After the first nanny trial did not go well, I told my friend, who I made plans to see downtown on Tuesday during our second trial, that I probably was not going to be able to meet her that far away. I needed to be closer and only run quick errands when the trials were happening in order to observe and make notes on what was good and bad.

One of the nannies is being a little annoying. I asked her if we could schedule a quick call to debrief on expectations for Saturday, when she is scheduled to come. She kept saying how busy she was between other interviews and said she’d try to call me when she was free. She texted late last night to ask if I was free; I was in bed, and there was no way I was getting out to talk to her. Is she constantly telling me about her other interviews as a way to prep me for a potential bidding war on her?

I’m NOT dealing with a bidding war on a nanny. There is no way I’m going to allow something like that to happen. The wage she asked for is what we are sticking with.

I was getting ready to go to the gym this morning when I was in the elevator going down, and the elevator stopped at the 11th floor. A woman who was in a big coat wearing a face mask looked at me and was a bit wide eyed. She told me that she would just wait for the next elevator and that I could go ahead. I figured that she didn’t want to get in the elevator with me because I was not wearing a mask. But then again, our building had removed our mask mandate weeks and weeks ago. This basically aligned with when New York City had removed its mask mandate. And so the fact that I was not wearing a mask should not have been surprising. However, there is still a lot of paranoia around COVID-19 and all of the different variants that seem to still be coming out, and so of course, there are going to be people who are germaphobic, paranoid and are not going to want to be in small, cramped spaces like elevators with people who are not wearing a mask. I get it. I don’t really mind it. In the beginning when the mask mandate got removed, I was a little bit wary as well. I still wanted to wear a mask when I went into stores. But Chris got mad at this, and he insisted that I not wear a mask. He says that we are no longer in a pandemic, that instead, we are actually in an endemic, and that because of that, we would need to learn to live with COVID-19 as the new normal that’s just part of our lives. And anyway, we are all triple vaccinated other than a baby, so fingers crossed that the worst would not happen to us. 

Anyway, so I went into the gym and was getting my elliptical set up when I heard a loud hard banging on the glass door entrance going into the gym. I turned around and saw the same heavy coated, masked woman there. I was wondering why the heck she was even standing there given that it was clear she was not getting ready to go to the gym, and so I went to the door and opened it for her.

“I just wanted to let you know that the reason I did not get into the elevator with you is because you were not wearing a mask, and I am not comfortable getting into the elevator with anyone not wearing a mask, “the woman said. “It had nothing to do with anything else. I just don’t want to be around people who are not wearing a mask. I don’t agree with the fact that the building removed the mask mandate. There is still a pandemic going on, and I’m just trying to be safe.”

I thought it was a little bit ridiculous that she got off on the third floor and went to the gym just to tell me this. I generally do not think the worst of people even though they piss me off all the time: I genuinely thought that she was not getting on the elevator with me because I was not wearing a mask, and based on what she said, I was right. Why, did she think that I thought that she didn’t get into the elevator because I was… Asian, or something else that she may be against? And also, I have no idea how old she is, but she looked a lot older than me. And once you get to a certain age, aren’t you supposed to stop caring what other people think? Not only is this woman paranoid about COVID-19, but it is clear that she is also paranoid about what other people think about her, even if those other people are total strangers like me who will likely never run into her ever again. Even if I were to see her again given that we live in the same building, chances are high that I would not even recognize her. People seriously need to stop all of their paranoia and just take a chill pill.

This morning, I sat in my apartment building lobby with a bag containing Annie’s slippers, mask, and leftover opened snacks we got her. She asked me to meet her in the lobby instead of coming up to our apartment, as she had a scheduled train to catch at noon. When she finally arrived, she came with a large backpack in tow, likely to take a trip somewhere. We both apologized to each other for the miscommunication, and I told her that we really appreciated all her help, and that she clearly was amazing at her job, and we’d miss her. She told me that she’d be heading to Connecticut after this for a long weekend at her sister’s. And then, out of nowhere, she started tearing up.

Noooooo.

“I love Kaia,” she said, teary-eyed, her voice breaking up. “I love you. I’m going to miss you and Kaia.”

On the one hand, I felt bad that things had to end this way. On the other hand, I was annoyed. If anyone who did not know this situation were to witness this exchange happening, it would appear as though I fired her and let her go. That is NOT the case at all; she is the one who left us, and quite abruptly, might I add! She gave up two days of pay, today and Sunday, just because she got mad at the principle of having four days a week vs. three. And I know she wouldn’t have found work that quickly. Plus, she was giving up work anyway now to go spend time with her sister, so clearly she would not be working this Friday or Sunday at all to fill in what she potentially would have missed with us. Yet somehow, she was the one crying at the end of this even though she also admitted she could have been clearer about her expectations. I really did love having her; in many ways, she was far more thorough and meticulous in her job than Cheryl was. She really did give her all with her families, as she said.

But this is the way it is when you hire people to help you. Misunderstandings happen. We are all human, after all. Situations like this unfortunately are more common than not, as my friend reminded me.

“That shit happens all the time!” my friend exclaimed. “It’s SO awkward! That’s why we stopped having a nanny and just put the kids in daycare!”

