“Maybe you can do this every year now!”

I was telling a colleague about my birthday party after she asked. She saw the pictures and videos I posted on Instagram and was telling me how amazing the food presentation looked, and she said she wasn’t surprised I’d have such a crazy spread given it was my 40th. I told her I’d actually never thrown myself a real birthday party before this past Saturday; it took only 40 years for me to plan and host my own birthday party. I told her that planning it was so easy and fun, made especially smooth by the restaurant manager at Patok by Rach. And so she said to me, half jokingly, “So, this means that you’ll do a birthday party every year now, right?”

It’s not an awful idea. Though I would be unlikely to book out an entire restaurant in the next year or so for a non-milestone birthday year.. or pay for it all. But when I think about it, the focus would be less on the fact that it’s my birthday, but more an excuse to get people together. Whenever Chris or my friends would groan about things like bridal or baby showers, my response would always be that it’s far less about “showering” someone with gifts, and much more about just having togetherness, which no one does as much of anymore. Since the pandemic, people have led far more isolated lives, whether it’s because they live farther from people they care about, or because they simply have no desire to initiate get-togethers. Vivek Murthy, the former U.S. Surgeon General and an internal medicine doctor, has said in a podcast I listened to that the biggest epidemic he’s worried about… is loneliness. And it would be so easy for us to resolve that by being less formal or rigid about having our houses perfectly cleaned or planning get-togethers with extensive menus or programming months in advance; we can be more spontaneous with some friends and family and just lay out some crackers and cheese or pizza, and get people together just for the sake of it. And it would create warmth and connection just like that.

So who knows – maybe I’ll do something more casual and simple like that for a future birthday of mine if I am so inclined. It could even be a cupcake party — Kaia would love it!

The odds of getting the exact same birthday gift from two different people

As the years go on, gift receiving isn’t as exciting as it once was when you were a child. As a child, getting gifts was what made Christmases and birthdays so sparkly and exciting. You’d always wonder if your parents, siblings, cousins, aunts, uncles, and other family friends would give you things you actually wanted (or never even realized you wanted!). There’s the excitement in the anticipation, then even more excitement in the unwrapping or unveiling of gifts from fancy gift boxes and bags. And then, you’d finally get to enjoy your presents!

As I’ve gotten older, I also have gained more power and control over what I have and own, as well as what I can afford to buy for myself — whether that’s everyday essentials, the occasional indulges through experiences, or true splurge/indulgent items (the latter of which I pretty much never do because… well, Asian guilt/practicality). If I really want something, I can just buy it now. I don’t need to wait for a special occasion or nudge a good friend or Chris to buy it for me. That’s the beauty of earning your own money! Plus, as I’ve gotten older, naturally I’ve just gotten fewer and fewer gifts. I no longer exchange Christmas gifts with almost any friend; I give some very close friends (and their kids) birthday gifts, or treat them to special (higher priced) birthday meals. We don’t really “need” as much stuff as we get older.

So when I decided to have this 40th birthday party for myself, I wasn’t sure what anyone would get me, if anything. I figured some close friends would give me some splurge-worthy items, but I wasn’t sure what. One friend got me a very expensive ticket to see Maybe Happy Ending on Broadway, which I very much appreciated. Another friend got me my favorite Burlap & Barrel spices and Rancho Gordo beans (how could I not have appreciated these?!). But then something unexpected happened: a best friend and Chris’s friend got me the same high-end Shun knife: my friend got me the 8-inch, and Chris’s friend got me the 6-inch. I was floored not only at the generosity of the gifts, but also: how the heck did two people totally unrelated to and unaware of the other get me the same fancy gift…?!

They are technically not the same knife because one is two inches longer than the other, but for me, they are essentially the same. Given my hand size, I am more comfortable using a 6-inch santoku-style knife for everyday cutting and chopping needs. So I felt bad, but I think I will have to ask my friend if she can return the 8-inch she got me… and perhaps replace it with something else splurge-worthy I’d normally never get myself. Maybe it could be a Le Creuset bakeware set? I’m truly grateful for my gifts, especially these really pricey ones that no one ever needed to get me. And I know the way my friend thought about it: she specifically wanted to get me a gift that she knew I’d never buy for myself, but would really appreciate. I’m so grateful and genuinely touched.

