Getting lost

One of the reasons I like the fact that I grew up in an urban area where people both drive and take relatively reliable public transit is that I grew up knowing the streets of the city I grew up in. I knew how to take the bus or train to places, and once I started driving, I knew what routes to take where. The fear I’ve had of having children in a suburban environment is that they would not be street smart. They’d inevitably be sheltered, not know what life was like outside their own neighborhood, and when brought into an urban area, feel lost and not know where the hell they are going.

Well today, I interviewed a prospective Wellesley student who commuted into Manhattan to meet me, and she waited for me at the wrong cafe location, even though I gave her a link which clearly noted the correct address with cross streets. When she realized she was at the wrong location after I texted her, she called me again to ask me which direction was uptown and downtown on the avenue she was standing at. When we finally met and sat down for her interview, she said that her parents had insisted on coming with her in case she would get lost, and she scoffed at them and said, “I’m 17 years old — I can get around New York City!”

Oh well.

St. Ann’s School

After five months of waiting, my mentoring program finally started today. It’s a small program with no more than 15 mentors and 15 mentees, and so far, it looks like it will be a good setup. All the mentees are in fourth or fifth grade, so they are a relatively young bunch. I haven’t been matched with anyone yet since for the first 2-3 sessions, the program leader wants all mentors to get to know all mentees, particularly in the instance that a mentor or mentee can’t make a session. In that event, the absent mentor/mentee could be replaced with someone that s/he was familiar with.

The exercise we did today involved a method like speed dating, where all the mentors sat in one row and all the mentees sat in a row sitting across and facing them. We had five minutes with each mentee before the time was up, and they had to move to the seat to their right.

Like I imagined, there was a large range of personalities and social skills in the group of mentees. I had one mentee who was really mature for her age, and she’s already traveled quite a bit around the U.S. and in the Caribbean and was telling me about her travel experiences. Another mentee was so hard to crack that it ended up feeling more like a Q&A talking to him, but the answers part was just one or two word answers from him. Some had one sibling and others had seven siblings. Some knew where San Francisco is and some had never even heard of it. But they all had eager, happy faces.

That’s what I want. I want to be around kids and people who are hopeful, even if they are painfully shy or awkward or even annoying at times.

Cookbooks

Today, a friend gifted me an Indian cookbook. It’s a bit different this time because he actually got it through a Kickstarter project that he funded, which I really appreciate.

I think that as someone who cooks, I am seen as someone who would appreciate cookbooks, and so as a result, I have received an endless number of cookbooks from everyone from my own relatives to even colleagues. A number of them are cookbooks that are better as coffee table cookbooks (i.e. you wouldn’t ever really cook using their recipes, but damn, the photos are great), and some of them are kind of dumbed down versions of the authentic cuisine that I am after when I am preparing food at home.

I’m hoping this cookbook is better than my other Indian cookbook, which was also a gift and written by a reputable Indian chef. In this cookbook, every time I used any of the recipes, I always had to either double or triple the amount of spices she recommended or add additional spices to make the dish taste “more Indian.” When this happens, you know that your source isn’t reliable… when you feel more Indian than the Indian chef you are trying to imitate.

Friends and weddings

I used to get told all the time that if I waited until I got a little bit older (say, late twenties, early thirties) to get married that I wouldn’t have to worry so much about my friends being able to afford coming to my wedding. The logic here is that we’d all have paid off most of our college debt if we had any, and if we work, we’d have climbed the ladder a bit by now and have higher salaries. Inevitably no matter where the wedding was, a decent handful of people would need to travel, and that of course would affect my friends, who are all around my age.

Well, why am I at that stage of life now and I don’t feel any relief in this area, and instead I feel more guilt?

