Monthly Archives: August 2021

Off to the “farmland” today

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Today, Chris and I went out to Port Washington in Long Island to visit my friend, her husband, and their two kids, one of whom was just born about four months ago. To get there, we took the Long Island Rail Road (LIRR), which, for the small handful of times I’ve been out there, always seems to run at snail pace. In addition, my other qualm with taking LIRR or really any train from Penn Station is why they always have to update the track information for your timed ticket so last minute, resulting in everyone rushing up/down the stairs/escalators at the exact same time. Are there really not enough tracks at Penn Station to at least be able to update the stupid track 15-20 minutes ahead of time? There was a train scheduled to leave at 11:12 today, and the track wasn’t even updated on all the schedule boards until 11:07. That gives everyone barely FIVE minutes to get the information on the track and rush to the correct platform and train!

So we went out for our visit and spent the full afternoon hanging out with my friend and her growing brood, discussing life in the ‘burbs as parents of two and what our potential life will look like once our little one makes her arrival. Although we’ve spent quite a bit of time in suburban homes while in California, every time I visit a house in the suburbs, it’s almost like my amazement restarts at how large homes can be. My friend’s kitchen was like a chef’s dream! I also marveled at all the endless toys and dollhouses and kitchen sets that her older child had.

“Sorry about the mess,” my friend said when we came over. “Their shit just gets everywhere!”

When they took us on a tour of their home and took us to the basement area, which appeared to be a play area, I asked them if this was the play room. Her husband immediately corrected me: “Well, actually, the entire HOUSE is their play area, but yes, the majority of their stuff is down here!”

This is how kids can take over your space… and your life. And they were telling us to get ready for the fun… and the shit, literally.

Fetal movements tracking

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Now that my little baby has grown quite a bit, it’s estimated that at 23+ weeks, she’s just over a pound in total weight, and thus I can feel her more often than just after rigorous physical activity and eating. Now, I feel her movements throughout the day, sometimes when I am just sitting here on a work call, I can feel her moving and squirming around. Though almost like clockwork, she will always move quite a bit after meals and after my morning workouts.

For a second, I felt a little worried today because after lunch, I barely felt her move at all. So to check in on her, I started tapping and pushing my fingers into my lower abdomen to get her to react, and well, yes, she seemed to have felt it, as she responded by pressing up against my stomach and then making me want to pee immediately. She then continued to move around for a few minutes and then slowed down. It was a little bit paranoid, but I needed to make sure my baby was okay. I’ve read that at week 24 and beyond, baby in the womb can also sense light, so if you are sitting in darkness and shine a flashlight on your belly, she will actually react by moving! I’m looking forward to testing that out and teasing her.

Newborn care specialists and post-partum doulas

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I’m currently doing research and looking at referrals/recommendations for newborn care specialists (otherwise known as night nannies or night nurses) and post-partum doulas for when the baby arrives. Given that both of us have no idea what we are doing when it comes to raising a baby and have no family nearby who could help, it made sense for us to hire someone who actually does know what she’s doing to help us with things like feeding and very importantly, allowing us to sleep and not bite each others’ heads off once the baby is here. Sleep deprivation is very common and almost 100% expected once a newborn has arrived, and it’s the number one reason that causes irritability and problems between couples once a baby has come into the picture. A colleague of mine told me that with his night nanny, he and his wife had zero regrets with hiring her, and it actually ensured their marriage stayed in tact, as they were both well rested and had enough energy to think and speak rationally in those initial 4-8 weeks of newborn chaos.

It seems that these services tend to book up very quickly, as one person I reached out to who has a team of NCSs let me know that she and her entire team are booked out for December. The search and interviewing continues.

Baby hand-me-downs and re-gifts

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I’m currently in the process of creating a baby registry, as I’ve been told by many people that regardless of the situation, people are going to want to give me and my baby gifts, so I might as well make it easier for them by curating things I actually want. The last thing I want to be doing postpartum is going to stores and returning things, or going to the post office to mail back returns for refunds/store credit. As I’ve started this process, I’ve also been grateful for some of the things others are willing to regift or hand me down that their babies have outgrown. I have zero problem stretching the use out of an item as long as it’s in decent condition, even though my mother immediately scoffed at anything that was even worn once or used at all (“it needs to be new! You don’t know how dirty it could be!”).

One friend has offered to give me her bassinet that her baby is currently using since her baby has almost outgrown it already. My cousin has offered to give me a brand-new, still sealed play mat since he was gifted two more than he actually needed. There are also buy-nothing and mom groups in Manhattan where moms are eager to pay it forward by giving away lightly used clothes or other toys.

