Family / baby friendly environment in Australia

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At most places we have visited across three states, I’ve been very pleasantly surprised by the number of family friendly bathrooms that have been available. In Byron Bay and in Gold Coast, there have been family bathrooms where there was not just one changing station, but three or four; where the place where you would lay your baby to change their diaper even had cushions underneath to ensure their comfort. Some had big rollers to roll out paper towels to keep the area clean. Others had nappie/diaper-specific rubbish bins to toss soiled diapers. A few even had convenient pockets and pouches to place your diaper/wipes/diaper balm. One even had wipes (I wasn’t sure what they were made out of and whose hands had touched them, so I refrained from even looking at them to seriously consider using). Lots of stores even had ramps where you could easily roll a wheelchair or stroller. It kind of made me annoyed to think about exactly how unfriendly it is pretty much everywhere in the U.S. where we’ve gone. Granted, the diaper changing stage only lasts for a few years for kids, but still; no parent or caregiver wants to feel like they are unwelcome in a place simply because they have their diaper-wearing child with them.

Eating out with baby

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Like most new, first-time moms who breastfeed, whether nursing or pumping, with our near-sightedness, we think that life will get easier when babies are less reliant on breast milk and start eating solid foods. What we seem to forget is that eating solids is a TASK; teaching your child to eat regular food, and eat it independently, literally takes years and years of work. And that work requires an insane amount of patience. And when they are in public or in the presence of others outside of their home environment, the amount of energy and time it takes increases exponentially because they are easily distracted and want to know everything that’s going on around them. That also means… YOUR eating as a parent/caregiver takes the backseat. So it’s no wonder why most of the time now, when I am watching her eat or feeding her in public, I end up eating most of my own food nearly cold. I also don’t get to savor and enjoy my food as much. But hey, everything has its time, its beginning and its end, and so this will just be a phase…. one that will take time. It is definitely a test to my patience, though, and can be wearing, especially since when I eat, it’s because I really like to eat, not because I’m simply eating for sustenance. But this is an investment of my time into my baby’s growth and character, and so I hope this all pays off eventually.

Blowout all over me, the car, and in the trunk in Gold Coast

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Yesterday, on our first full day in the Gold Coast, Chris wanted us to go up to the mountains for a mini hike. That plan got dampened a bit, literally, when it started raining. And before that, it got dampened because Kaia was being especially fussy. I initially thought it was just teething because I already see two more teeth popping out on the top, plus she had been drooling a lot that morning. But after a while in the car seat in the car, I noticed she started straining. I figured she had a big poop to get out, but even after she finished straining, she started yelping even more than she normally does when fussing. So I did the unsafe caregiver task of taking her out of her car seat in a moving car and trying to soothe her. That worked for about five minutes, after which she started fussing even louder. And that was when the real excitement began: the unmistakable stench of human poop overtook our noses. And it got stronger and stronger… until I realized that the poop was so large that it had spilled out of her diaper, into her clothes, and then onto MY lap, and even all over the rental car seat belt!

Chris eventually found a safe spot to stop the car, which happened to be right next to a hotel, and he quickly got out, helped me clean up what parts he could on me and the car before making a bigger poop mess, and I got her cleaned up as much as I could in the trunk of the car, changing her diaper, giving her a new backup outfit, and cleaning my pants up as much as I could. In the process, we smeared poop in the trunk, which also had to be cleaned up, and I also got poop all over my shirt. And NO, I did NOT pack a backup outfit for MYSELF. They always say that when traveling with a baby, caregivers should always also pack a backup outfit for themselves for these exact reasons (or vomit), but… I didn’t, and I never had before. And this was the one time it could have come in handy.

So after doing a mediocre job cleaning up myself, I took Kaia in her stroller and myself into the hotel bathroom to clean up. I used an ungodly amount of wet paper towels and soap to clean her dress, my shirt, and pants as much as I could. I left that bathroom looking like I wet my own pants. But I had to do it, otherwise I would literally have been walking around in poop all day long. And it worked out.