Happy 40th to me

It snowed today. I went to and from the Upper East Side for my makeup appointment in the snow. The crosstown bus was delayed getting there, but I still made it five minutes ahead of schedule. We had two spouses decline last minute due to unexpected lack of childcare for young children. Chris’s friend and his wife were supposed to come were deserted by their scheduled babysitter, who cancelled on them right at the time she was supposed to arrive. Then, his friend decided to come on his own… but made the mistake of going to the Brooklyn food hall location of Patok by Rach. He ended up taking the A train all the way up to Inwood and arriving about 1.5 hours late.

Things don’t always go as planned, but despite the snow, the fact that my birthday is right smack in the middle of Northern Hemisphere winter, and that cars and trains were delayed today, it all went amazingly well, probably even better than I could have imagined. I had so much fun at my party tonight. Everyone enjoyed the food and drink. I got rave reviews from several friends who had never really had Filipino before. The service was amazing by the Patok by Rach team. And we ended the night with karaoke!

I gave a little toast at the beginning that went something like this:

….

I’m so happy you could all make the trek to the very top of Manhattan to celebrate with me tonight.

Thank you so much for being here. A couple special individuals I have to call out: Rebecca, one of my best friends along with Crista here, since we were 11 — which means we’ve been tolerating each other for a very long time. Thank you for flying all the way from San Francisco just to celebrate my 40th. That means more to me than you know.

And of course, to my life partner Chris — the most loving and most annoying person I know — thank you for sharing this incredibly happy, lucky, and full life with me for the past 14 years. You may find this hard to believe, but I consider it a privilege to be annoyed by you every day. And I consider it an even bigger privilege to get to annoy you every day! 

Every person here tonight is special to me in a different way. I’ve met you across many chapters of my life — through work, food, friends — some of you just recently, some of you over a decade ago. And even if we don’t know each other well — if you’re a partner of a friend or a friend of Chris — you’ve brought joy into my life by making the people I love happy. And that makes me happy.

I’m truly grateful to be here, to have made it to 40. I know that may sound strange, but as many of you know, I carry with me the people I’ve loved deeply who didn’t get to reach this age, and I think of them every birthday — and how lucky I am to still be here, experiencing how beautiful and delicious this world can be.

So tonight, I’d like to raise my glass — to all of you. Thank you for the love, laughter, food, and meaning you bring into my life. Here’s to many more meals, thought-provoking conversations, and memories together. Cheers! 

….

When the evening ended, we took the A train back down with a small crew. We thanked the babysitter, and she went home. I spent about 15 annoying minutes taking off all my makeup to find several white heads on my forehead and nose — thank God I rarely wear foundation because this would completely ruin my skin! And after four hours of my party, I left with a very full heart — and maybe even a fuller belly.

A birthday kamayan feast planned

Given I never had a real birthday party growing up, other than the one that one of my besties threw me for my sixteenth birthday, I figure that my 40th birthday coming up tomorrow will be the one party that I actually get to throw myself. I found the perfect restaurant for it, Patok by Rach, up in their cozy Inwood location, complete with a large tree growing inside and a kamayan feast. Kamayan is a traditional Filipino celebratory meal that symbolizes community, camaraderie, and cultural heritage. Large banana leaves are laid out across tables where guests sit, and the food is served directly on top. It traditionally will include dishes like pork BBQ, chicken inasal, kare kare stew, different types of lumpia, lechon (with crispy skin!), freshly fried shrimp chips and fruit. I’ve had it a few times before with my cousin’s wife’s family, as well as for a friend’s birthday dinner in lower Manhattan. I just love the idea of everyone being surrounded by endless food served on banana leaves, directly on the table, and eating and drinking to their heart’s content. That’s ultimately why I chose this place — not to mention the deal we got on this space, and to have the entire restaurant booked out, seemed almost like robbery!

I think every birthday is special because it’s another year around the sun, another year when I get to continue experiencing life and all that it has to offer. But I haven’t had a group birthday dinner since pre-pandemic. It’s mostly just been Chris, Kaia, and me in the last few years — nothing big or splashy. But this year, one of my besties is flying in from San Francisco to partake in festivities. I’m using a gift certificate she got me two years ago to get my makeup professionally done tomorrow. And we have a set kamayan menu for 18 guests tomorrow night. Kaia has her babysitter lined up. I’ve never been this excited to celebrate my birthday before now! Who knows — maybe I will have so much fun that I’ll decide to do something like this (okay, maybe not at a restaurant and pay for everyone) every year from now on!.

