In the U.S., postpartum care for moms is generally overlooked and disregarded. You typically will get one follow-up appointment with your OB-GYN at the six week mark postpartum that is considered “standard,” and that’s it. It’s pretty consistent with the theme that society doesn’t really care about or take care of women or new parents because in general, you’re on your own if you have any problems. Before I was trying to conceive and actively discussing with friends, colleagues, and former colleagues about child birth, labor, and postpartum recovery, I had no idea what postpartum recovery looked like other than trying to rest as much as possible in between your baby needing feeds, diaper changes, and soothing. I had no idea that vaginal tearing from vaginal births was extremely common and considered “normal,” especially first and second degree tears that require stitches. Third and fourth degree tears can extend as far as your anus, which means that you will not only be in pain sitting, standing, walking, or doing pretty much anything, but your recovery period could be as long as 5-7 months long before you can walk normally and do regular, everyday activities with the ease you had before giving birth. This is why I get angry when I hear idiots say ignorant crap like “only one parent needs to stay at home” postpartum to care for the child, or that dads don’t have to recover from child birth, so why should they get paid time off, because in that case, who the hell is taking care of MOM recovering from her birth wounds??? Once again, it completely overlooks mom’s needs and recovery.

I had no idea that it would sting like crazy every time you urinate after giving birth because of the tears down there, and it’s strongly suggested you use a perineal squirt bottle with warm water to soothe your perineum each time you pee, as your urine is actually acidic, and anything acidic hitting an open wound will hurt like crazy. I didn’t know that the first time you take a poop after giving birth, if not for several weeks after, it would be a far greater terror than actually going through labor pains and contractions, as it may feel like you are about to poop out all your insides and even your uterus (which… DOES happen for some women!). This is why it’s advised to have stool softener immediately postpartum regardless of your diet because anything that will make pooping easier would be good and less traumatic for you.

So I figured that if some things could potentially help with vaginal tearing, assuming the stars are aligned and I will have a vaginal birth, that I would do whatever I could to prevent or lessen it. So I’ve started doing perineal massage at least 5 times per week for 12 minutes each evening to ‘stretch’ my vagina and prep it for opening wider to accommodate the baby. I basically get a mirror to make sure I’m getting the right area, then I massage my vaginal opening about 2 inches in moving downward towards my anus, at the 9, 12, and 3 o’clock mark. Chris makes fun of me and says I am masturbating, but I can assure anyone that this is definitely NOT masturbating. The vaginal canal actually has no nerve endings, so all I feel is stretching down there while I am doing it. I’ve also started eating a couple dates every day because dates are supposed to contain an enzyme that helps with uterine contractions and making for an easier labor. That’s actually documented quite well in of Traditional Chinese Medicine, too, as in TCM, they suggest women have date tea at about 32- to 34-weeks of pregnancy until birth to prepare for baby’s arrival. I’m hoping this will all make it easier for my little baby to come out and not completely rip up my vagina.

The fatigue I felt in the first trimester seems to be creeping itself into me yet again, except this time, it just feels like pure lethargy rather than the constant urge to nap mid day or mid afternoon back in the spring. Your body goes through so many changes throughout pregnancy to create a tiny new human, and so it makes sense that you’d experience fatigue and exhaustion throughout.

The baby movements have certainly continued, and I tend to know what to expect at certain times of the day. Her hands and head are closer down to my pelvis, and so when she starts waving her hands around, it feels like strong tickling, in addition to the feeling that she may even be slapping my bladder (which, inevitably makes me want to go pee). Her feet are higher up in my uterus closer to my rib cage, and so occasionally when she is undulating, squirming, and kicking, she kicks my ribs, and it definitely startles and sometimes even hurts. She also seems to react quite a bit when I eat spicy foods. I hope she will enjoy spicy foods when she arrives in this world.

I went in to the doctor’s for my 32-week OB appointment yesterday. There are four doctors and one nurse practitioner at the practice I go to, and so really any five of them could be there when I birth my baby, so they wanted me to ensure I met with all the providers before the baby comes. That’s a pretty easy thing to arrange since now until 36 weeks, I have appointments every two weeks, then after 36 weeks, the appointments are every week. And if I go over my due date at 40 weeks, they ask you to come in TWO TIMES per week. I met with the last doctor, who had a great bedside manner and answered all my questions really thoroughly and thoughtfully. She said our baby is still in the “perfect place,” meaning she’s head down still, and as of today, she is approximately 4 pounds, 5 ounces. My little munchkin has grown exactly a pound in just the last two weeks! These are all weight estimates from the ultrasound, and there can be minor inaccuracies once the baby is born, but this sounded pretty good to me and on track from what the doctor said.

I told the doctor about my concerns about pre-term labor, which is defined as labor that is before the 37th week mark. She said that it’s very rare, and she didn’t think I was at risk for it given how everything has been looking to date, plus I haven’t had any weird symptoms or bleeding that would indicate it could happen to me. But it still sits in the back of my mind since I know quite a handful of people who have gone into labor at 28, 32, 33, and 34 weeks. One of my friends had her water break at 34 weeks, but because she was in Amsterdam and had a nurse see her every week after the initial first week in the hospital for close monitoring, she gave birth at 37 weeks.

I want my little baby to bake as much as possible so that she’s as healthy as possible before she comes out. Her lungs still need developing, but the doctor said that that in the event pre-term labor happened, medication could be given to expedite lung growth to prepare the baby for life outside the womb. So at least there is that that’s been developed over the years to help premie babies.