Yes, it was a mess. Yes, it was unpleasant. But at the same time, it was also an adventure and a lesson to be learned. Always pack backup clothes for you and baby. You can never have enough backup wipes or hand sanitizer. and always pack a bag to store wet (dirty, poopy) clothes.

Email lists and pushing consumers to buy, buy, buy

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Around November or December of every year, my gift purchasing spikes given that Christmas and a slew of birthdays of those close to me are around the corner. Plus, Black Friday/Cyber Monday is a great time to buy since most companies will be having their biggest sales of the year. The annoying thing that happens? When you buy a bunch of products from whatever company, they think it’s okay to start inundating you pretty much every single day after that initial purchase that you should keep buying constantly. And the emails just don’t stop unless you fully unsubscribe or limit email outreaches from them to once a week or once a month! From my perspective, I am thinking.. seriously? I literally JUST bought from you yesterday. Why are you pushing me to buy yet again, every single day from here on out?! Is that even a realistic expectation? How much do you genuinely think a single person can purchase, and for whom?? These companies really need to get their ducks in a row and realize that they shouldn’t be so freaking aggressive about their email marketing, especially to people who have just purchased for the very first time, and it may be prudent of them to tone it down a bit and pull back on this incessant outreach.

Going up to the Gold Coast and Byron Bay for the week

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The first time I went on an airplane was when I was 13. My mom picked some fight with my dad about how he never takes us anywhere, and so he randomly decided to book a trip for the three of us to go to Las Vegas. That was also my first time leaving the state of California. Ed never wanted to go anywhere with our parents, so that’s why he stayed behind. My daughter is just over 1 year old, and the flight she took this morning from Melbourne to Gold Coast was her 9th flight, plus her first flight traveling in economy class. Her first eight flights were all in First or Business class. She’s having quite the jet-setting life already.

We arrived in Gold Coast, Queensland, this afternoon, and decided to spend the rest of the day on the resort property. Kaia enjoyed her very first Moreton Bay Bugs during our lunch at the hotel restaurant. These little crustaceans go by many names, including flathead lobsters, bay lobsters, and Moreton bugs. Moreton bay bugs live in deep water and most species can be found all along the Australian coast. The first time I’d ever seen them was when we were in Cairns in 2014 and had them at a restaurant. The second time I saw them was in Sydney at the fish market in 2015. They are cooked and prepared just like lobsters, and they’re a very expensive delicacy, one I had never seen or heard of outside of Australia. Similar to how she was with lobster, Kaia loved the bay bugs. Our plate had five of them, and she had one bay bug almost all to herself and gobbled it up! She seems to love all seafood she’s had so far — my sweet little foodie baby.

Old-fashioned relatives and their annoying child-bearing comments

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For the most part, I think Chris’s family is pretty “normal” and friendly, the kind of family where people in general get along with some quirks and little tensions here and there. But I always sense that there’s a bit more rigidity and formality among relatives on his mom’s side. She has one of her two sisters who lives in Melbourne, and she and her husband came late (i.e. AFTER the party ended yesterday) for Kaia’s birthday party. They arrived just past 6pm. When she came in, I heard her telling Chris’s mom:

“Tony said that you told everyone the party was from 1-6pm and to come any time, but you told me to come between 3-6!” she exclaimed, sounding slightly exasperated and annoyed.

Chris’s mom: Well, CJ wanted it casual and just wanted to give a big window for people to come and go.

I don’t get that response, but either way….

Regardless, if someone tells you that a party is happening from 1-6 OR 3-6, and to come any time in between, doesn’t that mean that the END time is 6pm, so why the hell would you come at 6pm and get mad?

I hadn’t seen this aunt and uncle in three years. Granted, they are not my favorite people to see, but I’m always friendly when I do see them. As soon as they walked in, his aunt came to give me a hug, and I said, “It’s so nice to finally see you again after three years!”

Her response? “It’s so nice to finally see you as parents! What took you so long?”

