Category Archives: Preschooler moments

When Kaia wants to choose her clothes, even the under garments

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The last couple of weeks in the mornings, Kaia has had strong opinions about what she wears to school. She’s rejected a few of the pieces I picked out and insisted that she pick out her own t-shirt (which no one would see since it’s still cold, and she wears a warm sweater layer on top…) and even her own socks. I know that at her stage of development, allowing her some level of autonomy is key so that she “feels” like she has a sense of control. So in most of these cases, I relent and just let her choose… assuming she doesn’t take more than three minutes to select the substitute clothing.

But she’s actually shown preference for clothing since she was as young as 2.5 years of age, if not younger. She does not like plain tops of any kind; she needs to have a design of some sort on them. So when it comes to layering pieces, I often have to force her to wear a plain shirt underneath. She’s always loved lighter, summery clothing over the thick layers of winter. She loves colorful printed dresses and is completely obsessed with tutus. And she really does not seem to be a fan of warm winter dresses at all. She refuses to wear anything black, with the exception of a black t-shirt we got her that has a spider web fully made of rhinestones. And she needs to be cajoled into wearing black pants (everyone needs something basic, even at that age, right?).

Today, she asked to wear her Mickey Mouse and mango shirt we got her while in the Philippines. This t-shirt was part of the Uniqlo location-specific collections: this one was themed “Mickey goes to the Philippines.” But on top, she wanted to wear her Elsa sweater. Chris watched her undress this evening and said, “Isn’t that kind of a waste to wear that underneath since no one will be able to see it?”

Yes, it kind of is. But at the same time, Kaia wanted to wear it underneath, and she knows she is wearing it underneath, and that makes her happy. And sometimes, if not all the time, as long as she knows she has it and is wearing it and likes it, then that’s all that really matters, doesn’t it? I think of it like nice, super comfortable or fun-printed (and oftentimes expensive…) underwear or bras. Most of the time outside of maybe your partner or kids, no one will ever see you wearing these under garments. But they make you happy and feel good. Therefore, your happiness, knowledge, and comfort are all that should matter when deciding to wear them.

Kaia wrote my name correctly for the first time

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On our Sunday slow day at home two days ago, I spent the afternoon going between playing with Kaia, cooking, and cleaning in the kitchen. She’s gotten a lot more into coloring lately, so she’s been using the princess coloring book I got her from Asheville on the weekends and self-restricting her coloring to one page per day. When she does activities like this where we can’t really do it “together,” she’s been asking me to simply sit there with her and keep her company.

“Sit with me, mama!” she says in her sweet little voice.

It’s been really sweet — for her to just ask me to sit with her and just be with her. It’s also been an exercise for me in truly just being in the moment with her and not preoccupying my mind and body in thinking about or doing something else. When I sat there watching her color on Sunday afternoon, I thought about how the years will go so quickly and soon, she will not want me anywhere near her while she’s sitting doing anything. And while I thought about it, I just smiled at her.

Another activity she wanted to do was to use this digital doodle pad that my friend got her. She loves trading it back and forth with me while we write and draw different things for each other. After I drew several objects she requested, Kaia then said, “I’m going to write your name!” And she started spelling my name out loud, writing each letter very slowly and intentionally. And while she did write very big and run out of room writing from left to right a couple times while using capital letters, when she finally did it, it looked really good! I smiled so hard that my face almost started hurting.

“Pookie, you did it!” I yelled. “Very good, Pookie Pie! I’m so proud of you!”

She beamed at me. “This is Mama!” she shrieked back at me.

Soon, she’ll be writing full sentences, then paragraphs, then even essays. She’s getting bigger and more mature every day. I guess I am getting more “mature” every day, too: I looked down and saw two aging 40-year-old hands. The older she gets, the older I get, too. These are the special moments of witnessing her growth that hopefully will stay with me — even when she’s driving me mad by running like crazy on the street or refusing to hold my hand in big crowds. All these moments feel so fleeting.

