I went to dinner with my friend tonight, and we were discussing all the times he’s had to fire people on his team for being poor performers. I told him that the thought of firing someone in today’s gun climate made me feel somewhat paranoid… because you never have any idea how that person will react to you and if s/he will try to come after you. When devastating events happen in one’s life, like a job loss, people are kind of capable of anything.

He said he didn’t blame me, that it’s hard to not have the thought in my head, especially given the very recent Orlando mass shooting. “Just make sure you have ample security when it needs to get done,” he advised.

It’s been a grim last few days. In light of Christina Grimmie’s murder, the mass shooting at Pulse night club in Orlando that left 50 people dead and about 53 seriously wounded, all my social media feeds are flooded with debates regarding who is to blame: guns or ISIS? Democrats or Republicans? It’s been miserable to read the news and see the back and forth that has been happening.

When I was younger and I’d hear about people dying from shootings or murders, it was always terrible news, but I didn’t feel it as much as I do now. It felt sad, but it also felt distant. I feel it a lot now. Sometimes I read the news, and I catch myself getting choked up by all these deaths and the victims’ loved ones reacting to the tragedies. Maybe it’s because I lost my brother to suicide three years ago, and I’ll never fully get over his death. Maybe it’s because I realize that these scary events could very likely happen to people I know and love in the places that we actually frequent. These shootings aren’t all happening in far away places in far away lands to far away people; they are happening right here, under our noses. Maybe it’s because I think.. even though we are strangers across states, across the world, on the train, walking on the same sidewalks and streets, we’re all united in that we’re all just trying to live and do something with our lives. We may be strangers, but we don’t want bad things happening to each other. In our minds, we don’t think that the guy sitting next to us on the subway train will get shot and killed the next day. We think that he will go to work, eat out, have fun. He will go about his day as we will ours. Or, so we think. We never know what will happen next.

It is a sick and sad week in the world. I don’t want to read the news anymore.

I got a deal for five classes via ClassPass for only $19 in New York (this is really, really cheap here), so I am using it for the rest of the month, especially on Sundays when Chris will be traveling. Today, I did a barre core fusion class at a swanky spa/workout studio a few blocks from my apartment, and I remembered yet again why small classes are so important. Our class had about twelve students to one instructor, and our instructor was extremely attentive. She learned (and remembered) every woman’s name, and she came around very regularly to check and correct form. And when she corrected form, you could feel the correction.

The class focuses on building strength and working on form, so there isn’t a lot of cardio involved. But I know just from how I felt after the end of the hour that I will be extremely sore tomorrow morning.

The instructor did make me wonder why Crunch personal trainers, who are supposed to be very focused and do 1-on-1 time with you, don’t help with correcting form. They will tell you how to correct it, but they won’t show you or touch you to do it. Maybe they are just anti-touch and are scared of getting slapped with some harassment case

I’ve been really slacking off this week and haven’t gone to the gym even once. I’m aiming to go tomorrow so that I don’t feel like a complete bum, but I thought about how my Fitbit is essentially tracking all my lazy days. If my Fitbit doesn’t have at least 16,000 steps at the end of a work day, it means that I didn’t go to the gym and was being lazy that day.

I can easily get to 10,000 as long as I take a walk during lunch that lasts about 20-30 minutes once I add in my walk to the subway in the morning, then my walk from work to Grand Central, and then from the subway stop to home. But I have to walk even if I didn’t want to since I take public transit. That made me think about how hard it must be for people who live in areas that are not walkable where people primarily rely on cars. How would they get to the recommended 10,000 steps a day without doing some intense exercise?

No wonder the obesity rates are increasing steadily in this country.