Kaia’s love for lychees

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I first introduced Kaia to lychees sometime in the autumn of last year, but there was a huge gap when she had no exposure to them until this summer. We bought them from a fruit vendor on the street in upper Manhattan, and then she totally got hooked on them. I got them once more in Chinatown, and since then, she randomly asks if we have lychees to eat (most of the time, we don’t, unfortunately).

When we were in Richmond, we went into a Vietnamese supermarket and found some at a reasonable price, so we bought a 2.2lb bag of them to eat back at the hotel. Given we had no high chair and no proper kitchen/dining setup, we’d undress her so she’d only wear her diaper, wash and peel the lychees in the hotel bathroom sink, then give them to her in pieces. She was always in heaven, constantly asking, “More? More?”

We brought some back with us when we returned to New York today, and we finished them off after dinner this evening. I’ve been teaching her how to say different food-related phrases in Chinese. So while she gets excited and wants to reach for the lychee shells and pits, I repeatedly tell her in Chinese “Bu chi! Bu chi! (don’t eat!). Now, after I peel a lychee, she points at the pits and shells and says gleefully, “bu chi! bu chi!”

Thomas Jefferson’s Monticello: The beautiful creation as a result of slavery

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Monticello was the primary plantation and home of our third U.S. president, Thomas Jefferson. He was a self-trained architect and started designing Monticello when he was 14 years old, inheriting the land from his father. This vast piece of land was about 5,000 acres, or 20 square kilometers, and was built and managed by Jefferson’s vast team of over 600 slaves in his lifetime. Today, we drove out to Monticello, which is just outside of Charlottesville, Virginia, and took the Highlights tour, which showed us the inside of the house, as well as different parts of the grounds. He had quite an elaborate garden full of beautiful flowers and a large variety of seasonal fruits and vegetables. I lost count of the number of different fruit trees that lined the property, as well as all the different types of tomatoes and squash.

When I learned U.S. history in high school, because I grew up in liberal San Francisco, one of the very first things I learned about Jefferson was that not only did he own and love having slaves as free labor, but he even had sex with many of them and infamously impregnated one of them multiple times (Sally Hemmings). None of this was ever sugar coated to me in my U.S. history classroom. I would guess that Jefferson likely raped and had many children with other slaves that just aren’t confirmed, but I suppose we’ll never know the full story around that. However on this tour, I was completely shocked and disgusted to find out that despite having over 600 slaves serve him and his property over his lifetime, Jefferson still managed to die in debt. At the time of his death when he was 83 years old, he owed more than $107,000 USD, which is the equivalent of over $3 million USD today! Can someone please explain how you can possibly have that much debt when you never had to pay for any labor your entire life…?!

It’s really amazing what you can build when you have access to totally free, enslaved labor. But it’s also amazing how much you can take all that for granted and still push for an even more lavish life that would leave you in that much debt when you die. It’s pretty sickening to think about.

Maymont Farm in Richmond

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A colleague who lives in Richmond suggested we come to visit Maymont Farm, which is actually in Richmond the city, surprisingly. It’s this huge expanse of land that has multiple types of gardens, farms, a barn, and seemingly endless pastures. In the late 1800s, a wealthy Richmond couple, James and Sallie Dooley, completed an elaborate Gilded Age estate on a site high above the James River. Upon their deaths and according to their wishes, Maymont, including its architectural complexes and the 100-acre landscape, was left to the people of Richmond. Sallie Dooley died in 1925, which was when the City of Richmond took control of the land. Until 1975, the Maymont Foundation took control under an agreement with the City of Richmond. They raised money and developed a long-term plan to allow the public to enjoy this space. Today, it is free to come visit with just a suggested donation of $5 per visitor, which is incredible when you see how beautiful and vast the space is. It really is taken care of quite well.

We visited the Italian and Japanese gardens of Maymont, and also the goat farms. I really wanted Kaia to see real animals in person. They allow you to feed them designated goat feed there. A nice visitor had extra coins for feed, so she gave them to me so Kaia could enjoy. Kaia seemed pretty unsure of what to make of the goats. She knew the sound they make (“baa baa!”), but when it came to getting too close, she got a little scared. I tried to model for her and feed the goats to get her more comfortable. She almost did at one point and willingly grabbed the goat pellet feed from me…. Until an aggressive goat head butted a smaller goat we tried to feed to steal the little goat’s food away! That’s when Kaia stepped back a bit and her desire to feed the goats waned, and she ran off! Maybe she will enjoy getting closer to animals when she’s a little older.

It was still worth it to watch her observe them and think about what they were in relation to her, though. My sweet baby is still learning her place in the world and deeply observant of all her surroundings all the time. It’s been amazing to watch her grow every day and fills me with endless joy.