Priorities in the ‘hood, according to my 4-year-old

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A school activity this week was to discuss what makes up the school community and the area around it. The kids were asked to name parts they notice and like, and to draw them. One kid mentioned the bank across the street. Another drew the bubble tea shop across the other street. And my Kaia Pookie called out the bakery next door and drew a picture of it.

Chris showed me the photos uploaded to her class site for the activity this week, as he knew I’d be excited to see that Kaia mentioned the bakery first. I immediately started beaming when I saw the photos of the kids’ illustrations and the class topic. But his commentary was not as pleased.

“I would’ve preferred that she did the bank,” Chris said. “Everyone needs money. Money buys the stuff at the bakery.”

“She’s our kid,” I insisted to him. “Of course she’s going to point out the bakery first! She loves bakeries (just like us)!”

“No money, no pastries!” Chris retorted back at me.

I don’t care what Chris says. Yes, his logic is correct that there would, in fact, be no pastries without money. But bakeries make Kaia Pookie happy like they make us happy, and it’s yet another sign that she is most definitely our child — or at least, mine.

Watching me as I leave – a sign of her love for me

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Kaia is in this cute phase as a 4-year-old where sometimes, she gets really sad and cries and screams when I leave. But other times, she really tries to be a “big girl” and be brave and watch me as I leave. She will wait for me at the door and watch me get into the elevator, waving to me, blowing me kisses, and say in a cheerful tone, “Bye bye, mama!” She was not a fan of my going to Raleigh this week, even though it was just for 24 hours. But I think she was less upset because I dropped her off at school that morning before heading to the airport. Whenever she is with her school friends, she is always less sad when I leave.

I’ve loved every stage of Kaia’s development for different reasons. I love that she is very communicative now. At every age she’s ever been, she’s always been very affectionate, cuddly, always wanting hugs and kisses. I feel very lucky that she’s very affectionate and loving. I think about it a lot. And when I think about it, I am happy she is still like this. It makes me feel very loved — loved in a way I never thought I needed. I truly embrace these moments of watching her blow me kisses and waving to me from the door… even if most days, it’s only because I am “leaving” to go down to the gym. These moments are full of love — her love for me, a daughter’s love for her mama. And one day sooner than I’d like, she will likely abandon this level of public affection. So I try to soak it up as much as I can and indulge her with as many cuddles and kisses as possible. She loves me so much, and I love her so much. And that makes the world feel so amazing.

Thumbs up, thumbs down

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When Kaia was learning different gestures, including sign language as a baby/toddler, she got most of them pretty quickly. She understood the meaning of them and embraced them. She especially loved signing “more” (isn’t that everyone’s favorite?). But one gesture that she absolutely refused to do for the longest time was “thumbs up.” Every time I tried to get her to do this, she’d shake her head rigorously and yell, “No!” She’d even cover up my thumb(s) and even refuse to see me doing the gesture.

It wasn’t until the last year or so when she finally gave in and started doing it. And when she does it, she especially loves to do a double thumbs up, and then do a “thumb hug,” which means that we tap our thumbs together and then try to wrap our thumbs around each other in a bit of a thumb embrace. For Kaia, “thumbs up” is not complete without this last shared step.

I explained to her at dinner this evening in Chinese that tomorrow, her mama would be leaving again to get on a plane to go to Raleigh. So tomorrow morning, I’d wake up earlier than usual to go work out, then Daddy would get her ready. And I would take her to school, but Daddy would pick her up that late afternoon and have dinner, shower her, read, and put her to bed. I let her know I’d be coming home later that evening.

Every time I tell Kaia multiple things at once, you can tell that she’s processing all the new information and trying to decide how she feels about it. She gives the “side up” look. Then in this instance, she started frowning.

“Hao ba? (Okay?)” I said to her.

Her frown became even more intense.

“No!” she yelled. “Bu hao! (NOT GOOD!)”

