I was prepared to get rejected by a nanny at some point. I just didn’t think it would be this soon. This morning, as I was on another call screening another potential nanny candidate, Eroline, the nanny who rejected us, texted me. I was curious why she was texting, so after I got off the call, I looked at her message, which read like this:

“Good morning Yvonne i hope Kaya gum is feeling much better today. And all of you are in good health this wanderful morning. I forgot to tell you why i chose the other family they are willing to pay my tax. As it said in the Bible gives back to  Caesar . I wish you all the best my love. Agape ❤🙏”

So, while she originally told me over the phone that she chose the other family because she prayed to Jehovah, who pointed her in the direction of the other family, the REAL reason she chose the other family was that they were willing to compensate her the difference to ensure that her take home pay was higher than she originally asked to get paid. This is just what really religious people do: they use religion as an excuse for their actions when the real reason that motivates them is what motivates most human beings in a capitalist society: MONEY.

I don’t like to play games. I don’t enjoy bidding wars. If you want to get paid something, just say that’s your rate. If someone tells me her rate is $20/hour, I go with exactly that and pay her $20/hour. I’m not sitting there, noodling over whether I should proactively offer $21 or $22/hour to “win” her over. I hate that crap. I’m not a mind reader. Just be upfront about what you want! When did clear communication become so difficult?!

Today’s trial ended after an hour. I sent this trial nanny on her merry way home with a $20 bill.

We agreed to a full day trial from 10am to 8pm. I texted her to confirm all the details and debriefed all the expectations on a call. I asked her if she had any questions. She said she was good to go.

She arrived promptly at 10am and seemed very stiff. After giving her a tour of the apartment, she told me that she needs to leave by 6pm; if she were to stay until 8pm, we’d need to pay for her cab ride back home to Far Rockaway. “This area is dangerous, and a lot of bad things are happening with the train,” she said.

Ummmm, I told her that we agreed to have her stay until 8pm. She said it was fine originally. It clearly wasn’t, yet she didn’t want to tell me that over the phone. I was not paying for her cab ride home. And I did not appreciate her lack of communication.

Clearly Kaia was not a fan. She is always happy after her 10am feed, yet with this trial nanny, she cried endlessly until I took her from the woman. The trial nanny said my baby just doesn’t like her because she’s a stranger.

No, my baby does not get stranger danger. She’s way too young for that. She lets everyone hold her.

I told the trial nanny that clear communication was key, and that she definitely was not going to be a fit because of this, and that she should leave. She washed the bottle she fed Kaia with, used the bathroom, took my $20 bill, and left.

We’re already 0 for 2 now. This is going to be a very, very painful process.

“Babies sense when there are bad people around,” my friend said. “Kaia probably knew this nanny was bad.”

Probably. That’s a good baby.

After the first nanny trial did not go well, I told my friend, who I made plans to see downtown on Tuesday during our second trial, that I probably was not going to be able to meet her that far away. I needed to be closer and only run quick errands when the trials were happening in order to observe and make notes on what was good and bad.

One of the nannies is being a little annoying. I asked her if we could schedule a quick call to debrief on expectations for Saturday, when she is scheduled to come. She kept saying how busy she was between other interviews and said she’d try to call me when she was free. She texted late last night to ask if I was free; I was in bed, and there was no way I was getting out to talk to her. Is she constantly telling me about her other interviews as a way to prep me for a potential bidding war on her?

I’m NOT dealing with a bidding war on a nanny. There is no way I’m going to allow something like that to happen. The wage she asked for is what we are sticking with.

