I’m about 13 weeks along in my pregnancy as of this week. I think and say this every week since I found out I was pregnant, but I still can’t believe I’ve made it this far and am just feeling so grateful. As my belly is slowly growing n the last week, I’ve read that the expanding uterus is slowly moving up from my pelvic region into the area where my stomach is, which is why your stomach starts expanding. There are a number of pants (well, any pant that has a zipper!) and skirts I can no longer wear comfortably, and soon enough, there will be shirts I will no longer fit into anymore, either. And while I have done some brief online browsing at maternity clothing, I’m trying to limit myself to not buy too many pieces since maternity wear is for a limited time only, or to buy things that I can wear postpartum and beyond. At the same time, I haven’t actually purchased anything yet because part of me feels scared of “jinxing” the pregnancy. So I thought that for self-assurance, I would wait until after my 15- and 16-week appointments and ultrasounds to purchase anything new for myself.

The risk of miscarriage plummets after week 12-13, but in the back of my mind given the nearly two years we’ve been trying to conceive, plus the last year of going to a fertility specialist, I can never feel so sure or calm about any of this. I just need to keep taking it day by day, and once my clothes officially do not fit anymore, then it will be time to really go shopping.

As the first trimester ends as it’s been noted in every pregnancy guide I’ve read, it’s normal for pregnancy symptoms, such as extreme fatigue, nausea, breast soreness, and bloating to slowly come to an end. For me, while I had only a couple of bouts of nausea, I did have ongoing bloating and pretty extreme fatigue from around weeks 7-10. While it’s great to know that these symptoms would lessen, as I do feel my energy returning to pre-pregnancy levels, it’s also a little bit scary because guides also say that a total disappearance of pregnancy symptoms could mean that you’ve had a miscarriage. See how everything seems to be a double-edged sword while you are pregnant? It doesn’t feel like you can feel “safe” at any time regardless of what happens. My breast soreness still continues, and it’s the most prominent in the morning when I get out of bed. Sometimes when I have moments of anxiety and for whatever reason wonder if I am still pregnant, I press on one of my breasts to see if it still feels sore, and then am slightly relieved when I still notice it hurts or is sore. It sounds ridiculous, but it’s just something I’ve been doing.

I’m still cutting my nails extremely regularly; it’s actually comical how often I need to cut them. Granted, I like my nails shorter than the average woman, particularly because I cook often, so as soon as the whites start showing, I start feeling uncomfortable. But since we were in New Mexico for about five days, i had no access to a nail clipper, and so the nails just went wild! I’m even considering recording how often I cut my nails during my pregnancy journey as a way to document life during these days. The pregnancy hormones make your hair and nails grow much faster. While I’m bad at keeping track of hair growth, maybe my hair stylist will comment on it when I go in for a cut and color in July.

Chris and I went out to view some apartments today, and while walking between one and the other, which was quite a fair distance, I needed to use the bathroom. Well, as he comments, I seemingly always need to use the restroom, but while pregnant, I’ve definitely needed to use it even more often. We passed by a Wagamama restaurant, and he just looked at me with my little bump sticking out of my dress and said, “You should just go in and tell them you’re pregnant and see if they will let you use it. They definitely will. You ARE pregnant! You LOOK pregnant in what you’re wearing, so it’s not like you’re lying!”

So I walked in and the host greeted me, and I said, “Hi, I’m pregnant, and….”

“You need to use the restroom? Go on ahead. Straight back to your left,” he said smiling.

It was hilarious. He must get this question all the time. And here I was, actually taking advantage of being pregnant and needing to use the restroom at a place where I wasn’t actually a patron. Tiny wins.

It was the first 90+ degree F day in New York City today, and we ended up going down to Brooklyn for our usual food crawl and outdoor exploration. Somehow, not only did we cash in on the Malai Ice Cream credit we were given due to the poor service we experienced our first time there last fall, but we even scored a whole dozen of free free-range eggs from Double Yoke egg company. It felt like a very lucky day for us.

One thing I noticed while getting dressed for the day was that my tiny bump was actually showing through my slightly fitted summer dress. I only have a few summer dresses that I would happily wear on a day this hot, and this one… well, it’s either I’ve eaten WAY too much food, or there’s definitely a pregnant belly sticking out. I smiled looking at myself in the mirror. It’s my little baby showing. And she’s only getting bigger from here on out, fingers crossed.