Then, as if on cue, she did a double thumbs down, and then motioned to me to match her two thumbs down.

Oh, well. At least she gets how to use thumbs up, thumbs down now!

The conflicts of parenthood

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When Kaia was a baby, I would occasionally feel a little jealous of Chris because I always felt like she preferred him. When she cried, he was usually more capable of calming her down than I was. Even when she cried for one of us, it definitely felt like she cried for him more or harder (to be fair, that could all have just been in my head). Then, I chocked it up to two things: 1) daddy-daughter bond, and 2) he did 90 percent of all her bottle feeds, while I pumped milk, so she likely associated food with her daddy. Maybe he actually was the better parent — who knows!

So now that Kaia is a bit older, she definitely has a sense of both of our different personalities and parenting styles, and she definitely knows what she can do and pull off (or not) with each of us. I am most definitely the softer one; Chris is the stricter one. I hate yelling unless it’s absolutely necessary for safety; Chris is quicker to yell (pros and cons for both). Since I am the softer one, Kaia tends to gravitate to me for a lot of things like brushing teeth (she knows I will play her a Chinese song she likes while completing this activity). She also prefers me when it comes to bathroom time (because I always yell out in Chinese how big her poop is, and she cannot get enough of this reaction :). And as of late, she seems very, very attached to me when I leave the house and she knows she is not coming with me.

She knows that I am going on a girls’ trip soon, and she knows that our friend visiting today and spending the night will be going with me. So Kaia kept asking about where we were going, what plane we were taking, what airlines we’d fly, and then asked if she could come with us. I reassured her that I’d be gone just a few days, and before she knew it, I’d be back. Tonight was my night to take her to do her dream-pee, and when I put her down in bed again, she started crying hysterically when I left the room. She stood up on her bed and just sobbed. I rushed back to the room, and she thought I had already left. I tried to calm her down, but every time I tried to leave after that, she would keep crying for me. So I tried (and failed) to gett her to fall asleep while I lied down next to her. She quickly passed out. I could hear her breathing more heavily. But then as soon as I opened the door to sneak out of her room, she started screaming and demanded I come back. And then, she ran over to me, opened the door even wider, and ran into our bedroom, right to my side of the bed, and lied there… taunting me.

I relented. I didn’t want her to disturb our sleeping friend in the living room too much. I also didn’t want even more broken sleep since we’d be traveling tomorrow. So she got what she wanted and slept next to me, all cuddly next to me, on my pillow, for the rest of the night.

I love cuddling with my Kaia Pookie. I really do. I love that she seems to always want me, always want my attention, presence, and cuddles. At the same time, it’s a constant conflict because while I want all her love, I also want me time, and “me time” means getting away from her and doing my own thing every now and then. As someone wise once said, “You can have it all…. just not all at the same time.” This sage statement can be interpreted in many ways, can’t it?

Fragrance testing with my Kaia Pookie

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After last weekend when we had a social engagement Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, we also had a bit going on this weekend given that I had a scavenger hunt Saturday afternoon, plus dinner and a show with Chris and friends after. But I got some quiet respite today on Sunday since we had zero plans, and that’s exactly what I wanted after last weekend. The only thing on my calendar was a Hep B booster shot at the pharmacy a couple blocks away in the afternoon. Other than that, it would be yoga in the morning for me, some light vegetable prep and cooking, and time with the Pookster.

Pookster really didn’t want me to go to get my vaccine by myself; she insisted that she come with me. So even before I grabbed my purse, she already had put her shoes on and was standing in the doorway waiting to go with me. So, we went to CVS together. She stood by and held me while she watched the pharmacist give me the HepB vaccine (it’s a tiny bit painful since the needle is thicker). I even saw her wince when the needle went in, and she had this clear look of pain/sadness that swept over her face after. Once the pharmacist cleaned up, put on a band-aid, and left, Kaia looked at my arm and squeezed me close.

“Mama, does it hurt?” she asked me, looking fearful.