I was getting ready to go to the gym this morning when I was in the elevator going down, and the elevator stopped at the 11th floor. A woman who was in a big coat wearing a face mask looked at me and was a bit wide eyed. She told me that she would just wait for the next elevator and that I could go ahead. I figured that she didn’t want to get in the elevator with me because I was not wearing a mask. But then again, our building had removed our mask mandate weeks and weeks ago. This basically aligned with when New York City had removed its mask mandate. And so the fact that I was not wearing a mask should not have been surprising. However, there is still a lot of paranoia around COVID-19 and all of the different variants that seem to still be coming out, and so of course, there are going to be people who are germaphobic, paranoid and are not going to want to be in small, cramped spaces like elevators with people who are not wearing a mask. I get it. I don’t really mind it. In the beginning when the mask mandate got removed, I was a little bit wary as well. I still wanted to wear a mask when I went into stores. But Chris got mad at this, and he insisted that I not wear a mask. He says that we are no longer in a pandemic, that instead, we are actually in an endemic, and that because of that, we would need to learn to live with COVID-19 as the new normal that’s just part of our lives. And anyway, we are all triple vaccinated other than a baby, so fingers crossed that the worst would not happen to us. 

Anyway, so I went into the gym and was getting my elliptical set up when I heard a loud hard banging on the glass door entrance going into the gym. I turned around and saw the same heavy coated, masked woman there. I was wondering why the heck she was even standing there given that it was clear she was not getting ready to go to the gym, and so I went to the door and opened it for her.

“I just wanted to let you know that the reason I did not get into the elevator with you is because you were not wearing a mask, and I am not comfortable getting into the elevator with anyone not wearing a mask, “the woman said. “It had nothing to do with anything else. I just don’t want to be around people who are not wearing a mask. I don’t agree with the fact that the building removed the mask mandate. There is still a pandemic going on, and I’m just trying to be safe.”

I thought it was a little bit ridiculous that she got off on the third floor and went to the gym just to tell me this. I generally do not think the worst of people even though they piss me off all the time: I genuinely thought that she was not getting on the elevator with me because I was not wearing a mask, and based on what she said, I was right. Why, did she think that I thought that she didn’t get into the elevator because I was… Asian, or something else that she may be against? And also, I have no idea how old she is, but she looked a lot older than me. And once you get to a certain age, aren’t you supposed to stop caring what other people think? Not only is this woman paranoid about COVID-19, but it is clear that she is also paranoid about what other people think about her, even if those other people are total strangers like me who will likely never run into her ever again. Even if I were to see her again given that we live in the same building, chances are high that I would not even recognize her. People seriously need to stop all of their paranoia and just take a chill pill.

This morning, I sat in my apartment building lobby with a bag containing Annie’s slippers, mask, and leftover opened snacks we got her. She asked me to meet her in the lobby instead of coming up to our apartment, as she had a scheduled train to catch at noon. When she finally arrived, she came with a large backpack in tow, likely to take a trip somewhere. We both apologized to each other for the miscommunication, and I told her that we really appreciated all her help, and that she clearly was amazing at her job, and we’d miss her. She told me that she’d be heading to Connecticut after this for a long weekend at her sister’s. And then, out of nowhere, she started tearing up.

Noooooo.

“I love Kaia,” she said, teary-eyed, her voice breaking up. “I love you. I’m going to miss you and Kaia.”

On the one hand, I felt bad that things had to end this way. On the other hand, I was annoyed. If anyone who did not know this situation were to witness this exchange happening, it would appear as though I fired her and let her go. That is NOT the case at all; she is the one who left us, and quite abruptly, might I add! She gave up two days of pay, today and Sunday, just because she got mad at the principle of having four days a week vs. three. And I know she wouldn’t have found work that quickly. Plus, she was giving up work anyway now to go spend time with her sister, so clearly she would not be working this Friday or Sunday at all to fill in what she potentially would have missed with us. Yet somehow, she was the one crying at the end of this even though she also admitted she could have been clearer about her expectations. I really did love having her; in many ways, she was far more thorough and meticulous in her job than Cheryl was. She really did give her all with her families, as she said.

But this is the way it is when you hire people to help you. Misunderstandings happen. We are all human, after all. Situations like this unfortunately are more common than not, as my friend reminded me.

“That shit happens all the time!” my friend exclaimed. “It’s SO awkward! That’s why we stopped having a nanny and just put the kids in daycare!”