A good reason to go to Uniqlo in different countries: region-specific shirts!

We don’t normally do a lot of shopping when we travel, whether it’s to other cities or countries. But occasionally, we do pop in to Uniqlo so Chris can see if they might have something he likes that he cannot easily get in the U.S. Uniqlos (Uniqlo is pretty much the ONLY store he shops at!). When we were in Denmark, we popped in to get an additional layering shirt for me because I was so cold my first two days there; we also got Kaia a puffer vest as an extra layer just in case. When we were there, though, we barely looked at anything other than layering items because we just wanted to get in and out. But what I wish we had done while there was to look at any potential region-specific shirts they might’ve had. Uniqlo makes region-specific print shirts in countries where they have a presence. For example in Japan, you can get shirts that call out specific cities like Tokyo or Osaka. In Hawaii, you can get shirts that have illustrations of Hawaiian specific foods, like spam musubi, poke bowls, and garlic shrimp. In Hong Kong, they have a fun limited edition shirt where the Hong Kong skyline was recreated using mah jong tiles (very culturally appropriate!). And when we were in the Philippines just over a week ago, they had shirts that I was compelled to buy that spoke to the local food!

When we saw the lineup of shirts while in Manila, I was super excited to see a “Mickey Mouse in the Philippines” theme that included Mickey Mouse in Davao eating durian, plus another Mickey Mouse in Binondo (Manila Chinatown) getting sugar cane juice from a sugar cane stand. It was like these two shirts were calling out to me, so I eventually decided to get both; where else was I going to get a shirt with durian on it?! It would be a rare goodie, and once again, a situation of “if you know, you know!” Most people either love or hate durian, but regardless, no one would assume they’d pass by someone on the street wearing a shirt with this loved/hated fruit on it. And with the sugar cane, I have loved sugar cane juice since I was introduced to it in the Vietnamese markets and malls of Westminster in Orange County, California, during my high school years. Most people know and recognize refined sugar, but sugar cane is the real deal, completely unrefined and pure right out of the freaking cane! I felt like this shirt was beckoning me to buy it! For Kaia, we got her two shirts that she selected: one was just a Hello Kitty shirt (not region specific, just Kaia specific!), while the second one was Mickey Mouse with mango (Philippines specific, definitely!).

While I probably don’t need more print shirts, especially after our Philippines trip, I will likely still want to stop by Uniqlo in other countries when we pass them just to see what the local prints are. It’s a fun way to get something “unique” and for the specific country you visited, but in a global store you recognize.

Embracing middle-aged-dom by organizing all my Chinese herbs

Yesterday, I spent about an hour labeling glass jars in Chinese and English, and then emptying all my Chinese herbs out of their plastic bags and into the glasses. My herb bag was becoming a total mess, especially once I started buying more around the time my best friend had a baby, and I wanted to make her a few tonics. So I promised myself that once we got back from our month away that I’d finally set aside time to get all these organized. I hated the feeling of disorganization and clutter: I feel like as I’ve gotten older, I’ve gotten more annoyed and disgusted by clutter and dirtiness.

Once I got all the labeling done and the herbs into their appropriate jars, I felt this deep sense of satisfaction. This is what it means to get older: to feel satisfied about organization and cleanliness. In some way, it kind of reminded me of all the endless glass jars my grandma used to store in the cupboard at home. She had an even larger and more complex herb collection, which she used very frequently for soups and tonics for all of us. I never thought I’d ever be like her, but here we are with a growing Chinese dried herb collection that resembles hers!

I’ll be using some of these dried herbs for pork bone lotus root soup today — also a soup that she made fairly often when I was growing up. It’s a soup that reminds me of home — soothing, homey, and almost medicinal in a happy, nourishing way.