“It’s okay, Pookie!” I insisted to her. “All done now. Want to do something special and fun you’ve never done before?”

Her eyes twinkled, and of course, I am sure she thought about candy or ice cream. But no, I had different plans.

I was reading about some different “natural” fragrances that were available at Sephora, but I hadn’t made the time to go test them out until today. I brought her into the store, and she immediately voiced her disappointment. “I don’t want to be here — there’s nothing special here!” she whined. I told her that she would be able to smell some special things, and she loves smelling things!

We got to the fragrance wall, and we tested out about 10-12 different fragrances. I made a game of it, asking her which one smelled like what. And Kaia got really into it. She said one smelled like roses. Another smelled like apple. Another perfume smelled like vanilla — “Oooh, yummy!” And one she really liked was like a peach scent!

“Can we eat this?” she looked at me, with a huge smile on her face.

“No, Pooks, this is just for smelling,” I told her, tapping her nose. “This is to put on your body to smell nice. Everyone wants to smell nice! You know how I always say you are ‘fragrant’? This could help Mama be fragrant!”

Sometimes, I look at her and I still cannot believe she’s growing up so quickly. This little Pookster is starting kindergarten in September, which is crazy to me how time flew. Doing these seemingly little but new experiences with her at every stage of her development always makes me happy because I love seeing how her face lights up and she realizes how fun something is that she wasn’t sure about. I knew she would like this even when she got mad — she always loves sniffing things. Smelling is adjacent to tasting, and she’s a taster!

An unintended mini gymnastics show at the Chinese bakery – by me

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Running around after a tiny human is one of the many responsibilities you take on when you become a parent. And well, Kaia isn’t so tiny anymore and becoming bigger and bigger each day; she is a little human figuring out exactly how capable she is of everything, whether that is how fast her legs can take her, or how much she can manipulate her parents (usually me because I am the softie in this house). Yesterday morning when Chris took her to school, Kaia got envious when she saw several classmates be brought into the Chinese bakery next door to her school. She asked Chris if she could also have a bao; he immediately said no. And apparently, she immediately decided that she’d try to get her mama to take her after school when it was pickup time.

That is pretty much what played out: When I went to pick her up at 5pm, she asked if she could go to the bakery. I said I didn’t have any cash (half lie), so we couldn’t go. Kaia insisted that she “just wanted to take a look.” But then she started running around the place to stay out of my reach. And then we ran in a few circles… and then something happened that I did not quite predict. I got very unlucky and slipped on a part of the floor that was wet. And the fall was… quite memorable in that I got probably an inch away from doing the splits. To be fair, I am a pretty flexible person. In my natural state, I am approximately three inches away from truly, properly being able to do the splits. But, when this is pushed upon you because you have slipped or gotten into a compromised position– man, that hurt like crazy. As I tried to break the total split moment, I twisted my leg and banged my right knee pretty hard on the floor, so much to the point that I was limping the next block to the subway station.

Kaia had no idea what was wrong. She saw that I fell, but she had no idea what I was feeling. I told her that I hurt myself in the bakery, and it was because I was chasing her around. And I told her that my knee was hurt and I’d likely have a bruise on it today; so no more running in the bakery. She seemed a bit solemn and said nothing when I said this on the subway ride home yesterday.

This morning when I woke her up, she remembered. One of the first things she said to me after getting out of bed was, “Can I see your bruise?” while pointing at my right knee. Just so that everyone is aware, it’s actually not as ugly as I thought it would be: it’s a very faint green color.

So, yes. Pregnancy can be painful at times; I had really bad pregnancy sciatica for several very frustrating days around the 30-week mark. Childbirth, especially unmedicated as it was for me, was the most pain I’d ever experienced in my entire life. And well, apparently, the physical pain from having a child never quite goes away because it comes back in moments like these!

