“Clutter”

My mom has asked me to print some wedding photos for her when I go home next week. I asked her why she didn’t have my dad do it because it would be simple and probably cheap at Costco, and she said she originally had him do it there, but they messed up, and she doesn’t trust my dad with these tasks. I asked my dad what went wrong, and he insisted nothing was wrong with the photos; what was wrong was that there were pictures he printed where one or both Chris and me were not looking at the camera. I told him that’s the style of the picture that my photographer was trying to do, and those were not mistakes (sigh).

“Your mom is old-fashioned,” my dad grumbled. “She needs to have photos printed and in albums. Most people nowadays don’t even print photos anymore; they just view the images on their computers or tablets!”

“Daddy, that may be true, but wedding photos are different,” I insisted. “People still like to print special pictures like that, and there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s nice to display them in the house and in albums.”

“I guess,” he responded. “But that is just so much clutter. There’s too much clutter in the house already, and now you want to add more clutter? It’s just too much stuff!”

The conversation went on as insipidly as you can imagine, but the general gist was that I said that wedding photos, and photos in general, are not clutter; they are memories, and there’s nothing wrong with wanting to display memories of happy times.

I can’t believe he implied my wedding photos are clutter.

No, wait. Yes, I can.

Permission

My boss is on vacation this week, which means I am taking over most of her usual tasks and responsibilities, including approving last minute paid-time-off requests from her direct reports. One of them came to me today asking me if it would be all right to take two days off next week when he originally planned to work remotely. He gave a long-winded rationale as to why he needed to take the days off instead of working remotely, and I paused for a second, thinking in my head, why is this guy coming to ask me if it’s okay? And why does he feel the need to tell me a long explanation? I don’t care what the explanation is — just take the time off!

I’m clearly a product of my generation. In my parents’ active working days, they always had a very fixed (ten days, yep) number of days off in a year, and they always had to give a reason to take time off. Working remotely was not an option then (how do you cut a client’s glass remotely, in my dad’s case?), and in my mom’s very traditional company, she could never have done her secretarial duties from home. From an intuitive perspective, we’re all adults here, so why do we feel a need to explain why we are taking time off to our employers when it’s a right to take time off? It is so strange to me, and I always feel a little strange when people who report to me feel like they need to explain every single day off. Sure, if you want to tell me you’re going away for a wedding or for an African safari for conversational purposes or because you want me to get to know what you’re up to, I understand that. But to tell me as a reason because I need to think it’s “valid” is so odd to me. Everyone knows what work they have and don’t have and how much time they have to get things done. I just don’t think managers should make their employees feel like every day off needs that level of scrutiny.

Chicken noodle soup

When I was little and got sick (which was pretty often, sadly), my mom and grandma would prepare a host of different things for me to eat that would soothe and nourish me that I now look at as comfort foods, which include jook, plain clear Chinese soups, hot ginger-honey-lemon “tea,” and oddly enough, chicken noodle soup. Chicken noodle soup is the all-American comfort food, the one that Campbell’s soup commercials always featured on TV. The smell and taste of it were always so satisfying when I had it, regardless of whether my dad prepared it from scratch or if it was made the short cut way via store-bought chicken broth and fresh pieces of chicken and vegetables my mom would cut up. And then all my happy thoughts surrounding this soup were destroyed when Chris called it “absolute shit.”

His hate for chicken noodle soup is not against chicken or the broth itself; he claims he doesn’t like it because it’s so “bland and boring” compared to all the other soups out there in the world. However, when you’re sick, you don’t necessarily want super spicy, complex soups or cream-laden dishes, as these may unsettle your stomach. So despite knowing he claimed to dislike it, I still went to Sable’s this morning to pick up a quart of their homemade chicken noodle soup for him. He whined and whinged about it, but after I insisted it would be good for him and he tasted it, he said he wouldn’t mind having it again the next time he might get sick.

I love changing people’s minds about food. 🙂

“10 pounds”

After dinner at the Standard tonight, I went to use the restroom, and while washing my hands, I overheard a conversation between two women, one of whom was planning her wedding. She was telling her friend a dilemma she had: she wanted to ask one of her friends to be her bridesmaid, but she felt conflicted because apparently, said friend had gained over ten pounds in the last year, and therefore she would not look very good in the bridesmaid dress she picked out for all her bridesmaids. So, she decided she would confront this friend and basically say, hey, so… I really want you to be in my bridal party, but only if you can lose ten pounds between now and the wedding. The friend she was telling this to, trying to be supportive (yet, she was just as stupid as her friend), simply expressed shock that said friend would have gained that much weight in the last year and that she was sure if she really wanted to be a bridesmaid, she would lose ten pounds for her. And really, it wouldn’t be for the woman getting married; it would be for herself because who wants to weigh more?!

