and reception. Some ideas are cheesy, some are a bit morbid, but all are filled with how much I love and miss you. Happy Christmas from Chris and me. We haven’t forgotten about you. And we never will.

Love,

Yvonne

Today, Chris’s parents threw us the long-awaited engagement party they’d been discussing for the last few months. His mom insisted that they host a celebration since it’s not like something this big happens every day (it always seems to amaze me when people insist on celebrating events like this, since it seems that the opposite is encouraged in my family.. particularly since occasions like this involve planning and logistics, and thus would be considered “work,” also known as “suffering” for some). She and Chris’s dad took care of everything, from the fancy and large mousse and lemon curd dark chocolate brownie cake to the food catering to even the setup and the photography. About 50 guests showed up, including, family, more distant relatives, as well as Chris’s friends from high school and college. All we did was show up and arrange the food on the tables in the park.

Whenever I am in the presence of all of Chris’s people, I am always a bit overwhelmed with how warm and welcoming they are. I guess I should be used to it by now, but I feel like I am still waiting for the one person who will not be warm and happy to meet me, the person who may even be passive aggressive or grill me about every detail of my life that I may keep hidden from the wider family. Clearly I think this way based on my life experiences and the way my family is, but in some way, it could even be tainting my ability to truly just accept that others can be so accepting and genuine with me and not have some motive to find fault in who I am.

The other thing that surprised me about today was how many gifts we received. When Susan and Tony originally informed us that they’d like to host a party for us, I honestly was not even thinking about receiving or asking for gifts, yet we left the party not just with heaps of leftover sandwiches and cake, but also with boxes and boxes of gifts and greeting cards. It reminded me of the original reason I wouldn’t have wanted to throw an engagement party for myself – I hate the idea of engagement gifts and registries, particularly the expectation that simply because one is engaged that she should receive gifts. It’s the reason so many people hate weddings – the (sometimes) unspoken, constant expectation for material goods in the form of “gifts” – presents for engagement, then for bridal showers, potentially even for bachelorettes, and then of course for the wedding itself, and even honeymoon gifts!! I don’t want people to think we are hosting these events to hoard gifts or profit off of them. We honestly just want the time to celebrate and for me to meet friends I haven’t had the chance to meet. We appreciate the gifts, but we don’t really expect them in this case.

In every state in Australia with the exception of Queensland, it’s illegal to hold a koala. The main rationale behind this is that although koalas appear to be cuddly and cute, little does the average person know that these marsupials have quite sharp claws that could easily be used to claw our eyes out if we do not handle them properly. They weren’t really made to be held by human beings. I was pretty disappointed by this when I visited Taronga Zoo in Sydney two years ago and found out that I couldn’t hold one, but if I wanted to shell out $25 AUD, I could just pose in a picture with one perched on a branch. I passed.

Since we were in Queensland and I’d read about the Lone Pine Koala Sanctuary, I figured this was my chance to finally hold one. I was wearing the wrong clothing today, though, and was in a sleeveless dress. I wasn’t even thinking about my clothes when queuing up to hold the koala. As soon as the koala latched onto me, its claws dug into my shoulder for grip, and I realized how crazy and clingy (in a bad way) these guys could be. I pet my koala for a few seconds, and my image of koalas being incredibly soft quickly died, as his fur was far more bushy than I’d envisioned.

I will keep admiring them from afar, but my fantasy with holding a koala has now been fulfilled. I suppose this is the touristy excitement for a visitor to Australia in the same way Bubba Gump’s could be for someone visiting the U.S.