When your child-free friend befriends your child

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I invited a friend over for dinner tonight. She’s about to start a new job, so her schedule will soon no longer be as flexible as it once was to hang out with me. Plus, she wanted to try some of my fancy Chinese vinegars I got from Mala Market before forking the money over to buy some for herself, so I thought it would be a good time to have her over. I made Malaysian chicken satays with peanut sauce and sliced cucumbers, coconut rice, a Vietnamese cabbage salad, steamed beets, and roasted Georgian eggplant rolls with walnut paste (with my khmeli suneli!). It was a pretty tasty pan-Asian meal that everyone enjoyed.

Even though my friend is child-free and has pretty much decided she doesn’t want kids, she actually really enjoys spending time with littles. Not too long ago, she actually taught muay thai to young kids (mostly elementary school through high school) age, so she says she really enjoys the energy and honesty they bring. She says she enjoys kids, but just doesn’t want any of her own — that’s fair enough and pretty easy to understand. My friend spent a good amount of time entertaining Kaia before our Lunar New Year party began a couple weeks ago, so Kaia still remembered this auntie, and was very excited that she was coming over for dinner. Kaia practiced some martial arts moves with our friend, and also made sure she got her cardio workout in by chasing her back and forth in the apartment. Kaia was so pooped by the time our friend left that she passed out within minutes. The next morning, she kept asking about this auntie — how she got home, where she went, etc.

I’m lucky that most of my child-free friends genuinely enjoy spending time with Kaia and humoring her demanding, occasionally princessy side. A lot of people around my age complain about the child-free friends they have, saying they don’t want to spend time with their kids and just don’t enjoy children at all. I get that. But it’s also nice when your friends accept that your child is part of your life, and sometimes, hanging out with you also means by default at times, they’ll also have to hang out with your kid. I love that Kaia is building these relationships with my friends in my life — she has no idea how lucky she is to have so many aunties and uncles, not blood related, who care about her so much.

“It’s okay. You can buy me another one.”

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Being a parent has endless infuriating moments, like the table toppling over yesterday at the cafe with two hot drinks, but it also is balanced by endless sweet moments, as well, that make me gush and feel so thankful for the privilege of being a parent. Lucky me — since she was a baby, Kaia has always loved endless cuddles and kisses. She is extremely affectionate and loves being touched. One of my friends lamented to me that neither of her daughters leta her cuddle with her, that they actively avoid it and try to get out of their mom’s arms when she attempts to hold them. So every time Chris grumbles about Kaia’s moments of neediness, I always remind him that we should be grateful that our little one is so openly loving and affectionate. One day sooner than we think, she will want to have nothing to do with us in public, and will certainly not let us cuddle with her.

Like all little kids, she is slowly but surely growing into a big kid. And she’s demonstrating a greater understanding of how things work. For example, she knows that if we want to go to the bakery next door to her school that mama needs to have cash in order to buy bao (Double Crispy is cash-only, like most Chinatown bakeries). She also knows that when packages arrive, they are either gifts, or they are things that mama and daddy paid money for. End understanding: things cost money. When one of my friends came to visit in January, she presented Kaia with a new gift: a Disney princess necklace beading kit. Kaia was really excited, as she thoroughly enjoyed the beading stations for endless necklaces at Space Club the two times we went last year. This afternoon, we were beading the necklaces together and probably putting too many beads on the necklaces when it dawned on her that we would not have enough beads for all five necklaces; we had enough for about four. She started frowning when she realized the dilemma we were in. How could we finish beading a fifth necklace?

“It’s okay,” Kaia said finally with a little smile on her face. “Auntie Rebecca will buy us more beads the next time she comes.”

I couldn’t help but laugh out loud when Kaia said this. She started laughing and giggling nonstop when I laughed. But we laughed for different reasons: she loves it when we laugh and always wants to join in on the fun. I was laughing because I found it quite presumptuous that she just assumes that when Auntie Rebecca comes next that she will buy her beads — or anything at all! It’s almost as though she thinks that her mere existence grants her some endless stream of gifts from her endless aunties and uncles!