This is one of the reasons I oftentimes cannot stand women, and also the reason I pretty much never, ever want to be a bridesmaid ever again. The chance that I will ever be asked to be one again is quite slim since my close girlfriends who are unmarried are fairly unconventional, but just hearing this story made me so mad at the entire wedding industry and women who think that their wedding is the time when they can demand whatever they please and get away with it, even if that means completely disregarding the feelings of everyone who is supposedly important to them.

Chinese American president

Chris’s cousin is in town from London this weekend, so tonight we took him to the Comedy Cellar. It never fails to be a fun night that leaves my face hurting in the end from all the laughing that we do. One of the comedians in the line up was actually Ronny Chieng, who is a correspondent from The Daily Show who I really like. He spoke a lot about his initial confusion about Asian stereotypes… since in Malaysia, where he’s from, pretty much everyone is Asian, so why would they all make fun of themselves? What really made me think for a bit after his routine was an idea that he brought up that maybe one day, there could be a Chinese American president, and then Asian kids around the world could think, hey, maybe one day, that could be me!

It was a big deal when Barack Obama became the very first (half) black president of the United States. So many people were emotional and crying when he won the election, and then again at his inauguration. And today, it’s a huge deal now that Hillary Clinton is the first female presidential candidate of a major party in the U.S.; if she wins, I can imagine myself getting emotional about it because I could potentially have children who will be raised in a world that has already seen a female president of the U.S. So they may take it for granted. But a Chinese American president of the U.S. — that’s a hard one for me to see happen in my lifetime. Yes, Asian Americans do well from a socioeconomic stand point, but to have that type of visibility is generally not one that Asian Americans as a group seek out. Who knows — maybe it could happen, but my pessimistic side doubts it. In a world post having our first black president inaugurated, the tea party came about, the political parties have been more divided than I can remember in the last 30.5 years of my life, and Black Lives Matter is coming out against all the discrimination blacks face in our society. And then there are real people who believe that Donald Trump would be a great leader and take our country to a better place. This is a candidate who got the endorsement of the American Nazi Party. I don’t think the world (or really, the U.S.) is ready for an Asian American president.

Lanterns

While doing research for Thailand, it suddenly dawned on me that one of the big lantern release happens for New Years, when thousands of lanterns are lit with flames and are launched into the sky. I’ve been wanting to see that (despite how environmentally unfriendly and potentially hazardous it is) since I first saw photos of it years ago. And we will be in Chiang Mai for it this year.

I don’t normally get excited about New Year’s festivities, but this is one of those once-in-a-lifetime experiences, kind of like what 2012 New Year’s Eve was for me in Sydney. Now, I can’t wait. 😀

SF planning

I spoke with my dad today on the phone and let him know that I want us to go to Mount Tamalpais and the Point Reyes lighthouse in Marin County when we’re back in a couple weeks. He sounded excited about the lighthouse, since he’s been mentioning visiting it for years and just hasn’t gone (that is normal for him), but then he didn’t seem too enthused when I told him we were going hiking. My dad doesn’t like to walk even three blocks to buy groceries.

“Well, your mom probably can’t walk too much,” he said to me. “So I’m not sure hiking is a good idea.”

“It’s going to be less than a mile at a time,” I responded. “She’ll be fine.”

My mom is fine walking, say, twenty-one blocks to her Jehovah’s Witness Kingdom Hall for her service meetings, but she’s seemingly not okay walking even half a mile if it’s on a dirt path?

The last time my parents explored this area was before my brother and I were even born, in the 1970s. That was a time when most of these roads were in pretty terrible condition, and way before they repaved everything to make the area more tourist friendly (and frankly, driver-safe — we’re in a cliff zone here). It kind of makes me sad to hear that, though. Living in the Bay Area, while extremely (and increasingly) expensive) has so many benefits, one of which is being so close to nature, gorgeous coastal views, and all the benefits of the outdoors. We should be taking advantage of all these benefits to make the most of our time in these places. But I guess not everyone agrees with that perspective.