Two out of my three bridesmaids do not have stable, “career” type jobs. One even said to me after I got engaged and asked her to be my bridesmaid, “Please don’t make me go all over the world for your wedding activities.” I know how stressful it can be to be a maid-of-honor since I was one a few years ago, but I looked at the travel opportunities for the weddings and parties as more excuses for me to travel and see more places of the world. The other thing is that I know I have sacrificed and done a lot for my close friends so that they wouldn’t see it as such a “weight” on them to have to travel or do anything for my wedding. Aren’t they supposed to be happy and excited for me for this occasion? Or is everything even remotely out of their comfort zone just seen as a massive inconvenience or over-expense?

Phone dependent

In a rush to get to the gym on time this morning, I left my phone sitting on the counter much to my irritation. On the train ride to the gym, I wanted to do everything from read e-mails I’d downloaded, listen to Edge of Eternity via Audible, and even check my work schedule to see what was on my agenda today, but I couldn’t do any of it because it was all on my phone. Then, I thought about my personal to-do list I made for this week. I couldn’t access that, either, because that was in the Notes app on my phone. I felt so useless without my phone and as though I was just standing mindlessly on the train, waiting to reach my destination without anything to accomplish. I hate feeling inefficient. That’s one of the worst feelings to me — feeling like I am useless and getting absolutely nothing done.

This is the trouble about living in a modern society with the privilege of having a mobile phone. We become phone dependent; everything is on this freaking device. I used to write tons of post-it notes for everything as reminders when I was on the go; in an effort to save trees and contribute less waste to a city like New York that doesn’t recycle, I stopped doing this and now write everything in my Notes app. Even little things like phone numbers, which in the past we used to memorize for our family and closest friends, we don’t do anymore. Chris and I have been together almost three years now; I don’t think I actually remembered his phone number fully by heart until after a year and a half. I still don’t think he even remembers mine.

At work today, I actually felt a bit liberated without my phone. I didn’t have anything to check or buzz at my desk, and it felt kind of nice after a while to think that I didn’t have to think about my phone or its existence until I got home. I didn’t expect that to happen, but it did. Granted, I was in front of my laptop about 90 percent of today, but having a mobile phone is so much different. It’s like you are married to the damn thing even when you don’t want to be.

Maybe I should use today’s experience as a lesson to be less attached to my phone this year and not to check it several hundred times a day the way the average person does now.

Smashed

I haven’t remembered my dreams that vividly in the last few weeks, so I guess last night was a whole stream of them. I can’t seem to remember any of them now except for just one.

I am in some big dark room playing paintball with Chris and his cousins. Mind you, I don’t even know what paintball looks like and have only heard of it. I see all these different colors everywhere, and suddenly something knocks my left hand, and the diamond in my engagement ring cracks. An entire piece of it falls off. I hold my hand close to my eyes to examine it. Yep – it’s shattered. Too bad we didn’t get it insured.

Chris’s cousin comes over to inspect and has a worried look on his face. After a few moments of looking at it, he pats Chris on the back and says, “It’s okay. it won’t be that difficult to replace!”

Ouch.

Farmers’ wedding

When discussing wedding venue research today, my friend told me about how his friend’s cousin is trying to plan a wedding in Kazakhstan this year, and it may even overlap with his trip there, which means he’d be able to attend. The problem with planning, though, is that her family needs to be mindful of the planting season. If the planting season is not done, the wedding cannot be held because the groom’s side has a lot of farmers, and so they would not be able to attend.

“Whenever you get frustrated about wedding planning, you can remember this and remind yourself how lucky you are that you don’t have to deal with problems like these,” he said.

Well, that’s certainly true. 🙂

Queens and gentrification

Lonely Planet is pushing Queens as their number 1 recommended tourist destination for 2015. I find this so comical given that I lived there for four years, my cousin lived there, hated it, and complained about how dumb people were there (he thinks everyone else is the problem, not him, though, so not much to take seriously there), and it hasn’t reached anywhere near the levels of gentrification that Brooklyn has seen due to the hipster invasion. The “cool” neighborhoods in which to live in Queens are Astoria and Long Island City; anywhere else is considered foreign to the unknowing white person moving here for the first time who wants something that is affordable but still “in.” When I tell people I lived in Queens and they ask me the neighborhood, I respond “Elmhurst,” knowing that 98% of them won’t have any idea what I am talking about. If they know what I am talking about, chances are that they are either Asian or Latino, or they have Asian or Latino relatives/friends who lived there or still live there.

