Leaving on a jet plane

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We’re leaving today to go home, as in home to Melbourne. I actually caught myself saying “I’m going home” to a colleague, before I added in that I’m going to Chris’s original home since I am obviously not Australian. I had this same thought last year when we flew back to Melbourne, that Melbourne was my home away from home (New York City) away from home (San Francisco), but this time it feels even more like going home because this will be my fourth time coming and staying, and my fourth Christmas in Australia. It’s like a real tradition now, a real “home coming,” and it actually feels comfortable and “normal” to say “I’m going home” when I come here now. I have a family and Chris’s friends here who eagerly look forward to my arrival, who actually want to have real conversations with me about what I am really up to and thinking, and who want to feed me and shower me with hugs and kisses when I walk through their doors. I have more love and affection here than I have ever or will ever have in San Francisco sadly, collectively across family and friends there. That is kind of a sad feeling that in my “real” place of origin I have less love, but I think as time is going on, I’m slowly getting used to it as my reality.

Family “fun”

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Sometimes, I can’t even be around my family for ten minutes without hearing something really senseless and irrational being said or done. I had lunch with my aunt today, who is here for two months from San Francisco to help take care of her grandson in Brooklyn, and she informed me that her son, this grandchild’s dad, and his wife may not be coming to the wedding in March because they noticed that our wedding date is on a Friday, and in their words, “But Ryan has school that day.” This child just turned three years old. His schooling is hardly going to impair him in life if he misses a couple of days for this wedding. And our wedding is on Good Friday when many schools and businesses will be closed. There is zero logic in my family.

The other alternative, as his wife noted, was that my cousin could go, and she could stay behind with their son, who absolutely cannot miss a day of school no matter what. My aunt expressed her disagreement and dissatisfaction to them and to me.

I can’t believe it. Even when I make things really simple for my family, they find ways to make everything hard for themselves.

Texting

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My parents still have a non-smart phone, and with their little flip phone, they have texting blocked because they refuse to pay for it. I am waiting for the day when AT&T forces them to not only get a smartphone, but to also force them into an internet and texting plan. Unfortunately, that day has not come yet.

I was thinking about this today because my aunt has been texting me to confirm lunch plans for tomorrow. She asked to confirm the restaurant name and asked which train stop was closest. It would be so much easier if I could text with my parents instead of calling them to share information or sending them e-mails (to which I never, ever receive a response, so it feels like they are going into a black hole).

Annual handmade Christmas cards

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This year, I’ve recommenced my annual Christmas card making, and I’ve made 12 cards for my family and friends. The last two years, I gave it up due to lack of time (last year with my dad’s heart surgery) and bereavement (losing Ed in 2013), but this year, I know it’s time to start again. Making greeting cards makes me happy and gets me feeling more creative and crafty.

When I was making a list of who to make cards for and send to, I realized I don’t really want to make cards for people I don’t have much to say to even if they are my friends and family. It seems kind of empty. I don’t just want to write a card that says “Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!” That seems so trite and unoriginal. I want to make cards for people who I know a) will appreciate not just getting a card, but the fact that it’s handmade and took a lot of time/effort to create, and b) I have meaningful words I actually want to express in writing.

Getting older and tired

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I’m a good friend. After a night of partying at my company’s holiday party, I agreed to dragging Chris and myself out to Brooklyn to drink and catch up with my good friend and her boyfriend, who earlier this week had shoulder surgery and wanted to be close to his apartment for convenience. I told myself that I’d have two drinks to catch up with them and leave, but somehow that ended up being something more like five drinks plus two shots. And we didn’t get home until past 4am. This morning, I woke up and could barely speak. My voice was gone.

Then, the rest of today felt unproductive, as I had a long list of things I wanted to accomplish our last weekend in New York before leaving for Melbourne for Christmas, and pretty much nothing got done. Two nights in a row of heavy drinking ruins all productivity. Once upon a time, I could have gotten through this, and now almost at 30, I cannot. I’m so exhausted.

San Bernadino shooting

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It’s sad to know that I now live in a country where mass shootings are an everyday occurrence. It’s gotten to a point where they are so everyday that people aren’t phased by hearing the news via radio, TV, or the internet. Mass shootings are part of American culture now in the same way that pop music and Saturday Night Live are. And this time, the San Bernadino shooting appears to have been done at a facility that helps persons with disabilities. How can you be more cruel than to hurt those who already have harder lives and are suffering more than the average person? The gun lobbyists don’t care that all these people are dying; they are pushing irrelevant concepts like mental illness. We can’t even require background checks for people who want to buy guns, which is completely senseless. And it’s become trite when you read articles like this and you see lines about these mass murderers being calm, good, upstanding citizens. In that sense, many of these people are first time (MASSIVE) offenders. How do we identify those who just want to start killing people for the sake of killing without any past history of crime or mental illness? In the mental illness case, many mental illnesses are undiagnosed and unrecognized. The debate could go on and on, but what we are inevitably doing as a society is turning a blind eye to the problem of guns. Easy gun access here is a huge problem that cannot be ignored. Yet it is. People will continue dying – the young, the old, and everyone in between.

Because just as a very succinct Tweet I read yesterday said, “In retrospect Sandy Hook marked the end of the US gun control debate. Once America decided killing children was bearable, it was over.”

Seeing that in black and white on my Twitter screen was like pain to my eyes… because it is true.