A night at the opera: Madama Butterfly

After being reminded of the Under 40 Met discounts for the opera by my friend who is three years older than me, I finally got tickets to see the opera. It’s something I’ve been wanting to do since my twenties, but I had just forgotten about it. Opera tickets, like ballet, can get exorbitantly expensive. So with this Under 40 Met deal, I was able to secure mid-orchestra seats for us for just $89 each. It’s still not a cheap show, but it’s far cheaper than the several hundred dollars we could have paid without this deal!

After having a quick meal at home, my friend and I walked to the Met Opera and sat in our seats. I noticed a little screen on the back of the seat in front of us, which would aid in translating the Italian into English for us so we could follow along. Although I was still tired from jet lag, I actually managed quite well through the show. After Act I, there was a 30-minute intermission. This is when my friend and I got up to look around us, and we noticed exactly how dressed up people were. Even though a good number of people dressed up for The Nutcracker last month, that was nothing compared to tonight: I saw men in the most decked out, colorful, tailored suits; women were bejeweled and wearing ball gowns and form-fitted dresses with trains! I felt pretty under-dressed given I was just in a sweater and jeans. After Act II, there was a two-minute “pause.” And once Act III was done, we were three hours and done with the opera! It was an interesting experience: the sets, costumes, and singing were all gorgeous. But I didn’t love constantly having to look at the screen to translate all the dialogue and lyrics. I far prefer regular theater, ballet, or chamber/orchestral music. And in retrospect, I am not a hundred percent pleased with the fact that I chose an opera that’s basically about an Asian woman getting used by a White man, being forced to give up their child to him and his new White wife, and then killing herself in the end? This was a bit too tragic and upsetting for me.

While I am happy I went to see the opera once and can say I have experienced it, I think it’s unlikely that I will want to go again — now, it’s been there, done that — and all before age 40!

How the Southern hemisphere haul of food/fun items has evolved over time

In the beginning when I’d go with Chris down to Australia for Christmas, I didn’t really have anything I really loved or wanted from down there, as I was getting acquainted with what was interesting there to bring back. So in our large checked bag back to New York, it was mostly things he wanted to bring back: his favorite snacks that cannot be sourced here, like Arnott’s biscuits (Tim Tams, obviously, but many other lesser known ones like Scotch Fingers, Mint Slices, Iced Vovos, TeeVee snacks), Arnott’s savory crackers like BBQ shapes, and The Natural Confectionary fruit snacks. He also has loyalty to certain brands of body products he uses, so he would always make a stop at Chemist Warehouse and bring back several of his favorite roller deodorants.

Eventually, though, I started finding things I liked a lot or knew I could get cheaper there, and the list of items to bring back expanded: in a few years time, I was making sure we brought back things like tea tree oil, which is native to Australia (and cheaper there than in the U.S.). It is used primarily for cleaning/disinfecting, but can also be used on the occasional pimple or bug bite. I also started finding brands of sunscreen I like there (they should at the very minimum make high quality sunscreen there, right?), so I would always make sure we brought back at least a handful of bottles of these. I also found brands of clothing I liked, like Peter Alexander for sleepwear and Kookai for clothing.

Then, we started finding things we liked together: a family-owned fruit wine shop up in Queensland, various wineries or distilleries that made wines and gin we fell in love with. The haul started increasing more and more over time (and weight of our bags, as well!).

Then, Pookster arrived, and the checked luggage items totally changed. The proportion of the luggage devoted to Chris’s Australian snacks decreased massively, much to his dismay, in favor of the birthday and Christmas gifts for Pookster that were given by his family and friends (which, to be frank, are dominated mostly by the endless piles of clothes lovingly chosen by his mom). Through Pookster, as well as through store credits from clothes that were gifted that were too small for Kaia, I discovered how much more fun it is to shop for children’s clothing in Australia: the clothes seemed to be of brighter colors (makes sense given the warmer climate), and who can resist Australian animals like koalas kids’ clothing? Where else in the world can you get a lightweight summer toddler dress covered in koalas, wombats, and echidnas wearing Santa hats?