Well, guess what: that’s the real Queens, not the Queens made prissy by hipsters who claim to not want to be yuppies and the yuppies who want somewhere clean and free of immigrants to live. In Elmhurst, I was happy with massive apartment space, a full sized, granite kitchen with all new appliances, endless ethnic eating options for cheap, affordable groceries, a safe area at all hours of day and night, and incredibly affordable rent. Yes, I had a 45-50-minute commute door-to-door to work, but in the end, the trade-off was worth it to me. I explored a neighborhood that most others don’t even think about or know when they think of New York. And I’m more knowledgeable about the “real foodie” places in Queens than the average person who claims to know this city’s food.

I sat at lunch today with my friend and two of his friends who brought up the Lonely Planet Queens mention. One of the girls said, “I like to walk through the neighborhoods of Brooklyn, but I wouldn’t really do that in Queens. There, I have to have a destination, like a restaurant I want to go to.” I can understand why people would say that, but at the same time, if I told her of an area of Brooklyn she probably has no clue about, like Bensonhurst or Bay Parkway, I’m pretty sure she wouldn’t want to wander the streets there, admiring gorgeous brownstones… because while there are brownstones there, they aren’t necessarily the picturesque ones she’s probably imagining from chic areas like Park Slope or Cobble Hill. Gentrification is the reason places like Brooklyn are becoming socially acceptable to live in and be a tourist in. Certain pockets of Queens are being gentrified, but I think that if the immigrant population gets pushed out too much there, what I love about Queens in terms of variety, culture, and cuisine will be gone. I never wanted it to become hip. I want business to get better though and people to more widely recognize it as an extremely important part of food and culture in New York, though, so maybe I can’t have both.

High school reunion

The title of this post is misleading because no, I didn’t go to my 10-year high school reunion, but I do have friends and acquaintances who did attend and either sent me photos or posted photos from the event on Facebook. To any and all photos and mentions of the event, I am completely indifferent and have zero regrets that I did not attend and was not in town to attend.

I’m not sure where this indifference really came from. I look back apathetically at all areas of my schooling except for middle school, which I found to be the period of my life where I not only became the most confident (and perhaps the most stubborn), but actually realized I didn’t want to be like everyone else. I look back fondly on Lowell and Wellesley for its academics, but for social areas, I feel apathy to disdain. When I look back at Lowell, I just think of a lot of conformity, a lot of “everyone’s doing it, so we should do it, too!”, and a lot of pressure to try to outdo everyone else. Lowell, being over 60% Asian by the numbers (but probably more accurately 90% in a sea of black-haired people), was not at all representative of the real world and probably skewed my vision of what the “real world” could look like. Wellesley, with all its high achieving “I can conquer the world” women also skewed my vision of how competitive the world is. I’m not very competitive by personality, and I felt the weight of the world on me there. And I felt like I was failing.

While it would be nice to see some people I haven’t seen in over ten years now, I think that Facebook has allowed me to electronically “keep in touch” with those I somewhat cared about but didn’t feel the need to reach out to and vice versa. Maybe if Facebook didn’t exist, I would have a stronger inclination to care that such an event just passed me by.

More research

I’ve contacted about 20 different venues in the last several days across the Melbourne and Los Angeles areas for our wedding. People who say that wedding planning is stressful aren’t kidding. I’ve been following multiple wedding websites and their planning articles, and they’ve said that the most research-intense period is the beginning when you are choosing a venue, which makes a lot of sense. The initial research helps you determine what ballpark costs are per area for the specific things you want and also lets you see more accurately what you can afford given a certain level of budget. Once the venue is chosen, everything else tends to fall into place much quicker and easier, such as florists, dress, external vendors like photo booths and cake vendor, etc.

Are there wedding planners out there who would do this research phase for us across two cities when we live in neither one?