When you leave your DSLR on a bench

On our first full day in Hamilton Island the day before Chris’s cousin’s wedding, we decided to take a hike to the tallest mountain of the island called Passage Peak. It didn’t seem that strenuous from the description of it, but as soon as we started, I realized how steep the walk was and immediately became tired within just five minutes. It didn’t help that it was getting hot and sunny very quickly. When we stopped at Hilltop Lookout, which is the first stop that overlooks Cats Eye Beach and the resort area, I was all at once exhausted and impressed by the view that when we left to continue going up the mountain, I left my DSLR on the bench at the lookout point. I did not even realize I didn’t have it around my neck until we reached the mountain’s peak, when I asked Chris if he could hand me the DSLR. Then, I immediately went into freak-out mode and started running down the hills…. and went the wrong way. A New Zealander island worker ran into me, and I asked if she had stopped at the lookout point and seen my camera. She immediately became worried and decided that she’d come down the mountain with me on another route, to then come back up with me to get to the Hilltop Lookout (Kiwis are the kindest, nicest people on earth). She said if we didn’t find it, she’d take me to the Los and Found on the island to report it missing. Chris eventually called me and said he got the camera, and so she left me to continue her hike (on her day off… I felt so bad, but she insisted it was fine).

That’s the thing about a place like Hamilton Island. It’s privately owned and an expensive place to visit and spend a holiday. So chances are very slim that anything you have left out unintentionally will get stolen — because who else wants a random low-grade DSLR, anyway? Now, if only people everywhere could be that honest.

And thank God nothing happened to the camera because we’re both idiots and haven’t backed up the memory card since last November. I’m so behind on photos and scrapbooking.

Buggies

I’ve never been on a piece of land where cars were not allowed until we arrived on Hamilton Island today after a short layover in Sydney. Only commercial vehicles are allowed on the privately owned island of Hamilton Island. If you need transport, you have a few options: 1) walk, 2) bike, 3) catch the shuttle bus, which supposedly makes regular stops at major points throughout the small island, or 4) rent a golf buggy. We rented an apartment for our three nights here for the wedding, which came with a golf buggy hire. Even though I haven’t driven it yet, riding in it is so much more fun than being in a car. They have very limited speeds, so it’s not like they could do that much damage, and you can call out to other passersby and buggies quite easily while on it. This is the type of transport I’ve been missing out on all my life.

And to make things even better for the environment, golf buggies are electrically powered. Take that, cars.

“Losing” a day

Traveling to Australia from the U.S. always feels so strange, especially since you lose a day in transit. This time, we left on a Saturday to arrive on a Monday. What happens to Sunday? How do I compensate for Sunday via my 1 Second Every Day app/videos? One day, it’s Saturday, then suddenly it’s Monday. One day, you’re in a corn syrup infested obese person’s and Trump land, and in the next, you are in grass-fed cows, sheep, and kangaroo land. How does it only happen in about 20 hours?

This will be my sixth time visiting Australia. Every time I come back, it’s like a real home away from home, except this time, I won’t be going back to Melbourne, but to Hamilton Island for the first time. I can always expect a lot of Chris’s family’s excitement at our arrival, and many hugs and kisses along the way.

I never seem to get that type of excitement when I arrive in my own home.

Sugarfish Santa Monica

I’d been wanting to try Sugarfish sushi for a long time. Since being more attuned to the LA food scene due to wedding planning since 2015, I’d had multiple Sugarfish locations bookmarked on my Yelp list, but unfortunately, the few times we made it to LA for wedding planning and the actual wedding, I forgot about it (well, we ended up eating other delicious things). Sugarfish has developed a very well respected population among sushi connoisseurs for mastering both high quality fish and seafood preparation, but also price points that are reachable for people who don’t have expense accounts (I think the lowest priced fixed menu is only $19). So I was really excited to learn that earlier this year, Sugarfish had expanded beyond LA to New York, and their location is actually just a few blocks away from my office. The downside? The wait is inevitably always between 2-4 hours, and of course, they don’t take reservations. The idea of waiting for this place didn’t make me happy. I had colleagues who had waited and failed, and there’s no way Chris was going to wait with me. The really poor New York Times review for it also didn’t help.

So when I arrived in LA this morning for an all-day layover en route to Hamilton Island, Australia, for Chris’s cousin’s wedding, I started thinking about places where we could eat that I wanted to try. As we approached Santa Monica, it hit me that a Sugarfish location was nearby, and we could finally try it. It just got better and better. After we dropped off our luggage at Chris’s local office, Sugarfish was just blocks away. And when we arrived at the front, we realized that at nearly 1pm, the entire restaurant was nearly empty! There would be no wait!

We sat down, ordered our fixed menus and a $10 bottle of pretty darn good sake. And one by one, as the dishes came out, it was as though each one kept impressing me more and more, from the fatty tuna to the salmon to the daily special to the crab hand roll. Everything was so good that I didn’t want each bite to end. The hand rolls’ seaweed smelled so good, and the crunch was so satisfying. Even the rice was delicious – a tad bit warm (which I read about, so I was aware of this), and it seemed as though the wasabi was actually freshly grated, which is such a rarity in the U.S. to see unless you go to extremely high-end sushi restaurants.

I don’t need to go to Sugarfish in New York now. We didn’t have to wait for this location even one minute, and I’ll probably still be thinking about this meal weeks from now. That’s how good this place was to both of us.