If I weren’t polite and just wanted to be blunt, I would have said, “A lot of things… other priorities, career, fertility problems, IVF, but hey, who’s keeping track?” but instead I just brushed it off and ignored it. That sounded like a comment I’d get from one of my rude Chinese or Vietnamese relatives, but instead, it’s coming from Chris’s aunt, who thinks that all children owe their parents grandchildren as some sort of debt to be paid.

Her youngest son came a bit afterwards, and he not only has not had children, but isn’t married, which she clearly is not thrilled about. They have an older son who recently got married, but no kids yet. Chris’s aunt started ranting about her lack of grandchildren.

“All of my sisters have grandchildren now, and I don’t!” she complained. “Tom, when are you going to give us a grandchild?”

Tom looked around helplessly and then uttered his older brother’s name, implying, why isn’t the focus on him?

“Well, he’s not here now, so that’s why we’re focusing on YOU now!” his mom insisted.

The thing about comments like this is…. maybe it’s frustrating for Tom because he wishes he had a life partner and kids. Or maybe he doesn’t care. And regardless, why did he have to get the third degree from his mother in front of the rest of us to witness? It’s so rude. And when I was trying to conceive and getting stupid, senseless comments like this, these comments pissed me off, but a more sensitive version of myself would have been really hurt. People of their generation don’t seem to understand that people don’t just get married just like that. They don’t get pregnant right away just trying once or twice, or even a hundred times thanks to increasing levels of sub fertility across both men and women in all age groups. And for a lot of people, maybe they don’t care to get married or have kids. And we should respect our children for the people they actually are, not who we want them to be for ourselves.

Happy 1st birthday to my sweet baby Kaia Pookie

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Dear Kaia Pookie,

Today, you are one year old, my sweet Kaia Jam baby. Every night before I put you down for sleep, I tell you how much I love you, how you are mummy’s great gift, and how grateful I am to have you in my life. I am so lucky to have you, and my one hope is to always keep you safe, healthy, and happy forever. While that may not always be a realistic wish because you will not be kept under glass and my direct care forever, that is my hope for my sweet Kaia Pookie.

In the last year, while you have certainly caused a lot of stress and anxiety over your growth, getting enough breast milk, and pumping, and while I have definitely not slept or rested as much as I would have liked, I always remember that there could easily have been a life where you did not exist, and that never would have been sufficient for me. I would take all the sleepless (or sleep little) nights, all the cries, all the pumping, and more, twice over, just to have you here with us. They always say to cherish the moments, that the days are long, but the weeks are short. I have truly cherished every moment with you, even when I’ve been frustrated that you wouldn’t eat properly off my boob, even when you’ve refused to sleep, even when you have rejected food that I spent so much time making just for you. In the back of my mind, I always remember you are my miracle baby, my little love. It has been a truly amazing experience watching you grow into this sweet, cheeky, tiny human that you are. I’ve loved watching you evolve and progress from tummy time to rolling over, from crawling to pulling yourself up, from pulling yourself up to cruising along furniture. And well, this comes as no surprise, but I have especially loved watching you explore so many new foods and embrace them across multiple cultures. You have impressed us with your eating skills, and you’ve even proven to your ignorant scoffing nanny that yes, babies ARE capable of eating finger foods, that babies ARE capable of drinking out of straw and open cup from six months onward. Your love for spicy food has made your mummy and daddy so, so proud. We hope you always keep up that adventurous spirit, whether it’s with food or in life in general.

I love you so much, my sweet Kaia Pookie. Mama ai ni. We’re looking forward to another year, which I’m sure will be even more challenging as you assert your independence and opinions, and gradually walk and become more mobile. But I look forward to every second with you, even when you are likely a total pain in the ass :). My one sadness, though, is that time seems to fly by so quickly. Sometimes, I just want to bottle up the moment and freeze time and just stare at your beautiful face. I hope you will still enjoy spending time with your mama and dada even beyond your toddler years. Thank you for teaching me a deeper meaning of love and helping me learn what it’s like to see my heart moving outside my body. Love you muchos and forever.