Clearly, I am Asian and very Asian at that because as soon as I have one day (sort of) to myself during maternity leave and decide to leave the neighborhood, I immediately make a beeline to Chinatown. Well, what can I say? I am true to my roots, and when I crave most foods, it is most often Asian food, and more specifically, when I think about food that I crave for comfort, it is usually Cantonese Chinese food.

 It’s funny, though, to think about this because my story about how I have looked at my culture’s food is very similar to pretty much every other immigrant child. Growing up, food was mostly Cantonese Chinese on the table. And of course, being like any other child, I was not particularly grateful for that food. Instead, I was envious of my friends who got to eat more of a variety of different types of food, particularly when their families dined out. When our family ate out, it was always Cantonese food or Vietnamese food. When my extended family would get together, it was always, always Cantonese Chinese food, and it got so redundant. We would always order the exact same dishes at the exact same restaurants that my grandma or my aunt deemed authentic and good enough. It was tiring as a young person always eating the same food with family. I always asked my parents if we could eat something different, and the answer was always no. “You should be grateful that our family has enough to even eat out!” My parents would say to my brother and me in various ways.

Well, when I went off to college, I had to deal with eating really boring and bland dining hall food. The dining hall’s version of Asian food was pretty disgusting, but no surprise there. And when I dined out, I had no idea that there were weird variations of Chinese American food like crab Rangoon. And… I found out that people actually ate white rice topped with soy sauce and thought that was Chinese?? I ended up craving Cantonese food and wanting it when I went out with my friends. We obviously went out and ate many other things, but Cantonese food was always something that was just so comforting and made me feel at home. And now, whenever I get food cravings, the dishes that I always ate with my family growing up, whether they were made by my grandma or dishes that we ordered while at restaurants, those are the things that I always want.

 During maternity leave, I have not had easy access to Cantonese food. And so when I made that beeline to Chinatown today, I made sure to get a pound of cha siu from my favorite restaurant that makes it, plus beef chow fun. Those are the comfort foods that remind me of home. I also stopped by my favorite place for wontons and had wonton mein. And of course, I also made sure to get some bubble tea, some black sesame moon cake because I love all things black sesame, grass jelly and sweet soy milk from a family run place that I like that makes it well, as well as endless produce that Chris had to help me carry home… Even though he was not going straight home and was going to lunch with his colleagues. I probably strained my elbows and wrists carrying all of this home, even if it was only half the haul, but it was worth it in the end to get my Asian fruit and vegetable fix, as well as my Chinese food fix.

While down in Chinatown though, I thought about how not stroller friendly Chinatown was. Most restaurants are too small to accommodate a stroller to be pushed through easily. Most stores do not have aisles that are conducive to a stroller. And when it comes to the subway, I do not even know where the elevators are to be able to take the stroller up and down easily, which means that we will likely need to have one person carry the baby and the other person carry the stroller up and down the stairs. That is going to be particularly challenging when it comes to the huge grocery hauls that I always get whenever I come down here. Plus, I have wrist and elbow pain, so none of this sounds particularly fun or attractive to me. People tend to use the bottom of the stroller to carry things like groceries. But then, if you do that, you don’t actually plan to carry the stroller with all the groceries in your arms… So these are things that I am thinking about now that we have a baby. 

I want to make sure that my baby is immersed in my culture, as well as Chris’s. I want to make sure that she is familiar with and embraces neighborhoods like Chinatown, which have all of the delicious foods that her mother grew up with and craves. I want to teach her an appreciation for her cultures. And the only way to do that is to make sure that she has regular exposure to neighborhoods like this and to travel to these countries.

Given that our baby is slowly starting to sleep longer stretches at night, we have finally gotten her to a point where she can sleep up to about 5 AM, which… Kind of makes having a night nurse a little bit redundant. We did not necessarily want to forgo paid support completely, and so we asked our night nurse to come during the day this Friday. Okay, we did not ask her to come during the day; Chris asked her to come during the day. He asked her to come during that particular day because the weather was supposed to be good and that would mean that we could be out and about… But not together because he happened to have lunch plans with his colleagues. That was great planning as you can see. 

However, I am still pumping every four hours, and so while I am comfortable using my portable pump with my wearable cups, I still need to think about logistics of the cups getting set up and taken off, as well as milk storage. I have to think about clean bathrooms where I can lay out all of my pump parts, empty out the milk into bottles, and safely store the milk. Having a wearable pump is not necessarily as convenient as I originally thought it would be. I suppose if I drove and had a car, it would be a little easier, as I could do all this in my car, plus keep a cooler in my fridge with ice for the milk storage, but it is what it is. It’s fine if I just go out for a couple hours and come back to my apartment, but if I am going from place to place, the logistics tend to be a bit more iffy. And what I am really eager to do is to go down to Chinatown and stock up on a bunch of pantry items, freezer staples, fresh Asian fruit and vegetables as well as bakery items. But honestly? Chinatown is probably one of the worst places that I can think of when it comes to… Clean, spacious bathrooms where I would be comfortable taking apart my pump and handling my baby’s food. And I also want to get a pedicure because I would really like to have my nails polished, but I cannot deal with doing them myself. So we will see how the day goes.