In a rush to get to the gym on time this morning, I left my phone sitting on the counter much to my irritation. On the train ride to the gym, I wanted to do everything from read e-mails I’d downloaded, listen to Edge of Eternity via Audible, and even check my work schedule to see what was on my agenda today, but I couldn’t do any of it because it was all on my phone. Then, I thought about my personal to-do list I made for this week. I couldn’t access that, either, because that was in the Notes app on my phone. I felt so useless without my phone and as though I was just standing mindlessly on the train, waiting to reach my destination without anything to accomplish. I hate feeling inefficient. That’s one of the worst feelings to me — feeling like I am useless and getting absolutely nothing done.

This is the trouble about living in a modern society with the privilege of having a mobile phone. We become phone dependent; everything is on this freaking device. I used to write tons of post-it notes for everything as reminders when I was on the go; in an effort to save trees and contribute less waste to a city like New York that doesn’t recycle, I stopped doing this and now write everything in my Notes app. Even little things like phone numbers, which in the past we used to memorize for our family and closest friends, we don’t do anymore. Chris and I have been together almost three years now; I don’t think I actually remembered his phone number fully by heart until after a year and a half. I still don’t think he even remembers mine.

At work today, I actually felt a bit liberated without my phone. I didn’t have anything to check or buzz at my desk, and it felt kind of nice after a while to think that I didn’t have to think about my phone or its existence until I got home. I didn’t expect that to happen, but it did. Granted, I was in front of my laptop about 90 percent of today, but having a mobile phone is so much different. It’s like you are married to the damn thing even when you don’t want to be.

Maybe I should use today’s experience as a lesson to be less attached to my phone this year and not to check it several hundred times a day the way the average person does now.

When discussing wedding venue research today, my friend told me about how his friend’s cousin is trying to plan a wedding in Kazakhstan this year, and it may even overlap with his trip there, which means he’d be able to attend. The problem with planning, though, is that her family needs to be mindful of the planting season. If the planting season is not done, the wedding cannot be held because the groom’s side has a lot of farmers, and so they would not be able to attend.

“Whenever you get frustrated about wedding planning, you can remember this and remind yourself how lucky you are that you don’t have to deal with problems like these,” he said.

Well, that’s certainly true. 🙂

We slept for 12 hours last night and woke up at around 11am this morning. This never happens to us.

Both of us are usually quite good about not getting jet lag and timing our naps and awake times on planes. I’ve been doing this since I did my first international trip to China in 2006. One strategy I’ve used to force myself back onto local time is to never take any additional days off to “recover,” and instead to go right back to work the next day. It forces me to be alert and get back into my usual routine.

That strategy doesn’t really work when the next day, you actually have the day off because it’s New Year’s Eve.

In the blur of our jet lag, I’ve started our wedding venue research and contacted at least 13 other venues today. The new year will have a lot to accomplish for our wedding, careers, and personal lives.

We are two days away from the new year. 2015 seemed like it would be ages away for a long time, and now it’s just two days away. As difficult as the last year has been for me to accept many circumstances in my life, particularly losing Ed, the last year has been one of the most fulfilling years of my life.

I did quite a bit of travel, both for work and for pleasure: we visited a number of states on our quest to hit every state in the U.S., including Arizona, West Virginia, Vermont, Upstate New York, Michigan, Alabama, Mississippi, Tennessee, and Kentucky. We took my parents on a first vacation that I paid for to the Grand Canyon, Phoenix, and Scottsdale.

I learned how lonely and isolating work travel could be. I also realized how deep the word “unethical” can go. I stopped spending time with some friends who I felt just didn’t understand anything past the surface and wanted me to assimilate rather than just be myself. I realized through this process that some people never really get past the maturity and depth level of high school. I also stopped putting as much effort into other friendships because I didn’t feel like always being the one doing more.

Chris proposed on a secluded beach in Rio, and we became “engaged.” We went to Brazil for the World Cup and saw some of the most stunning and beautiful sights on earth. We also visited Montreal, Quebec City, Vienna, and Budapest as some additional international trips, and finished the year in Australia, visiting his hometown, of course, but also Cairns and Brisbane, and the biggest highlight, snorkeling underwater in the Great Barrier Reef. I finally got to hold a koala (yes, I am very ambitious like this).

I started my first fundraiser in honor of my brother to raise money for suicide prevention in the United States, and was ranked 10th out of hundreds of fundraisers in all of Manhattan. I met other suicide survivors and realized I wasn’t alone at all. I started mentoring with two youth organizations and started realizing things about how much my life has changed since I was my mentees’ ages. There’s so much more to be done to help others with hardships; I haven’t even done a fraction of what I’d like just yet.

My dad found blockages in his arteries that resulted in his having double bypass heart surgery, and I flew home to be by his side. After losing my brother, this was probably one of the scariest periods I’ve had to endure. Logic may prevail with those who are more distant, but when this is affecting someone this close, emotions aren’t always so logical.

I’ve continued documenting my life through 1 Second Every Day and through this blog. It’s kind of funny when I think about this because it’s like I am prepping for the one day that will come when I am gone and can for whatever reason no longer be coherent, and perhaps my children will read through all of this and see all the ponderings of their mother. They will look back and read this blog and think, damn, our mother was ambitious as hell. She loved and cared that much despite all the dysfunction and selfishness surrounding her. And boy, did she love travel with Dad.

Now, what’s in store for the new year?