A visit to Richmond, Virginia

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While I was out at dinner on Wednesday night with my friend, she asked if we had any plans for the upcoming Labor Day weekend. I told her that we were planning to go to Virginia and would be based in Richmond, the capital.

“Why?” she asked me, puzzled.

“Why not?” I responded, grinning.

It’s less than an hour’s flight from New York. Richmond may not be a tier 1 tourist city in the U.S., but it is the capital city of Virginia. Virginia has lots of history as one of the 13 original colonies of the United States. It is the land of Thomas Jefferson’s home, the Monticello, and is also known for fresh local seafood. There are also plenty of farms and outdoorsy activities we could do there. Granted, I told her I didn’t book this trip, as Chris did, but to me, every place is worth exploring, even if only for a little while.

The first thing that surprised me about Richmond was… well, I guess it shouldn’t have surprised me given we are living in high inflation times, but the prices! They were high! Eating out was like eating out in New York in terms of the prices we were seeing. Our first meal was at a Vietnamese restaurant, and all our dishes cost at least $15-16 each, with $6 drinks. The cost of pastries and coffee were also like New York, at anywhere from $4-8 each. And of course, the expected percentage of tipping is always going to be the same.

After our lunch today, we wandered around a small ethnic strip mall, picked up some lychees (to satisfy the Pookster) and kunefe, and then went to explore Carytown, a fun neighborhood with lots of interesting street murals, restaurants, and cafes. I was excited to see my very first brick and mortar shop of Jeni’s Ice Cream, which I’d had before and had heard endless raves about, but had never seen in person. There, we got coffee with cream and sugar, as well as wildberry (black currant) lavender, both of which were delicious. We ran into Torchy’s Tacos, which we ate 12 years ago on our visit to Austin, Texas. I had no idea that they expanded east! We got a taco from there, and somehow they messed up our order and brought us two. That ended up meaning we shared one taco as a snack, then let Pookster eat her own when she got hungry a little later. And what may have been most exciting during our walk down the main street: I finally got to experience the brick and mortar fun of Penzey’s, the infamous spice company that is so loved and cherished by cooks around the country! I always thought they were an online only company, but clearly, they have a lot of shops throughout the U.S., just not in New York or San Francisco. I picked up some very fresh, complex scented fennel seeds here.

We also stopped by a local brewery / urban winery on the main drag of Carytown and shared a flight of three honey wines and one white wine They were all delicious, but one in particular was a standout to me: it was called Kitsu, which was a blood peach honey wine with hints of yuzu and jasmine, then drenched in fresh citrus, blood orange, with more notes of tart cherry, raspberry, and yuzu. It was absolutely delicious! Chris was making fun of me regarding how quickly I finished it!

Virginia has its own delicious local produce, farms, seafood, meat, beer, and wine. It’s nice to explore and taste all these things during our travels, and also to get Pookster traveling and seeing all these different parts of the country where she was born.

Times have changed: not waiting in crazy lines anymore

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I was excited about my pizza outing with my friend visiting last night, but what could have equally gotten me just as excited was the fact that I knew Scarr’s had crazy long lines, but I had somehow snagged a dinner reservation at a prime dinner time. Most of the people who want to eat here are just getting a slice since Scarr’s was originally a slice shop, but hey: who DOESN’T want a place to sit down and enjoy that slice? So when I took the train downtown and walked a few blocks to the restaurant, I was eagerly anticipating a long line, which definitely was in front, when I entered the restaurant. I immediately bypassed the line and tried hard not to make eye contact with anyone in line and walked right in to the host. She asked if I had a reservation, and I told her my name, and to my surprise, she actually seated me right away even though my friend wasn’t with me (she was running late). I took a look at the menu and at the people dining around me. It was actually quite empty, so I wasn’t sure how “booked” this place was according to Resy. A couple of two tops had couples dining around me, plus one family with kids in the single-digit age range. My friend finally came about half an hour later, and she was so ecstatic at the fact that she ignored the long line snaking outside and joined me so quickly. “This is the best New York pizza experience!” she exclaimed.

Ten to fifteen years ago, I would have been happy to wait in that line. I figured then that it was just a right of passage, something you did when you wanted to eat the latest new, trendy thing in New York City. But now, having been in New York over 15 years and having a little toddler running around, my patience has waned. If I can get a reservation, I will check way in advance if I need to so I never have to wait in some crappy line. Many restaurants won’t allow reservations when they are new, but eventually, they will cave in and allow them. And when that does happen, you can count me in on checking the reservation list.