First time over

Last night, I invited a good friend over to see my new apartment, have some dinner, and catch up. Given that most of the last month has been spent on settling and moving in, selling the original couch, and having my parents over, we’ve had no time to really invite anyone over to see our place until now. My friend had her bike stored safely downstairs in the mail room, and as she entered the building, she said she felt the building was too fancy for her to be entering. And as she entered the different parts of our new apartment, she marveled over everything from the windows to the light to living room rug. “This is the nicest apartment I’ve ever been in in this city!” she exclaimed. She was wide-eyed as we were on the roof overlooking the Empire State Building, the Chrysler building, and One World Trade downtown.

The funniest thing about this apartment is that for New York, yes, it’s a big one-bedroom, but for the country or the world? Not at all. Even things like having a pool on the roof in our building or a gym in-building are no big deal and are expected in better kept apartment buildings in the middle of the country… like in Arkansas, as my friend from Little Rock likes to remind me. She’s still in shock to this day that the last apartment we were in on the Upper East Side was as small as it was.

It’s all relative as we always say. I’ll be honest, though; every day I am in this apartment, other than the days my parents were here, I think I love it here more and more. It feels really nice to have real space again and actually have different living spaces, and a real hallway.

More in common

A colleague on my team here in New York has been on paternity leave almost since I started. Despite that, he’s been extremely proactive in reaching out to help me with projects I’ve been working on, and he’s gone out of his way to check in on me to make sure I’m okay and not about to quit (it’s always a concern in a company that is scaling and going through a lot of constant change). We clicked since we first met. He’s the kind of person who just has this warm aura where you immediately feel like you can trust him. You’re not quite sure why, but it’s just a feeling.

Today, he messaged me to let me know that while we have a lot in common, one of the things he recently discovered we also have in common is that we’ve both experienced the suicide of an immediate family member. His father took his own life in the same year Ed did, in 2013, and since then, his family just doesn’t talk about it. I always knew his family wasn’t very close despite all being in the New York area, but now, I finally realized why. “What you said about awareness really hits home. We just don’t talk about it, but we should.”

We have more in common than I thought.

The lives we touch

I sent out an email to a number of my colleagues today, informing them about my AFSP donor drive this year and asking for their participation. I felt a bit awkward sending the email, especially given I am in a remote office, and the majority of people are far away in San Francisco. Out of sight, out of mind, right? Who’s really going to donate to my drive or care about me and my brother when they don’t see me every day?

I’ll be honest. At the rate I sent out this message at my last company, I got a lot more donations, and I’d assume that’s because I worked at that company’s headquarters, thus more people around to see me, but the amount that each person donated at my current company in the last 10 hours has been a lot more. And not only that, one of my colleagues  who donated even shared my AFSP page with his fiancee, who then donated $100 to my drive and wrote me a very personal message, telling me that she was really touched by my story and my courage in sharing, and she had lost her father to suicide about ten years ago. Not only that, both her brothers in the last year had attempted suicide. She felt lost and struggled to discuss it, but she was inspired by what I wrote and how I’ve chosen to move forward. She hopes to work through her feelings.

I get negative about fundraising every year. It’s part of who I am, I guess, because the apple never falls that far from the tree, and I generally don’t always believe in the pure goodness of people. But these responses from total strangers always inspire me to move forward and continue raising money for this cause. It’s the only way I know to keep Ed alive. I think he’d be happy to know that I was touching the lives of complete strangers in a positive way because of the legacy he left.

Anger continues

My parents left yesterday, but I still woke up this morning feeling extremely angry. I was angry at my dad for not standing up to my mom, angry at my mother for being so mentally  unstable to not only ask Chris and me to kill her with the knives she was throwing, but also to accuse Chris of wanting to kill her. Sometimes, I think about all these stupid incidents that happen, and I wonder if all of this is just some endless terrible nightmare that just keeps on going for me. She actually said that she was scared Chris was going to kill her. 

I’m at a loss. My dad will never get help for her. She will never get help for herself. And in blue states, you can’t really commit someone unless she has consented (yeah, there really is a negative side of living in a blue state).

I just feel really angry. I’m at a point where I feel like I may just need to cut ties with her.

Decompression

My parents left this morning. The last two times they came, I felt a little empty when they left, even though the last time, my mother picked three different explosive fights with me, with one resulting in my leaving my own apartment overnight. This time, I felt no emptiness at all, no sinking sensation, not one sense of longing; all I felt was relief, as though this massive weight that could kill me was being lifted off me. Now, I can finally stand being in my own apartment again.

And then as though their time here could not have gotten worse, my eyes were irritating me all morning, with my computer usage at work not helping that at all. And it resulted in my leaving work early because of this lingering burning sensation that was especially strong in my left eye. What, is that supposed to be like the grand finale to the end of their trip, that they somehow burned my eyes out and resulted in my needing to lie down the rest of the afternoon to recover?

Week’s finale

The week my parents have been here is coming to an end. It’s quite a painful and awful end, especially considering it’s ended with my mom storming out of the apartment this morning, then realizing she was locked out, then staying locked out for eight hours and not telling us she had no food, water, or money because she stupidly left her wallet OUT of her purse when she stormed out, then deciding once we got back, that she would start throwing knives all over our counter and ask us to kill her. Oh, she shut her phone off for most of the day, so we had no way of contacting her.

As the Aussies say, it was quite “brilliant.”