This week, one of my favorite colleagues returned from a five-month-long maternity leave. She was born and raised in a part of Oregon where home births are relatively normal, and well… vaccination is not embraced. Her mother birthed both her and her sister at home, and her mom was born at home, as well. So she was a little bit of a weirdo when she decided that she would give birth in a hospital, but have a birth doula for emotional support and also what she hoped would be a natural, unmedicated birth.

A day before her due date, she started having real contractions, and lucky for her, she actually gave birth just six hours later. They call labor that is this short “precipitous labor.” It’s extremely unusual (and lucky!) for a first-time birthing person to have a labor this short. She said that her contractions got stronger and closer together within the first hour or so, and when she told her doula that she really thought she needed to go to the hospital, her doula told her that she probably had another 24+ hours to go, so maybe should just try to relax. But by the time she got to the hospital a couple hours later, she was almost completely dilated and in so much pain that she just kept on screaming and yelling, “GET ME A FUCKING EPIDURAL!” over and over, so loud that the entire hospital floor could hear her (she said she has no memory of this ever happening, but her husband told her after, and this also explained why some of the nurses were a bit intimidated to interact with her after the baby was birthed). By the time she asked for the epidural, the nurses and doula told her it was too late and it was time to push, so in the end, she got what she wanted: an unmedicated vaginal birth, plus the added bonus of one of the shortest labors ever for a first-time mom.

I would love to have a labor that short. Maybe she can send some of her short labor vibes over to me.

Last week, I went to see my GP doctor for my usual routine annual. We talked about health, COVID-19, life, and my pregnancy. And as per usual, I had my lipid panel done with an overnight fast, which is routine for these visits.

However, what I wasn’t expecting were the results I’d get a week later, which totally shocked me. Every year I’ve had my cholesterol levels checked, I’ve always been in a healthy range. My healthy cholesterol is high (which is good), and my “bad” cholesterol had been low. I’d never even reached a total cholesterol level even close to 200 (over 200 is considered undesirable/bad). But when my doctor emailed me with my results today, I was beyond shocked and grossed out. Last year, my HDL (good) cholesterol was 73, and my LDL (bad) was 71. She’s always been impressed by how all my labs have been each year and has applauded me (thankfully, I didn’t inherit my dad’s terrible cholesterol genes, which tend to pass down on the men’s side but luckily not the women’s side). But this year, though she seemed happy about my results, my initial reaction out loud was “what the actual FUCK?” This year, the good cholesterol was 84, which is considered very good. But the bad cholesterol I balked at – 126. ONE HUNDRED TWENTY SIX WHAT? I immediately looked up last year’s results to compare, and to see the bad jump up by this much had zero explanation. Did I need to go.. VEGAN? The only other explanation for this could be my pregnancy. Does pregnancy cause one’s cholesterol to increase?

Apparently, it does. I asked her this, and at the same time also did a quick Google search. The rationale is for several reasons: cholesterol level tends to increase as your weight goes up, and with a healthy pregnancy, weight has to increase to accommodate your growing baby, her “house,” and the extra fat stores your body needs to produce to optimally nourish your tiny growing human. Your increasing cholesterol also serves to provide additional nutrients needed for a growing fetus overall, even for women who have normal cholesterol levels pre-pregnancy. Cholesterol level tends to peak during the third trimester, which is what I’m currently at, and then decline once the baby is born and once you lose the extra baby weight. My doctor responded immediately and said that she had zero concerns about my increase and that in fact, this was very healthy considering the baseline I started at pre-pregnancy, which was “phenomenal” in her own words.

The numbers still freaked me out, though. My triglyceride level also went up like crazy, which she said is also normal during pregnancy. To someone who is generally very aware of diet, nutrition, and exercise, this was really alarming, but at least I know this will be temporarily. Or well, I hope it will be. It better be…

Probably around 22-24 weeks into pregnancy, I started getting Braxton Hicks contractions. I’m not sure why they are called that, but they are essentially “fake” contractions where your stomach gets really hard, and it can be quite uncomfortable. They tend to last for a minute or more, sometimes even as long as 5-10 minutes, and then they stop, and your stomach relaxes and becomes softer. It’s a little unnerving in the beginning because they really come out of nowhere. They are tense and sometimes can make you short of breath, but they aren’t usually painful. The first few times I got them, I was running on the treadmill and had to slow down to catch my breath. They eventually go away once you change your sitting/standing/lying down position or if you just adjust your breathing. The idea behind them is that they are “practice” contractions, getting your body ready for the Big Day.

Since the third trimester started for me, these fake contractions have been hitting me regularly. I have them nearly every day, and today after dinner, I had my longest and most uncomfortable one yet; it felt like it lasted almost ten minutes. I felt uncomfortable walking, sitting, or lying down. Nothing was comfortable, and I felt a little short of breath. Eventually, it went away, but it still felt a little scary.

I’m trying to think through the birthing process and get through it by different types of meditation and affirmations. One of my favorite ones is “I can totally fucking do this” (I suppose that one is helpful with any challenge). Another one that is helpful is “I am stronger than this contraction.” Usually, pain is registered by your brain as danger, but pain with birth and labor is just telling you that your body is ready to birth your baby. So I need to re-frame the thought in my head to get through this.