Going out for dinner tonight

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A friend of mine is visiting from San Diego from work for a meeting that was last minute, so I’m meeting her for dinner on the Lower East Side tonight. Since Pookster was born, I can probably count on one hand the number of times I’ve actually gone out for dinner without her. So it always feels a little funny when I think about “going out” at night. I’m so used to being a homebody, both given I work from home full time, and I have a young child, so it’s not unusual for me to not only eat dinner by 5:30, but be in my PJs by 6:30 or 7, and be in bed or on the couch after she’s asleep by 8:30. We’re not meeting late by anyone’s definition, as our dinner reservation is at 5:45, but somehow, it still feels a bit novel to me.

I am excited for where we are going, though. After a few months of reading about them, I’m finally going to try Scarr’s Pizza, which is supposedly one of the best pizza places in all of New York now. As I made the reservation and reviewed the menu, I started remembering that this used to be my weekly life: I’d spend so much time reading about restaurants and what was interesting and planning where to go, but I don’t do much of that anymore. In fact, now I feel very behind when it comes to knowing where all the new or “trendy” places are. So now, I get to do a little bit of what I’ve always loved — tonight!

The dead bodies all over Amsterdam Avenue

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About three years ago, these strange, large, spotted black and red flies started appearing in Manhattan. I started noticing them during my walks up to Trader Joe’s. They were hard to miss: they were literally flying everywhere in droves, and oddly, they love to hang out low to the ground. As I’d pass by our sister building two blocks away on my walk up to 72nd Street, I noticed that there were splatters of dead bodies all over the sidewalk. You knew they were the bodies of these dreaded spotted lantern flies because the black and red stains were huge, like a mix of some black who-knows-what and blood, or perhaps even appearing like ketchup. Porters of buildings would be cleaning the sidewalks, attempting to sweep and scrub these corpses off their sidewalks and off the walls of their properties. It was absolutely hideous.

These little scum flies came to New York from Pennsylvania and then New Jersey, but they are originally from China. While spotted lanternflies are harmless to humans, they are an invasive species that can apparently cause widespread economic harm by damaging some of our most beloved plants. They feed on the sap of more than 70 plants, and so they pose a huge threat to species like vineyards. They are also not going away anytime soon; they reproduce at ridiculously fast rates and in large numbers at a time. Spotted lanternflies are essentially the cockroaches of flies. Every single day I leave our building, I constantly am watching people dodge them, squash and kill them, and wipe and scrub them off buildings and sidewalks. It’s this never ending state of nastiness of these disgusting bugs and their invasion onto our daily turf.

Yu xiang qiezi aka “fish fragrant” eggplant at home

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When I was growing up, we enjoyed regular meals out as a wider family, with my grandma, aunt, uncle, and three cousins who lived upstairs from us. The meals were always at the latest Cantonese restaurant somewhere in the Richmond District of San Francisco that my grandma deemed “the best” at the time for Cantonese Chinese food. When I started getting into my tweens and teen years, my aunt always insisted that “the kids” have a voice when ordering. And because I loved eggplant, I would request it as soon as I was asked. So my aunt always made sure that there was some tofu dish and some eggplant dish at the table especially for me.

The thing I found funny, though, was my aunt used to say that I always wanted to eat “healthy foods.” Little did any of us know back then that the Chinese preparation for eggplant was really anything but healthy: to get that silky smooth, buttery, luscious texture in each bite of eggplant, the eggplant actually needs to be deep fried. After deep frying, it’s then lightly stir fried in a sauce that is known as “yu xiang” or “fish fragrant,” with a chili bean paste that is characteristic of Sichuanese cooking. Even the Cantonese restaurants do it this way, just with perhaps a different version of chili bean paste. Then, it’s served, glistening, silky, smooth, and with the eggplant skin nice, bright, and purple.

Both my mom and aunt tried replicating this at home by simply sauteing the eggplant. It never worked: the eggplant texture was always squishy instead of silky smooth; the eggplant skin would turn from bright purple to this sad, miserable brown color. When I moved out and started cooking on my own, I tried doing things like steaming (tasty, but again, not the same. Plus, in a stir-fry it would totally fall apart into mush) or roasting/broiling (good, but again, wouldn’t stay in tact). But finally, I decided after my corn and coconut fritters worked with some shallow frying that it was finally time to shallow fry eggplant. I wasn’t doing it totally traditionally: I wasn’t deep frying the eggplant. I was soaking the pieces in a salt water mixture to a) remove any bitterness and b) prevent the eggplant from soaking up too much oil, which I didn’t want. I shallow fried the eggplant in my Instant Pot for 4 minutes per batch, drained on a towel, and lightly stir fried. And I was totally floored… if I can even say that about something I cooked myself: it really tasted and looked restaurant quality. The eggplant pieces remained in tact and the skins were bright purple and glistening. Each bite was addictive, super luscious in the mouth. And the sauce was perfect — not too spicy but very savory. Kaia enjoyed the sauce, too, but kept smushing the eggplant itself in her hands…

For health reasons, I probably won’t be making yu xiang qiezi that often at home. I also don’t love shallow frying because even if it’s not deep frying, it’s still way more oil than I am used to cooking with. But I had a deep satisfaction in knowing I faced my fear with frying eggplant and can easily replicate this when I’d like in the future… pretty much anytime. It really was delicious and made me feel proud.