My mother, the potential baby snatcher

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My mom loves babies. She especially loves the chubby, fat-cheeked ones that drool and smile all the time, regardless of who they are staring at. As soon as she sees any baby that is remotely cute or chubby, she always squeals, “Awwww, I want to hold!!”

She called me today to tell me that while at a grocery store recently, she saw the cutest little girl, probably somewhere between 3-4-years of age. She was extremely cute and had rosy, chubby cheeks (“her mother must have eaten an egg every single day of pregnancy to have a daughter with cheeks like that!” my mom exclaimed), and for whatever reason, was wandering around the shop unattended by a parent. As soon as she made eye contact with my mom, she smiled, and then started walking up to her. My mom said hi and waved, but didn’t want to do more than that in the event the parent showed up and got mad. My mom turned to walk away, but the child was so intrigued by my mom that she just kept on following her around the shop. My mom turned around to interact with her a few times, but didn’t get too close, though she said many times she wanted to. Finally, the mom of this little girl appeared out of nowhere to gather her child, and she shot my mom an unfriendly glare.

“It’s fine that she wasn’t friendly with me,” my mom said, gleefully. “I don’t need to hold or kiss her child because I have a grandchild on the way!”

While I am happy that my mom seems happy about my pregnancy, I’m not sure how much time she will actually spend with her grandchild once she is born. Who knows how much time any family member will be able to spend with her given the distance. So that’s always why it’s a bit comical to me how excited they are about babies.

“Nesting”

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I told one of my friends that Chris and I bought the Costco-sized diapers and baby wipes that were on sale during our trip this past Friday, and she exclaimed, “Yay! You’re nesting! So exciting!”

I’m not sure how I feel about the term “nesting.” Nesting refers to expectant parents getting their home ready for the newborn’s arrival. That could mean purchasing baby gear, clothes, toys, and necessities, child-proofing the home, discarding or giving away things that may be hazardous to the new baby, and/or decorating the nursery. And here, I just thought “nesting” meant snuggling.

I’ve started compiling a list of things that I think we need, but I am hoping I make some headway with the Facebook mom and “buy nothing” groups I’ve joined. And I’ve already mentioned how annoying researching stroller and car seat options are. I really have no desire to be THAT parent who thinks their child needs every toy and high end stroller and baby item on the market and then cluttering our entire apartment. I’d like to be as minimalist as possible while also being practical, but this seems to be a bit of a challenge now as I am overwhelmed by all the options that are out there.

I wish someone else could make all these choices for me. 😀

Delayed catch-up after almost 3 years

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This afternoon, I had an almost 2.5 hour FaceTime chat with a friend of mine who I haven’t seen in almost three years. She and her husband live in Seattle, and while she has family out here in the tri-state area, she hadn’t visited since 2019, and it was only for quick visits to Jersey. We caught up on everything from her new home, my chaotic pregnancy journey, shared family dysfunction, and everything in between.

Although we’d loosely kept in touch this entire time via text message and Instagram, we hadn’t had a real 1:1 conversation until this day. Yet despite that, it felt like no time had passed since we last spoke because the way we interacted and exchanged laughs and retorts seemed so natural.

I thought about all the blogs and mom stories I’ve read about people who become parents, and their friends tend to change in favor of others who are parents vs. those who are child-free, and I wondered what my life would be like with my friends who don’t have kids. My circle of friends is already relatively small, so I don’t really fear that I’ll become that disconnected from child-free friends, but I wonder how often we will chat and what our interactions will be like post-baby being born. I do hope that I’ll be able to make new friends through parent/mom groups, though, since it will be important for our child to socialize with those of a similar age.

Travel systems for an on-the-go life in the city

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If there is one area for shopping for baby items that is giving me some level of angst, it is most definitely what we will end up selecting for our stroller/car seat/travel system. For parents who own a car and plan to use it to transport their child everywhere, they definitely have less of a stressful decision to make given they can just leave their base in their car and snap in the car seat at any time, then dump the stroller piece into their trunk. Because we are city dwellers and do not own a car, we need to be able to pop a car seat in and out of multiple vehicles, whether they are ride shares, cabs, or rental cars, and be able to do it as quickly and efficiently as possible; ideally, we wouldn’t have to lug a car seat base everywhere (as they are pretty freaking heavy and LARGE!) and would find a car seat that doesn’t require a base. We will also need to take our stroller on the subway since that’s our main mode of transportation while in New York City.