Macy’s Snoopy Christmas theme 2015

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Tonight before our company holiday party, a colleague and I went to see the Macy’s Christmas window displays. This year’s theme is Peanuts, so each window walked through moments from A Charlie Brown Christmas to acknowledge the fiftieth anniversary of this beloved movie.

When Macy’s has their theme each year, they also have a stuffed animal of said theme that you can buy in store. This year, you can buy a medium sized Snoopy wearing a down zip up vest with a Belle (Snoopy’s sister) backpack attachment. We went inside to hold the Snoopys, and they are noticeably lighter and less sturdy than the Snoopy that Ed got me when Snoopy was the Macy’s theme one year when I was in college and Ed still worked there. I remember when Snoopy was the theme in 2006, I asked Ed to get my friend Rebecca a Snoopy because she told me she tried to buy one but they sold out at her nearest Macy’s, and I knew he’d get better access to them as an employee. Well, Ed did this and also secretly got me one, too, for Christmas that year. “I thought you’d want one, too,” he said when he presented it to me and pulled it out of a big bag. “You never say you want anything. Stop being like that. You know you wanted one, too.” I loved it immediately and brought it back to college with me. Now, he sits on the bean bag in our living room.

Ed got me a lot of Snoopy related things, including that Macy’s Snoopy with an attached Woodstock, a little Snoopy with a graduation cap when I graduated from high school, and Snoopy themed cards. I guess one reason I love Snoopy so much is because he’s a part of my childhood, and he reminds me of Ed. The whole Peanuts series reminds me of my brother because it’s so innocent and distills complex ideas and feelings into very simple, concise thoughts. Isn’t that why Charles Schulz and Peanuts in general became so widely loved and cherished? We all just want to be loved and understood and have that demonstrated to us in simple ways. Sometimes, that’s all we need to be happy — a little humanity.

“Why do you love Snoopy so much?” my colleague asked me as I stared in wonderment at Snoopy ice skating in one of the windows.

I didn’t want to bring up Ed because I could feel myself getting choked up thinking about him, so I responded, “He just makes me really, really happy.”

 

Quick Indian cooking

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I’ve really been getting into the Food52 blog for all of their creative cooking ideas and ways to make cooking more approachable and realistic for people who work full time. One article that really piqued my interest was about how to create quick Indian meals. “Quick” and “Indian” for food rarely is heard in the same sentence because most Indian dishes demand 20-plus ingredients and/or 10-plus steps that could take days and days. And if not days and days, then a dish would require at least a full afternoon of cooking. This recipe I found for a simple Indian tomato curry base is pretty genius. It takes all the prep work of the tomatoes, aromatics and curry base and allows you to have them pre-prepared, if that makes sense, kind of the way you have jarred sauces in your fridge. You can store them in individual portions in your fridge or freezer depending on when you want to use them, and then when you take them out to use, you can have a meal on the table in less than 30 minutes. Tonight, I used the curry base, after defrosting from the freezer, to make chicken jalfrezi in less than 30 minutes. I had a really proud moment tonight looking at the pot when I finished cooking, and then I glanced at the clock to see that not even half an hour had passed since I heated the pan.

New family

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I had an e-mail exchange today with my cousin who lives in Southern California, and I found out that he and his wife are expecting their second child this February. He said he had been meaning to message me for a while, but he just kept forgetting. Their first child, who was born on the day that Chris proposed, was a boy, and now they are having a girl. He said that his wife may or may not be able to attend our wedding and that it depended on how demanding the new little one will be.

They’re local to our wedding, though, which is the most frustrating part. They are the ones that are actually within a reasonable driving distance (about an hour). If anything, they should all be guaranteed to come our wedding if even for just a couple of hours. My cousin says he and his son are definitely coming; it’s just up in the air whether his wife will be. I saw firsthand how frustrating babies and kids can be at the wedding in October, but how can you consider missing a wedding of a family member when it’s this close to where you live? You really cannot count on anyone coming to your wedding ever.

“You were in SWITZERLAND?”

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I caught up with my colleagues today in the morning, and they were all surprised that I was in Switzerland last week. I didn’t tell any of them that I was going to be in Switzerland the week of Thanksgiving; I just told them that I’d be working remotely.

“When you Slacked me and told me that you were in Geneva, I thought, ‘she’s in Switzerland?!’ But then for a second, I kept wondering if there was some city domestically that was also Geneva that I just wasn’t sure about,” my colleague said while laughing. I guess she was probably thinking of those odd cities like Melbourne in Florida or Paris in Texas. Another colleague, who spent last week in Rio and who I gave extensive Rio tips to, said she was shocked I didn’t tell her I was taking an international trip. “Why didn’t you say anything about that?” she exclaimed to me.

I guess outside of one or two trips each year, I’ve gotten to a point where I’ve stopped sharing where I am going unless colleagues explicitly ask me. It’s not that I don’t want to share or talk about it; I love talking about travel and things I’ve seen and what I am planning to do. It’s more that I just don’t like to deal with the negative or passive aggressive responses I get, which range anywhere from, “How do you get any work done?” to “How do you have time to take vacations?” to “Wow, your fiance must do really well for himself! (which is a very passive aggressive way of implying that there is absolutely no way I’d be able to afford this travel all by myself on my own salary, which frankly, is wrong).”

Part of life, as I am slowly and painfully learning, is that I cannot share everything I want to share with others and expect them to be happy for me or care or be anywhere as enthusiastic as I am about whatever it is. A lot of resentment, anger, and jealousy is everywhere, and part of my goal is to limit my exposure to that as much as possible, especially with people who I don’t care about at all.