This year, we brought back just two bottles of alcohol: a Four Pillars Christmas gin Chris’s parents gifted him, plus a bottle of reserve chardonnay from a winery where we had lunch with his cousins in Nelson, New Zealand. More of Chris’s Australian snack haul comes from Australian Costco, where this year, he picked up two big bags of The Natural Confectionary fruit snacks and chocolate covered honeycomb. Chris gets a prescription grade toothpaste for his old teeth. As written about previously, I am now getting 20% azelaic acid cream from there for my face to see if it helps with my sun spots! For Kaia, we bring back Panadol for kids, which is basically children’s Tylenol without the high fructose corn syrup (take that, United States pharmaceutical bullshit); different types of preventive cold medication and sunscreen, plus travel-sized bottles of kid-friendly things like lotion and toothpaste from natural children’s brands I like (I love Chemist Warehouse in Australia – it’s like a fun house for me!). We also get a standard sized box of Weetbix cereal for Kaia because she enjoys it; she’s a Weetbix kid!

The haul has evolved a lot over time, but I suppose needs evolve over time, and we’re all getting older, as well. When I remember, I try to take a photo of most of the things we bring back to document it each year (sometimes I forget, and other times, I feel frazzled with the seemingly endless amount of stuff brought back that I feel a neurotic urge to put everything away ASAP). Eventually, I might go through our photos and stack these specific photos over the years side by side for photographic evidence of how the haul has evolved over time. I think that would be quite fun and interesting to see!

Round robin of holiday highlights – back to the mundane

After several weeks, I was on a team call this afternoon. Today was our first full day back from our month-long trip away, so it was definitely a mental adjustment for me. We started the call with a usual round-robin, and the topic was what our holiday highlights were. Our manager framed it as, “What was the most exciting thing you did during the holiday break?”

Let’s keep in mind that my company currently gives just Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, and New Year’s Day off as official company holidays during this period. New Year’s Eve is not a recognized company holiday. The company does not give Christmas Eve through New Year’s Day off like I hear a number of companies do even in the U.S. Back in my digital agency days, we had that entire week off (on top of accrued paid time off), and it was really nice to know that no one was actually online during that time. So whenever colleagues here refer to the “holiday break,” I always chuckle because… it’s not like our offices were closed for an entire week. What’s implied and understood, though no one wants to say it out loud, is that this is an extremely slow period, one during which the vast majority of our customer contacts are out. And being customer facing, if all our customers are away… that means we don’t have that much to do. We just need to monitor our inboxes, ensure any internal tasks are completed, and that’s it. So in reality, we’re not actually doing much work at all.

We went around the Zoom “circle,” and each person gave their update. It was mostly of the same theme: being happy to spend time with family, hosting Christmas or Christmas Eve dinner, taking kids to see X big event/show. I was the only one on the team who was away from home for this period. So when it was my turn, I said that my highlight was snorkeling in Cebu on New Year’s Day. The majority of my team doesn’t travel much at all (unless it’s a cruise), and they also don’t get excited to hear about other people’s travel plans. So their eyes mostly glazed over at my snorkeling activity. Fun.

I don’t expect everyone to travel, and I definitely don’t expect everyone to travel as much as we do. But in these moments, I do sometimes feel bored and get annoyed that everything with my colleagues can seem quite dull. I can’t really have that many interesting conversations about food, culture, or travel with anyone at work because most people don’t care about that stuff; it almost seems like a theme of the majority of the teams I’ve worked on. Even the people who claim to have traveled a lot or have taken a year off to travel don’t go to destinations that are that off the beaten path.

So while I am physically back in New York, in front of my two-monitor computer setup, and back online most of the day, my mind is still at Diniwid Beach in Boracay, sipping calamansi juice and endless all-mango smoothies.

Dining in the air on Cathay Pacific

While waiting for our flight from Manila to Hong Kong yesterday early morning, we were at the Cathay Pacific lounge at Manila airport. It was extremely early, so we didn’t get anything to eat (other than Kaia grabbing an apple and eating 70 percent of it, as per usual). I went to make my last cup of freshly squeezed calamansi juice, honey, and hot water, and to see what the breakfast offerings were at the food bar. I noticed a man marveling out loud at all the food options in the lounge. He made his selection, was quickly served, and snapped a photo of his dish. “What could be more amazing than this?” he exclaimed out loud in an Australian accent.

“Few things are more amazing than the food in this lounge,” I said to him, grinning. We’ve had some epic lounge experiences around the world, but I will say that the Cathay Pacific lounge experience from a food standpoint is likely one of the best ever. I cannot decide if I like this lounge more or the JAL First lounges in Japan; it might even be a tie (the thoughts of someone who is obviously overly privileged!!).