I made my first trip to Lenox Hill Hospital this afternoon with Chris. We went up to the second floor, where the maternal fetal medicine and OB-GYN ultrasound unit was. As Chris commented, it was a pretty dreary experience entering the hospital, from going past security and getting a ‘visitor’ pass to being in the cramped and small waiting area of the ultrasound unit. He was banished from the main waiting area and told to wait on the first floor because of COVID, so I could tell he was already unhappy with the experience here. I had no idea what to expect; when I made the appointment, they just told me that I’d be allowed “one support person.”

When I was called in for my ultrasound, a friendly sonographer named Vera greeted me and showed me into my room, and Chris was called to join. Vera began the ultrasound over my belly, and immediately we could see our little baby on the screen. For the very first time, our little baby was looking… like a real baby. The image of her was so bright and vivid that you could even clearly see her little heart beating like crazy! Her fetal heart rate was 166, which she said was right on track, and she was measuring well for her age, as well. Surprisingly, we could even see 3D images of the baby, of course nestled in fetal position, in some pictures covering her eyes and others exposing them. I can’t quite make out fingers and toes, but you can definitely see little feet and hands at this stage. I looked at the screen in total awe: this is our baby, I thought, our little pookie-kin, our tiny survivor. When Vera changed the imaging to 2D, we could even see the baby’s little feet kicking like crazy almost nonstop! Because of this, Vera called her “the little dancer.” Because she is still so small, the size of a lime this week, I still can’t feel her, but I was told I should be able to feel fetal movement around 17-22 weeks.

I felt so lucky lying there on the exam table, having this cold gel rubbed all over for this sonogram. I kept looking over the sonogram images that Vera printed for us in awe as I waited for the doctor to go over all the results and next steps with me. I still can’t believe I’ve made it this far. I feel so grateful, and while I still have a little worry over this not lasting, I feel more happy and content with this than before. Soon, fingers crossed, I’ll be able to say farewell to the first trimester and try to enjoy the next phase, the second trimester, and watch the evolution of my body to accommodate my growing little one.

In the last few weeks, I can definitely tell that my breasts and areolas have been getting larger. A few times, I’ve looked in the mirror and wondered if I was really actually looking at myself; those boobs definitely did NOT look like mine! My body has been changing slowly and surely due to pregnancy, and it’s been interesting to watch and feel the changes. The female body is so incredibly complex; I’ve only really started appreciating it daily because of being pregnant.

While running on a treadmill with my usual sports bra, for the very first time a few weeks ago, I could feel my breasts moving up and down, which was not a comfortable feeling at all. Being an A-cup all my life until now, “coverage” and “support” didn’t really mean that much to me… until now. Some of my sports bras to date just are not going to cut it with my breasts getting larger, so I’m going to have to invest in some new support. In addition, when dressing this morning, I tried to put on my one strapless bra, and I could tell it was getting snug and that my breasts barely fit it anymore. A bra extender wouldn’t even help with this as the actual cups are just a tad too small now.

These are the marvels of the female body while growing a new tiny human being. I’m really in awe of what my body is capable of.

To date, I’d say that I’ve been pretty lucky with my pregnancy symptoms. I have only had two short bouts of nausea, a little bit of dizziness when getting up quickly out of bed or my chair, and the bloating I felt after eating regular-sized meals seems to have subsided after I took some online advice and reduced the size of my meals as well as ate smaller snacks throughout the day. The strangest feeling from a pregnancy symptom perspective is definitely the burning and sore hips. It was so foreign when I first felt it, but now I understand why it happened.

I’m still peeing a lot; in the last few days, I still need to wake up 2-4 times per night to use the restroom. It’s inconvenient, but I suppose it could be a lot worse. I’ve had some feeling of round ligament pain. My breasts are still always sore, especially in the morning, and they’ve been getting quite large for me. I can’t even recognize my areolas! This breast size increase would have been really helpful for me when I was a teen, always trying on clothes that never seemed to fit properly on the chest for me and constantly getting frustrated by this.

This week in particular, I’ve also felt more tension and tightness around my lower abdomen. According to the pregnancy week by week tracker, week 12, which is what we’re in now (!!), is the week where stomach and lower abdomen tightness is normal, as the uterus is supposed to be gradually moving up from the lower abdomen into the forefront of where my stomach is.

My fatigue has been fading thankfully, which is also supposed to be normal as I near the end of the first trimester. Energy increase is supposed to happen as the second trimester approaches. I’m looking forward to see how my body changes and documenting it, fingers crossed.