Off the beaten track

Tonight at dinner, I spent almost the entire evening talking to one of my colleagues who is obsessed with national parks. She asked me a lot about our time in Banff, especially since it’s been high on her list of places to see. Last year, she visited both Yellowstone and Glacier National Park, and I was completely in awe that she had visited Glacier National Park; it’s so far north in Montana that it’s actually not that far away from Calgary where we just were, and flight-wise, it’s not easy to get to at all. She told me that while she enjoyed both parks, she and her boyfriend spent far more time in Glacier and loved it more because of its scenery and that it had far fewer people than Yellowstone. At times, it seemed practically dead, she said. I love hearing things like this. What it ends up meaning is that if we go, it will also have fewer people, and we don’t have a problem with less hoards of people.

I also just love hearing about people going to places that are slightly off the beaten track. So many people I’ve spoken with had no idea what Banff was, and while almost every American knows what Yosemite or Yellowstone is, so few people are aware of what Glacier National Park is (I wasn’t even aware of it or where it was in the U.S. until earlier this year when I was doing national park research for Utah). After reading about some national park designations, some are as new as getting their official designations in the 1980s — that’s so recent!

My national park and hiking obsession will continue. I can’t wait for the next one.

Hiking withdrawal

Coming back to the city after days spent hiking with views of endless mountains and the fresh smell of trees and clean air is always a bit of an adjustment. The smell of hiking in Banff kind of stayed with me, and even on the flight back to New York City, I was thinking about how incredible the scents were there. It seemed like every few minutes during a walk or a hike up a switchback that I was inhaling some beautiful, clean and new scent.

This morning on my way to work, it was brutally hot and humid, and it was only 9 am. On the walk to the train, I could smell the lovely New York garbage smell wafting towards me. Clearly on 78th street where I usually turn off, it was rubbish collection day, and so the entire street was lined with endless large black bags filled with trash. What a contrast to the smells I was trying to remember and savor.

Tonight after catching on The Daily Show, I spent the evening researching hikes we could potentially do with my parents when we are back in the Bay Area for Labor Day weekend. Mount Tamalpais State Park and Point Reyes National Seashore are just over the Golden Gate Bridge, which means they are just an hour away for us to hike and smell fresh, crisp air again. Now, my only challenges are a) finding hikes that are not too strenuous (these have the potential of having my mother squat on a rock and refuse to continue onward), and b) grappling with the fact that in order to get to these places, I need to get over my anxiety of crossing the Golden Gate Bridge once again.

But I guess we need to face our fears to continue living, so I just have to be strong and think positively about the memories of Ed and the fact that I know he wouldn’t want me to cry.

Canadian food

We haven’t had any real “glamour” meals on this trip, as most of the food we’ve been eating has been either at the national park or random restaurants in the town of Banff. But one thing that has been certain is that the bread and dairy in this province, if not this entire country, have been phenomenal. We got a liter of regular whole milk from a supermarket in Banff the other night, and the milk had a distinct aftertaste that I’ve never really encountered back home, anywhere in the U.S. The bread we’ve had, in the form of “complimentary” bread with the elk stew we had at a park cafe, smelled aged and yeasty, while the cassoulet linseed bread yesterday night in Calgary was light and fluffy, yet hearty and almost “meaty,” if that makes any sense. It had heft and a great mouthbfeel, as well as a nuanced, complex flavor that screamed, “I’m not shitty supermarket American bread; I have character!” And this morning’s breakfast at Blue Star Diner just topped my Canadian bread expectations: my thick slices of sourdough toast that put together my breakfast “sammy” were so good that I didn’t want my breakfast to end. Ever. The flavor, the taste, the texture — it was all so good that even if the cost were double, I probably wouldn’t have cared much.

I read that Canada is known for having very heavy, hearty breakfasts, which I suppose makes sense since it is a very cold region given how north it is. Many items on the menu are not for those watching their waist lines — popular items across breakfast and brunch places include pulled pork eggs benedict, duck confit with poached eggs and hash, and pretty much every fancy meat you can think of combined with eggs any way with endless potatoes in countless methods of being cooked. When people think of countries known for their gastronomy, they oftentimes think of places like France, Italy, Spain, or Japan. Canada is pretty much never on that list based on travel features I’ve read. But I would argue that food is pretty notable here, especially given how culturally diverse Canada is, and their creativity with breakfasts and the care they take with raising grass-fed and finished cows for dairy and beef should be admired, if not replicated.

After having only two meals in Calgary and being blown away by the quality of the ingredients at both, all I want to do now is come back to Canada and eat. And see the rest of the Canadian Rockies. And maybe live for a little bit — if just during the summer.