We made some small talk. He’s based in Sydney, where he was born, and shared that he’d just sold his company, was feeling “unshackled,” and was heading off to Japan for three weeks with zero itinerary other than starting in Tokyo after spending the last ten days in Manila, Cebu, and Boracay (did he copy our Philippines itinerary, or what?). He told me that he’d never eaten better food in a lounge before flying Cathay. “This food is so much better than Qantas lounge food – their food is the worst!” he moaned.

I wrinkled my brow at him. “Ummmm, the Qantas lounges actually have food,” I replied dryly. “If you were based in the U.S. and flew American, you’d be lucky to even get pretzels!”

He is not wrong that the food is incredible with Cathay. Sometimes when we have flown them and eaten their food, I think that the food could be similar quality, if not better, to some of the best Chinese food we’ve had at upscale restaurants in Asia, Australia, and the U.S. I could feel my cold progressing, so I went to the food bar and asked the server if I could have a bowl of just broth instead of the full wonton noodle soup. He quickly ladled a bowl for me, and I immediately inhaled and took a sip. Mmmmm — this was like a nourishing elixir. It had that nice, clean chickeny, porky flavor, with just a hint of seafood at the end the way a legit, authentic wonton broth should have.

In flight to Hong Kong, we were served a braised minced pork noodle dish, which seemed like such a decadent breakfast. We all ate the entire serving — even Kaia! And on the breakfast on the flight from Hong Kong to JFK, we were served beef and mushroom jook/congee. Without us helping, Kaia immediately started eating huge spoonfuls of congee while engrossed in her Bluey screen time. Once again, she finished the whole damn serving! My child was eating like a little adult!

For lunch, the seasonal Chinese offering was a clay pot rice with abalone (A WHOLE ONE!), Chinese sausage, and pork patty. I was curious to see how they’d achieve the crispy rice bits characteristic of the best claypot rice dishes. Somehow, they were successful! There were large morsels of crispy rice flecked throughout the bowl. The pork patty, sausage, and abalone were perfectly cooked. The abalone piece was not only whole, but huge! Every single thing I ate on these two flights was perfect, whether it was the congee, the claypot, the tea (Hong Kong milk tea on unlimited offer… dangerous), or even the hawthorn berry jelly with Chinese yam (something I’d never order on my own at a restaurant or cafe, but hey, if it’s on the flight, why not?). Even the three pieces of dim sum served with my congee were likely some of the best dumplings I’ve had — regardless of whether it was on land or in the air.

Whenever the rare occasion comes up when I can have abalone, I always think of my dad. My paternal grandparents had a pretty large family and friends network, and so when my dad was growing up, they got invited to seemingly endless weddings all the time, all with huge Chinese banquets and the most lavish multi-course feasts. The dish he remembers savoring the most were the abalone dishes. He insisted that they were the most delicious things he’d never eaten in his life. To this day, abalones are highly prized in Chinese cuisine and command a ridiculously high price tag. A single abalone can go for as much as $125 USD! And as a poor kid growing up in Chinatown when it was considered a ghetto, my dad found these meals life-changing and completely exhilarating. The funny thing was — back then, I never thought much about abalone, but I realized that they are actually large marine snails (gastropods). I always liked abalone shells for their rainbow iridescence. I’ve collected them as gifts as well as from the sands of Brighton Beach in Brighton, Victoria, Australia (sorry, I may be the reason that there is currently a sign there that says “no removing shells”), but I never had abalone until I became an adult. I think abalone is fine, but it’s not worth the insane price tag. I would never seek it out myself or choose it off a menu, and I’d certainly never choose to pay the crazy high market prices for it. It’s mostly a texture thing that makes it unique to me; it has virtually no flavor. Frankly, if I am going to pay a premium for seafood, it better be something like crab, lobster, or Moreton Bay bugs — sea creatures that actually do have a distinctive flavor!

I am sure Cathay puts it on their menu to impress their high-paying Chinese business/first class customers. I am also sure that this tactic works. I know for sure that my dad would have savored every last bite of that abalone far more than I would have. Maybe the next time I call home, I’ll tell him I was served abalone on the flight back to New York just to get his reaction.