A former colleague who was let go from my current company and I got together tonight for happy hour drinks. Around the time he got let go last year, his romantic relationship of over five years also ended shortly before that, so it was a massive double whammy in life for him. Although I knew that he had experienced a breakup around that time, I had no idea of the details behind it, or that they were together for such a long time. He revealed all this to me and what a shock it was tonight. I felt pretty terrible; I don’t even know how I’d react if I lost my job and my life partner at the same time. It would almost feel like a complete life failure in some ways to know that two such significant things came to a halting end all at once.

He said that although he had some really low moments over the last year, some much darker than others, when he read stories like the one about my brother in my fundraising drive message, it was like a reality check to him that his life really wasn’t so bad, that he actually had a lot of good things going for him, and that a lot of things made him happy. It made him happy to go out and run, smell fresh air, hike in nature, and be around his good friends. He had it really good, he concluded. Stories like my brother’s, as tragic as it sounds, gave him perspective. He eventually got a new job, and he’s been dating occasionally here and there to see what else could be out there for him. He seems to be taking control of his life as opposed to allowing his life to control him. I felt happy for him hearing this.

I do hope that when people read the story about Ed that it does give them some perspective. There’s a big difference between ending pain and ending life. I only wish Ed had been able to see that.

My back has been acting up since last week. It seems to come and go depending on what I am doing, which is really frustrating. I tried running again today, and my lower back is tight now. So throughout the work day, I laid out a mat on the floor near my desk, laid down, and stretched.

What this led to was others in my office getting on the floor and stretching, too. Then, one of my colleagues said he was in desperate need of a back massage, so he asked if I’d be willing to take off my flats and walk on his back.

This was, by far, the strangest thing any colleague has ever asked me to do. I wasn’t sure how to respond to this, so I immediately said no.

He kept insisting. I told him that it seemed like an awkward request, and it would look really weird. But then again, as if it really mattered given our office was mostly empty anyway, and only a handful of people were around to witness this potential event. So I finally gave in and walked on his back… literally all over his back. I guess the pressure seemed to help relieve some of his tension.

I actually walked on my colleague’s back today. Never thought I’d ever do that, but I guess you never know what you are capable of in an office setting.

While I’m excited about autumn squash, incorporating pumpkin and spices into my baking, and well, more autumn and wintry cooking in the form of stews, chilies, and soup, I’m still not thrilled about the early darkness that comes even before departing the office and having to turn lights on earlier than during the daylight savings time/summer months. I wore a dress and sandals to the office today to visually express my rebellion, and it really didn’t even feel like a rebellion because it was so warm and even a bit humid outside today. It’s still in the 70s, and we’re already on October 1st. I refuse to wear sweaters and warm pants. The weather refuses to cool down, too. It looks like the city’s weather and I are actually in sync.

Autumn also tends to mean that the more boring fruits tend to be available. While I do love honey crisp, mutsu, and pink lady apples, as well as pomegranates and persimmons, none of these fruit can hold a candle to the flavor of mangoes, lychees, or all the luscious berries out there. This means that it’s just time to whip out all the recipes I’ve neglected over the years to highlight these fruit, like French apple cake and persimmon bread.

Today, we backed up my iPhone 6s and traded it in for the latest iPhone XS. In the last few months, I’d noticed that my phone’s battery life was waning severely and quite early in the day to the point where while at the office, I’d just leave it plugged in pretty much all the time unless I had my Bose bluetooth earbuds plugged in. The phone was constantly desperate to be charged. The pull to get email and other updates had slowed down, and it was really bothering me. I’d had this phone for about three years at this point, and unfortunately, I recognized that I was being pulled into the Apple fanboy base in the same way that other Apple product users were; I wanted a faster phone. And these phones were designed to not last forever and be as performant. We are all being brainwashed to want something better, faster, newer, more efficient. And so I caved in and got the stupid XS today.

I have no sentimentality when it comes to technology. My iPhone 6s will be taken apart and recycled for parts for future phones. Who cares. Bye bye. It once served its purpose and now will serve a new purpose in getting taken apart and reused. I guess I don’t have much sentimentality when it comes to most physical things I own. Chris has talked about selling my engagement ring once diamonds actually do increase in value in the mid 2020s (thanks to the brainwashed mainland Chinese people who actually are buying diamonds so fast that there will truly be a diamond scarcity; who would’ve thunk it?!). And I’m genuinely okay with it if it means that a profit could be made, and something more special, more attractive, and actual rare could take its place. In retrospect, I am saddened by the fact that I was brainwashed into the DeBeers’s marketing scam that “a diamond is forever,” and the trite belief that that is what a wedding engagement ring should be. Now, I actually occasionally oogle over the beautiful and rare bi-colored sapphires I see in my Instagram feed — gemstones that truly are rare in nature that are also worth quite more than a diamond.

Human beings are so predictable. We just want all the same crap other people want. So, it’s refreshing when people rebel from the status quo and want something different. But I still can’t live without my smartphone, though.

It’s been a long work week. Every day this week has felt long and tiring. Even on the nights I was social and spent time with friends and colleagues, I really looked forward to coming home to a quiet apartment to be all by myself. And tonight, given it’s Friday night, I especially looked forward to coming home and being by myself knowing that I wouldn’t have to wake up by a set time the following day. Chris wouldn’t be home until past 1am from his flight back from San Francisco from Dreamforce, so I’d have a lot of downtime to think and be on my own. I came home, made my dinner, watched two Ali Wong specials and two episodes of Ken Burns’s Vietnam War documentary. I did laundry, had some at-home facial time, and even replenished my homemade chili oil since we ran out of our batch when my colleagues came over for brunch this past weekend. A colleague messaged me to ask what I was doing and if I wanted to come hang out in Brooklyn, but at that point in the night, I really could not be bothered. I was simmering chili oil over the stove and in my pajamas. There was nothing else I would have rather have been doing. My alone time is vital to my sanity now.