Love,

your mama Yvonne

Preparing for Kaia’s 1st birthday: Balloons galore

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When I was little, I didn’t really ask for much when it was my birthday. But for a few years, all I wanted were helium filled balloons. I was obsessed with them when I saw them at events and outside, and I really wanted them for my own birthday. They looked so magical, floating in the air and making the room they were in seem so festive and fun. My parents didn’t understand what the difference was between helium filled balloons and balloons just filled with air, so they blew up some balloons for me on their own and stuck them on the wall. They said helium was not a possibility (they probably had no idea party supply stores existed for this sole reason, but hey, they didn’t know any better, and/or they just didn’t want to spend the money on this or make the effort). I still remember when they first did this: it was my 5th birthday, and I thought the non-helium balloons were really pathetic. I didn’t understand how helium worked, so I kept on trying to throw them in the air, hoping they would float. Well, they never did. I was actually deflated myself.

So when my friend suggested balloons/party supplies for Kaia’s birthday, I suddenly remembered this and thought, I could live vicariously through my baby and get her a couple balloon arrangements for her birthday! My friend suggested going to Lombard’s nearby, so Chris and I stopped by there today, and I picked out a silver “1” balloon, plus two 13-balloon tiered arrangements of pale pink and pearl colored balloons to create a happy birthday vibe for tomorrow. It would frame the cake when we cut it and create a beautiful backdrop. And with the exchange rate, the amount I paid for these balloons actually didn’t seem so bad!

And yes, let’s be real: when kids are very young, their birthdays are not really about them: they are about the parents and the caregivers throwing the parties. So I was very well aware these balloons were really for me, but hey, they look fun and cheerful, they would make for great photos, and Kaia will be able to look back on these when she’s older and see what efforts we all went to ensure she had a fun and beautiful first birthday party at her Suma and Topa’s beautiful home.

Rising inflation for food in Australia

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While everyone back in the U.S. has been complaining endlessly about rising food costs in the last year, it seems like it may be impacting Australia far harder, especially being so far away from most of the world. It has not been uncommon for the cost of some basic food staples to go up anywhere from 3-4x. At Bun Bun Bakery, which we visited this past Monday, I had read on Google Reviews that just three months ago, the banh mi sandwiches cost $6. When we went, the sandwiches were $8 each. that’s a 33% increase in just three months, which is insane. And I have the faintest feeling that people’s salaries are not increasing at the same rate. Living in Australia already is so expensive, and this definitely makes everything worse for the average person here.

Going through the supermarket the other day was also crazy to see how much things like fruit and meat cost; but from my perspective, since $1USD = about $1.47 AUD, it’s almost like I get about a 35% discount every time I buy something. So I have to readjust it in my head every time.

The unanticipated “gifts” of a walk along the beach in Australia

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When Chris suggested going on a walk our first afternoon back in Melbourne, I thought, why not? That sounds like a good idea to get some natural light into all three of us to help our bodies adjust to local time. We buckled Kaia into the stroller and went off towards Brighton Beach just a few blocks from his parents’ house. And while a walk along the water seemed like a tranquil, scenic, and fun thing to do to help us transition, the picture I had in my head of how it would go… is not exactly how it went.

Every time I opened my eyes to see or my mouth to talk, it was like a fly was aggressively trying to find its way in. And when there wasn’t a concern of a fly going right into my eye or mouth, they were trying to make their way into my ears and nostrils. The same was happening to Chris, except with him, they love to always perch all over his back and shoulders. It’s as though they know that he’s an Australian native, so they make a “home” of him as soon as he arrives. So while we both wanted to talk, it was so awkward because we were simultaneously fighting flies off the outside AND the inside of our bodies. For whatever reason, the flies did not seem to swarm Kaia. Maybe they prefer older humans?

Chris has also had to take some over the counter allergy meds because the Australian pollen has gotten to him. He’d been free of it for the last three years given we hadn’t been back, and now his body is finally being exposed to it once again.

In addition, Chris’s parents said that because it’s been wetter than usual, the “mozzies” or mosquitoes had been swarming the house. It’s like they just wait outside until someone opens the door and immediately fly in. In the last few days, I’ve killed about 6 just in the bathroom. What joy!