Instant Pot for shallow frying

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The Instant Pot official site explicitly says that it does not recommend using the Instant Pot on “saute” mode for frying. “Frying” or “deep frying” is *not* a mode on the Instant Pot. But when you look at all the Instant Pot comments and posts in Instant Pot groups that are dominated by Asians and Asian Americans, you can see very clearly that they have found *the* solution for mess-free shallow or deep frying: IN THE INSTANT POT because the walls are so high, and so any splattering would be fully contained. It’s a win for everyone! And because the Instant Pot is so contained, you can also use less oil for shallow frying, which I think pretty much everyone would like when frying. It’s less waste, less mess, and less oil (less $$) to use.

After six years of owning an Instant Pot, I finally decided to try this out using a recipe from my Andrea Nguyen cookbook, Into the Vietnamese Kitchen. I made her batter for corn and coconut fritters and shallow fried them in the Instant Pot, and WOW, was it not only quick to heat up, but it was so clean and mess free! I had virtually no splatter at all to clean up and just the Instant Pot insert to clean and wipe down. I was so satisfied with this experience that I’ve now decided to try shallow frying eggplant, which I’ve always wanted to do, but was scared of because of all the oil and mess. So tomorrow, here I come: shallow fried eggplant!

Happy 44th birthday, Ed

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Dear Ed,

Happy birthday. Today, you would have turned 44 years old. Today if you were alive, I would have made fun of you and called you old for being in your mid 40s. Unfortunately, dumb jokes about age and getting old and white-haired cannot happen since you aren’t here anymore. It’s still strange to me to think that you died 10 years ago. Ten years passed slowly, yet quickly all at the same time. Ten years ago, the thought of bearing children seemed quite far away, but today, Kaia is over 20 months old, thriving and growing right in front of my eyes. Sometimes when I look at her, I become very sad, knowing that the two of you will never meet. And I wonder what kind of relationship you would have had with her, how you would have spoiled her with endless clothes, accessories, and toys, how you would have played with her and read books to her and enjoyed each other’s company.

While it is pointless to think about what could never be, I still think about it quite often. I think about what life would be like if you were still here. I think it goes without saying that if you were still here, our parents would still not get along with you; hell, it’s not like our parents get along beautifully with me, nor did they ever. Their lives were stressed when you were here; their lives are still full of stress, but for reasons I am completely unaware of. I don’t really know if they would have more or less stress with you still here. That is unclear to me since everything for them is always miserable.

This year, I also thought about all my AFSP fundraising efforts in memory of you and if it really meant anything. This is the tenth year that I’ve participated in AFSP’s Out of the Darkness walk and fundraising for it in your honor. As the years have passed, the funds I’ve been able to raise have dwindled, and I can’t really blame people. People are always supportive of a cause when it’s brand new and freshly painful to the person fundraising. But after a while, it gets tiring and old. I do have a number of very loyal and generous donors who have tirelessly given money every single year since the beginning, but I am wondering now if I am asking for too much by continuing this. I work remotely and have been for the last 3 years, and so I haven’t had enough face time with colleagues to really hustle donations the way I used to at my previous two companies. I’m wondering what all of this is actually worth? But I’ll continue it anyway. I hope this is helping SOMEONE out there.

Or maybe I’m just speaking this way because I’m tired. I’m trying to find some meaning in all of this, and I’m not sure it’s identifiable. All I know is: I miss you, and I hate that you aren’t here anymore. I hate that you cannot meet Kaia and that Kaia will never know you. I will dread the day when I finally have to explain to her how you died. I will not enjoy explaining to her what suicide is and why people “do” it. I would also love it if no one could relate to losing a loved one to suicide. But that is a big, big request in a difficult world where we live.

I’m not feeling super optimistic right now, more just exhausted, also because I’ve been sick for about four weeks now, and just feeling like I need a break from life in general. I saw a glimpse of you in my dreams the other night, and for a split second, I actually thought it was real, that you were real again. But it was all gone when I woke up coughing.

I hope you will send me positive vibes from wherever you are. I love you and miss you. Hope you are thinking of us fondly.

Love,

Yvonne