It seems every “trendy,” or rather uppity, name-brand oriented mom can’t get enough of Uppababy products, particularly the Uppababy Vista stroller, which, by itself, without a car seat/base, without any adapters, costs over a thousand dollars. I can’t even count the number of Uppababy strollers I’ve noticed here in Manhattan in the last few years, and this was even far before I was trying to get pregnant. I told a relatively new mom about my stroller concern with living in the city carless and wanting to easily take these pieces on a plane, and she immediately, likely without thinking, just told me to get the Vista. But the Vista is a full-size stroller, which means it’s not only huge, but it’s extremely heavy, and with me at my pre-pregnancy weight of about 117 lb., I’m not sure how I’d be able to maneuver that along with the weight of a baby all by myself. I think I’d ideally want a more compact stroller that could easily click in a car seat and a bassinet, but there are many pros and cons for each of these options as it relates to cost, suspension, and durability.

As a last stop with our Zip Car rental yesterday, we stopped at a Buy Buy Baby in Jersey, and after looking at Chicco, Peg Perego, Uppababy, and Even Flo strollers, it seems that the best value option is the Even Flo stroller, which is modular (allows front and rear facing), and converts into a bassinet. It also comes with an infant car seat. But as I read reviews online, a lot of parents complain that this tends to break down and the wheels lose their power at around the 5-6 month mark, which would really be a hassle. I also wasn’t that trusting of the employees who helped us, as they gave us some factually incorrect information in regards to some of the strollers, which I later found out about just by doing a quick online search.

When I mentioned “travel,” “compact,” “we don’t have a car,” neither of the employees mentioned some of the most popular options available, including the Babyzen Yoyo, Bugaboo Ant, or the Uppababy Minu. So this just means my search and questioning will continue. What fun. I wish the search could be easier than this.

2nd and potentially last Costco trip this year

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Our usual cadence of going to Costco is about once per quarter since I started using my dad’s membership, but given our move last month, it didn’t really make sense to go in June or July of this year, so we decided to wait until this month. Chris decided to rent a Zip Car and take us to the Edison, New Jersey, location, which is obviously a very heavily Indian area, which means that the local Costco would cater to its local clientele. And that it surely did: walking through the aisles, you could see the South Asian influence with multiple varieties of 10-20 lb. pack lentils, different types of basmati rices, instant dal, paneer, and even a decent selection of Indian teas.

We weren’t sure if we’d be coming back to Costco again this year, especially with my due date in December (who knows how mobile I will be come November, as if all goes well, I will likely be waddling around and unable to be of much help with anything!), so we stocked up on a lot of things we probably wouldn’t normally get as much of. Instead of getting one 6-pack of Harmless Harvest coconut water, we picked up two. I got a large bottle of avocado oil even though I’m only half-way through my current one. We also stocked up quite a bit on chicken, beef, lamb, shrimp, and fish, which will likely be more than enough to carry us through the beginning of 2022 (and, which has definitely made our freezer space quite snug and full!).

We also noticed that baby wipes and diapers were on mega sale, so Chris insisted we buy these. Even though I’m already into week 23 of pregnancy, I still feel a bit uneasy about buying things so far ahead of baby’s arrival, but I figured… I can’t live my life in fear, and I have to remind myself that to date, everything has gone well, so we need to start “nesting” and preparing for the little one’s arrival. So that took up a LOT of cart space for us, too.

It was probably our fullest Costco shopping cart yet. Although we did pick up a huge bottle of avo oil for a friend, it was also our biggest Costco spend to date, at just over $500. And of course, we ended the Costco visit with a 100% berry smoothie.

27 weeks gestational age and birth

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I had a casual 1:1 catch-up with one of my colleague friends over Zoom today, and I finally told her that I was pregnant. We talked about the female body in general and how resilient and amazing it is, and she revealed to me that although she’s never had a baby herself, she always marvels at mothers and pregnant women for going through the pregnancy and birth process because of how beautiful she thinks it is… particularly because in her own case, she was born at 27 weeks gestational age and had to stay in the NICU for almost three months before being allowed to go home.

I was so shocked that I could barely contain myself. My colleague is two years older than me, which means that science and hospitals were equipped to keep her alive and healthy in 1984 at a super premature stage. TWENTY SEVEN WEEKS? I thought to myself. That’s just over six months of pregnancy!!!!! What a miracle baby she was, I told her. I don’t think I can look at her the same way ever again. And now, she’s a 37-year old woman who is accomplished, extremely smart, and so thoughtful. Thank goodness she not only survived but thrived. She told me that the hospital filled her up with so much formula in her three-month stay that she was super fat when she finally went home, and no one could tell that she was originally born so premature!